Significance

I turn 31 today. I know people who struggled with turning 30, and I expect that 31 will be hard too! Not for me really. 10 years ago I never expected to be where I am today, I didn't have a specific dream or plan I determined to accomplish by 30. But where I am is exactly where I am supposed to be.

I couldn't be happier to be Scott's wife and mum to Emma and Toby. It's been an intense few years, especially after 20+ years of not much adventure. Because of that, life is intensely good. As I get older the more I realize the blessing of trials and welcome them, and the magnification of what is important.

Something else I have become more aware of is a lack of identity in my life. So much of my identity is based on being a wife, mum, daughter, friend, and feeling like my overall value depends on my success or failure in these roles. I recently wrote a posting expressing this, but never posted it - that was one for God's eyes only!

On Sunday we heard the second message in the Fearless series which looked at significance. What fortunate timing! There's nothing quite like hearing a sermon that speaks to your current situation.

What it boiled down to was this: most of us find our significance in what we do or what we have. Sounds silly, but for many people if they lose their job or their spouse, maybe a child, they struggle with a loss of identity. For others maybe our homes, cars, savings, income and other stuff give us a feeling of significance. A few seek fame as a source of significance. But all of these things are temporary and so very vulnerable.

For me, the fear of losing Scott or one of the kids (too many crime dramas and movies!) is coupled with that sense of who would I be without them. It's similar to the feeling I had after my career ended. Sure, motherhood replaced it, but being successful in my job made me feel significant.

The answer is simple. We need to find our significance, and root our identity in something that is not vulnerable, does not change and can be trusted. That's right - God is the only one that fits the bill. What is more, God does not value us based on performance, but because we are His creation...

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

When we put our faith in the saving grace of Jesus we are created anew, wiped clean of our past mess, and set on a path of redemption. Although we struggle and stumble often on this path, God looks down on us with love and joy. He sees us not as we are, but who we will be when his work in us is completed.

That was a revelation to me. God doesn't look at me and focus on the stupid mistakes I repeat over and over. He doesn't get frustrated and wonder if I'll ever "get it". He sees me with love, and he sees me after the growing process is complete.

Things my significance do not depend on:

• A straight part between Emma's pigtails (so hard to do!)
  
• Making a perfect meatloaf
  
• Having $$$$ in the bank (nice all the same!)
  
• Keeping my house clean and tidy at all times (An exercise in futility)
  
• Dressing nice for church (Much better to be on time and with a good attitude)
  

My significance comes from knowing that I am a loved and valued child of God, that will never change. So is everyone else. My purpose is in loving God and others with that in mind.

Longest Week

Last weekend Scott was getting over sickness, and that started a long week in which we all got sick, including Scott who came home feeling ill again yesterday. We are/ all eating today but exercising extreme caution - except Emma who wants to eat all the time! (I will see the blessing in that when I'm not dragged out of bed to "Eat, mummy!"

The week wasn't all sickness. We helped our friend Christina a little. Her husband was away for a few days and she wanted to surprise him by painting the 3 rooms on the main floor of the house and getting rid of the clutter only 3 kids and several years of marriage can accumulate.

It was a brave undertaking for anyone, but with 3 boys of 6, 4 and 1.5 yrs, it was crazy!! I'm pleased to say she did a great job, and especially since I passed along my sickness and got Christina and her helpers sick!! It was the least we could do to help with the work. I would not have done it myself even if I wanted to, fearing not being able to finish or screwing it up, so I am inspired to just take the plunge more. Nothing ventured nothing gained!

We postponed our plans to celebrate my birthday until next Saturday and stayed home on Saturday night. Emma had a new nurse that night, which is such a difficult thing. We want more nurses to ensure enough cover, but leaving someone new alone with my child is so hard.

Joyce is really nice though, and as we talked about Emma we ended up discussing our faith and she is not only a Christian, but goes to a pentecostal church like us. Nurses are special people anyway, but knowing that she wants to love others like Christ is very comforting.

Emma likes her too. She woke up early, around 6am and was well acquainted by the time I got up at 6.30am! I trust Emma's character judgment and when she happily hugged Joyce I was happy.

Toby got up soon after and, like everyone else, Joyce was smitten. That boy is going to be trouble!

