I didn't get up at 6am to watch the royal wedding today. I've actually avoided getting swept up in the media frenzy about it. I'm not sure why that is, but I guess I have been in the US so long (8 years now) that I missed the whole romance story.

Aside from that, the kids had me up ALL NIGHT! Last night my good friend Erika treated me to a night out for my birthday. What, you may ask, does a night out with my college student friend look like? Pretty tame - a quick trip to the mall and then dinner at a new diner in town (very good food!), but a really nice evening as "Deb", not "mommy"!

We finished up with ice-cream and headed back to my place, where I expected both kids to be in bed, since it was after 8.30pm - late night, huh!!

Alas, things had not been straight forward for Scott since Emma passed out asleep as soon as I left at 5.30 and woke up at 7.30pm refreshed and ready to go! She was eating dinner when I got home. No big deal, right? Wrong! Emma has been pitching a fit about going to bed at any time and tonight, though she eventually went, she would not go quietly!

When I left to take Erika home, both kids and Scott were in bed. When I returned they were all still in bed, but my bed!! Fast forward a few hours and when Scott left for work I had been up with both of them at least twice and Toby was asleep in our bed. When Emma woke up about 7am I was exhausted!

Anyway, I caught some of the post-ceremony coverage and got sucked in! Kate looked stunning and it is like a fairytale - hopefully a happy one, not a Grimms Brothers or even one closer to home.

"This is a twister."
"what's a twister?"
"A twister is like a big cloud."
Genius!!

Feeding Assessment

In preparation for yesterdays appointment I had to fill in a 10 page questionnaire! Much of it focused on food so I really wasn't sure what they would be able to help with. That said, I was as anxious as anything, as if Emma's very future depended on the outcome - it's tough to downplay any unknown factor in development!

After dropping Toby at Nanna's (THANK YOU!!) we headed to the hospital. I just needed to swing by Chick Fil A for some nuggets. No, not for me - we had to bring food she likes and food she has refused before. I took several options but I new that the little chunks of real chicken would demonstrate her abilities well. Of course, Emma was starving not having been allowed breakfast!

We got there at 8.25am which was actually late since you're supposed to be there 20 minutes ahead of time. Oh well - I had to go to a different Chick Fil A and the traffic was a little busy. Emma agreed to go in the stroller so I could get from the car to the appointment a little faster.

We didn't have to wait long before we were shown into the room we would spend the next two hours in...

I have been in a lot of doctors offices, many at this hospital. This was possibly the most drab and uninspiring - silly when it's used to evaluate a child's behavior.

You saw yesterdays quote of the day I presume, so you know that Emma was initially in a good mood and saw the fun in it (a great skill!). The nurse explained that we would be seen by two groups of people: an occupational therapist, speech therapist and psychologist, then a nurse practitioner and dietician. After that they would all discuss the issues and present a plan.

The first group came in and Emma was a little wary - small room with 3 new strangers. They did something which I really try and avoid and that was ask me a bunch of questions about Emma - while she is sat there totally disengaged.

Shortly after they began Emma asked "can I eat my nuggets now?" The team agreed and Emma started to scoff down the nuggets - and I mean scoff, she couldn't eat them fast enough!! Then she asked for a drink, which was great. I gave her some water in a sippy cup.

A little while later the speech therapist added some thickener to the water - in front of Emma - doh!! Emma flat our refused to touch it. I tasted it first and it didn't taste of anything, but she could see it, it looked like soap, not water!

As soon as they were done Emma started to ask to go home. A couple of minutes later the next team came in and Emma was distracted by the nurse listening to her with a stethascope and the usual examination stuff.

Once they were done we had to wait more. Emma had finished eating and was not happy to be there, but she kept drinking water from the sport bottle I had! I don't know if she was responding to the discussion she'd been listening to.

To pass the time I out on my phone's iPod and blasted out some music in the room so we could dance the time away!!

Then the nurse came back with some of the teams findings...(I know this is all you wanted to know!!)

• Emma is medically cleared to eat and drink at school without limitations.
  
• Emma is medically cleared for feeding therapy without limitations.
• We need to keep an eye on her weight since it has dropped after we reduced her formula by tube.
• We need to find a nutritional drink that she will drink.

And the best one...

• Getting Emma to drink more is going to take...PRACTICE!!!

This was not a revelation to me, just like the food needed consistency and discipline, so too will drinking. The psychologist did say that often the parents are not the best people to introduce a structured system. It will be best if a therapist starts a focus on drinking which we "practice" at home, just like the other things Emma does at "school".

