A few weeks ago Emma lost her jacket at school. When she told me I lost it. Whether it is reasonable to expect a 7 year old to be mindful of their stuff all the time, or not, or if I was tired etc, it was not a good reaction. The words we say, and how we say them can never be taken back, and can wound the heart deeply.
So I was not surprised when she came out today and burst into a flood of tears as she told me she lost if again.
My heart broke for two reasons: firstly because I hate to see my baby girl so upset, but secondly because it was my fault. I was the one who set the expectation in her mind that this was a huge offence.
It took her a couple of minutes of my softest, mommiest voice to tell her it was okay and to look at me to see I was not mad. And once she did the sobs slowed down and finally stopped.
I made sure I apologised again for my response last time, and asked her to forgive me. I need her to know that it's not okay for her to be yelled at and its not because she's not good, but because I lack patience and perspective.
I can't say I don't yell anymore, I still do, but since reading Lets Do Family Together by Gary Smalley with our church group I realize how much my tone and attitude can hurt my kids, even when my words are PG.
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