Last night I would normally have been going to my women's bible study, but I have been increasingly coming down with a virus attacking my throat and ears. With talking and swallowing being very uncomfortable I decided to find someone else to lead this week. So I was home to put Emma to bed and I'm very glad I was.
99% of the time, after the kids get dressed for bed and have brushed their teeth, Scott and I will each go and lay with one of the kids to settle them down for sleep. That consists of praying with them and singing a song to/with them (currently "I have a maker"), but maybe includes a book or chat depending on the time. More often than not, Scott will go with Toby and I Emma, and usually swap as they milk more one on one time before sleep. If one of us is out the parent will do that with both kids in turn!
Last night I sought to have Emma determine our prayer focus and asked if there was anything she wanted to thank God for today. She said "not missing school!" which shows her love of school. Then I asked if there is anything she wanted his help with, or that made her sad today.
She told me that in library, her "best friend" (let's call her "D") told her she hates her. I gently questioned as to the scenario and context. She said D was sitting next to another girl when she had leaned over while Emma was reading and whispered "I hate you" to her. Emma claims she had not said anything before that and Emma ignored her after because she forgot what I told her to say in response to such comments (which was "I'm sad you feel that way. I don't hate you"). She wiped away a few tears and I could tell this was a deep wound. She is such a friendly girl and rarely displays a cruel side (away from Toby!), so to hear that would be crushing.
This was not a total shock as Emma told me a couple weeks ago that D told her she didn't like her, or she wasn't her best friend or something. Emma was really sad because she considered D to be her best friend at school. They did ballet in the same class for two years before starting kindergarten, but didn't really connect because her mom and I didn't connect until I realized they were in kindergarten class together.
Anyway, I had contacted her mom to see if "D had said anything about them not being friends" and she said she asked and D said nothing was wrong. So they came over for a playdate this past Friday and the girls were great.
I have tried really hard to help Emma connect with kids whose parents I trust and seem to hold the same values, but there is never a guarantee on what will happen between the girls!
I have told Emma that not everyone will like you and that's ok, but it's not ok for them to say mean things, and that she should tell her teacher if anything like this happens again. I emailed the teacher last night, but since school is closed again today I won't hear back from her. I don't think I'm going to say anything to the mom, and Emma is going to stay away from D, which should not be too hard as they are at different tables and the time is very structured for the 2 1/2 hrs they are at school.
Emma did go on to ask "what if someone in first grade says it to me." And this morning "what if someone else says it today?" I do not want her to feel the kind of fear that comes with this. The idea if one person doesn't like me I must not be good enough.
I struggled my entire school career with "friends" that beat me down emotionally, to where I felt worthless and no one else would want to be my friend. Sure enough as a teenager it seemed easier to build relationships with boys, they are a lot less catty, but of course they have a different agenda, and soon I figured that they would only stick around if I was passive and let them treat me like an after thought.
I'm thankful I didn't go as far down that rabbit hole as many a woman has, and when I met Jesus he showed me that God loves me just as I am, just as he made me, he has no agenda other than to see me reach the potential he put inside me. And to do that, I have to focus on his opinion of me, his sacrificial love for me, even when I showed him no love.
I still struggle deeply with feelings of unworthiness and rejection, but they are fleeting; when I take my eyes of God, and the incredible family he has blessed me with, and look around at all the demands others would place on me to fit their agenda for my life.
It might seem quite a leap to go from one "I hate you" to a life lived in shame, but it only takes one step at a time to head down the wrong path. We still may fail to guide Emma to a place of freedom and self-worth, but it will not be through the lack of trying, or praying! I assured her last night that if someone is mean to you, it shows that they have a bit of "ugly" in their heart. It does not mean that you are any less than we have lead you to believe you are, which is awesome, loved, beautiful, smart and kind.
I am thankful for all the people that have built me up to where I can hold my head up and feel like my life has purpose. I am thankful that I know they will do the same for Emma and Toby.
99% of the time, after the kids get dressed for bed and have brushed their teeth, Scott and I will each go and lay with one of the kids to settle them down for sleep. That consists of praying with them and singing a song to/with them (currently "I have a maker"), but maybe includes a book or chat depending on the time. More often than not, Scott will go with Toby and I Emma, and usually swap as they milk more one on one time before sleep. If one of us is out the parent will do that with both kids in turn!
Last night I sought to have Emma determine our prayer focus and asked if there was anything she wanted to thank God for today. She said "not missing school!" which shows her love of school. Then I asked if there is anything she wanted his help with, or that made her sad today.
She told me that in library, her "best friend" (let's call her "D") told her she hates her. I gently questioned as to the scenario and context. She said D was sitting next to another girl when she had leaned over while Emma was reading and whispered "I hate you" to her. Emma claims she had not said anything before that and Emma ignored her after because she forgot what I told her to say in response to such comments (which was "I'm sad you feel that way. I don't hate you"). She wiped away a few tears and I could tell this was a deep wound. She is such a friendly girl and rarely displays a cruel side (away from Toby!), so to hear that would be crushing.
This was not a total shock as Emma told me a couple weeks ago that D told her she didn't like her, or she wasn't her best friend or something. Emma was really sad because she considered D to be her best friend at school. They did ballet in the same class for two years before starting kindergarten, but didn't really connect because her mom and I didn't connect until I realized they were in kindergarten class together.
Anyway, I had contacted her mom to see if "D had said anything about them not being friends" and she said she asked and D said nothing was wrong. So they came over for a playdate this past Friday and the girls were great.
I have tried really hard to help Emma connect with kids whose parents I trust and seem to hold the same values, but there is never a guarantee on what will happen between the girls!
I have told Emma that not everyone will like you and that's ok, but it's not ok for them to say mean things, and that she should tell her teacher if anything like this happens again. I emailed the teacher last night, but since school is closed again today I won't hear back from her. I don't think I'm going to say anything to the mom, and Emma is going to stay away from D, which should not be too hard as they are at different tables and the time is very structured for the 2 1/2 hrs they are at school.
Emma did go on to ask "what if someone in first grade says it to me." And this morning "what if someone else says it today?" I do not want her to feel the kind of fear that comes with this. The idea if one person doesn't like me I must not be good enough.
I struggled my entire school career with "friends" that beat me down emotionally, to where I felt worthless and no one else would want to be my friend. Sure enough as a teenager it seemed easier to build relationships with boys, they are a lot less catty, but of course they have a different agenda, and soon I figured that they would only stick around if I was passive and let them treat me like an after thought.
I'm thankful I didn't go as far down that rabbit hole as many a woman has, and when I met Jesus he showed me that God loves me just as I am, just as he made me, he has no agenda other than to see me reach the potential he put inside me. And to do that, I have to focus on his opinion of me, his sacrificial love for me, even when I showed him no love.
I still struggle deeply with feelings of unworthiness and rejection, but they are fleeting; when I take my eyes of God, and the incredible family he has blessed me with, and look around at all the demands others would place on me to fit their agenda for my life.
It might seem quite a leap to go from one "I hate you" to a life lived in shame, but it only takes one step at a time to head down the wrong path. We still may fail to guide Emma to a place of freedom and self-worth, but it will not be through the lack of trying, or praying! I assured her last night that if someone is mean to you, it shows that they have a bit of "ugly" in their heart. It does not mean that you are any less than we have lead you to believe you are, which is awesome, loved, beautiful, smart and kind.
I am thankful for all the people that have built me up to where I can hold my head up and feel like my life has purpose. I am thankful that I know they will do the same for Emma and Toby.
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