We'll also introduce a reward system for practicing once a day. Any other drinking will be voluntary. It's such a daunting program, I admit I was really hoping for a quick fix!! But as with all of the longest journeys, it starts out with one small step after another.

Problems Force Us to Depend on God

by Rick Warren

I'm a mess. I'm nothing and have nothing: make something of me! You can do it; you've got what it takes God. Psalm 40:17 (Msg)

Jesus warned us that we’d have problems in the world. No one is immune to pain or insulated from suffering, and no one gets to skate through life problem-free. Life is a series of problems. Every time you solve one, another one is waiting to take its place.

Peter assures us that problems are normal, saying “Don't be bewildered or surprised when you go through the fiery trials ahead, for this is no strange, unusual thing that is going to happen to you.” (1 Peter 4:12 LB) God uses these problems to draw you closer to himself. The Bible says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18 NLT)

Your most profound and intimate experiences of worship will likely be in your darkest days -- when your heart is broken, when you feel abandoned, when you’re out of options, when the pain is great, and you turn to God alone. It is during suffering that we learn to pray our most authentic, heart-felt, honest-to-God prayers. When in pain, we don’t have the energy for superficial prayers.

Joni Eareckson Tada notes, “When life is rosy, we may slide by with knowing about Jesus, with imitating him and quoting him and speaking of him. But only in suffering will we know Jesus.” We learn things about God in suffering that we can’t learn any other way.

God could have kept Joseph out of jail, kept Daniel out of the lion’s den, kept Jeremiah from being tossed into a slimy pit, kept Paul from being shipwrecked three times, and kept the three Hebrew young men from being thrown into the blazing furnace, but he didn’t. He let those problems happen, and each of those people were drawn closer to God as a result.

Problems force us to look to God and depend on him instead of ourselves. Paul testified to this benefit: “We felt we were doomed to die and saw how powerless we were to help ourselves; but that was good, for then we put everything into the hands of God, who alone could save us ….” (2 Corinthians 1:9 LB) You’ll never know that God is all you need until God is all you’ve got.

Quote of the Day

In a tiny windowless gray room, wearing just underwear and shoes
(waiting to get weighed), Emma sits down in a small wooden chair and
says...

Mummy, it's a great day to hang out and rock the luau!!

Please pray for us today. It is Emma's feeding assessment at 8.30. I
don't know what, if anything they can help us with or resolve the
questions the preschool has (oh no, that has not been resolved - I'd
have told you!!).

The worst part is I have to leave the house about 7.15am so the kids
will not be amused!!

Birthday Surprise!

Scott arranged for all the mouldings and hardware for our renovations
to be delivered this morning. It was such a nice surprise as it means
we can really get working tonight.

It made my day, which wasn't going all that well since I didn't sleep
well and Emma morphed into a teenager last night!!

Sign of the times

Tomorrow is my birthday - well, to be precise, my 32nd birthday! Really, don't worry if you forgot - I myself am terrible with birthdays!!

Anyway, what do you think I did the day before my birthday? I colored my hair. That's right, climbing numbers on my cake combined with increasing grays forced my hand!

I have not colored my hair since we first decided to "try" for a baby, over 4 years ago. I'm low maintenance on the hair thing, so a box of one color is all I need. I'm not trying to recapture my youth through my hair - I am feeling pretty good about myself right now, but a lick of paint doesn't hurt!

That's kind of where I'm leaning on gifts too. I told Scott today that I would rather get the decorating done that we want to do than spend money on dinner or a gift. The same goes for our 5th wedding anniversary in a month. He's all for that. Working on a project together is one of our favorite things and the results will last longer than one dinner (usually about 50 minutes, for 3 courses!!).

Saying that Scott's parents are contributing to my "gift" tomorrow - taking the kids for the evening! We can have dinner at home by ourselves and start spackling like we a pair of twenty-somethings!! (Actually Scott is a twenty-something, but we won't talk about that!!)

Our dream is is to take a vacation by ourselves again, one day. The first step though will be leaving the kids overnight for the first time. It's good to have goals!!

Skit from church

Happy Easter

I hope you had a great Easter. Ours was awesome!

It was supposed to rain all day but we woke up (on time, in a good mood!) to sunshine, and warmth! We were late for the first service through no fault of ours, but it was fine since we planned to be there for both.

