Rude Awakening

Today turned out to be much harder than I expected! What is it the Bible says – “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8) Well today he seized his opportunity!

With Scott out of town at a conference I came home to an empty house and the enemy prowled around stirring up fear in me.

The appointment today was routine, Emma was moving around, actually making it difficult for my nurse to watch her lungs! She also showed us that she has a head of hair, so I look forward to seeing that. She moved plenty on the monitor and everything looks fine.

There is no sign of labor so far, so clearly she is content in there, which allows her to gain some more weight.

So what was I anxious about? Something Sue the nurse said in passing about the increased risk of babies with Gastroschisis being stillborn. Now let me clarify this – I have read that on every web page I found, yet somehow over the past weeks I have overlooked it.

I’m not sure if the risk is increased by 5% or 5% of babies like Emma are stillborn, but either way, I felt like I took a body blow.

I am now 35 weeks, and we expect her in 2-3 weeks. To think, even just allow the thought to surface, that she might not make it has been something I have not allowed myself to think for some time. Why? Because I have a very real hope that she will come out and we will [only] have to deal with the gastroschisis.

Anyway, I have been asking God to strengthen my hope and diminish the noise the devil is making, trying to rob me of my joy and anticipation. I’m thankful that I know where the fear is coming from and I know who can help me through it – He’s done it through the whole pregnancy!

We are not out of the woods yet, but I can see a clearing through the trees! Thanks God.