Update

Emma: Not only is she all better, she is hyper!! She has been running around all morning wanting to "play" or go "outside"! Apparently not feeding a kid for 2 days does wonders for their appetite, as when I asked her what she wanted to play she would say "eat!" And she did, eat breakfast and lunch - both variations of applesauce!

Toby: He had a couple full diapers a little too soon after eating this morning, which made me nervous that he might follow Emma's symptoms. So since then I've been mixing his milk with Pedialyte so it isn't too much for his belly. His eyes are a little red and sunken, so I'm trying to focus on hydration.

Me: I am well, but tired. I got about 5 hours sleep last night, and very little being sick the night before. I thought it would work well this morning - Toby went for a nap at 8am, I put Emma's favorite shows on the TV and laid down on the sofa next to her for a cat nap. Unfortunately she kept wanting to join me, for 30 seconds, and then get down again! (Normally she will be so engrossed she pays no attention to me. Too much energy today!)

With both kids down for a nap (blankets over the windows to block out the light - make it a long one!) I am hoping that I can grab 40 winks too!

New Day

This is currently Emma's favorite phrase/sign combo! " Look Mummy, new day!" All day!! Its really cute as she applies new phrases she picks up from somewhere, like "thanks guys."

And it is a new day, that looks good so far. I have not been sick since early yesterday. I spent the day sipping Gatorade and ate some rice and a banana during the evening, and had no side effects.

Toby was a little subdued yesterday, but was back on normal feeds by the end of the day. That was really the only option since he does not like the flavorless Pedialyte!

Emma was on an emotional rollercoaster yesterday and even took a morning nap when Toby did, and so did I! She ate a little rice and a good portion of apple sauce ("and cookie" - the crushed Graham crackers she wants on everything!) in the evening. Since that went well I put her on a slow continuous feed of some diluted milk overnight to see how she tolerated it.

Today I will ease us back into a normal diet, with extra rice, banana and applesauce - these things feed the good bacteria in your gut, so they are always good for your digestive health and prevention.

We'll see how the day goes!

Sick sick sick

What's worse than your baby being sick? Why, it's being sick while your baby is sick!

Yesterday we put Emma on an hydration-only diet for a day or so until the tummy bug passes. She seems pretty perky most of the time which is great.

Last night though I started feeling nauseous after eating a burger. My belly got huge and I assumed I would be getting the same problem as Scott had and Emma has. Oh no, not for me - I spent the night throwing up. In fact I could not even keep water down until early this morning.

I can remember only one occasion where I was sick like this, and it was on a flight to the UK to visit my family for Christmas. I was upgraded to first class so I could lay down, otherwise I was spending the whole flight in the bathroom! After my dad picked me up at the airport we had to stop frequently on the drive home so I could empty my "sick bag" (the plastic bag he kept his chamois in!!).

When I woke up this morning I thought I was over the worst of it and just felt run down. So when Toby, who was hanging out with me until I had to get up, threw up all over me I figured I would be able to handle it.

However, when we got downstairs (so I could wash my bedding!) I got a bad feeling and sure enough threw up again.

This is going to be a really, really long day.

Never fails

It may be my imagination, but I am convinced that the night before every hospital appointment I get unusually little sleep. Last night was no exception.

Toby cried and fussed for quite some time before I gave in and took him a bottle. Babies are supposed to sleep through the night at this age, but what does that mean? And how do you let them cry it out ( I so would) when they are keeping others awake?

Which brings me to Emma. After returning from Toby's room I could not sleep for Emma's coughing and crying. About 4.30 am, after a half hour or so I went in and asked her what the problem was - Emma, not the nurse! She whined and cried and coughed but gave no real answer. It was clear though that her belly was distended with gas.

I sat with her for about an hour trying to get the gas out, but it was not budging. She'd had 3 increasingly loose poops during the day yesterday, and one overnight. Something wasn't right.

After she settled a bit I went back to bed but only semi-slept after Scott left for work, wondering why I could hear Emma and the nurse chatting. And the bath running! They know Emma's supposed to stay in bed, preferably sleeping!

When I did get up (not a minute before shift change at 7am) I learned what happened, or I smelled what happened! Emma had a huge blow-out and all her bedding was being dutifully rinsed off in the bath by the nurse. Emma, perky as can be was laying on her floor having been washed off first and redressed! Awesome!

