Cruel and unusual punishment

It hit me like a brick recently, that Toby is no longer a baby.  He's still working on his speech, which may have something to do with me babying him, or it may be that I don't want either of them to grow up so fast!

With age comes accountability, and sure enough, I can no longer excuse Toby's tantrums as the frustrations of a baby.  We are trying to figure out the best way to discipline him, within the parameters of what we feel is acceptable.

How can you not smile at that cheeky face?!

We are at a slight disadvantage here because most people practice with the first child.  Unfortunately (or rather fortunately!) we did not practice with Emma - there was no need!  Maybe we didn't recognize her tantrums, but I think they just weren't a big deal and the few times we did put her in time out, she got the point and the threat became enough!

Good friends of ours send their kids to their rooms for time out (or put in the crib where possible).  Since we have tried putting Toby in time out just in the corner of whichever room we're in, and it failed because he won't sit still, we decided to give it a go.

The first try at home came pretty soon.  Toby did not want to eat dinner and proceeded to scream "NO" and bang his fists on his tray.  (I don't know where he gets this tendency from!)
Scott promptly took him up to his crib and I set the timer for 2 minutes.  He yelled and banged on the wall for a little bit, but it was over really fast.

When he came back down he sat and ate his dinner like an angel.  It was awesome.

A day or two later I tried the same time out after he was hitting Emma [again].  I'm not kidding when I say he had a great time using his crib for a trampoline.  In fact, he didn't ask to come out for 10 minutes after I'd offered to get him out.

Since then we've tried it a few times, and it really does depend on the mood he is in.  Sometimes he will hit with a big grin on his face and those are the times he does not worry about where he gets put in time out!  I am hoping that as he learns to speak intelligibly he will be less frustrated and feel like his opinion matters more. 

However, Pops tells us repeatedly that Toby is exactly like Scott was at his age.  That's not good - Scott literally climbed the walls and furniture, and was quite the risk-taker.  We'll just have to find somewhere to channel that strength and energy.  In the meantime, hopefully consistent and loving discipline will help. 

I guess I also have to watch how I yell or even take things away from them when they misbehave.   I never realized that it's still snatching, even if it's my attempt to stop them poking their eye out with a pencil! 

Football Sunday

Getting the DVD software on my laptop was a great move. Now we can watch football and the kids can watch their movies!!

Longest Day

It was a long day! Emma and I arrived at the hospital for our "cranial-facial day" shortly after 8.30am. This was the second of the now annual check-ups, the first being last year and with Scott and Toby.

Emma and I waited patiently in the waiting room with other families there for the same reason. I didn't see any other kids with Moebius, in fact as I looked around (careful not to seem staring!) Emma had the least obvious facial differences.

This was quite a revelation to me, because although I know that Emma's differences are subtle and easily missed, I live in a town where all the teenage girls seem to be clones (or wannabes) of the trends of the time. It seems as though any differences will be glaringly obvious.

It doesn't take long when you visit the hospital to gain some real perspective on just how blessed Emma is to be healthy and on the mild end of the syndrome.

Emma quickly made friends with a 2 year old called Skylar, who was there with her parents and her 5 year old sister called Jaden. Jaden has Crouzen's syndrome, and her dad was telling me how much she hates the doctors especially the eye doctors.

Emma is really the exact opposite! After we'd been there a few hours she said at one point, "I like seeing doctors!!" clapping her hands. She then said "Am I a good patient?" In all honesty I told her she is the very best!

Our first session was with genetics. I wasn't sure what they could tell me, but I was surprised. There is a new theory on the cause of Moebius Syndrome - a vascular issue (blood flow) not genetics. This is good for the chances of the condition being passed on. Not so good for the ever-present question in my head - "what did I do to cause this?"

Anyway, I try not to dwell on that and won't here!

Next we went to audiology. I fully disclosed that she had been diagnosed with an ear infection, which they confirmed through testing her inner ear through the drum and also bypassing the [fluid filled] drum.

Emma is now a pro at the test where she has to "listen" to a block held up to her ear, for the "birdie" noise (which comes through the head phones she's wearing. To everyone's amusement, each time they played the sound at a different frequency she responded with "That doesn't sound like a birdie!" maybe 20 times, each time with the same incredulity!

We skipped the ENT doctor :-) , because we have to go back for retesting in 2 months! :-(

We visited opthamology, where Emma impressed with her knowledge of the alphabet. Unfortunately, she likes to mess with the person performing the tests and pretend she doesn't know it! That's when I have to step in and get her to do it for real!

