This morning Emma wanted to wear a dress. It was 70f at 6am, so I had no reason not to agree to the coolest of clothing options. When she walked into Christina's house Christina said "You look beautiful Em." Emma replied with "I'm wearing a dress!"
Whenever she asks us "How do I look?" we mostly respond with "beautiful." We are not exaggerating or flattering. It's the absolute truth, because "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." No matter how Emma looks or behaves, she is beautiful, and I will do my level best to make sure that she grows up knowing that she is. (Toby too, but I have to find a more boy-appropriate word! Handsome doesn't cut it!)
In turn, that is how Emma sees the world, with awe and extravagant praise. Dandelions are on a par with roses, any dress or jewelery is princess-worthy! If Emma likes the way something looks she'll often call it beautiful. "Beautiful" is a word Emma uses a lot, because she hears it a lot.
I was thinking about that on my drive to work this morning. (That's the great thing about commuting - yes, there are bonuses, like thought time!)
When was the last time someone told you you looked beautiful, or better yet "you are beautiful"? How did that make you feel? How would it make you feel if someone said that to you?
When was the last time you declared something or someone "beautiful"? I'm not talking about "pretty", "cute", "attractive" or any other physical description. "Beautiful" speaks to the soul, the core of a person, longing for affirmation. It's more than looks, it's saying "you're special."
We are very tight-fisted with the distinction of beauty, reserving it only for the most extreme case of "beauty" that we see, perceived perfection. It's so often only applied to the physical, outward appearance of things and people. In fact, it's almost like true beauty is unattainable. Like when you have to score something out of 10, you only ever put a 9 because 10 is perfection and nothing is perfect!
I'm starting to realize though that seeing beauty is a choice. Not only attainable, but readily available. Instead of allowing our culture, media or prejudices decide what is or isn't beautiful, it is our personal choice to decide. It may be a view that no one else shares, but beauty has as much to do with what is going on inside us as the things we find beautiful. If "beauty comes from within", and "is in the eye of the beholder" maybe it's as much about what's within the beholder as much as the beholden!
If you don't feel beautiful inside (and by beautiful I mean loved, special, secure, valued, worthy) it's hard to appreciate the beauty in something else. We are so quick to be critical when we feel criticized, and the cycle goes on!
When you confirm beauty in someone else it is a gift. We cling to the negative things we hear constantly, but "you are beautiful" can cut through it like a knife, allowing us to believe, for however long we choose, that we are beautiful.
Take some time today, tomorrow, whenever, to look for beauty in someone else. Maybe let them know. Chances are they'll respond to you in a better way too.
I don't know, this might all just be froo-froo nonsense - musings of a mad woman!!! Can't hurt though, right?
Whenever she asks us "How do I look?" we mostly respond with "beautiful." We are not exaggerating or flattering. It's the absolute truth, because "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." No matter how Emma looks or behaves, she is beautiful, and I will do my level best to make sure that she grows up knowing that she is. (Toby too, but I have to find a more boy-appropriate word! Handsome doesn't cut it!)
In turn, that is how Emma sees the world, with awe and extravagant praise. Dandelions are on a par with roses, any dress or jewelery is princess-worthy! If Emma likes the way something looks she'll often call it beautiful. "Beautiful" is a word Emma uses a lot, because she hears it a lot.
I was thinking about that on my drive to work this morning. (That's the great thing about commuting - yes, there are bonuses, like thought time!)
When was the last time someone told you you looked beautiful, or better yet "you are beautiful"? How did that make you feel? How would it make you feel if someone said that to you?
When was the last time you declared something or someone "beautiful"? I'm not talking about "pretty", "cute", "attractive" or any other physical description. "Beautiful" speaks to the soul, the core of a person, longing for affirmation. It's more than looks, it's saying "you're special."
We are very tight-fisted with the distinction of beauty, reserving it only for the most extreme case of "beauty" that we see, perceived perfection. It's so often only applied to the physical, outward appearance of things and people. In fact, it's almost like true beauty is unattainable. Like when you have to score something out of 10, you only ever put a 9 because 10 is perfection and nothing is perfect!
I'm starting to realize though that seeing beauty is a choice. Not only attainable, but readily available. Instead of allowing our culture, media or prejudices decide what is or isn't beautiful, it is our personal choice to decide. It may be a view that no one else shares, but beauty has as much to do with what is going on inside us as the things we find beautiful. If "beauty comes from within", and "is in the eye of the beholder" maybe it's as much about what's within the beholder as much as the beholden!
If you don't feel beautiful inside (and by beautiful I mean loved, special, secure, valued, worthy) it's hard to appreciate the beauty in something else. We are so quick to be critical when we feel criticized, and the cycle goes on!
When you confirm beauty in someone else it is a gift. We cling to the negative things we hear constantly, but "you are beautiful" can cut through it like a knife, allowing us to believe, for however long we choose, that we are beautiful.
Take some time today, tomorrow, whenever, to look for beauty in someone else. Maybe let them know. Chances are they'll respond to you in a better way too.
I don't know, this might all just be froo-froo nonsense - musings of a mad woman!!! Can't hurt though, right?
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