Father's Day

Father's Day is approaching, and it got me thinking.

We tend to view God through a filter of the significant relationships in our life, especially our parents or spouses.  We project their intentions and personalities on to Him.  But while parents especially, should be a pointer to the Father we have in Heaven, we always fall short.  We have our own sin and brokenness!  In light of this consistent imperfection, we must apply scriptural truth on who God is.

For anyone who's dad was absent, angry, apathetic, abusive, addicted, narcissistic, or any other thing that leaves you questioning the purpose or significance of a father, the truth is that you have a heavenly father, that is none of these things.

God, the father, is always present, always watching, always supporting and encouraging. He loves, disciplines, encourages, and guides his children. He listens attentively, rejoices enthusiastically, empathizes greatly.  When we grieve, he mourns with us. When we hide from him, he pursues us. When we reject him, he embraces us.

His love is not conditional, based on our performance, or even our love!  He loves us completely because He IS love!

He has no need of us, yet he adopts all who call on his name, into his family with complete celebration and participation in his riches.

His love is so good and pure, that his Son willingly sacrificed his life, so that we could also know and experience that love and relationship with the Father.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:11

This Father's Day, don't forget to connect with your Father in Heaven!

Picture Day

These two are growing up way to fast!! 

The baptism

There were 7 kids baptized in the service on Sunday.  All of them took classes to make sure that they truly understood what baptism is and why they would do it.

Baptism and ballet

A special, busy day!!

First Toby declared his faith and walk with Jesus in immersion baptism.

 

Followed by a lunch with our friends!

 

 

Then Emma had to put on her full costume for pre-recital photos.  How quickly it feels like she has gone from pretending to be a ballerina to a young lady!!

 

We topped it off by escaping to the movies with our friends for the third Avengers movie, our annual double date!!
 

I need a weekend now!

Precious One!

This is one of my wallpaper pictures at work, and every time it comes on my heart melts!  That tiny little face, the full head of hair and the total eye contact.  It is a great reminder to me that though my babies are now over 4ft tall, and run circles around me, they are still looking at me with the hope and unconditional love that Emma did then.

When I told her this morning that she is my favorite girl in the whole world, she said "I am? I didn't know that!" with apparent sincerity.  Even though I have told her that many times, in many ways!!

Our children's hearts are fragile, and as adults, we too can need constant reassurance that we are loved, we are preferred, we are valued.  But in our world, we often only listen to the negative, the past wounds, or the deafening silence of those we crave approval from. 

That's why we are called to return to the scriptures daily.  To spend time in our Father's presence.  To listen to the sweet whisper of the Holy Spirit to our heart.

Psalm 139:13-16 ESV

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

 

Romans 5:8 ESV

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

 

You, and I, were deliberately created.  Designed, in love, for great things.  God, who knows all things and is not bound by time, gave life to you.  He did not change his mind when he knew you would reject him and live for yourself - rather he sent his Son to atone for your choices, in provision and hope that you would some day turn and acknowledge him.

He longs for us to turn our face toward him, with wide eyes and ask him who he says we are!  To allow our true purpose, and true value to come from him, not the self-willed vision we have of ourselves.

His love is unending, unfailing and inescapable.  He pursues us all, through our fears, rebellion, and sin.  To one end - reconciliation. 

Birthday Musings

365 days until my 40th birthday.  Hardly seems possible!  I have never lost the feeling that I am a teenager pretending to be an adult, and will one day be exposed as a fraud!!  But I guess at this point I'm an adult be default.  It's been quite an exciting journey, and there has been a rollercoaster of highs and lows.

Birthdays are a great time to pause and reflect.  And when I do that, it fills my heart to see God's providence and sovereignty over my life.  How did I end up in Philadelphia?!  How did I meet and attract such an amazing man to share my life?  How could I have such wonderful children who have blessed me so much?

People often answer these questions with things like "you're a good person" or "you're so lucky", but should that happen I would have to counter that the only act of my part in this was obedience and surrender!!  Even before I had a personal relationship with God, I can now see he was orchestrating my path.  And when I did enter into that faith relationship, acknowledging my complete failure to measure up to any of God's standards, I did so with a heart of surrender.