After the first service, we got Emma and Nate (Pastor Bob's grandson) for the annual Easter photo. They were both suprisingly agreeable to sit for pictures, if not actually look and smile in the same direction! It really was the family papparazzi...

2011...

2008...

After the second service we got both kids and I set my camera and tripod up on the front lawn. Here's one of the four of us ( we let Toby ditch the suit jacket as it was over 80 degrees!)...

I was thrilled that the lovely Melissa (and Keith) joined us today...

(Only 6 months to their wedding!!)

One for the album

After church we headed to Nanna and Pops house for brunch. It was the first time in years we've been able to spend the whole afternoon there, forsaking both kids naps for a day!

Toby attacks Smokey the cat

Toby and Josiah

Emma and Aunt Kim

Shortly after this picture the peace and good will was shattered as Toby lobbed a toy phone at baby Keira's head! Thankfully her parents understood and we were leaving anyway!

Go with me for a moment to witness what was perhaps the foggiest night in history. The scene is very simple; you’ll recognize it quickly. A grove of twisted olive trees. Ground cluttered with large rocks. A low stone fence. A dark, dark night.

Now, look into the picture. Look closely through the shadowy foliage. See that person? See that solitary figure? What’s he doing? Flat on the ground. Face stained with dirt and tears. Fists pounding the hard earth. Eyes wide with a stupor of fear. Hair matted with salty sweat. Is that blood on his forehead?

That’s Jesus. Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.

Maybe you’ve seen the classic portrait of Christ in the garden. Kneeling beside a big rock. Snow-white robe. Hands peacefully folded in prayer. A look of serenity on his face. Halo over his head. A spotlight from heaven illuminating his golden-brown hair.

Now, I’m no artist, but I can tell you one thing. The man who painted that picture didn’t use the gospel of Mark as a pattern. Look what Mark wrote about that painful night, he used phrases like these: “Horror and dismay came over him.” “My heart is ready to breakwith grief.” “He went a little forward and threw himself on the ground.”

Does this look like the picture of a saintly Jesus resting in the palm of God? Hardly. Mark used black paint to describe this scene. We see an agonizing, straining, and struggling Jesus. We see a “man of sorrows.” (Isaiah 53:3 NASB) We see a man struggling with fear, wrestling with commitments, and yearning for relief.

We see Jesus in the fog of a broken heart.

The writer of Hebrews would later pen, “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death.” (Hebrews 5:7 NIV)

My, what a portrait! Jesus is in pain. Jesus is on the stage of fear. Jesus is cloaked, not in sainthood, but in humanity.

The next time the fog finds you, you might do well to remember Jesus in the garden. The next time you think that no one understands, reread the fourteenth chapter of Mark. The next time your self-pity convinces you that no one cares, pay a visit to Gethsemane. And the next time you wonder if God really perceives the pain that prevails on this dusty planet, listen to him pleading among the twisted trees.

The next time you are called to suffer, pay attention. It may be the closest you’ll ever get to God. Watch closely. It could very well be that the hand that extends itself to lead you out of the fog is a pierced one.

The Sufferings of His Broken Heart
by Max Lucado

Mother's Day

Twice a month I attend a bible study for "Moms of Young Children". It's at 10am, so it is mostly stay-home mothers or those with crazy work schedules (e.g. nurses). It was our 4th or 5th session today and as always we started with a little "ice-breaker."

Share your favorite family tradition/holiday, or a tradition you'd like to start.

As always I was completely honest, and while everyone else spoke of Christmas or Easter traditions that they have for their kids, or their parents did for them, I went in a different direction.

My favorite "holiday"? Mother's Day!! Why? Because I get breakfast in bed and whatever else I want to do that day. One day a year when Scott is not working and I can just enjoy my family without all the chores or "mom' tasks. Is that wrong?

I love Christmas, and I love the things we do with the kids, seeing their reactions to gifts etc, but to be honest, the "gift" holidays can be stressful, with choosing gifts, the money etc! We haven't developed any traditions, having had one Christmas in the UK, another waiting to fly there, one at the hospital and just one time actually planning to be home just us 4 - 2009!!

The Easter baskets and egg hunts are an American thing that I am not into. I don't begrudge anyone else, but I think it's weird how a bunny that delivers eggs has become such a distraction to the true (and only other) reason for Easter - the resurrection of Christ.

Anyway, I think it is the unexpected, spontaneous events in life that I love the most, like the other Saturday when we all spent the day together. Or going on vacation. Something that is just about our family and not the commercial or cultural ideal.