We needed to leave by 8.30am to get to Emma's opthamology appointment. Not only did that look dubious, but I didn't know if it was wise to go at all!

After managing a quick shower I gave Em some water and got us ready to go. As far as appointments go, it went very well. Emma was pretty relaxed, Toby too. As usual I had little patience with a resident who asked a stupid question about Emma's eyes. After so 8+ years in college you think they'd get the concept of doing your homework!!

What was really exciting (to me anyway) was that Emma got to do a regular eyetest, where she had to name the shapes she saw as they got smaller and smaller! She's only really clear pronouncing circle or triangle though so it was interesting. I guess they didn't think she'd be able to do the letters like older kids - duh!!

They dilated her pupils (two drops, take 20-30 minutes to fully fix the pupils at full dilation.) and sent us out to wait in the waiting room. What are you supposed to do with a 2 year old that doesn't blink and now can't see clearly, with sensitivity to light!! Thankfully she was a little sleepy and sat on my lap watching the TV. I did cheat - brought her pacifier with me!! Best move yet.

In the middle of the appointment, when Emma had a fussy moment on my lap and Toby joined in from his stroller I texted Scott: "You so have the easy job!" He responded: "I know."

We saw her actual doctor about 90 minutes after arriving. He was thrilled with her eyes. She is a little far-sighted, but well within normal range and if she stays there, won't need glasses! I learned that being outside in the bright sunlight will not harm her eyes, even if it is not comfortable. Looking at the sun isn't a good idea for anyone though!

No follow-up needed for a whole year - incredible!

When we got home though, despite no food and only a bit of water, she had some diarrhea. And it was super pale - I heard white is v. bad. I gave her some milk and water with a probiotic, which came out shortly after!

The poor girl may have caught Scott's bug, but she is in very good spirits anyway.

Smart cookie

Emma loves Baby Signing Time. We noticed this the other day..

Toby & Emma

Alex & Leah from BST!

I'm not sure if this is really as incredible as we (proud parents) think it is, but Emma knows how to spell "stop"! She taught herself as she sees the word on all the [too many] stop signs around when we drive. She recognizes them as stop signs because they show one in the DVD when they do the sign for stop! We think that's pretty smart.

I know that the TV issue is controversial, but I become more and more convinced that select programs really are educational. Emma is aware of things being taller, wider, long or short. I wouldn't know how to teach her those concepts at all.

Anyway, that's just our experience and everyone has their own opinion!

Fearless

On Sunday Pastor Bob started a six-week message series entitled FEARLESS, based on a book by Max Lucado. The concept is "Imagine Your Life Without Fear." It's not claiming to eradicate scary things, but help you look to Jesus instead of panicking. After all, Jesus is the expression of God's love, and "Perfect love drives out all fear." 1 John 4:18

Allowing fear to take hold of you is a sin, because it denies the sovereignty and power of God - I think. It's a sin I struggle with constantly, and I mean constantly. From the germ phobias to the "bigger" issues like finances and health. It is significant because fear is often a reason I refuse to do something I know God wants me to do, and disobedience is definitely a sin!

This series couldn't come at a better time for me since I'm facing some huge fear issues. You know about the financial stuff, but there's also the whole termite thing.

To bring you up to speed, we were told the house was treated some years ago and no signs it had been breached. We were calmed by this and moved on. Today we came home from the doctors (Toby is now 18lbs 10 oz - still only 70 percentile) to find termites swarming (flying around in a group) around the back yard. I would compare it to mosquitoes at dusk in the summer!

I ran the kids through the bugs and into the house one at a time. Then promptly checked us all for hitch-hikers. It's like the itch you get when you hear someone has head lice!! I called Scott who had an unusually stressed response and told me to call the exterminator and ask him what to do and if we should move house! (They don't kill them in the yard, just in the house!)

I called Mike the terminator (I like it better than "exterminator"). He persuaded me it is a seasonal thing with the swarming, and we should be able to tell if they are endangering the house, but the untreated shed is definitely vulnerable. we're getting it treated.

No joke, I am waiting for a giant termite to come to the front door and ask to use the phone, just like in the commercials! I'm trying to diminish my fear with the clear understanding that I have been manipulated by the TV commercials for exterminators!