I gave up pursuing the things that we all anticipate we should have - the well-paid career, a significant other, hedonistic fun at every turn.  I was lost, and all my efforts to those ends had really left me feeling inadequate and powerless.  So I turned my life towards God, and pursued Him!  

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Matthew 6:33

That is obedience.  To seek God, and let go of what you think you need or deserve.  There is such rest in that, because God is able to be found!

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:13

And only after I made that change in my direction did I find the purpose, peace, and pathway that I live in now.  

So, as I look ahead, I know only one thing, and that is I must continue to pursue my closeness with God, and his reign over my life.  And no matter what circumstances prevail, or how short the future is, when I am pursuing God, I have refuge in the shadow of his wings.

Be gracious to me, O God, be gracious to me, For my soul takes refuge in You; And in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge Until destruction passes by.

Psalm 57:1

And into eternity we enter, rewarded with a place in the Kingdom of Heaven forever.  That is the hope to which we are called.

Baptism Sunday

As Toby get's ready to take the plunge next weekend, I thought it would be fun to revisit Emma's special day!

Catch up

Yet another season has flown by, and it's finally Spring - although you would not believe it to look outside.  It's still thoroughly chilly, and even had a sprinkle of snowflakes a few days ago.  And yet we live in hope, of the promise that it will warm up soon.

The winter here was brutal.  More snow than in recent memory, causing days off school and trees falling (mercifully none of ours).  So, even more than usual we beckon the summer to arrive, when it will be "too hot" and the cycle continues!

We celebrated Easter this year with a visit to the UK.  The kids got their first taste of a British Easter, literally, with a dozen giant chocolate eggs, and accompanying chocolate bars, which I am slowly portioning out!  (I usually throw out much of the holiday candy they get, but this is English chocolate, and that would hurt me even more than having to resist eating it!)

It is always bittersweet to visit our other family, in the UK.  We quickly assimilate and adjust to the people and pace of life.  Only to leave again.  It is quite head spinning.  As the kids get older, and "family" becomes more precious, these visits are increasingly a priority.

It has been such a blessing for the kids to get to know two of their great grandparents.  To see your children as excited and running in to their arms as you once did is a priceless experience.

And as quick as we arrived, we were home again, and looking ahead.

Baseball season has started, and Scott is coaching one of Toby's two teams!!

(This was Saturday when it was 80f.  The next day dropped back to 40f!!)

The kids have two months of school left, and then it will be summer.  Every year summer presents a challenge for me.  It's a benchmark of how quickly the kids are growing up - Emma has 8 summers left and then she'll be looking at starting college!!  So while I work, I long to make the most of this time when we can create memories.  Every year so far I've fallen short.  So I'm being proactive and making plans this year!!!

At the end of August Scott will be heading off to the Amazon basin in Peru, leading a mission team from our church.  The trip will have them doing a few things, including taking a boat 12hours into the jungle, where they will construct a church for the indigenous tribes people that the local missionaries connect with.  Not just bringing the gospel to the people, but also water filtration and other positive things!  (You'll hear more about that, and have an opportunity to help send Scott!)

And so it's back to today.  Living in the moment, planning for the future, hopeful in eternity!!

At times we can become so consumed by the sheer weight of all that lies ahead, compounded my regrets or memories of the past, that we forget that God is very present hear and now.  He wants our attention, and obedience, in faith that He holds the future in His hands, and our past has been washed clean.

That reminds me - Toby has asked to be baptized!  This is a big deal.  If you recall, we don't practice infant baptism, following the scripture that baptism is an outward declaration of an inner change.  Once a person is mature enough to understand that they have sinned against God (as all have, Romans 3:23), and that only through Jesus Christ can sin be forgiven (Romans 10:9, John 14:6), and make a decision to turn from living for themselves, and invite God, through the Holy Spirit to be the leader of their life, then they are saved.  Then baptism is an act of sharing that decision.

Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.

Mark 16:16

When I asked Toby why he wanted to be baptized, he shared that he knew he had done wrong things and wanted to be made clean and pure.  We prayed together for God to forgive him, and Toby asked God to lead his life. 

It is probably the greatest joy that a mother can have.  I couldn't make that decision for him, and I can not force him to make that same choice each day (because it is a daily choice for each of us, if we will deny ourselves and follow God, or do what we want!).  We will always try to lead our lives in faith, showing our children (and anyone else who is watching!) that we require God's strength to live right, and we require God's mercy when we fail!  

