Building blocks

I read this devotional today:

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I have laid the foundation . . . . But let each one take heed how he builds on it. —1 Corinthians 3:10

My grandkids love to play with Legos. These small colorful building blocks capture their imagination for building forts, planes, houses, or whatever the instructions may call for.

Emptying the contents of the box onto the floor, my grandchildren begin to put the pieces together. But soon they think they don’t need to consult the directions. This eventually leads to a point when they realize that building according to their own instincts has resulted in a bad outcome. So, they break it apart and start over again—but this time they have a keen sense of how important the directions are.

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I loved playing with lego when I was a kid.  I loved all the different buildings that you could get (life-like ones, not weird space or pirate themes!).  My imagination was able to roam freely.  Storylines grew and whole towns were created, then demolished and rebuilt differently.  It was probably one of the few things my sister and I occasionally worked together on!  Happy times!!

But that's not what resonated with me in this devotional.  Some 9 years ago I realized I'd been building my life like I'd done with the Legos... I wasn't happy with the design Legos often came with so I would modify them here and there until it was what I wanted it to be.  After a little while I got bored with layout of the town and I'd start again.

In terms of my own life, I'd been following all the "normal" plans: finish school, get a job, get married, get a house, have kids, "do well".  I skipped college because I could not see how I fit into that world (and I don't regret it!).  I got a house by myself (thanks to the incredible fiscal wisdom passed down to me by my parents.) 

But despite all my best intentions to follow the "normal" path, I never met "the one" and despite having many blessings I was lonely and empty.  Odd or God, I found myself in the US and was introduced to "the One" who promises to heal all wounds, carry all burdens and stay by your side.

I didn't understand this at the time, but a seed was planted and over time it grew and through personal relationships and starting a new path that I could not plan, I was ready to give God a home in my heart.

I knew that my own plans for personal fulfilment and happiness had not worked.  I was ready to try the instruction manual, that I had never really understood was available.  I've heard the Bible referred to as Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth, and that's exactly what it is!  

God did not intend for us to wander around, fumblng in the dark about who we are and why we are here.  He does not wish for us to struggle with rejection and inadequacies that come from other people because of their own struggles.

God offers a straight forward plan of starting over, doing it His way.  It starts out with acknowledging that you have limitations - no matter how "good" your life is or you are, there is something missing and you are seperated from God.

Next comes asking God to lead your life, to take the reigns and correct your course.  Hint: for God to do that you must first ask Jesus to extend his forgiveness to you, for the sins (big and small) that separated you from God.  Jesus becomes your advocate with God and you can start your relationship with him in the driver seat.

For God to take the reigns in your life, you must let them go!  Sounds obvious right?  Maybe, but it is not easy.  Daily decisions to do things your way or God's way show who has the reigns.  Do you gossip about the woman at work who gets on your nerves?  Do you give your spouse the silent treatment because they failed to meet your expectations?  Do you continue to get wasted because you want to forget the things that make you sad?

It's never too late to start over, to rebuild your life the way God intended for it to be.  I was 24, and there are many things in my life I would have been afraid of going through if I'd known about them before.  But I wouldn't change a thing and I now believe that my life matters.

Drinking Problem

It's amusing (vaguely) how different Emma and Toby can be.  Not only do they look very different (blonde/brunette, short/tall, boy/girl) but they act so differently too.  One example of this is in their drinking.

Toby will happily slug back drink after drink.  So much so that we are constantly changing pants due to soaked diapers!  We are now trying to limit his drinks (which are really only milk, water and the odd juice box), so we can determine if there is actually something to be concerned about. 

He's happy to pee on the toilet, and doing so before bed has all but eliminated the need for a diaper change at night (he's not dry, but it does not soak through!).  I'm sure that he is ready for potty training, but the task seems no more appealing than it did with Emma - who was potty trained by Daddy, because I was fine using diapers!!

On the other hand is Emma.  Sure, it's understandable why she is not a habitual drinker.  She also only drinks water, and who really craves water all the time.  (She will drink a diet coke without fuss, but even I know that is not healthy and agree to it only occasionally.)

While the doctors have said to let her body decide when to drink, we've had a couple scares of UTI's and constipation, so I feel that there needs to be a minimum amount consumed.  But doesn't she fight us tooth and nail!!  That said, she pretty much only drinks through a straw now, which is one thing I never thought possible, so there's something to celebrate!

Anyway, here's a couple highlights from the past few days...

On Friday Emma got all dressed up in her recital costume for a photo shoot! 