Interestingly, I had a mini- media fast this weekend and watched no TV nor surfed the web. I found that even the innocuous makeover shows play into my fears and desires. Follow me - I see a nice house/yard/wardrobe, I wish I could make similar improvement to mine, I can't because it costs big bucks and WHAM - I start to worry about not having enough money (whatever "enough" is!).

Where does God come into all this? ( I know you're wondering!) Faith is not about believing that God will destroy the termite colonies within 25 feet of our house forever!! Although that is my prayer and hope.

Faith is knowing that God is our source and protector in all circumstances. Should termites get in, he will provide what we need to handle it, including emotional strength, if we do not allow our fears to convince us that we will drown in our problems and there is no hope.

Step by step and day by day I am consciously seeking to make decisions that are not based on fear but on truth and reason. It feels good each time I do!

Anyway, I want to encourage you to move out of fear with me. Take a few moments and really consider what your most consuming fears are. How do they impact your life? If your lifestyle or daily decisions are governed by your fear, guess what - you're a slave to fear.

Jesus offers us freedom.

Allowing fear, lust, anger, pride, any emotion, dictate how you live your life is living in slavery. Even if you've received the gift of salvation through Christ, it is up to us to take hold of the freedom and move out of slavery.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

Oh what a night!

If you've never had a barbecue on a Monday afternoon you might be surprised at what a party it can turn into!!

We had invited a couple of people we met yesterday to stop by for a burger (although they couldn't make it in the end) but also invited Christina's clan and her brother Matt with his daughter Mikenzie. Christina came with her father-in-law Todd (who I have to give credit for showing me a lot of grace back in 2000 when I grilled him about the whole Christianity thing!!) and her two oldest boys.

5pm with 5 adults and 5 kids - but not for long! We fired up the grill, the kids made use of the new house and all the toys with wheels. The coolest part about having a corner house with no fenced in yard (few houses here have them) is that the kids can chase each other around and around the house!

After a few minutes Brian from across the street brought Dillon over, his 22 month old son. I'd only seen them from across the street, since Scott is really the outgoing neighbor in our family!

Then Howard, one of our new next-door neighbors came out into his back yard. He didn't join us per se, but he was in and out a lot working on stuff for the house and joined in the revelry. (We also found out he doesn't eat meat!! Does eat seafood though?!!)

Soon after Mary-Ellen, from two house down from Brian, and her two kids (9 and 6yrs old) came by with their dog and joined in the fun.

The party wrapped up around 8pm, as it was getting dark and the mosquitoes decided to crash the party!

It wasn't especially warm either, a high of only 63f today and much cooler as the sun went down. But it did not feel like a Monday evening - a "school night! And since I had also picked up plastic cups and we ate the burgers and dogs right off a tray, there was next to nothing to clean up. My kind of party!!

Some of the highlights cane be seen in the pictures below, but others included Emma signing and saying moon to get everyone to look at the moon (which she doesn't really see often). She then walked off down the driveway - "going to the moon"!! When everyone was leaving, Emma waved them off from the back steps - "Bye guys, see you soon!" Where does she get this stuff? A new phrase that came out was "Daddy Scott."

This was an outline the kids did of Mikenzie in sidewalk chalk. When they'd all moved away Emma went over and added "Eyes", "Nose" and "Mouth." It looks like some hair and nails were added too!

Toby took the easy way out

Matt and Emma write their names.

Kids!

Christina, cold, in her grandma blanket!

Emma reaches for new heights

The place to be!

We will definitely be doing this again. Fun for all the kids, adults and a great way to meet the neighbors. I think we'll wait for warmer weather though!

Brave New World

Monday mornings, uh! Does anybody truly love them? Anyway, aside from the usual Monday morning bleh, I got moving pretty early because I needed to pick up some burgers and dogs for dinner - we invited some people we met at church yesterday, two of whom are guys visiting from the motherland (ie. UK).

Thankfully Nana was only too happy to spend some time with Toby, so I dropped him of there and Emma and I took to the road. We were both in good spirits and I know I was pleased to be away from the TV - Emma has rekindled an obsession with watching Baby Signing Time! (It has been helping her speech interestingly, but she would watch it over and over if she could.)

Our destination was BJs Wholesale Club, for the best value on big food quantities (no, but they should pay me for a plug like that!). At the deli counter, where we have stood waiting many times, we were offered a slice of the American cheese we had ordered. Not something people see as significant I would imagine.