Time is flying by.  We need to be prepared!

​

Left Out

You know that feeling, of being left out? We all get it, whether it's personal, like at work, with family or friends.  Or it might be general, like feeling left out of a demographic - maybe a stay at home mom, or no longer considered "young"!

I was thinking about this the other day.  From childhood, and still in adulthood, this feeling creeps in, and can cause discontent and even jealousy.  So, I asked God about it, and he brought the disciples to mind.

Jesus had 12 disciples.  These were the chosen few, from the numerous followers that had put their faith in him as the Messiah.  These 12 were with him even when he wanted to escape the crowds.  They were close.  So I wonder how the other 9 guys felt when, as Matthew records in chapter 17 of his gospel, "Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves."

Then, in the evening of his arrest, when they all went to the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26:36) "  Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." ³⁷ He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him"

Again, Jesus took the 3 with him.  There is no account of any grumbling among the others.  They don't complain to Jesus about being excluded from this trip.  The others don't abandon their commitment.

So, if the disciples, who presumably had a great desire to be close to Jesus, were able to set aside their own position and not descend into resentment, how can we?

I believe the answer lies in who they sought validation from.  They were not looking at each other (or at least not constantly), comparing the position of the other disciples.  They felt validated as individuals because Jesus had let them know that he loved them.  He loved them despite their sin and weaknesses.  And in that brings the freedom.

When we are focused on receiving validation from those around us, we are subject to the behaviors and choices of others.  Yet, when we are secure in our position as a beloved child of God, we should take peace in that. 

Yes, situations may occur where we are tempted to feel left out, bringing hurt, anger and resentment.  However, we can, and should seek to resist that temptation and go to God for the reassurance that we need.  He has promised to never leave us, or forsake us, and has also promised that we will share in the inheritance of Christ, as if adopted brothers and sisters.  We will not be left out.

For the disciples, the chosen few were given greater responsibility.  Jesus needed a core team to lead the church after his return to Heaven.  He couldn't explicitly explain this to the group, they simply had to trust him, and be thankful that they were among his followers.

Sovereign Power

Last night we were focusing on the sovereignty of God. He as all supreme power and authority. You can not move past this point. It may not always be easy to swallow, we struggle to understand why he allows some things, and denies others. Throughout scripture, giants of the faith have questioned God, with despair, anger, and confusion.

God's response is consistent: trust me.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

So if we believe that God is real, then he must be sovereign. But why do we have such a hard time surrendering to him?

I believe the answer lies in how well you know God. If your perception is that he is a distant, supreme being that sits in another dimension, angrily plotting our frustration, then you would be wise to not trust him.

However, based on the complete revelation of the Bible, we can see he is not like that AT ALL. God is ever present, closer than we can imagine, and pours out grace and mercy with abundance.

To read the entire Bible is no small feat, and many who would believe that their fate rests in God's hands have not attempted it. It's no coincidence then, that God provides a clear and tangible revelation of himself. He became man.

To know Jesus is to know God. He is Immanuel, (which means “God with us”). He is God incarnate and he revealed the very heart of the Father when he lived among us.

Read the Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke or John, and get to know God. See his mercy for the broken, the sinners, the lost, and the criminal. Feel his compassion for our blindness, and our hunger that leads us down dark paths.

Witness the commitment he has to your redemption - taking it upon himself to bear your death, and mine, carrying his cross all the way to Hell. Celebrate his resurrection and victory over death.

Give thanks for his invitation to follow him, leaving behind sin and death, and being clothed in his righteousness, in front of God at the day of judgement.

When we KNOW God, we can joyfully surrender our plans and dreams, into his loving and mighty hands. He will gently lead us through life's struggles, bringing glory to His Name, and into an eternal peace.

After all, if God IS sovereign, any control we feel we have is both an illusion, and power struggle that leaves us filled with anxiety and hopelessness.

Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day

Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day

Tomorrow, January 24, is Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day. 

We ask people to wear purple to show support and help raise awareness for this rare condition that directly impacts the lives of those who have it. 

