I was able to take a good nap yesterday afternoon, while Scott watched Emma. It turned out to be a very good thing because I was up every hour or two through the night! Emma was particularly drooly and she kept waking crying. I suctioned her each time, but there wasn't much else I could do. I'm really hoping she's not sick or this will continue for long as she doesn't get any decent sleep.

We fear she may be constipated as we haven't seen any movements since Saturday! (plenty of gas though!!) Couple that with 3 vomits yesterday (one in service!!) there seems to be something still going on in there.

We missed part of the sermon yesterday due to taking her out for suctioning, but caught the last part and I'm glad I did. I've been feeling very discouraged lately, almost hopeless. It's just been overwhelming trying to be a good mum, wife and feel good about myself, all while getting insufficient sleep. I want to go and see friends, or take walks, but it's easier not to have to deal with all the stuff that we have to take.

I also feel very isolated in my experience as a mum. When people ask how Emma is doing I usually just answer that she's doing good. Of course, on the whole she is doing much better than 8 months ago!! However saying that she's throwing up doesn't seem like a big deal to most people. For us, it's a chance for her to choke and or aspirate. That makes driving with her by myself somewhat scary.

So, as I was saying the sermon yesterday was perfect. I realised that I can't do it all by myself, in my own strength. It is only when I put my hope in Jesus and lean on him that I can keep going.

That may sound too "spritiual" but really it's very simple. I'm tired and I get despondent about Emma's future, maybe place too much importance on cleaning house etc. When I focus on Jesus, that there is a purpose for my life, for Emma's and it doesn't require me to be perfect (yes, impossible anyway!) I have greater joy in these things. When I'm physically exhausted I need to ask God for strength to go on - just like he gave me when Emma was in hospital etc. The promise is there...

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

(That's what I'm doing here - pointing out tha I am indeed very weak, and it's all God that gets me through.)

So I will keep my eyes on Jesus and realize that no-one else needs to understand what we are going through. I will keep writing about it though, it helps me to vent, and no-one actually has to listen!!

Anyway, here are some pictures/videos for your pleasure!!

Emma, showing her clapping and waving prowess!

Sleeping comfortably?

Saturday's picnic...

Emma's own pool chair!