Maybe choosing Mother's Day because it's a great day for me (even over my birthday!) is selfish. I'm just being honest!!

Chicken dinner

This was the kids at Chick Fil A yesterday. Note: both hats are the
same size...

Eye Doctor

Today's annual visit to the ophthalmologist at Children's hospital was made all the easier because in a recent episode Peppa Pig went to the optician (Pedro Pony told her she needed glasses because she couldn't see with her eyes closed! Sorry, was that TMI?!).

Just like her pink hero, Emma's eyes were just fine. She does have a mild astigmatism (as do I), but nothing requiring glasses. On the Moebius end of the scale, her eyes are doing awesome! Very little crossing of the eyes (which can require a serious surgery to correct) and no drying.

Today they put "the drops" in. I had never experienced these drops in the UK. At a lunch hour eye appointment in my early days here I was given these drops that dilate the pupil for hours. After returning to work (somehow) I was useless because everything was blurry and super bright!

The doctors were amazed at the ease of giving the drops to Emma, and doing all her other eye tests. Each time the doctor or attending left the room we heard "she's so cute!" Her doctor (the fully qualified one with his name on the wall) was really impressed with her verbal skills.

I am so proud of how well Emma is doing (proud of her, not myself), she displays such grace and perseverance. If I can't learn from her I just hope I don't spoil it!!

There was one really cool part of our trip today. In the bathroom before our appointment (sounds interesting already right?!) we met a mom with a cute little girl. I gave her my contact information and the blog address.

I hope she reads this (and the early posts) or calls because I think Emma's story could bring her hope. There are so few people who can really understand some of the challenges you face with a medically fragile child, emotional and physical.

Toby Time

Quote of the Day

In the car, Emma asks for the picture she drew for Scott at therapy. I handed it to her (not for the first time - it's been in the car for weeks!) and she says...

"Wow Mommy, I did a great job drawing this picture for Daddy!"

She sure is a character. They both are. Today I made a big step as I took both kids by myself to the indoor playground. Slightly crazy since it is Spring Break and half price Tuesday! Not to mention two willful, energized kids.

As you can imagine there were tons of kids running around but we got there early and were able to stay for an hour. At first Emma headed off around the multi-storey playground as I coerced Toby to follow her.

Toby was pretty good, but considering how brave (or daring) he is on our stairs, I can't understand why he is so hesitant to climb around in there or go down the slides!

At one point, in the 3yrs and younger area he was sat at the top of the slide and refused to come down. Rather than climb around there myself I sent Emma up to push him down. That didn't work. When another mom was up there with her 2 year old she offered to push him and I accepted! He cried the whole way down - all 5ft!

At one point Emma made friends with a little boy a couple years older than her. When he told her his name it was a little awkward - he was called Parker, and of course when Emma repeated it back to him it came out "Narker." He kept trying to correct her, but she really does not seem to hear the difference.

Despite these instances, Emma is so understandable in her speech it blows my mind!

We headed to Chick Fil A for lunch with Ashley and Rafael. I don't get the kids meals because they don't have enough chicken and Emma doesn't drink juice or milk. I meant to bring our bottle of water in with us in case they wanted a drink (Toby had sucked down a Capri Sun in the car!), but forgot.

When Emma asked for a drink I had no choice but to give her some of my diet coke, from the straw like a dropper! Turns out she loved it and couldn't get enough. Could this be the key to increasing her drinking - the worst possible caffeinated beverage?!! I hope not, but maybe I'll try some other type of soda and see what happens.

Building Blocks

One of the developmental milestones the doctor asks about for Toby's
age is if he can build a tower of 3+ blocks. I've never seen him do
that specifically, but I'm pretty sure this counts!!

It also makes a much louder noise when he knocks them over!!

I loved this today...

You Matter: God Sees You
by Rick Warren

“[Zacchaeus] was too short … [but] when Jesus got to the tree, he looked up …” Luke 19: 3, 5 (NIV)

According to the world’s standards for evaluating worth, Zacchaeus was a failure. He was extremely short; he was disliked by everyone because he was a tax collector; and he hated himself.

He was not proud of his life’s achievements because he knew he had cheated people to get where he was. He was powerful and had a lot of money -- but he had no friends and was incredibly lonely.

But one day Zacchaeus’ life was completely changed because Jesus walked by and he realized how much he mattered to God.