In particular, we want people to post pictures of themselves in purple on social media, especially Facebook, and include the tags

#MSAD

#MoebiusSyndromeAwarenessDay

This is a great way to remind the world that we need to look beyond the appearance of others, to see their heart - the smile they wear on the inside. 

It's also more than Moebius Syndrome - people everywhere are affected by facial disfigurement and other disabilities.  We want to remind people to be kind! 

If you wear purple and post your picture, please tag me in the post - Emma loves to see who is directly supporting her!!

This was such an inspiring message, and I just had to share it!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Is it seriously 6 weeks since my last post?!  Ugh, how frustrating.

Truth be known, I've been so busy that I haven't even thought of it.  We've had so much fun and done so much I can't keep up.  Let's see...

We had Emma's birthday party, and took a bunch of kids to see Wonder, which was as good a movie as I've seen in a long time and totally melted our hearts.  That was the night after Scott's work holiday party - bowling and pool with the company!

Then my parents arrived for a weeks visit - day trips, Legos, games, and shopping!  We also had Thanksgiving dinner with all of Scott's family over, which was a classic family Thanksgiving!

Then it was December.  The race was on.  We had church performances, Christmas shopping, snow, dinners and parties.  I made it through everything prior to Christmas itself, before I got sick.  This time of year is rampant with viruses and colds.  I hit a wall a few days before Christmas weekend and took an entire day in bed to recover enough to get back to things.

 
Christmas was really wonderful.  We had the day at home, just the four of us, building Lego and playing games, after all the gifts were opened up.  This year the gifts from Scott and I were joint between the kids.  It wasn't really a conscious decision but it was a blessing to see them unwrap together and not fight.

And here we are, on the eve of New Years Eve already.  Where did the year go?!  Here are a few of the highlights from our year:

·         Two great family visits

·         Redecorated all bedrooms

·         U.S. Citizenship

·         Choir Camp

·         Baseball Season

·         Scott preached

·         Better health, weight loss

·         Swim team

·         Emma riding a bike

·         Mexico Mission Trip

·         Zipline

·         Fashion Show

I hope to share some of the pictures with you soon!  But for now, let me wish you a peaceful and joyous New Year!

 

Birthday Card

After I made Toby a birthday card (because I'd been procrastinating and ran out of time) Emma asked me to make her one, with Maleficent on it.  Despite 5 weeks notice, I procrastinated again, and was doing this one last night!  Turned out ok though!

Funny thing - when I pointed out the "10" was Maelficent's magic she had to "correct" it and show the green mist emanating from the wand.  She is so my kid!!

Landmark times!

Babies - they are a bundle of joy!  This bundle was 6lbs of joy and fears, hope and tears!  Aren't they all?

The early days, weeks and months came with so many unanswered questions, and uncertain future.  But one thing is for sure, on that day, 10 years ago, the world was changed.  I was changed.  For the better.

The distant memories of that first year linger, but not with sadness.  Instead we look back with awe and wonder at the mighty strength of our God, a God who loves our baby girl more than we ever could.  He gave her courage, strength and heart.  He gave us peace, joy, and hope.

It is bittersweet to think our baby girl is now 10 years old, a tween if you will!  I look back at pictures and videos of that sweet little face and squeaky little voice and it brings tears to my eyes.  I want to go back, I want to redo the years, with the knowledge that we should worry less, play more and take time each day to give thanks.  I want to re-make the choices that held me back from living life, out of fear and anxiety.

But I can't, none of us can.  We can only choose to make today different, and tomorrow, if we are granted another day. And the day after that.  Each day is full of opportunity to choose love, life and hope, instead of worry, fear and regret.

Today is Emma Hope's birthday.  Today I want to put a flag on the day, a stake in the ground, build an altar to the Lord (ala Old Testament), and give thanks for all that she is, and all that God will do in her life.  Back in the early days, 10 years was way too long to even ponder on.  Today, I look ahead with hope, and excitement for what is yet to come.

As always, there’s more to this day than appears at first glance! Yes, it was a ton of fun and fulfilled a childhood dream of mine (one long abandoned!), but the backstory is so quite cool.

Today, Emma and I were in a fashion show at Bloomingdales, an upmarket US department store, benefiting Fred's Footsteps.

Before the show!

Em teaching Mary a new game!

Scoping the runway!

Make-up done!  (Hair by me!  I had it all chopped yesterday!)

