Busy busy busy

We have been on the go constantly lately, or at least it feels that way! The days are pretty quiet for me and the kids, and Scott works of course. In the evening, Scott has been working or we try and eat dinner together before the kids get banished to bed!!

On the weekends we have been pretty busy since Christmas with either work or church stuff. Our roles at church are very different to this time last year, and will allow us connect with different people within our congregation as well as grow spiritually. We spend a lot of our free time on serving at church, but we watch too much TV otherwise! ;-)

With a 5 hour time difference I just realized we haven't seen my parents or grandparents for a while!! (We don't call anymore, just Skype!!) I even realized I forgot to call my niece on her birthday this week - that's both of them now. Every day seems to run into the next until BAM! we hit a weekend!

It's a good thing we have the blog, so even if they don't hear from me they know we're doing well.

That said I don't even have much time on the computer anymore, or so it feels. So, here's a few things I don't think I mentioned...

On Friday Emma had her usual Physical Therapy. We are preparing for the annual evaluation of the therapy services, to see if she still qualifies. The therapy is free and only for kids with a 20-25% delay I believe. Last year we fudged the truth a little to keep the PT - she was so close.

This year the therapist ran through a list of can/can't do's in the PT evaluation. The only thing Emma couldn't do yet is catch a ball. Thing is, the list is things that a 36 month old should be doing - Emma is only 26 months!! She's ahead of the curve now. Needless to say she won't be getting PT after the evaluation.


The eating is still going well and we had our first family [of 4] dinner last night. We got Toby a high chair so he can sit with us now.

I won't be feeding him solids just yet, following the AAP recommendation of exclusive breastmilk for 6 months.

Toby is going for his 4 month check up tomorrow. He is huge - not fat, just really long and really strong. He has been a smiler for a while, but he charms most people with a really cute giggle that is often unsolicited! Not to mention the loud burps at awkward times, like the middle of our adult bible study!!

I got my hair cut last week which was a good move to feeling more positive. It's like on those makeover shows, nothing's really different until they get their hair cut! Plus short hair is much easier to do. I'm also getting closer to my pre-baby weight and I really have not been trying.

Scott is working hard and as much as he can.

I can't believe it's February tomorrow. Only a few more months til summer!!

Bed-head!

See any resemblance - that's Emma on the right!

Emmarican Idol!

Hopefully the videos work now...

Roly Poly Daddy

We were napping until late today - 5pm!! Scott even joined us when he got home.

So putting Emma to bed at the usual time would be tough. Scott said he'd do his best to tire her out. I'm not sure if this made her tired or more hype...

Then Emma wanted to audition like the people we were watching on American Idol...

Some recent pictures:

Emma watches football already! She's Daddy's girl alright!

Playing Mr. Potatohead..

Eating

Today Emma had her second visit with the feeding specialist. She was pleased at how well Emma was doing on quantity (from 5/6 baby spoons to 4oz of food per meal!) and wanted to try her with some new textures.

Emma has been eating little teddy bear crackers that turn to mush after she mouths them, and still loves to put anything we are eating in her mouth!! Large lumps still scare her but she is more able to push them forward with her tongue now.

That said, we need to build up gradually to where Emma can actually chew on food and manipulate it around her mouth. That takes practice. Today we started.

We are adding cream of wheat (a very small grain porridge-y stuff) to the savory baby food and crushed cookies to the fruit purees and ice-cream. For dinner I did both, so not only did she eat more than 6oz of food, she had texture to it. She LOVED it!

Next I'm going to try adding flavors to plain yoghurt (English spelling I won't "correct") and increasing textures bit by bit. Fun fun!!

Watch this space!!

Idol

So I hear that there was someone on American Idol last night that had some facial paralysis. To be exact, her 7th cranial nerve was under-developed and the right side of her face has some paralysis.

Curious, I searched the web and found the audition...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBdkyKJcAp4

It is good to see someone with such confidence and poise despite this kind of disability. How cool would it be to one day see someone with Moebius Syndrome on there!!

It reminded me of the little girl we saw at the Moebius Conference in 2008:

http://ehmnews.blogspot.com/2008/07/day-two-msf-conference-2008.html

As a reminder, Moebius Syndrome is characterized by missing or damaged 6th & 7th cranial facial nerves (has to be both) impacting both sides of the face, and restricting eye movement. I checked and this girls blinks as well as having lateral eye movement.