There is a lot of wait time between the initial nurse evaluation and seeing the actual "doctor" in each department. Thankfully I brought the laptop (with DVD playing software downloaded) so Emma could watch her new Strawberry Shortcake movie (over and over!)...

And over...

We saw a pediatrician, who was very pleased with her.

We saw the cranial-facial surgeon, who had nothing new to report. It does look as though Emma's lower jaw has caught up and is less small.

We saw a speech therapist, who repeated the same word several times - "congratulations"!

We saw the dentist and orthodontist, who were happy with her progress.

Then we went in to see the social worker and they couldn't have put us in a better room...
Emma loves Jessie. Of all the toys she got for her birthday, Jessie is the one that comes out with us!

We didn't have any concerns for the social worker and she confirmed that helping Emma to be self-confident and independent, as she certainly is, is the best thing for her (and any child!)

We finally got done at 3.30pm - not kidding, that's a really long day with only a 45 minute break for lunch (not including the 4+ hours that we probably spent just waiting!)

Even so, I had to stop by the NICU and see my girl Taryn - we stopped by at lunchtime but she was saving a baby's life! By the time she came out Emma was moments away from passing out on my shoulder (which she did).

I also got to see one of my favorite nurses from Emma's stay, who I hadn't seen since we left, Denise (my Uno partner!)...

I was exhausted after this day, but I could never have anticipated the amazing triumphs we would have had in just four years. Tired, but joyful!

10 Ways NOT to Raise Your Toddler

I read the following article at my desk at work and literally laughed, out loud until I cried. Check it out...

I am a parenting editor and a mom. This means that all day, every day, I read about how to raise better children, and then go home and mess with my own. You know, it's all fun and games until the therapy bill arrives! In full acknowledgment of how little my advice will help any parent out there, I've decided to stick to letting the wonderful experts on this site tell you what to do, and give you this handy guide on what to DON'T:

1. DON'T ask, "Why did you do that?" Why did you bite that boy? Why did you hit your sister? Why is there spaghetti in your ear? Why am I asking you a question you can't possibly answer in any way that will make me feel better? Oh yes, because it's easier than accepting the idea that I am in charge of a tiny lunatic.

2. DON'T be surprised by the number of things that can end up in your toilet. This includes shoes, spatulas, cell phones, small animals, keys, and a whole eggplant that looks an awful lot like a human head to your middle-of-the-night eyes.

3. DON'T be surprised by the number of things that can NOT end up in your toilet. Number two, for example, can occasionally end up in your purse.

Related: 10 things you should NEVER say to your toddler

4. DON'T assume that repeating directions increases their likelihood of being followed. DON'T assume that repeating directions increases their likelihood of being followed

5. DON'T over-explain adult situations. "Sorry, honey. Mommy is just in a bad mood because she doesn't understand why she chose to make a living on the Internets. And taking out a second mortgage to fund your preschool appears not to have been the prudent thing to do. And wow, your sitter is expensive! That noise? Oh, that's just Daddy weeping through the wall."

6. DON'T say, "Let's wash your hair!" This is akin to saying, "Let's put this large needle in your eyeball." If you really feel like you have to warn your toddler about the upcoming sudsing, consider something relatively benign and tangentially related, like, "Let's put this large needle in your eyeball."

Related: 7 things toddlers don't actually need

7. DON'T wear a short skirt to a toddler birthday party. You know that fantasy you have about being unintentionally violated by giddy elves? Yeah, me neither.

8. DON'T let a boy shorter than the toilet try to pee standing up. Too late for that? Try not yelling helpful tips like, "Point your penis up!" Too late for that? Wipe your chin.

9. DON'T ask if your toddler if he wants to do something you need him to do. This includes Do You Want To Wear A Jacket? Do You Want To Eat Something? Do You Want To Hug Grandma? Do You Want To Wash Your Hair? and Do You Want to Keep Me From Running Out The Door To Jamaica?

10. DON'T try to catch vomit in your hands. A) It doesn't work. B) You don't get points for trying. C) You get vomit in your hands.

- Mira Jacob

Go here: http://blogs.babble.com/toddler-times/2011/11/10/what-not-to-do-with-your-toddler/?pid=1714#slideshow for the full 15 ways!

Quote of the day

"Can I have Plastic Surgery please?"

