I feel so lonely right now. I wouldn't even write this, except that I feel this is the only place available for me to talk. I know of plenty of people I could call, I can even imagine their questions, so...
I know I'm not alone and no, I don't feel like this all the time.
Yes, I'm very tired, but no, the baby won't take a nap!
I can always go out, except today, because I'm waiting for a repairman who's due between 8-5.
I have friends I can call, but I know they are busy.
I saw a picture of a city street this morning and a memory hit me of leaving my apartment on a fall day (no specific day) and walking around the city. Was it nostalgic? No, I am under no illusion that I was not happy living alone in the city, or anywhere for that matter!
Nor am I resentful of being home with my baby. I don't feel like I need a break from her (though cooperatign for a nap would be nice!!) In fact, when I cried and she started crying I picked her up and she tilted her head as she does and said "aaa?" It's hard not to smile at that!
I turned the TV off because it was actually making it worse!
So as I write I start to pray for comfort and peace. Sure it's comforting to know that our lives have a greater purpose than we know, but somehow that makes the down-time much harder to understand or deal with.
I have heard people talk often about coming to the end of yourself, when you do not see what else you can do, as the start of seeing God work in you. It's not a one-time deal, it's daily asking for purpose, strength and above all a real sense of the unconditional love that surrounds each of us, whether we feel it or not.
And that's when it hits me! I'm not alone, never am. Jesus is never too busy to listen, will not condemn me and already has made me feel better!
I guess I'll post this now, just in case you ever need someone to talk to, too!
I know I'm not alone and no, I don't feel like this all the time.
Yes, I'm very tired, but no, the baby won't take a nap!
I can always go out, except today, because I'm waiting for a repairman who's due between 8-5.
I have friends I can call, but I know they are busy.
I saw a picture of a city street this morning and a memory hit me of leaving my apartment on a fall day (no specific day) and walking around the city. Was it nostalgic? No, I am under no illusion that I was not happy living alone in the city, or anywhere for that matter!
Nor am I resentful of being home with my baby. I don't feel like I need a break from her (though cooperatign for a nap would be nice!!) In fact, when I cried and she started crying I picked her up and she tilted her head as she does and said "aaa?" It's hard not to smile at that!
I turned the TV off because it was actually making it worse!
So as I write I start to pray for comfort and peace. Sure it's comforting to know that our lives have a greater purpose than we know, but somehow that makes the down-time much harder to understand or deal with.
I have heard people talk often about coming to the end of yourself, when you do not see what else you can do, as the start of seeing God work in you. It's not a one-time deal, it's daily asking for purpose, strength and above all a real sense of the unconditional love that surrounds each of us, whether we feel it or not.
And that's when it hits me! I'm not alone, never am. Jesus is never too busy to listen, will not condemn me and already has made me feel better!
I guess I'll post this now, just in case you ever need someone to talk to, too!
1 comment:
this is funny bcuz ive kinda been feelin like this all week...only...i dont really tell any1
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