I let her wear some blusher and pink lip gloss.  She was obsessed with making sure she still had it on when we got to the shoot!

 After, we headed to Nanna's for dinner and Emma simply had to hold Sophia (not sure Sophia was happy about it!!)

Last night, the kids had an iPhone each and were playing games.  Emma traded hers for a waffle and went to watch Toby...

Then it got funny...

Rest Assured

Toby is 30 months old. In order for him to "need" for Early Intervention services he would have to have a 25% delay in an area.  As I mentioned before, my only concern has been the clarity of his speech, but the evaluate all areas of development during the two hour evaluation.

While I answered a bunch of questions about Toby and everything from bedtime routine to his interactions with others, Toby (and Emma!) played with one of the evaluating therapists.  At first Toby was shy, hiding behind the sofa cushions, but soon enough he was playing with Emma and the therapist.  (Emma had NO shyness!)

During the playtime the kids were so cute, had great manners and even shared!  

In summary, Toby is ahead of his age, mastering most of the things that emerge at 30-36 months.  This included gross and fine motor skills, language, congnitive and social skills.  The only area that he was delayed in was speech clarity, my concern.

Thankfully the delay is only 2 months, and he'll likely catch-up by himself.

I really knew he would not qualify, right after I made the initial call, but now I KNOW, and can stop wondering.  I do plan to get a hearing test done too.  Sure, he seems to hear everything, but so does Emma until you know that she doesn't!

Last night we had friends over and the kids were delivered home by Pops around bedtime.  With company, the kids were not to worried about going to bed, and with me taking it easy, they got to stay up.  It's just funny the way kids act when it's super late...

Toby put the cushion in the basket and climbed in for a cozy lounge spot...he stayed there for quite sometime!

Emma managed to find some pizza for a late night snack.  I told her to sit down quietly and eat it.  She chose the spot behind the end table!?

They're quirky, and I love 'em!

Happy Birthday

33 today.  It sounded so old when I was 18, but despite chronic fatigue, I don't feel "old".  In fact, I feel like I'm getting better with age.   

Okay, maybe I'm just liking myself more with age.  After this many years, I was going to have to accept it at some point, that I am who I am.  Little things change over time, and I know that God has been refining my character with more patience, love, kindness, faithfulness and self-control (though I still have a long way to go!).  However, my personality is what it is, I can either like it or loathe it  - only you can take it or leave it!!  

 

This morning was great, but partly due to a couple of things that happened yesterday...

Shortly before I left work yesterday I took a call from a florist who had a delivery for us tomorrow (I.e. my birhtday).  You may think I was jumping to conclusions that the flowers would be for me, except that the florist was the one my friend used to work at and Scott did some work for!  It was a shame that the surprise was dampened, but I was excited nonetheless.

Also, I got home from work before Scott and the kids, who should have already been there.  When I was putting Emma to bed I [innocently] asked what she had done that day, to which she replied "Um, well, I'm not allowed to tell you."  I was impressed by her obedience and said that she should not tell me then!

As we continued to chat she let slip that "we got you a nightgown and some slippers...".  I did not point out her little slip, enjoying how much pleasure she was getting in being the "giver".  I'm not always great at that so I want to encourage the kids to be "cheerful givers"!

This morning I got to open my gift from the kids, along with their home-made cards.  The aforementioned slippers (my request actually!) and nightgown also came with an in-car iPod device, a princess notepad, elepahnt water squirter, sand shovel and childrens sunglasses.  Scott later told me they picked everything themselves - shocker!

 The sunglasses (earrings and necklace were models own)

 

At work, my flowers arrived around 9:30am.  As you can see it was a beautiful arrangement and everyone was expressing admiration.

I could not praise my wonderful husband enough (or is it bragging that I am so blessed??!), as if no man ever sent his wife flowers before.  Actually, I don't think it happens as much as the movies portray and there is something sinfully satisfying about being loved so publicly!

And I was looking forward to lunch with my boss that we'd scheduled a couple weeks ago!

So it's not hard to imagine that I was genuinely gobsmacked when Scott walked into the office at noon and declared he was taking me to lunch!  (I was actually two pragraphs into writing this post!)

Totally bewildered I must have said "What?" about a hundred times.  Followed by "Wait - am I coming back?"  Apparently not!  Scott had contacted my boss on Tuesday and got approval for his lunch and half-day off.  The whole office knew!

i am rarely genuinely surprised.  The last time I can recall this level of [happy] surprise was when Scott proposed!  And I have to admit, I was so touched by this gesture it brought me to tears (also rare!).  Scott and I have hardly seen each other due to work, since February and we have not had time out by ourselves in well over two months.