Kind of on the same train of thought, I asked Emma's speech therapist today how she thinks she will do. Some of Emma's speech sounds like she has a cleft palate, other words are clear as day. Brooke said that just as she has with her existing vocabulary, she will likely learn to compensate and words will become clearer with practice. As she gets older she should also have more control.

That said, kids here often start pre-school between 3-5 and then kindergarten at 5 or 6. Emma would love school and she has such a long attention span for her age I think she'd do great. I would definitely consider putting her in pre-school at 3 years but we'll have to see - it ain't cheap!!

Some love for Toby

I think everyone expected Toby to be trouble from the get-go. After all, Emma is such a well-behaved, happy go lucky child, it only seems fair! I am thankful to say that, so far, Toby is quite the opposite.

Toby seems to be as laid-back and calm as his Dad is now (I believe Scott was a terror as a baby!). He only really fusses when he's tired or hungry - he gets that from me! The rest of the time, Toby loves to observe the action, chew on his fist and generally relax.

I love that I can get a big gummy smile from him with little more than a look in his direction. Not to mention the love you feel when your child looks for you when they hear your voice.

And when he gets me out of bed in the middle of the night, it's tough to be annoyed when you're greeted with a squeal of excitement!

So, if I don't mention Toby much, it's because he's just chilling for now! As you can see in the pictures, he's getting strong and I have to keep reminding myself that he will likely be rolling soon and crawling in a few months. Then we'll really be on our toes.

(This was not staged - Emma climbed up next to him and put her arm around him! She kept pulling his head closer for the photo!)

Breaking ground

Today was a slow starter. You know the kind - bring the kids into the big bed until they start climbing the walls! When we did make it downstairs it was because Emma pointed at her belly and said "hurt!" You know what that means don't you?? She was hungry - and knew it!!!

For the first time in a while I gave her a jar of baby food for breakfast. (I've been doing great with lunch and dinner but mornings are tough!!) With a little coaxing she made it through the whole jar.

Now lately I've been obsessing about the need to teach her things. The whole pre-school/kindergarten set-up over here has me really confused. I don't know when she's supposed to start formal education or what she should know. (Did I mention she can count up to 10, with one or two errors, and can tell you how many fingers you're holding up on one hand?)

Anyway, today I decided to bring my focus back to eating. My goal: to see if Emma would eat a whole jar for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

In the meantime I decided to push the envelope today by going out at 11.30am! (You have to realize I usually aim to be back by then and rarely go out after 10am!) We were back by 12.30pm and although nap-time is 1pm I managed to get a jar of food into Emma!!

After nap and some play (ok, TV!) Emma sat down to dinner. Yes, she ate a whole jar again, and still had room for a couple spoons of pears!

It's so exciting. I'll enjoy this moment for a, well moment(!) before I move on to figuring how we tackle the next step. What's that? We have to get Emma drinking enough to hydrate herself. The eating is only half the battle, and drinking is harder for her to do in large quantities.

Back to enjoying the moment...

Blown away

It's no secret that I think Emma is very special - she's my daughter after all! And she is special irrespective of what she can or can't do - we all are. However, I don't see any reason not to celebrate her wonderful accomplishments (as I will Toby's!).

(You know what's coming, right?)

Today Melissa came for Emma's weekly occupational therapy. There really is very little Emma can't do in the fine motor category , many beyond expectations for her age. Today was really one of the bigger deals.

As Melissa sat down to "play" with Emma I suggested she have her work on her 9-piece Dora jigsaw. We got it out and laid out the pieces jumbled up.

In amazement Melissa and I sat by quietly watching as Emma put the entire jigsaw together without any mistakes or even much thinking time. I don't know when she last had the jigsaw out, but it sure wasn't in the last 24hours.

Melissa said that to do the puzzle, even if it was from memory (there was no picture to follow) she would not expect a child to be able to do that until 5 years old.

Of course I wanted to video it, but she refused to do it again! (She does not do command performances much anymore!) It was only later on when we asked her to "clean-up" the pieces was I able to get it on camera... but it won't upload!!

Of course now we know she has a very good memory she has no excuse for constantly trying to play in the trash can!!

Good news, Emma's growth is "outstanding!" Even with the weight loss she is still on the 10th percentile growth curve.

Go Emma!!

I took Emma to get her ears checked today, to see if the second, stronger, course of antibiotics got rid of the infection. I'd had my doubts all week until yesterday when the real Emma started to emerge.