When Zacchaeus learned that Jesus was coming to town, he wanted to see him, but he was too short to get a glimpse above the crowd. So he ran to a spot where he knew Jesus would pass by and he climbed a tree.

Luke 19 records that when Jesus passed this spot, he looked up and noticed Zacchaeus. Can you imagine how Zacchaeus’ heart started pounding at that moment? Jesus was looking at him – this small, despised, insignificant man.

Why did Jesus stop at that tree and look at him? Because he knew that’s exactly where Zacchaeus was.

God knows exactly where you are too. He knew where you were an hour ago and he knows where you will be tomorrow. You may feel like you’re up a tree right now in your life. God knows where you are. You may feel like you’re out on a limb; Jesus knows. You may feel all alone, but Jesus stops and notices. You are not forgotten; you are not alone.

No tear has ever been hidden from him. No hurtful word said to you has ever passed that he missed. No abuse has ever occurred that he didn’t see and grieve with you. He sees it all.

“God never overlooks a single sparrow. And he pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail – even numbering the hairs on your head!” (Luke 12:6-7 MSG).

The greatest gift of love anyone can ever receive is attention. When you give people your time, you give them your life. When you pay attention to someone and look them in the eye, you are saying, “You matter to me. You are valuable.”

There is never a moment, never a second in your life that God is not paying attention to you. He notices you 24 hours a day because he loves you; you are valuable to him.

Mystery solved

Recently we've been having problems getting Emma to go to her Sunday School class. If she agrees to stay they have to bring her up in tears! Yesterday we agreed to let her stay up with us for worship, but she did not want to go down to her class, crying as we approached the room.

If you can believe it of a 3 years old, Emma sat through the entire service without really making a sound or moving too much. Unfortunately we really need her to go with her class because we teach a bible study during the second service and she's way to distracting for others - too darn cute!

Scott managed to persuade her to go to her class. I'm not sure how - watching Peppa Pig and the playground bribes had not worked!

We tried not to worry about it too much and assumed she was just being difficult. But on the way home from the park today Emma started a conversation...

Em: I don't want to go downstairs.
Me (confused): At home?

]'[[';;;L;;;P;;;LLLOLOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL (Toby found the laptop!)

Em: No, at church. I want to stay with you and sing.
Me: Okay. (I can do that)
Em: I don't want to go downstairs.
Me: Okay. Why not?
Em: I don't like my friends.
Me: Why?
Em: They're so loud. And they run around all the time.
Me: Oh!
Em: Miss Angela tells them to be stop but they are too loud.

Wow! Where do I go with this?!! She has a valid point - most of her class are 4 year old boys that do tend to act crazy. I'm not sure how much the teachers feel able to impose discipline since they are volunteers at church, not daycare or school!

It also throws up concerns for pre-school (not that we have made any progress in resolving the bizarre issues there), but at some point Emma will have to face that other kids can run fast and might not be as calm as she is. Toby is a little crazier but not to an extreme.

Just yesterday I was doing the dishes and Emma called "How do I draw a nee?" I thought, and then responded "A 'B'?" Correct! "Up, then around and around."

I stopped what I was doing to investigate and found this...

Weekend

Looking back at last week, it was a great week!

On Tuesday Emma started learning how to make the "k" sound. On Friday we had a second session of speech therapy in one week and Miss Ally said that she had never seen a child pick up the "k" sound in a week - it had been just 3 days!

She had given us a couple of words to practice: "cow", "key" (initial sounds) and "hike" and "duck." However we really didn't practice much, accept for in conversation! So the words Emma actually went back with in confidence were "Ikea" (!!), "soccer" - both medial words, the hardest to incorporate new sounds! She also was saying "kangaroo" and coffee"!

We also halved the amount of formula Emma gets each day, to just 125ml. She gets a total of 1400ml of fluids, including the formula - so while reducing her calories via tube because she's eating great is AWESOME, it does not decrease the necessity of the tube.

In fact, the less calories by tube she gets the more she wants to eat - her body compensates. However, we can't work it like that with fluids as dehydration is too fast and serious. Please pray that we would find a positive way to encourage her to drink.

And then there was Saturrday - the best day in recent memory! Not least because Scott finally had a day off and it was the Pinewood Derby at church. I believe it was developed in the cub scouts, but is a great family activity for parents and kids to come together.

We have been so busy that we did not get around to starting the car until Thursday night! Scott carved the basic shape from the block of pine...