This greatly amused my colleagues as they heard me say it on the phone.  No, I was not requesting an expensive Christmas gift, but contacting the department at the children's hospital.  Emma has her annual follow-up with cranio-facial (aka Plastic Surgery) this week, as well as ENT, Dental, Opthamology and Genetics - all in one day!  

Unfortunately Scott won't be able to join us this time, but I don't expect there to be much news, although we are certain that Emma's lower jaw has grown and the overbite is smaller.

Yesterday I took Emma to the doctor, following her ear pain on Sunday night.  Sure enough she has an infection in one ear, but that's been the only one this year (if memory serves me correctly).  I'm not sure what that will do to our ENT appointment, but it's not worth rescheduling the whole lot.

One of Emma's Christmas gifts this year will be a portable DVD player, you know the ones that are like tiny laptops.  It would be perfect for this all day string of appointments, so I'm really having to fight the urge to just buy it now!  I guess I'll have to bring my phone charger and download a bunch of apps for her.

Something I'm really looking forward to is visiting the nurses in the NICU.  I'd love to take her in and show her where she stayed as a baby, but she is too young.  Hopefully we'll see Taryn and some others who remember Emma.  I can't believe it's been four whole years!

Party Pictures

Sorry to keep you waiting, here they are...

Emma turned to me and said "She's pretending to be my fairy Godmother!"


Everyone checks out the necklace the fairy brought

Then comes an even bigger surprise...


After the wig and gloves were gone, she came out of the corner...

"Duck, Duck, Goose" princess style!

Prince Charming and the fairy Godmother (aka Scott and Mrs Thompson)!

Quick change into one of the other dresses we got her...

A great time had by all!

Toby tries alternate rules...

Toby and I went shopping while Emma is at school!!

One of those days

How times change

It's a sign of how life has changed that I have yet to find time to post the rest of Emma's birthday pictures!

Four years ago I had nothing to do but sit, watching my baby girl lay in a little warmer crib. The closest comfort I could provide was holding her hand or rubbing her head. (If you haven't lately, take a look back at November and December 2007)...

It would be two weeks before I could hold her in my arms (not counting the tiny hold I had when the nurse changed her sheets one night!)...

We had no idea what the future would hold for this precious little peanut, we didn't even know that she had Moebius Syndrome until after this. Blogging became my place of reflection and prayer.

We took each day as it came, some better than others, but trying to find the joy and blessings in all things.

And here she is today,

So when, last night, Emma wangled her way into our bed for the night, rather than get frustrated, I simply lay my cheek on hers and whispered how much I love her in her ear. (I do the same with Toby too!)

Circumstances are often beyond our control, other people most certainly are, but we can choose to give thanks to God in all things, because he has our back, and our future too.

Never lose Hope.

Birthday Morning...

My best attempt at a Princess palace...

Notice the night-gown change - she wanted to wear the Belle gown to her party later!

Winky

I took a break from cleaning this morning to sit with the kids for a while. Yes, we were watching TV, but I credit the [select] tv shows for much of Emma's great knowledge and understanding. It was great to see Toby picking up on things and interacting too. Kids should want to shout out the answer to a question (even if they are taught later that it's rude!).

At one point I gave Emma a proud wink. She blinked her eyes in response, then said "I don't know how to keep one eye open and make the other one closed." Then she did it - using her hands!

I told her I'd teach her when she is older, after all I think I was pretty old before I actually could do it.

Then I winked again, to no-one in particular and realized that my cheeks and forehead seem to play a big part in it. Maybe Emma won't be able to wink after all.

Winking is not really a necessary expression, but I quickly realized how much I take for granted my non-verbal expressions.

This is always a thought-provoking time of year as I think back to Emma's birth, now 4 long years ago. Emma has defied so many of our fears and expectations, to become a charismatic and engaging little girl, with a huge heart. I'm so proud!!

With two birthdays and Christmas all so close together, and the cleaning I'm doing for tomorrow's party, I started to try and create some order of all the current toys.

I used to tease my friend about being too sentimental when deciding what to do with her kids baby toys. I'm understanding now though! That said, I have run out of storage for toys, many of which are never or have never been played with.

So, what to do with them? There really is no-one to donate them too, personally, since people buy new toys for babies. Which is a shame because I keep things in good shape! And I guess some I am a little sad to part with.

However, what does that mean for the long haul? It took my parents until I was in my twenties to get rid of all the toys we "had to keep", that were socked away in trash bags in the attic! They were mainly stuffed animals and dolls - neither of which do we have many of.

For now I guess they'll go in the basement, until we want that cleared for renovation (whenever that may be!). Maybe then enough time will have passed for me to be objective.