The real Emma takes the social, happy Emma to a whole other plane! Emma is chatty, funny, and rarely still. When she is sick I forget quite how vivacious she is.

The good news is that one ear looks "perfect", the other looks much better. The doctor we saw (my 2nd favorite) said to come back in a month to get them re-checked. I would, except I am tired of waiting for an hour (yes, 60 whole minutes) in a small room with an active 2 year old! I think we'll take her elsewhere.

Not so good was Emma's weight. She is down to 24lbs 2oz. I'm not sure why - she's eating enough calories each day to replace the tube feed we dropped. I've put in an email to her dietician, so I'll see what they say. (The pediatrician didn't even mention it?!!)

Church Child

At church today Emma had half the congregation (behind her) captivated. During worship I was holding Toby and my friend Christina had Emma. She let Emma stand in the aisle where she was dancing, clapping and lifting her hands, like the people around her. Emma was completely oblivious to the attention she was getting.

Here's a picture my friend (thanks Meredith) took from the row behind us...

We have not coached Emma on how to respond in church. She knows how to pray and how to worship. For that reason we will keep her in the sanctuary as much as we can. We want her to have a heart for God and celebrate His Son with us.

That said, we had to leave before PB's sermon as Emma was a little too excited about sitting with Aunt Kimberly and GrandPops! We stayed in the lobby where I listened to the sermon on the speaker and Emma ran around in the open space!

Emma answers "YEAH" to "Do you want to go to church?" and shrieks "church, church" when we pull up outside. She feels safe and knows how much she is loved by all. I am thankful she can connect that with God. We hope Toby will feel the same way.

Looking Back

I have been thinking about the people who read my blog (that would be you I guess!), some of whom I have never met and maybe more who have never commented! I don't know how many readers there are, and I don't need to know. But I do wonder if those of you who are 'new' know why the blog was started.

With my family so far away I took inspiration from a friend with a blog and found it would be a good way to post pictures and updates of the new baby. It was really important when we found out she would have challenges. But never did I anticipate what it was to become.

As much as I still use the blog to give general updates and information to all my family and friends in one easy step, I find it is also a place I can share thoughts and experiences we've had. I've had enough feedback from people our story has encouraged that I don't feel shy about being real. I spent many of my formative years burying my real feelings - being open is the way to go!

Sometimes I may go a little deeper than you might expect. I'm okay with it if you are!! You never know who might be going through something similar and find it encouraging. Rest assured I maintain all the privacy I need!

Looking back at the early posts I read this, the second post on the blog and it blows my mind to think about where we were and that we have even stronger faith through the many struggles we didn't even know were coming!

With much anticipation...

What an experience this pregnancy has been, truly! You can almost prepare yourself for morning sickness, weight gain, heart-burn and belly gymnastics, but you can never be truly prepared for the unexpected! I have often tried, by being pessimistic or having low expectations, but that is not the same thing.

Hearing the words that mean there is something not right with your baby is simply gut-wrenching! "Are you serious?" comes to mind in a flash, and all you want to know is how to fix it! I was reading just today about the thorn that God places in each one of our sides, to remind us that we are not super-human or a god, and also to help us trust in his strength which far exceeds our own.

A thorn, or weakness is something over which we have no control over; a physical, emotional or characteristic flaw. The diagnosis that our baby has gastroschisis was such a thorn, albeit a temporary one. Both Scott and I are unable to alter the situation, and thankfully have no cause for blame. We can only sink to our knees and ask God to imbue us with the strength and character we need to come through this trial.

And what a blessing that was! As we had further concerns raised over additional problems we could do nothing more than seek out God's purpose in all of this. His peace and great love flowed over us in a way that is impossible to describe, but crystal clear when experienced.

We have learned patience in a way that seems incredible, and was unfathomable to those around us! But how much more will we need it in the days to come, watching our little girl grow and come to us for strength.

Praise be to God, our ever present help in times of trouble! I would have fallen apart if wasn't for the hope we have in Him.

My friends said to me last night " I thought you were ditching the binky?" "Uh, yeah - I said I was trying!!" It didn't go so well!

The problem is that Toby's 2nd nap is at the same time as Emma's nap and if he wakes up in the middle of it he cries. Giving him a pacifier, well, pacifies him quicker than leaving him to it, because he falls back to sleep immediately.

That said, he only takes it when he is tired or hungry. The rest of the time he has a fist in his mouth or he's talking and smiling. (Did I mention he is a really good baby?!)