For me, in the past, when they ask if Emma would like a piece of cheese I would say "no, thank you." If they just handed the cheese to us I would sneakily eat it myself. Thin pieces of cheese can be tough to manoeuvre and am not looking to bring on gagging etc in the middle of a store! What might seem like a petty thing, actually made me pretty sad, that Emma could not enjoy such little perks like other kids.

However after the past four days when we have seen Emma eat (and I mean bite, chew and swallow - not just lick) pasta, rice, chocolate and pretzels I was feeling brave and hopeful. I happily took the slice of cheese from the deli guy and broke a piece off for Emma, about the size of my thumb.

You guessed it, she spent the rest of the store visit nibbling the cheese bit by bit until it was all gone. Not dropped on the floor or in the cart. Gone.

(I hope I'm successfully conveying the incredible drama of this moment!!)

I was so excited. I texted Scott and Emma's therapists what had happened. Brooke, Emma's speech and feeding therapist called me right back. And I quote "It never happens this fast!"

Watch this space!!

I believe

A few weeks a go, at church, we welcomed a guest preacher whom we have heard many times before and even know on a semi-personal level. Not your stereo-typical evangelist, Craig is genuine, realistic and truthful.

We knew ahead of time that he was coming to preach, and we knew there would be a prayer time focused on healing. Contrary to what you might expect, Craig did not plan to do all the praying over people himself, as he put it, we all have the same authority in the name of Jesus and power in His name.

Of course we knew we would go forward with Emma to pray for her healing, we always do. And as always I had the same knot in my stomach of expecting disappointment. It's not that I don't believe that miracles are still happening in the name of Jesus, I have reliable witnesses to testify to that. I think it's just that I have always figured God will heal her if He wants, He knows we want it! And if He doesn't heal her it is because there is purpose in her condition - that is already very evident.

All four of us went forward when the altar was opened, Toby came too for moral support! Some friends of ours and Craig gathered around Emma and we began to pray for healing. We called on God for complete restoration of her cranial nerves no less! Aim high when you are talking to the Creator of Heaven and earth!

I was not surprised, and maybe a little disappointed that she did not suddenly raise one eyebrow, cast a sideways glance at Craig and say "All done?" We've prayed for complete healing for almost 3 years now and for reasons known only to God, I'm thinking we have been turned down.

It's important to mention here that not receiving the miraculous healing, akin to the miracles of Jesus himself, in no way dampens my faith in the resurrected Lord! There are many mysteries and circumstances that will only be explained when I am face to face with the Lord, and I will do my best to wait patiently until then!!

On Friday night I took great pleasure in regaling the days events to Emma's nurse and fully emphasizing the enormity of the milestones she has reached. Elizabeth took no time in responding that it is indeed miraculous. "You are Christians and thank God for that!"

That's when it hit me. I have been waiting for the miracle of magnitude like Jesus restoring sight to the blind, or telling the paralytic to get up and walk. My personal expectations put God in a tiny box and prevented me from seeing His hand.

Look back with me...

When I was pregnant, Emma stopped growing at the desired rate. The doctors were grim. By the next appointment she not only grew, but caught up to where she should be!

When Emma was born she could not close her eyes voluntarily. She will now pretend to be asleep (accompanied by exaggerated snoring!)

She was still incredibly weak and hardly able to move herself when she came home at 3 months old. Yet she no longer qualifies for physical therapy!

For more than 18 months she could not keep her head straight, even when she was laying down. Now we don't even notice a tilt when she is tired.

(Are you seeing a pattern?)

We were not able to feed her orally for many months as she was aspirating. The girl just ate plain boiled rice!!

I could go on and on, and no doubt in a few months or years there will be more examples of the incredible, nay, miraculous progress that Emma has made.

It is up to you whether you see this progress as the natural growth of a child. It's a way to rationalize growth which in no way was predicted by the doctors, much less the norm for people with Moebius Syndrome.

However, I am proud to say that Emma has been, is being and will be miraculously healed by God. In ways, means and times according to his good and perfect will. And I could not be more thankful to each and every person that has been praying for Emma. Your prayers are heard and continue to be answered.

Nice rice

As I mentioned earlier, Scott has not been well for a couple of days (NTAF - Christina!!) and this afternoon we cooked up some rice for him in an effort to settle his stomach. We use Basmati rice, which is nice and fluffy, so I decided to try it on Emma!! After all, she did so well with the macaroni!!