Then on Friday at naptime I painted it blue (as per Emma's surprising request.) I also fashioned a Peppa Pig out of modelling clay, to "drive" the car - unfortunately "every car has a wheel mummy", which I forgot!!

Then I also added an accent of metallic pink to the undercarriage and Emma decorated it with stickers...


Saturday was race day. We had to get up early to get the car weighed in and entered before the 9am start. The church sanctuary has been many things, and Saturday it was a race track!!

Emma and a friend eagerly await the race action

Peppa Pig gets set for her first race

To our utter astonishment the car won several races and remained in the race for a long time. Emma was thrilled to simply pick her car up at the end and bring it back to the holding place until the next race.


Emma's car did not win, but we all had a great time taking part and Emma received a ribbon for participation! Even Toby had great fun - although he dropped Peppa on her head last night and decapitated her!

Easter is coming

Easter is coming. One of Emma’s therapists asked her recently “Do you know which holiday is coming up?” Emma responded with “I don’t know.” The therapist informed her “Easter. And do you know what that means?” I waited with baited breath as she followed up with “You get eggs!” I was so let down!

Easter is the core of Christianity and it's celebrations. Without Easter, Christmas is nothing more than a birthday. Without Easter and the resurrection, Jesus is nothing more than a “good teacher” (albeit a crazy one, to claim he was God!).

This year I am approaching Easter with a new perspective and appreciation. For the past 9 months or so Scott and I have been studying and teaching on true spirituality. At the heart of the message is a concept that has so much negative connotation we often shudder at the thought - surrender.

What images come to mind when you ponder surrender? Likely some of these…



But what about these…


What separates these two groups of pictures is quite simple: Your belief about who you are surrendering to.

The first group is images of hostile surrender into “enemy” hands. The outcome of the surrender is either probable or certain suffering – regardless of the person surrendering.

The second group, a couple getting married, a new parent holding her baby, a patient being treated by a doctor. In each of these situations the outcome of the surrender is dependent on the extent of surrender. But in each case, the surrender is to one we believe absolutely has our best intentions and happiness in mind.

After all, how can a marriage succeed if each party clings to his or her selfish desires? How can a child be nurtured and grow if it’s parent is not totally committed to providing for it’s needs? How can we expect a doctor to heal us or even treat us if we are not totally honest and agree to abide by their guidelines?

So my question to you is; which of these groups would you put this picture?
This is the picture of the ultimate surrender. This is Jesus, surrendering his life to the will of his Father.

Surrender marked Jesus life before he came to earth…
Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to be cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being.
Philippians 2:6-7 (NLT)

While he lived here..
Jesus gave them this answer: “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself.”
John 5:19a (NIV)

By myself I can do nothing; I judge only as I hear, and my judgment is just, for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.
John 5:30 (NIV)

And in his death…
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
Matthew 26:39 (NIV)

And Jesus asks each of us to do the same…
Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.”
Luke 9:23-24 (NIV)

To take up our cross each day is to deny our selfish desires, to willfully choose to keep God’s commands (as much as possible!) and live according to his will. Nothing more, nothing less. We lose our life because just as Christ was crucified, we crucify our desires. We are born again, as we share in Christ’s resurrection and are given eternal life by God. And each day we must choose to carry our cross and follow Jesus.

Does that sound too much to ask? Does that sound scary? Does that sound impossible?!

If so you, need to ask yourself this: Who is God?

If you see God as the enemy, a cruel, harsh punishing God, then the idea of surrendering to him sounds like torture. Delivering yourself over for a life of sacrifice, poverty and misery. I can’t blame anyone who would not want to surrender to him.

But then ask yourself “Where did I get this view of God?” Often we see God like this because we have had people in our lives, in authority over us, and we associate the two. Sometimes this is what we have been taught by religious people, who in all honesty probably want to inspire a sense of guilt and duty. After all guilt is a strong motivator for people to try and buy their way out.

Unfortunately so many people have accepted this picture of God and have failed to find God for themselves. In reality God is a loving, just, merciful and faithful God. Don’t believe me, just read the Bible.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13

Let me help you get started...

God is loving. A Father who asks his Son to take a humiliating position (human form is not exactly honorable for God!) and then suffer immensely in order to have a relationship with the very people that cause the suffering – that is love.

Jesus, God the Son, agreed to it all with full knowledge and endured everything because of his love for his Father (must be a good God then) and because of his love for you.

After Jesus was resurrected and ascended back to heaven (fully alive) he did not want to leave us alone, so he sent God the Holy Spirit to give us strength, power and wisdom.

