Seeing red

Today Emma had the Upper GI study. Barium was put into her feeding tube and followed by x-ray to see where it may get stopped. The results suggest everything looks normal for a gastroschisis child, though the feeds do move slow after the stomach. It also confirmed the reflux. We should speak with a nurse practitioner on Saturday for more details.

Today I faced a personal emotional challenge of another kind.

When I arrived at the hospital this morning there was a volunteer sitting holding Emma by the bedside. The only people I had seen hold her (other than for medical procedures) is Scott and the nurses. That may surprise you, so let me explain why!

When I found out Emma would be taken from me at birth I (perhaps unnecessarily!) became scared that when I did see her she would not know I was her mother. Since I've only been able to spend a few hours a day with her I was worried she would not bond as strongly with me. Then Scott and I agreed that we would be the only ones to hold her for a while so we were different in her eyes.

As you can imagine, seeing the stranger holding Emma did not sit well with me! Yes, I know they are loving people who only want the children to feel loved. However, I am only human and am not always reasonable! Of course I did not let the volunteer know I was unhappy and she handed Emma over right away!

The other thing is that the rest of our family have not yet held Emma, so I felt bad. We hold her for many hours a day, maybe more than necessary (!), so it's no wonder she doesn't want to be put down!

I wasn't sure about putting this story on the blog, but I want to be honest about the low points too. I still struggle when I think of Emma getting attached to other people, because I still have some fear she spends too much time away from me to really know me.

I was thankful for the nurses who assured me that not only do all babies recognize their mother from birth (after 9 months inside us) by our voice, smell and I would assume other cues that God designed for that purpose. They were also reassuring that Emma definitely knows me from how she responds.

I mean babies aren't like goslings, who think the first thing they see is their mother, right??!!

Over Christmas Emma will not only meet her English grandparents for the first time (so excited!!) but will also be held by all grandparents and her American Aunts and Uncle. She has to wait until we get to England to meet her cousin, Aunt and Uncle and great grandparents (she has 4!). It will be a long process as we can't pass her round as we all sit together like others do. They will have to go in one at a time and sit still with her for a half hour!

Expect to see pictures!!

One last thought, for those of you with new babies this year, or even older kids, please savour every feeding, smile, chatter and run around! These simple things are precious, even if they may be annoying at times. We are praying hard Emma will get to do them ALL!