And we decided to wait until Emma is over this ear infection to take hers away. No point in making a bad situation worse! I am however being more strict about when she can have it - which is bedtime. I have not even taken one out with me the past couple of days. She still falls asleep in the car at naptime, she just cries a bit!

Once the binky is gone, out comes the potty! Thank goodness we have wood floors!

Revelation - pt. II

For a while now I've been having a kind of crisis of self. You probably wouldn't know it to look at me, I do well at keeping things running in times of crisis! The house is neat, clothes are washed etc. However on the inside I've been in a weird fog.

I think the air is starting to clear now and I can see what I've been walking through.

After having Toby I have been struggling with self-esteem like most post-partum women. You suddenly have a bunch of excess weight, no energy and no clothes! It's tough to feel attractive or make an effort if you don't have a strong positive body image.

I still have about 15lbs to lose, but I'm close enough that I'm starting to feel like my body is my own. Still in transition, I'm trying to resist buying new clothes (which would help, like new a haircut etc) until I'm where I think I'll be for some time. That said, it's a good thing I love my jeans!!

You know it's bad when you come downstairs after a shower, wearing jeans and a nice t-shirt and your husband comments on you looking nice! It was a genuine compliment, but how bad do I normally look??? I have now vowed to make more effort at all times! (Just around the house do I slob it!! I try to make more effort in public!)

On the inside I think some of the same identity issues that I'd had after I left work to stay home with Emma resurfaced. The sheer amount of time being focused on the kids, Scott and then all the other stuff, it's easy to leave yourself til last - when there is no time/energy left. All to common on those makeover shows - a 50-something mom who didn't notice the 80's ended! I don't want that to be me - physically or emotionally.

To work or not to work is such an old question. Not working it is tough to separate who you are from the roles you play around the home. There is no separate life where you are not wife and mother to the people you spend the day with. That's not to say we all need two "lives"! We do need to know ourselves and our value aside from who we are to others.

That's where I see church is becoming increasingly crucial for me. Attending church is very important, but it's in serving that I am learning about how God has put gifts inside me and how he has a purpose for me in his kingdom.

For example, I am the team leader for Audio-Visual Support! I have no formal training, background or history in the area, but over the years I have acquired some basic skills, technically and relationally that enabled me to enter the role. The rest I'll learn as we go along.

Our church is entering to an exciting time with lots of new opportunities and just today I am really realizing that God wants to use me - ME!! All I have to do is make myself available, to Him. No, make that seek after Him and ask Him to show me where to go. So often I have held back, saving myself for "other things", but watching TV is really not a valid alternative!

The best part is that more often than not, God uses Scott and I as a team, so we can spend time together, serve together and be encouraged as individuals. It's not always easy to find activities you like to do together, but serving is often less about what you like to do and more what needs to be done.

Bye Bye Binky

The time has come to get rid of the pacifier. Not Emma's (yet) - I'm talking about Toby's! I decided that I am not getting stuck in the same pacifier dependency with him. He also prefers to chew on his fists apparently.

Yesterday I did really well without it, until Emma's nap time. She was sleeping with her door open, as her monitor is not working. I put Toby in his bed and all he did was talk and shriek. We've nicknamed him "the baby pterodactyl!"

Emma woke up once before I caved and gave him the binky to keep him quiet! After that though it went away again and to this point he has not had it back.

I warned Emma's nurse that she might hear more noise than normal while we did this - I had to warn her as I got woken up at 5am one morning because she thought his shrieking was crying!! She suggested it might be time to get rid of Emma's green monster - we know!

I plan to have Emma throw her binky in the trash on Friday. I will need Scott around so I don't cave in when she wants it! The nurses will have to deal with any difficulty at night. I can't say I'll miss having to go to her when it falls off the bed at naptime!

The downside: the pacifiers keep both kids quiet at crucial times, like in church or naptime. We'll have to think of something else.

Revelation

I'm going to share a few thoughts that have come to me today. I'm not sure how interesting or relevant they might be, so I'll leave it at your discretion to read them!!

One of my biggest spiritual struggles with God has been the issue of surrender. We are conditioned from an early age to see surrender as giving up or a sign of weakness. Waving the white flag to avoid getting completely destroyed! I do understand that when the Bible speaks of surrender it is NOT in this context!

