Yesterday morning Toby got himself grounded! It was a long time coming - many days of dragging his feet on doing as he was told, or flat out ignoring it.
The kids have a printed checklist with pictures of the things they have to do before we leave in the morning (basic stuff like eat, dress, brush teeth!). Toby is the king of not getting up when he needs to and dilly-dallying around until I yell at him to move it! As much as I am willing to yell, I hate doing it, especially in the little time I have with them before leaving for the day.
Anyway, I warned him on Wednesday a few times, that if he didn't pick up the pace he'd be grounded. He got a break until Thursday morning, when I drew the line in the sand.
Being "grounded" is subjective in our house. Neither kid gets an allowance, so it means withdrawal of a leisure activity. For Emma, it would be taking her iPad or the TV. For Toby it was keeping him inside the house (it is sunny in the 80s most days and he lives outside!), and not being allowed to play with his buddy from across the street.
Thursday afternoon Dillon came over to see if Toby could play. Toby went to the door before I could and calmly told Dillon he was not allowed to play. When asked why, he explained. Then he picked up his Kindle and cuddled up on the couch with me!
Victory! He understood his mistake, and he accepted the consequence. And he was not holding a grudge against me. He still had his Kindle, or the TV, in fact any inside activity! I was not trying to strip him of all his fun, just a simple consequence.
So today it was a clean slate, and after Emma brought him breakfast in bed (say what?!!) he got up and did fairly well to get out the door. After school he had a playdate and all was well.
Until about 6:45pm. We were all outside (Emma likes to sit on the bench swing when she can!), and all of a sudden I noticed Toby across the street, presumably looking for Dillon. I asked Scott if he'd been asked for permission and he hadn't. When Toby came back over we questioned him and he actually said "I didn't know who to ask!" Um, you have two parents, both right here!!
Since he knows that he is not allowed to cross our street without letting us know first (it can be a busy street, but he is very good at crossing it, and we always have to know when he goes across), he was sent inside for the rest of the evening. Well! Full-on tantrum ensued. I could here the screaming etc in the front yard. Whenever I am tempted to feel guilty at these moments I remind myself that enduring this now might save him from an arrest warrant later!
He was fine by the time we all came in and the rest of the night went as usual.
When I snuggled up with him at bedtime he said "there's something I wanted to tell you yesterday and forgot." Oh boy, my mind started to race, after all the drama! Then he hit me with it, "your the best mommy."
Boom! He doesn't usually say stuff like that, and I was not expecting it tonight. But it was all I needed to hear to know that I'm doing ok!!
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