I mixed a few spoonfuls in with the baby food I made her for dinner (after she had again requested to eat!!?). It did not phase her at all and I could see and hear her chewing the rice.

I feel like we have been witnessed something amazing today. It's like our work of the past few weeks on encouraging her not to gag, but chew and swallow have finally clicked. Our prayers are being answered before our very eyes, and before anyone expected!

Later on in the evening, Scott got up and sat with us before Emma went to bed. She was in a very playful mood. I was indulging in the chocolate I received from my parents in the mail (thank you!! I wasn't supposed to save it until my birthday was I?!!) and Emma saw and wanted in!

Let me just say, unashamedly, I do not feel the need to share the chocolate I get from back home! It is not often and as something I miss a lot, I reserve the right to eat it all! I do share a little with Scott, so it's a shame he is on the BRAT diet!!! (Tee hee!!) Lucky for Emma we had some chocolate that my folks had sent over for Emma at Easter.

I had put the chocolate away, not really expecting her to ever eat it since she has only taken nibbles and then gives it back. Not anymore! No sooner had she sat down it was gone. We looked around on the floor, the usual place food goes, but it was not there. And then she asked for another!! It too went quickly, mostly - some was smeared on her shirt and hands!!

I'm not sure if the whole "sugar high" thing is scientifically proven, but this was what happened after the chocolate...

And it gets better - I made Scott more rice, plain and dry. Emma started hovering like the food vulture she has always been. After initially refusing some she proceeded to pick up the rice with her hands and eat it! Take my word for it - this is HUGE!!! Sticky, plain rice, no problem.

Well, not strictly true - I had to stop her from picking up the grains she dropped on the floor and putting them in her mouth! It's not a habit I would be able to handle if we were out somewhere. Unfortunately I did not specify body parts so she started to eat the grains of rice that had stuck to her feet.

I am not sure how to express the feeling I had after I brushed her teeth and put Emma to bed. As I prayed with her, Emma put her arm around my neck to hug me. She's also started signing "friend" and then hugging me during the day. It's more than the bittersweet of your baby girl growing up - there's the super sweet of knowing that my baby girl is catching up. I truly believe there is something so special inside of this little girl.

It's the cheesiest!

I could hear the surprise in Scott's voice as he said "You sound like you're having fun." He was right too, I was having fun, excitement actually!

It's been a tough few weeks/months and while there has been much joy, lately I think our daytime communication has been about how bad a day it is! Not today.

Poor Scott was ill last night and we both missed out on a lot of sleep. Coupled with the normal Friday fatigue today promised to be a non-day really. However about 11am I made the decision to get dressed (!!) and take Emma outside like she'd been asking all morning.

We took Toby and the bubbles outside and got some fresh air.


Back inside I gave Toby a work-out - he's so close to crawling it's very exciting, and then put him to bed.

That's when the fun began. Emma came into the kitchen and asked to eat - huge in itself, but unheard of when the TV is on!! I was already in the process of making some Kraft Mac 'n' Cheese, planning to chop it up and mix it in with her baby food.

When it came sit down and eat, I put our plates down and had to go and see Toby for a minute. When I got back Emma was chewing. She said "Mmm, mmm, mmm!" I asked her if she'd eaten some of the whole macaroni, she responded she had.

I couldn't quite believe it, and gave her a whole macaroni mixed with squash. She ate it. Had to be a fluke, right?! Apparently not. She continued to pick up and eat the macaroni, chewing and swallowing like a pro. This was too good not to video - after all, who would believe me!!

Apparently I videoed too long though, because it won't load on the blog!!! So I am trying YouTube for the first (and hopefully last) time! It was too huge not to!

http://www.youtube.com/watch_private?v=8_-HQ5HksK4&sharing_token=iLFcZGDx_kBeWPVNgIXMsw

I called Scott because I knew he'd get what a big deal this was. What was extra exciting was that for the first time I was able to sit and eat lunch with my daughter - eat the same thing, even share from my plate with her!! Everything has always been chopped, mixed or pureed!

There is also an element of pride for me too. You may not understand, but I am very nervous about taking steps like this by myself. I usually wait for Brooke, her therapist, or Scott to be around. I guess facing your fears has it's rewards!!

It's a great day.