Godly surrender is actually a sign of wisdom. It's effectively saying "I realize I'm going to lose the fight of controlling my life and even knowing what's best for myself." Why is that wise? If you don't already know, you can't control your life!! (Most of us have a tough time even controlling our own mouths! Yes, I mean me!) And you may want what is best for yourself but that is not the same as knowing what that is!

By making this surrender to God you further acknowledge that He is in control of all things (whether he chooses to exercise change or not) and that not only does he know what's best for my life, but that he wants me to have what is best for me.

That said, I know I have not surrendered all to God. How? Well, because I still struggle with the same issues time and time again. I'm not for sure what I still need to surrender - I feel like my time is his, I'm getting better at making my finances available to him, I give my family to him etc.

This evening as I read an article in the church magazine (The Pentecostal Envangel if you can get it) I realized there is a huge area I have not surrendered, and I'm not sure where to start. (I bet Judy could help me with this!) What is it? My dreams.

Deep down my dreams for my future really center around a calm, safe, predictable family environment! Healthy, functional children. A loving, hard-working husband (check!!). A clean, aesthetically-pleasing home. A well-balanced schedule of family time, church service, friends and personal pursuits. I won't bore you with any more detail - on paper it looks boring enough already!!

There's nothing "wrong" with that dream except that the key word - safe - prevents me from really seeking what is best for me. Safety is great, but if we are never challenged, stretched, pushed or failing, how can we really grow as individuals. And certainly, how would our faith grow.

I want to dream of really experiencing the potential God put inside me for his purpose. And that could involve a little more personal change and risk than I'm comfortable with - now!

I am not about to start thrill-seeking or living dangerously, per se. However I understand that if I want to fully experience the extent of what God can use me for, and what is best for me (painful though it may be) I have got to stop clinging to the safety of predictability. Using the camouflage of suburbia to avoid the dangers of truly living a Christ-centered life.

Phew! That's a biggie. I have no idea how to do that!!

Something else that came up in a different article pertained to Emma. The latest issue with her ear infections and the possible impact on her already delayed speech has been particularly tough for me. Communication is so crucial. She is limited in her non-verbal communication, so potential risks for her hearing and speech are alarming.

But to quote this article, "The Bible talks about the speech challenges of one of history's most successful leaders." Moses.

If you don't know you're Bible, especially the old testament, this may surprise you. A man who literally lead a nation of people, by foot, through the dry river bed of a huge river, from slavery to freedom. A man who saw a burning bush and talked directly with God, out loud. A man who argued with God, disagreed that it was best for him to be the leader God had ordained him to be.

Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." Exodus 4:10

But this excuse was pointless. You see God had a purpose for Moses, it was why he was spared when all the males of Israel were slaughtered. And he knew that Moses would have a speech impediment. (If anything that was a good reason why Moses would be humble before God!)

Moses so resisted God's command because of this that God allowed Moses to use his brother Aaron as a mouthpiece when he communicated god's will to Israel. That blows my mind - God accommodated Moses insecurity because it was Moses he wanted to use!

My point? God has a purpose for Emma (and each of us), and that is not affected by our disabilities or shortcomings. If anything, they may be an intrinsic part of our qualifications!!

If you still see your significance only in the roles you play for those around you (parent, sibling, child, coworker) you are missing out on your TRUE significance. God has a purpose for you that will have eternal impact in the lives of others far beyond your current sphere of influence. Ask him to show you what it is - and then pray for the courage to follow the call.

So yesterday was really tough for me. An ear infection or possibly even ear tubes might not seem like a big deal, especially given the things Emma has dealt with before.

The issue is though that my entire focus, all day every day is on the health and well-being of my children. And yes, I'm a perfectionist. So when we are faced with something new I feel responsible. Guilty.

At first I don't know how to handle it. I look inward for strength and answers, and when they aren't there I panic. That's when I feel hopeless.

I'm still learning that I need to keep my eyes on Jesus, for hope, strength and endurance. Answers are over-rated! I hope you realize by now that Jesus doesn't make life easy for you, Jesus simply makes a way for you to get through life.

Last night Emma fell asleep in my arms about 7pm. She'd skipped her nap and had been up early so the day took it's toll. I put her to bed in the t-shirt she'd had on all day - waking her to change clothes seemed cruel.

She slept pretty well, which was good as she had a new nurse, waking up around 7.30am because we had to get going. Scott and I had a big meeting at church and had no choice but to bring the kids. While Toby stayed with us (and was quite the cute distraction!) Emma hung out with the other kids, being watched by beloved Aunt Kimberly and friends!