God is just – so often confused with being simply condemning and punishing. God loves all mankind, but he did pick one nation to demonstrate his heart and show the rest of the world who he is, Israel. However, throughout the Old Testament (First part of Bible, before Jesus came) we see that Israel struggled to keep their eyes on their God and often strayed into immoral living and lost the heart for God.

God, being just, exacted justice for these sins and brought about consequences for the Israelites, ONLY so that they would once again turn their heart back to God.

You see we can’t possibly receive God’s full blessing while we are acting like rebellious and foolish children – any parent knows this. It is only when a child does things as their wise and loving parent instructs, that they will reap the blessing the parent intended.

Sometimes we feel like we are getting a raw deal in life, when we may not see the big picture or simply choose not to.

God is merciful. Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” That is the very definition of mercy – while we are still living in our disobedience and selfishness (aka sin) God freely offers us forgiveness, through Jesus Christ, without asking anything in response.

I should add here that if you are at the point where you understand how your actions require forgiveness and you wish to accept Christ’s covering of your sin, the appropriate response to God’s mercy is in fact repentance. That is to turn from your old way of life and pursue holiness or righteousness, the right way to live in God’s eyes. (The Holy Spirit and the Bible is our guide and strength in this.)

God if faithful. As I mentioned before, Israel was chosen by God to display his glory. And they messed up time and time again. However, God was faithful and stood by his promises to them. Sure, he used discipline and judgment at times, but he never stopped loving them nor did he stop pursuing them.

The same is true of you. God wants to have a relationship with you, where you are able to understand his love for you and you can bring glory to him by returning that love.

But if you see God as the “enemy” or a mean, hateful, punishing God you will spend your entire life running away from him only to learn the truth when you stand before him and it’s too late.

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Romans 12:1-2

Jesus said for us all to hear:
Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Matthew 11:28-29 (NASB)

Outta my way

I'm not sure what has taken hold of me but I am on a rampage! I'm not talking "herd of wildebeest across the plains" type of rampage - more a systematic deconstruction through the house!

So far I have stripped the bathroom and living room of anything hanging on the walls or "out" on a table or surface (besides lamps - we need light!). Once I find a place to store that stuff, the cabinet will be de-cluttered to leave a minimum decor.

I have convinced Scott that it is a good time to paint the living room - it's been 4 years and EVERYTHING in the room is a shade of brown or beige. It's not as easy as it sounds though, since our stairs come off the living room and lead to the upstairs hallway!

The bathroom needs a coat of paint - semi-gloss this time, not leftover eggshell that is not resilient with the steam! And I figured we could use that paint to give the kitchen a facelift too - it's been bright green for 3+ years and I'm over it.

I'm limited to what I can accomplish though, because I'm not allowed to paint! Okay, more specifically I am discouraged from painting because I make a mess and am not very good at it. But believe me when I say that if left to my own devices for long enough I WILL PAINT!!

In the meantime I have a smaller project. Tomorrow Emma is entered in her first Pinewood Derby at church. Last night Scott crafted a small race car out of the shapeless block of pine. This morning we went to the store to get paint and stickers. For some reason Emma is adamant that she wants a blue car - even after I offered to make her a Peppa Pig car!

So, that's where I'm off to now, to paint the base color so she can decorate it with Scott later - a Daddy/Daughter project for sure. I may also craft a little 'driver' out of some modeling clay I picked up. I'll post pictures tomorrow.

WHY GOD MADE MOMS

A friend emailed this to me and it really made me chuckle, so I'm sharing it!!


WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.

What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them..
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter... Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Big hints

I'm really starting to get self-conscious about our front yard. Every day it seems there is a new flyer for a landscaping service, stuck in the door or mailbox!

I know it's not pretty - on Mother's Day 3 years ago we began a lengthy process of ripping out all the dead plants from the flower beds under the front windows and around the side of the house. There were only 6 in front, but some massively overgrown fern-thingies and lily-of-the-valley round the side. Oh and then there were the 4 giant bushes - remember this...

Since then a combination of economics and other priorities have really just kept us from getting back out there. The storm last June helped, in providing new shutters and a reason to pull down the ugly green metal awning over the front door, but other than that no improvements have been made.

And where do you start? Planting new beds (after re-weeding)? Or putting in a patio that I so desperately want? The procrastination continues!