I packed up my stuff in a daze and we headed to lunch.  Service was so slow, but it was actually a blessing - we eat so fast, dinner dates are over within an hour!  We could just sit and catch-up.  No guilt about the kids being ditched again, because they would have been with Nanna anyway!

If Scott had suggested that he leave work early (which he hates to do, especially with a new company), drive all the way into the city and take me to lunch for my birthday, I would have told him not to bother.  And that is why you don't ask me what I want - I have no idea!!  This was the best birthday ever!

Picture this

Classic Toby

Problem solving at Cracker Barrel

Princess!

Modelling her new dress and rocking polka dot tights and rain boots for church!

Who Defines Who You Are?

by Jon Walker

"The Lord turned to [Gideon] and said, 'Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?'" (Judges 6:14 NIV)

Gideon was the least member of the weakest clan in the tribe of Manasseh.

His task on the day in question was the tedious threshing of wheat, a process where the cereal grain is knocked loose from the chaff.

But this devotional is not about agriculture. It's about God's ability to see you for who you are meant to be, not for what you appear to be. God saw Gideon as a mighty warrior and judge who would lead the Israelites back to their proper worship of God (Judges 6:12).

Gideon, on the other hand, saw himself as just a guy cranking wheat through a creaky old winepress.

But that didn’t matter to God. He told Gideon: “Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian’s hand. Am I not sending you?” (Judges 6:14 NIV)

Take note: The strength of the Sender is more important than the strength of the one being sent. God asks, "Am I not sending you?"

Gideon was still stuck in tunnel vision, believing what he thought and what he saw was the truth. To paraphrase the ancient Hebrew, Gideon told God, "I just don’t have what it takes, Lord. I know you’re perfect, but I think you made a mistake" (Judges 6:15).

God, in a sense, says, "Get your head out of the wheat dust and pay attention to me. I will be with you and so, yes, you will strike down all the Midianites as if they are no more than one man" (Judges 6:16).

It doesn't matter what Gideon said about himself or what others said about Gideon. Only one opinion counts: God's.

What God says about Gideon is the truth.

What God says about you is the truth. You are a precious child, created in his image, a sweet aroma that is pleasing to the Lord.

(N.B. Whether you believe it or not - you are a precious child, created in his image, a sweet aroma that is pleasing to the Lord.  All the times you screwed up don't change that fact - as most parents can attest!)

Update

On my way home tonight I have to stop and get Emma a new Strawberry Shortcake doll.  It is a bribe, I mean reward for going to bed last night without a pull-up. 

Emma potty trained at the end of 2010, and since then has only worn pull-ups to bed, and nowhere else.  She has not had any accidents and I think maybe only once or twice did the pull-up serve a purpose.  But as with many things, there is a sense of security that comes with such things.

I do not know what came over me, allowing the pull-ups to run out on a Wednesday night and having to break the bad news to Emma that we were out of them.  (I had warned her that when the current supply was done that was it.  But, this is the girl that wore all the pull-ups with Dora in a dress, before considering wearing the ones with Dora in capris!)

Facing a catastrophic meltdown (she hardly ever naps these days) I resorted to the only place I could think off - a new toy reward!  Granted, this is not a new place for us!  Before taking Emma's pacifier away, we invested in a new doll.  We purchased Rosetta fairy after Emma lost her g-tube...you get the picture!

It worked, or at least stemmed the flow of tears.

When she was laying in bed she was wiggling her legs non-stop - it must be odd if you've only ever slept with a big diaper on!  I sensed some anxiety, but here fatigue was my friend and with some hair-smoothing and shhh-ing, she fell asleep!

When she got-up this morning I think we'd both forgotten, but once we remembered we rejoiced at the triumph and immediately discussed the arrival time of the aforementioned toy!

Being a kid is tough!

In other news, I know I forgot to mention that Scott went back to work a few weeks ago.  This time it is with the biggest drywall company in the country!  The fourth new company in 6 months, it's been an interesting time.  Again, Scott got a call from an old foreman who had joined the company, and he'd recommended Scott to them.  All he had to do was call the local boss and he started the next day!

He's no longer a big fish in a small pond, just the opposite in fact.  But he is enjoying having regular work and trusted enough to tackle work by himself.  The foreman is already impressed with him.

It's not where we thought he'd be at the start of the year, but it's all good!

Serenity

This is a picture of Emma with a friend of hers from church and our Mom's group, Serenity.

I'm asking you to pray for Serenity.  This sweet little girl has a brain tumor on her optic nerve.  The tumor has been there for some time but was diagnosed as benign. 

