Feeling happy

I had a monk on today.

If you are not a member of my family you might not know what that means.  It's how we describe someone who is being mopey, down in the sumps, grumpy.  (Probably because monks always look miserable in pictures!)

I can't tell you why.  Probably an emotional hangover from yesterday.  It was clear from my total lack of patience with the kids and Scott, immediate frustration over the smallest thing and the refusal to join in the excitement as Scott hung obnoxious blue led lights like icicles from our gutters!

I searched my soul throughout the day, for the source of my lingering sadness, but came up empty handed.  

I was totally gutted when Emma asked me why I was "being so mean"!  In my defence, neither Emma or Toby was listening or following instructions!!

I wasn't feeling particularly spiritual as we headed to church for prayer night, more like a reluctant child going to see a parent they know won't like their attitude!  

But rather than let that stop me from going, I did what I know God wants us to do when we feel alone and confused and far from him - run to him as fast as we can!

Scott opened the service with a word for the people in attendance.  I listened, but honestly I could not get past my own pity party!  Then we all took time to pray by ourselves.

I was hoping for a strong feeling of God's love and support.  I wanted to feel His embrace and assurances that I was doing okay.  Most of all, I wanted to know what was causing my feelings.

However, that is not what happened.  I know God heard my questions and cries, but his response was that of a WISE, loving parent.  

The issue is not what caused my stress last week or yesterday.  The past is past, and hopefully this week will be different.  However, I need to choose to make it different.

I can't change the past.  But I can choose the future.  Our emotions are subject to our will - we can choose to be happy, by not dwelling on circumstances, or in my case the feelings that circumstances had produced!  (How much time have I wasted in life being sad about being sad?)  (That was rhetorical!)

Sounds so simple, but for me, to understand this is so freeing.  I can change my mood, I don't have to wait for the memories of a tough week to fade!

And I did just that.  Be happy today.