Today was supposed to be a good day. Scott was staying home to spend the day with me, and Emma and we didn't really have much to do, so the world was our oyster. Maybe I got out of the wrong side of bed, or didn't go to bed early enough in the first place - I don't know!
The first thing that got me wound up (aside from always having to get up at 6am! Who doesn't that bother?!) was that after breakfast Emma kept gagging. No matter how much I vented her I couldn't get the air out. She was really fussy and whiny too! After struggling to keep my cool I woke Scott up and told him I was taking a shower.
After that and therapy I relaxed a little (not a lot!) and we went about our day.
Before lunch though, during a conversation about a construction project I got really frustrated and upset. Scott wasn't happy thinking it was directed at him (it wasn't, he was just the shoulder I wanted to cry on) so we got a bit heated. Of course, I cried! Thankfully we know to keep talking through it until it's resolved, or I tend to build resentment, so we cleared the air pretty quick. (I love that Scott doesn't yell or curse! If he did I'm sure I'd only have to top it.)
Emma was in bed for 4 hours after lunch, which allowed me to chill out and Scott voluntarily pursued the jobs left on the honey-do list! Things were looking up.
Later on we left Emma (shirtless, as is her new favorite state!) with Grandma and Aunt Kimberly to join some work going on at church. Unfortunately I hadn't really shaken my mood and just felt like nothing I could do or say was right. You might know what I mean, maybe not, but I have those kind of days every so often.
I'd love to claim an hormonal imbalance was to blame, but really I just find it hard to shake those negative thoughts that sometimes hit first thing in the morning. I've definitely gotten better over the years, and now bad days usually center around a bad body image.
Very occasionally though there might be just cause to feel hurt by someone or something. However the only way to avoid the pity-party from forming is a quick and conditionless forgiveness - not my strong suit!
Forgiveness is quite an untangible topic and I have only recently 'got it'. Forgiveness really is best explained using the biblical premise. For example, we have all sinned against God (i.e. disobeyed His perfect law) and face his wrath eventually. Then Jesus stepped in and absorbed the wrath/punishment for yours and my sin. However, the benefit only comes when we accept Jesus' actions and confess our regret of this sin and seek a new way to live, for him.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
Once we do that, and we stand before God, with Jesus as our advocate, God will forgive our sin - which is to say that he no longer will pour out that wrath on you. You are "saved" by Jesus's act of love.
In our relationships with one another forgiveness looks much the same. When someone wrongs you, without them doing anything to repair the damage, we choose not to hold our anger against them. When thoughts of anger or hurt come into mind, as they will, chosoing not to dwell on them or allow them to incite more pain is the act of forgiveness. This should impact our actions to.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37
So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." Luke 17:3-4
Forgiving is not forgetting though. As God remembers our sins in order to teach us to learn from mistakes (I believe), so we may need to learn to trust those who have hurt us before, and forgetting can take some time if it happens at all!
I tell you these things so that you would not have a bad day because you are holding onto hurt from the past or even because you will not forgive yourself. Many of us go through life clinging to pain from our pasts (long ago or 5 minutes!) and the person it hurts most is ourselves.
If nothing else, knowing that God is no longer holding my sin against me and I have a future in heaven is enough to lift the gray clouds!
The first thing that got me wound up (aside from always having to get up at 6am! Who doesn't that bother?!) was that after breakfast Emma kept gagging. No matter how much I vented her I couldn't get the air out. She was really fussy and whiny too! After struggling to keep my cool I woke Scott up and told him I was taking a shower.
After that and therapy I relaxed a little (not a lot!) and we went about our day.
Before lunch though, during a conversation about a construction project I got really frustrated and upset. Scott wasn't happy thinking it was directed at him (it wasn't, he was just the shoulder I wanted to cry on) so we got a bit heated. Of course, I cried! Thankfully we know to keep talking through it until it's resolved, or I tend to build resentment, so we cleared the air pretty quick. (I love that Scott doesn't yell or curse! If he did I'm sure I'd only have to top it.)
Emma was in bed for 4 hours after lunch, which allowed me to chill out and Scott voluntarily pursued the jobs left on the honey-do list! Things were looking up.
Later on we left Emma (shirtless, as is her new favorite state!) with Grandma and Aunt Kimberly to join some work going on at church. Unfortunately I hadn't really shaken my mood and just felt like nothing I could do or say was right. You might know what I mean, maybe not, but I have those kind of days every so often.
I'd love to claim an hormonal imbalance was to blame, but really I just find it hard to shake those negative thoughts that sometimes hit first thing in the morning. I've definitely gotten better over the years, and now bad days usually center around a bad body image.
Very occasionally though there might be just cause to feel hurt by someone or something. However the only way to avoid the pity-party from forming is a quick and conditionless forgiveness - not my strong suit!
Forgiveness is quite an untangible topic and I have only recently 'got it'. Forgiveness really is best explained using the biblical premise. For example, we have all sinned against God (i.e. disobeyed His perfect law) and face his wrath eventually. Then Jesus stepped in and absorbed the wrath/punishment for yours and my sin. However, the benefit only comes when we accept Jesus' actions and confess our regret of this sin and seek a new way to live, for him.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
Once we do that, and we stand before God, with Jesus as our advocate, God will forgive our sin - which is to say that he no longer will pour out that wrath on you. You are "saved" by Jesus's act of love.
In our relationships with one another forgiveness looks much the same. When someone wrongs you, without them doing anything to repair the damage, we choose not to hold our anger against them. When thoughts of anger or hurt come into mind, as they will, chosoing not to dwell on them or allow them to incite more pain is the act of forgiveness. This should impact our actions to.
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37
So watch yourselves. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him." Luke 17:3-4
Forgiving is not forgetting though. As God remembers our sins in order to teach us to learn from mistakes (I believe), so we may need to learn to trust those who have hurt us before, and forgetting can take some time if it happens at all!
I tell you these things so that you would not have a bad day because you are holding onto hurt from the past or even because you will not forgive yourself. Many of us go through life clinging to pain from our pasts (long ago or 5 minutes!) and the person it hurts most is ourselves.
If nothing else, knowing that God is no longer holding my sin against me and I have a future in heaven is enough to lift the gray clouds!
1 comment:
I'm so proud of you!
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