Next I'll need to figure out where to store all their schoolwork! I've been keeping there coloring from sunday school, and now Emma's pre-school work. I'm not sure why or what I can do with it.

Isn't love strange that way, wanting to cling to inanimate items that only vaguely connect you to the one you love.

Stay tuned for birthday pictures next week - it's going to be quite the party!!

I am losing my mind, or so it would seem!

Yesterday I stopped in at the supermarket to order Emma's birthday cake. They have a huge variety and we had looked through the book together on Tuesday. She decided she would like this Belle cake...
However, when I got there to order it, I noticed some display models and it was really small, like 6" in diameter. The baker did not think that it would serve the 8 little girls at the party (much less anyone else). So I went to her other choice - Barbie...

"Look at the poodle Mum!!" Said Emma

I opted to get an 1/8 sheet (4.5"x6.5") of that. But, as I ordered it, I couldn't help but hear how excited she had been at the Belle cake - so I ordered both! Together they should cost less than Toby's cake, which was a 1/4 sheet. And hopefully, there won't be any left for me to pig out on! (Really, I mean that - don't need extra cake.)

The insanity of it is that Emma does not like cake!! Or at least she thinks she doesn't! She won't eat even a tiny bit, preferring vanilla ice-cream every time.

This morning Toby woke up about 4.30am, after he'd heard me checking on Emma. Since I was already up I let him come in with me (probably bad decision since he'd gone the whole night before, in his crib.) He woke up just as I was about to get in the shower. This is not good - the other day he had Emma help him get his PJs off and had climbed in the shower before I knew what happened!

Today he had a shower and was much more agreeable about everything! We even got out the door earlier than I expect because he was happy to put his shoes and coat on. Looks like a shower refreshes kids too!

Everything went so smooth this morning, too smooth. I shouldn't have been surprised when one of my colleagues said to me "Um, I think your shirt is inside out?!" It was.

I kid you not, this was exactly what I saw after checking on Emma around 2am...


They both sleep in exactly the same position! I just had to take a picture

Sleeping beauty

I left Emma sleepy, but awake, sitting on the sofa, while I went to
get her night gown.

When I got back I found this - at 6pm!!

She always falls asleep early when she skips nap for school, but with
the clock change, her body probably thought it was 7pm.

(she picked the clothes out herself after I took her school clothes
for washing. Just saying!!)

Sunshine smile

I have been quite frazzled today.

On my days home (not "off" - never "off" with two kids!) I have tried to keep our activities to fun and not time restricted. Now that speech therapy is just once a month for a half hour, and Pops takes Emma to physical therapy, we really only have to watch the clock for school.

However, with all the busy-ness of the past few weeks, the house has suffered neglect, especially the fridge and pantry! So today I opted to hit the supermarkets with the kids in tow, for the first time in a long while.

The morning went well, if you don't mind exuberant kids who sometimes scream for no reason or like to run ahead of the cart in the supermarket.

At one point, at the checkout, I told Emma and Toby to stop doing something (it doesn't matter what), and the women ahead of me in the line said "you know they won't listen!" I laughed and replied that as long as I've told them to, I did my job!

We got home for lunch, which the kids ate happily. I also gave them a little diet coke - caffeine has it's uses! Then we dropped Emma at school and Toby came home for a nap.

What should have been a nice time to catch up, turned into anxiety with a text from Scott. He already told me yesterday that he has to work Saturday - Emma's birthday party. We worked it out so it would be fine, but today he learned it is at a job well over an hour away, which means he wouldn't be back until it was over.

I can host the party by myself, I just know that Emma wants him to be there. So that was really disappointing. I think we'll move it to 5pm (instead of 3pm) so he can be there. I just hope the little girls we invited can!

I got Toby up just in time to get to the school to collect Emma. Then we headed to another supermarket. This time it was different. Toby started to pitch a fit, to which I responded by putting him in the seat of the cart and strapping him in.

As I walked around, ignoring Toby and any stares, Toby ranged from hitting me to reaching out for me. After he cried it out for a while I picked him up and he rested his head quietly on my shoulder until we got to the checkout.

I put him down so he and Emma could play...

When we got home and settled in I opened Emma's school bag to take out her papers. I got a pleasant surprise - her first school picture. All the rest of the kids are sitting quietly, shy smiles on their faces, both feet on the floor. Not Emma...
I've blurred the other kids out - don't like to post other peoples kids without them knowing. But, can you see what I saw?