Then the big show!

We had a plan to make everyone laugh!  Em handed me her back pack (like kids do) and took off the jacket before throwing it over her shoulder and strutting off!  Totally worked.

The Emcee was a local news anchor.  She asked Emma what the best part of modelling was and Emma said "Dressing up!"

 I was wearing a $315 Ted Baker dress, Emma was mainly in Ralph Lauren.  We did not buy the clothes!!  Though Fred's Footsteps gave us a Bloomingdales giftcard which was so nice.

So, how did we end up doing something as fun and crazy as this?

10 years ago (yep, it’s a long story) Emma was born with gastroschisis. This serious condition was diagnosed before she was born, and seemed “manageable” with surgery after birth.

However, her story was not to be so straightforward. Diagnosed with Moebius Syndrome, GERD reflux disease, and obstructive sleep apnea, her prognosis was uncertain at best. After 3+ months in intensive care she came home and I️ left my job for good.

Losing half your income unexpectedly is only less devastating when compared to the health struggles Emma faced! We didn’t know how to handle one let alone both. And we prayed, and were prayed for.
Shortly before leaving the hospital, our social worker told us about a new organization called Fred’s Footsteps. We could apply for their financial assistance, for 12 months. We were approved.

We can’t remember exactly how much money they contributed over the 12 months, but it was thousands of dollars. Mortgage payments, car insurance, electric bills etc.

We were able to focus on Emma, and adjusting to just one income.

We are forever grateful to the DiBona family and Fred’s Footsteps. They helped us with no expectations in return, and genuinely care about all they help. And we love being able to help them fundraise so that they can help more and more families in our area.

And We Know That For Those Who Love God All Things Work Together For Good, For Those Who Are Called According To His Purpose. – Romans 8:28

We should never underestimate the ways God will answer prayers, or how he will use our struggles to bring good for others.  We can not change the past, but we can take it and turn it around to bring glory to God!

Days Flying By

It's almost disturbing how quickly time passes!  Weeks are no longer defined by days, but activities!  Days are shorter too, with darkness falling around 6pm (soon to be 5pm).

Mondays are swimming and gymnastics, after homework.  Tuesdays Scott leads the men's group at church (which is having a major impact in the lives of the guys who go). Wednesdays is swimming again, and every other week I go to a bible study.  Thursdays are usually clear, but somehow seem to fill, or disappear all to quick.  Fridays are ballet and every other week Emma leads a bible study for girls at church.  Scott is starting to work more Saturdays as the building completion deadline approaches, great for our cash flow, not for family time!  Sundays are always church, and we strive to rest, but often take the opportunity to visit with friends.

And so the cycle repeats, week after week, with slight variations here and there.  We moved quickly from summer to autumn, and winter is knocking at the door.

Ecclesiates 3 says

¹  There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹ What do workers gain from their toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹² I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³ That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴ I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.

¹⁵ Whatever is has already been,
    and what will be has been before;
    and God will call the past to account.

I'm not sure I even understand all of that passage, but it does convey a couple of things to me: time is precious.  Each season we go through has purpose and rather than rush our lives to reach the next, we should embrace whatever experience we are in.  Also, everything is useful for our growth, understanding, and correction from God.  He will use the circumstances we are in to produce character change in us, when we are submitted to Him.

Time is moving fast, and after attending a funeral this weekend, I am painfully aware of how short it is.  But that is only evident when examined in light of eternity.  If we fail to see our existence as unending, and our lives as preparation for that, we miss how truly precious this time is.

The days go fast, and our lives fly by.  Before you know it, your baby boy is 8 years old.  It's easy to forget the cherubic face and tiny little body 

 

 

when I look at the tall, lean, jumping bean that Toby has become!

I'm thankful that he does not seem to be too big to want to come and snuggle with me when he wakes up in the night (even if I don't always appreciate it!), to even setting up camp on the floor beside my bed to be close.

We argue at times, but no matter what, he is always happy to have me sing to him at bedtime, and lay with him as he falls asleep.

Toby is, and always was, a doer!  He would rather be throwing, riding, or catching something in the yard than reading a book or watching TV.  He has a quick wit, and a kind heart.  I love this little monkey!!

Happy birthday Toby!  Forever my baby you'll be!