I'm hoping that when my parents visit this summer they can give us some advice (no, not actually do it!) because neither Scott or myself have the experience. And since Scott's brother is starting his own landscaping business we might be able to get some expert with implementation!

In the meantime, I will continue to create a mental punch-list of the things I would love to do inside the house (if two, 30lb, whirling dervishes were not always at my heels!!).

Speech Therapy

Today Emma had an extra session of speech therapy. Toby had no plans, so he decided to come with us, for the first time! Thankfully Emma's therapist was not bothered at all and let us all come back to the little classroom together.

We've been working on helping Emma with the "f" sound in words. She's doing really well and loves to demonstrate. So we're moving onto something a bit harder - the "k/c" sound. Currently the k or c in a word comes out as a t or d.

As you can see Miss Ally works with Emma to position her lips, tongue and teeth in the right place - and Emma is only too happy to look in the mirror for a half hour!



Keeping the mouth open and tongue down is not easy, so we're using a rather medical technique...
Emma's been practicing the sound during the day and is doing really well, even if it does currently sound like a hairball in the back of her throat. It's amazing the amount of patience and willingness to learn!

I brought a drink and big bag of pretzels to keep Toby amused and as little of a distraction as possible!! Half an hour was long enough - any longer and he'd have been climbing all over the table - as opposed to leaning on it with his entire torso!
As you can see, he's feeling much better and hasn't had any diarrhea since Sunday!

Prophets of Doom

While the kids were napping today I watched this program on the History Channel called "Prophets of Doom". I think you can sense how smart this was for me!! What's worse is I actually recorded the show weeks ago and have not wanted to watch it!! I caught part of it one afternoon and not being able to listen, but curious just hit record.

Well, today I did. The program was 6 "experts" brought together to effectively discuss what they saw as being the impending doom for the US! The 6 areas that they discussed were:

• Financial collapse (not so far fetched)
• Water shortage (particularly increased demand and decreased quality and supply)
• Peak oil (The US is reliant on foreign oil, of which the supply is likely about to sharply decrease.)
• Nuclear terrorism (not far fetched either)
• Over-population (I missed this bit, before I tuned in)
• Technology (Apparently artificial intelligence will be the stuff of movies in 20 years).

Unfortunately the solution to ease the catastrophic impact of these areas is conservation of resources. Not something any of us are very good at without extreme circumstances.

As pessimistic as the show was, and as obvious as some of these problems already are, I probably didn't need to watch it!! Perhaps HGTV is a better option for light afternoon viewing!

Park Life

It's going to be a warm day so we hit the park early and so far we
have it to ourselves!!

Today we all went to the baptism for our niece, Keira. Keira is Scott's brother's baby girl, born in November 2010.

It's only the second time I've been to a baptism, but any day that celebrates a child is special so we got all dressed up. Emma already had a new dress so she wore that and I coordinated Toby with what cousin Josiah, Keira's brother, was wearing. Check out these cuties...
(Emma's cardigan is the same one you might have seen in pictures from a year ago or longer! The arms are now 3/4 sleeves, but it was just right for this dress!!)

We all got changed at Scott's parents after church because they were watching Toby - we couldn't take him to church if he was still sick (he hasn't had any signs since yesterday afternoon.) However, as we got ready to leave the house we couldn't find the car keys. I'd driven there, so I had lost them - of course!

With time running by we decided to abandon the search and took one of Scott's parents cars! We hurried to the church, only to find we were at the wrong church! We drove as fast as we could to the correct venue, just in time to see the vows and the water bit.

Unfortunately I forgot my camera so I couldn't get any shots of the event or the four of us, shame since we all looked pretty good! Oh well, Easter's coming soon!

Here is Emma giving "Baby Keira" some love at the party afterward...

Oh, and the keys? We found them after in the house. It seems I had put them in my jacket pocket when we went in the house, but since I changed into a cardigan, in a rush, I forgot I'd even been wearing a jacket.

Happy Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day in the UK today, and since I was not able to get a card, this is a brief message of thanks to my Mum - and some pictures, of course!

My christening...

With my grandma, great gran and my sister (I'm the chubby one with bad hair, but in the picture I was wearing a pink dress!!)On my wedding day (that might be obvious, but I went for consistency with labeling!!)

Thanks Mum. I may be far away but I know you're always there!

April Fools Day

I don't know how well you can see it in the picture, but it's snowing
right now!! Big wet flakes of snow.

Hopefully this is winter's last "hurrah" before a beautiful sunny spring!!