Of course Emma had a great time and was ready for a nap when we got home around 3pm. Unfortunately she woke up crying a bit later, complaining of her head hurting and was pretty much a whiney mess until bed time.

Despite all that we did have some good moments today and yesterday, a few we caught on camera...

One step forward...

There are some things you don't exactly sign-up for in parenthood. They are the small print of the parenting agreement! Today was one of those days.

Emma had an appointment to get her ears rechecked after a 10 day course of antibiotics for an ear infection - the second in two months. Anticipating a clean bill of health I also planned for her to get a vaccination we'd put off.

We dropped Toby off at Christina's - the less to deal with the better! As we drove to the pediatricians I felt like a shepherd leading a lamb to the slaughter. If I could have I'd have offered Emma a "last meal" type deal!

We arrived early and after a short weight were shown in to a room. Emma's temp. was taken and we got her weight (24lbs 7oz). Then we settled into wait for the doctor. I keep a coloring book and crayons in my bag for times such as these!

I heard our doctor go into another room where the 11.30 appointment was waiting - they showed up at the same time as we did for our 12.30 appointment. Grrrr.

When she eventually came in it was after I had spent one of the easiest waits with Emma. She was happy, laying on the table coloring with me. She also likes to be held upside down or spun around. We had fun, albeit while I was buckling under a huge sense of guilt for what she was going to face!

The doctor checked Emma's ear and didn't say anything. She moved around to the other, non-infected ear and I could tell there was a problem. There was still fluid in the one ear and the other was infected also. She asked me what I wanted to do. I asked what the options are - how do I know? I don't have medical license!!

She prescribed stronger antibiotics and told me to take her to see the ENT's (Ear, Nose Throat doctors). Emma has not seen one since she was discharged from hospital as a baby.

Why the urgency? She was concerned that problems affecting Emma's hearing could prolong her speech delays. I'd never thought of that.

The bottom fell out of my day at that point. We have gradually seen a recession of medical intervention and my hopes were focused on continuing improvement. The possibility of a new problem facing Emma was never in my field of vision - shame on me!! I dropped the second half of my "hope for the best, expect the worst" philosophy.

After all that Emma did get two shots, H1N1 and Meningitis. The MMR was put off again, because it has a good chance of creating a fever and other issues I didn't want to face right now.

I told Emma that the nurse was going to give her some medicine in her leg, and it would hurt. She understood much better than I expected! I feel it was a good move as it was less of a shock and I told her up front it wasn't my fault!!

Taking a nap was out since she woke up as soon as I picked her up out the car and she was crying a lot. So, to the recliner with a blanket we went and now I get the repercussions - an afternoon of Ruby and Max! Emma gets a cookie with peanut butter/chocolate spread dip!!

As for Toby, somethings up with him, but I don't know what. He's been fussier with feeds, sleeping a lot and spitting up more than usual.

Emma and "Harley"

Toby

Scott put Emma in bed under the covers. When I came in this was where she was!!

New Years Day, eating a cookie was apparently exhausting!

Emma has been doing some drawing on her Magnadoodle. These were a little more interesting than the usual squiggles. Here's what they are, according to Emma...

Apples

A tree

This wooden box was made by my Dad in school! I've had it for many years and have now passed it to the kids to keep their crayons in. We did have to negotiate a bit to stop Emma banging the lid down over and over.

Hump Day

That is what they call Wednesday's here, the hump to get over in the middle of the week! This week Wednesday is a huge "hump"!!

It has been a while since Scott worked really late, mainly because I lose my mind between 6-7pm! On Tuesday and Thursday of this week though he has to go to school to get re-certified for working with scaffolding. It's an 8 hour course over two nights from 5pm! If he doesn't do it he would need to complete a 32 hour course to work in that area and that is where he would go if he loses his job again.

Despite getting out to run errands in the morning, while Ellen watched Emma, and having Melissa over for therapy in the afternoon I was done by 6pm! I took the kids upstairs with me as I attempted to take a shower.

In the end Emma got a bath and I got no shower!! She is a master at emotional manipulation. You tell her something she does not like and she responds with "okay" in the most emotionally distraught voice with tears clearly audible behind it! I recognize I am in no fit state to handle the tears of a little girl!

Last night after having been in to tell her to stop yelling "HEY!" and go to sleep, as I walked out the door she ever-so-sweetly said "Night Night!" Do you laugh or get mad!!

