Day to day

Emma is doing great today (that's a relative statement, compared to her worst day!) Specifically, her respiratory rate and heart rate have been at good levels, she has not had any episodes during the day and has only had minimal spit-up!

Unfortunately she has not had a bowel movement for 2 days and that is not good. they are not worried yet, but in a day or so will probably give her a suppository to see if the feeds are getting through at all. A good sign is that her belly has not gotten bigger, or hard. (I'm not sure why that's good, but the nurse said it was!)

On Monday the ENT team will perform a broncoscopy to check her airways. If they are normal the medical team will look at the options for preventing her tongue from blocking her airway. I think they call her condition obstructive sleep apnea. Other options may require her to go back on the ventilator.

I can't be certain, but it feels like it's getting harder to deal with this as time goes on. She is staying awake longer and that makes it harder to leave her, knowing she won't have company. Progress in one area is met with the need to tackle the other issues, which seems to be endless.

Days roll into one another, and it's hard to believe she is now 25 days old, yet only 25 days old!

We have had some wonderful cards and messages from friends and family. Thank you to everyone who has sent outfits for Emma - I want to write thank you letters to each of you, but I honestly can't remember who sent what now! I'm sorry!

I haven't spoken to many people since Emma was born, even good friends. The reason is that I can only talk about things so much before I get focused on the feelings. Don't worry - I'm not pretending to be super-woman, I just realize that feelings come and go, good and bad. When I need to talk I do, but for the most part I'm just getting on with things.

In the past when I've been going through trials I've put on a brave face and kept quiet, trying to get through it by myself. Not this time (you're reading the evidence of that!). So rather than inwardly focusing on my feelings and fears, I will tell Scott how I feel or pray about it. Either Scott or God (usually both!) will remind me of what the Bible promises, and that is always that God alone can provide the strength we need to get through this - and come out the other side with our faith and lives in tact. That is all I need to know.