Quite simply, Emma has the biggest smile out of the whole class. That just made my day!

Dancey dance

The other night Emma tried to teach Kimberly how to dance. Priceless...

Phone voice

Toby is doing so well with his speech. Each day we understand more, however there is still much we don't! But you can be sure that Toby is very clear on what he means. Here he is talking to my mum on the phone...

Emma on the other hand is way ahead of her time and has adopted certain phone mannerisms. She walks around waving her hand. I just caught the end of her here...

On edge

My house is a mess. Mess, like many things, is relative, so while you might not think my house is a mess, to me it is! There are clothes on the floor of EVERY room, boxes in the dining room and kitchen, stuff all around even my bedroom and a less-than-spick bathroom!

I find it all rather unsettling. My home, growing up was kept neat and clean by my Mum (despite the rest of us) and that has been my comfort zone ever since. I have learned to compromise a little, with kids and Scott contributing to the "lived-in" look of our home!

However, I have my comfort level, and it's been breached!

Why? Work and kids do make it tough to keep up with things, but I have been crazy busy for several weeks now. That's also why I haven't been blogging much, despite all the fun things to write! It's time to catch up!

Last Saturday (after much anticipation) we went to Melissa and Keith's wedding. Melissa, you may recall, became Emma's occupational therapist after her first birthday. For two years, Melissa visited us for an hour each week. She helped Emma achieve incredible things and also was a great source of encouragement and humor for me as I wrestled with motherhood and pregnancy.

When Emma transitioned out of in-home therapy at 3 years I flat-out asked Melissa if she would still be my friend! It sounds so silly, even to me, but good friends are few and far between, and she is a special woman. Naturally she laughed and said we wouldn't get rid of her that easy!

So I have been so excited about her wedding to Keith, a really good guy. And since weddings are also a great place to spend time with your own true love, I was looking forward to an evening with Scott (kids ensconced at Nanna's). Finding the right outfit took a lot of effort and consideration - mine, not the brides!!

The whole wedding was great and Melissa was inspired with the reception - having flip-flops for the ladies, in the bathroom, serving soft pretzels with mustard toward the end of the night (Scott's favorite snack) and lots of desserts!


As you know, Tobys' been sick for over a week now. I haven't had to miss work because of it, but he's definitely a little quieter or whinier in the mornings! Check him out just watching tv...


We still managed to go on a playdate this week, where Emma was delighted to dress-up like Tinkerbell...
Emma loves to dress-up, but even when she keeps her street clothes on, she has an amazing imagination. At times Toby and Emma will play together and it's such a joy to hear the stories she comes up with!

On Friday we went on a hayride. In case, like I hadn't, you have never been on a hayride, it's a big flate-bed truck cover in hay, with a small fence around the side. Everyone piles on and sits around while you go for a drive. Ours was at night, so it was quite peaceful, looking at the stars, bundled up in blankets, surrounded by friends. Followed by a big bonfire to roast marshmallows and hotdogs...


But the big event of the week was the baby shower for Scott's sister Julie (he has two sisters, Julie's 26, Kim is almost 16.) I have been helping Scott's mom plan the surprise party for a couple of months but of course the final week is the most hectic.

We opted to use the church and put on the party ourselves (rather than go to a restaurant) and went with a tea-party theme. Everything came together and the church looked fantastic. Huge thanks to the friends and family that helped out.

I made 80 scones from scratch - it's good to know I learned something in Home Economics!


We told Julie that she was coming to Emma's birthday party, but in reality that will be this coming Saturday! We're going a bit smaller for that - 8 little girls for a princess tea-party at our house! I have a Belle ball-gown for Emma to wear - she's going to flip out when she sees it!

So, far from being able to relax this week, I have to get on it for the party because I haven't really done much but get the tea-set! I meant to make invitations for the little girls but haven't had time (I did tell their moms a month ago though!).

We also have a special guest coming, that will be a huge treat for Emma - but I will leave that as a surprise for you also!

I feel like the mad March hare from Alice in Wonderland, always running behind. There is light at the end of the tunnel - a women's retreat next weekend! A whole night away in a nice hotel with friends and some inspirational speakers. I'll be rejuvenated in time for Black Friday!!!

Sad face

Poor Toby. On Friday he went on antibiotics for a chest infection and
nebulizer treatments every 4 hours.

This morning (last day of his meds) he wakes up with a 101.9 temp.
After nap it was 102.5!

Poor guy has a double ear infection. You know he's not well when he
turns down french frys!