After sleeping for 11 hours straight on Saturday night, Toby has gone back to feeding at 10pm and again around 4am. You'd think I could sleep in after that, but oh no! Emma gets up at 7am and so will Toby!

Today though, we have no daytime plans and I will leave the kids in their PJs until after nap!! I will also get a shower - I'm determined!!

Some good news is that the threat of therapy seems to have scared Toby and he is now using his full range of motion!!

I have lots of pictures to post and will do that shortly!!

New start

Toby went for his 2 month well visit today (although he is 3 months old on Wednesday!). We were not able to get him in with the pediatrician for a long time, and in the end we decided to take him to our doctor instead. This just happens to be the doctor that Scott's sister works for!

Toby now weighs 14lbs 14oz and is 24.5". He looks great and is healthy. The only cause for mild concern is his preference for keeping his head turned to the right. It isn't that he doesn't turn left, but it is in frequent and he has less range of motion on that side. It could be torticolis, which we know is very common and I am hoping we can work on it ourselves and avoid therapy!

(We thought Emma had torticolis, but it's more likely one side of her neck is weaker, rather than one side being tighter as in torticolis.)

You might think all doctors are alike, but it's not the case. I really like this guy because he didn't rush us, asked me questions and gave guidance on sleeping habits and even printed out the growth chart. I don't think it's just because we're Julie's family, but I'm okay if it is!!

We also got two shots for Toby and will get the other two in a month. The doctor did not mind me spreading them out at all - also a rarity!

Emma had a great time as she spent most of the visit up front playing with Julie or looking 3 storeys down from the floor-length windows. It was great for me to be able to focus on Toby.

Kudos to the team - I know Julie passes along the blogs sometimes!!

This holiday week has been wonderful. Scott got out of work at 9am (!) on Christmas Eve and was off until the Monday after Christmas. He didn't do any overtime that week and was home by 2pm on New Years Eve and off until January 4, 2010.

What has been so great is the amount of time we have had together as a family, with no work pressure or rushing around. We have spent time with friends and family because we have been available. I am so thankful for this time and we hope to find a balance throughout the year so we can enjoy our family.

One hiccup has been nursing. Emma's Thursday-Saturday nurse has had to visit her sick mother for a few weeks on short notice. So short that the company has not been able to provide cover at all for this week.

That meant for some late nights and broken sleep for us both until Sunday. Then back to normal, and Toby obliged by not waking up until 6am on Monday morning!

Bring it on

Life continues through a series of endings and beginnings. We have new days, weekends and months. Then there are years. You'll notice that our years are grouped based on the life of Jesus. It's not by coincidence. I believe that God specifically gave us these cycles of time (including the lunar cycle) as milestones for us to evaluate passing time as we often do, and consider our way for the future.

New Year is a huge time for us to evaluate where we have been, and where we are going. This year the new decade also begs a look back over the previous ten years. As you might be, we've been quite retrospective this weekend.

Scott looks back at 1999 when he was in the grips of drug and alcohol addiction. He never dreamed that he would be married with two children in 10 years - he wasn't expecting to be alive. But God had a plan for him.

I was doing my thing, living, with no real purpose. I dreamed of one day being married with children. I'm pretty sure I was expecting that to be in the UK. God had other plans!

In a path of divine appointment, Scott and I found each other and the rest is history! (It's one of my favorite stories, for another post!)

And in the few years since then our lives have found purpose in serving God, each other and sharing the good news where we go. There have been great challenges, and far greater joy, often simultaneously. I never thought I'd really understand James 1:2 - Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, but I really do.

And we have no reason to expect anything less for the future.

We celebrated the New Year last night with a date! We went out for dinner just the two of us, which we have not done in a while. We talked about this new year, shared goals and dreams but we didn't make plans. It's tough for me not to plan, I'm very goal-oriented and that usually means plans. But increasingly I realize plans are subject to change - and I'm okay with that.

This year I dream of getting healthier and in shape (who doesn't!!). But more importantly I dream of blessings for my family and friends, solutions for challenges we face and a deeper relationship with Jesus.

We can't wait until we have enough money for this, for the kids to be older for that, or for better weather to do what's needed. While we are waiting for better circumstances we often miss the living that is happening around us.

¹³Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." ¹⁴Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."
James 4: 13-15

This year, this day, live with purpose. If you don't know what your purpose is, ask the one who created you.

Happy New Year!