It's now cancer, and they can not operate because it would make her completely blind - she is now already blind in one eye.

No one knows why this is happening to this little girl, but we don't need to know why to believe that God has a great purpose for her and her story.  We have learned through Emma's journey that blessings are so often hidden in the most dark of situations.

If you feel able, please ask God to bring complete healing to this little girl as she starts a year of weekly chemo treatments and may she show us all that we do not need to fear the struggles, just facing them without God's strength and love.

Thanks.

Stick Together

I read this devotional on Saturday ...

The whole body, joined and knit together . . . , causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love. —Ephesians 4:16

For years, scientists have wondered how fire ants, whose bodies are denser than water, can survive floods that should destroy them. How do entire colonies form themselves into life rafts that can float for weeks? A Los Angeles Times article explained that engineers from the Georgia Institute of Technology discovered that tiny hairs on the ants’ bodies trap air bubbles. This enables thousands of the insects, “which flounder and struggle in the water as individuals,” to ride out the flood when they cling together.

The New Testament speaks often of our need to be connected to other followers of Christ in order to survive and grow spiritually. In Ephesians 4, Paul wrote, “We should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine.” He added, “But, speaking the truth in love, may [we] grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—from whom the whole body, joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love” (vv.14-16).

Alone, we sink; but clinging and growing together in the Lord, we can ride out every storm.

Let’s stick together! —David McCasland

We can’t avoid the tossing storms of life,
And we survive while carried to and fro;
We’ll stick together as we face the strife,
And in God’s strength the victory we shall know. —Hess

Christians stand strong when they stand together.

If, like me you were curious about the ants, here's a video clip. It's amazing!

Dress rehearsal

Yesterday Scott was able to join us for ballet practice, which was awesome because the parents got to sit in and be the "audience" for the kids.  

Emma was spot-on for the whole thing, even singing along with the song.  We were so proud and it's remarkable how far she's come.

Then the girls got their costumes for the recital and tried them on before a little dress rehearsal.  I grabbed my camera this time and and though she was distracted by her reflection in the new dress, she still did great...

First date

This week is the anniversary of when I became Scott's girlfriend - 8 years ago!  I know, big deal right?

Well, for the more sentimental of you out there, you'll love the significance of this.  Today Scott and Emma went out on their first date!

No, I'm not losing my mind!  Scott intends to take Emma out on regular "dates", time spent just the two of them, where he can help her to see how special and loved she is.  It's also his opportunity to show her the standard of care she should expect from a suitor in the future.

It is our hope and prayer that, having knowing how a gentleman should treat her on a date, she will:

a) not be so easily manipulated by some punk kid who tells her she's pretty/hot/nice/etc. because she will already know that;

b) recognize a bad boyfriend when she's sees one, and feel worthy enough to walk away from a bad relationship;

c) understand that she (as all women do) deserves to be treated like a princess.

The movie they went to see was The Lorax (or Moralax as Emma keeps saying, referencing Miralax, her daily laxative!), which was apprently really good.  It was also in 3D, which we don't think Emma noticed despite wearing the specs...

She picked her outfit too!

After the movie they went for ice-cream - without me!!!

By all accounts it was a great success.  Now I just have to think of something fun for me and Toby to do together!

Full disclosure

As this blog is about a hope (the need for it and source of it) I aim to fill you in on all aspects of our story, good and bad.  Sometimes it may not be obvious, when I'm reporting on trials or bad news, that through out it all there is so much joy to be found. 

I've been thinking a lot about the analogy I posted in Kay Warren's devotional last week:

We tend to think that life comes in hills and valleys. In reality, it’s much more like train tracks.  Every day of your life, wonderful, good things happen that bring pleasure and contentment and beauty to you. At the exact same time, painful things happen to you or those you love that disappoint you, hurt you, and fill you with sorrow. These two tracks — both joy and sorrow — run parallel to each other every single moment of your life.

I get so much joy from little things, odd moments that keep all the negativity in perspective.

Yesterday the kids had some friends over to play in the morning, and I love to watch them interacting, showing their unique personalities and quirks!  Check out some of the things I captured:

Emma and Joey went off-roading...

 Joey had a lot of trust in Emma!

Toby did a pretty good job of pulling the wagon, but he leaped out when Emma tried to pull it with him in!

Emma and Joey took a more leisurely drive in  the Corvette..

  

At one point Joey had got out of the car and Emma said "Joey's in the store, and I'm waiting in the car."

On Friday, Toby and I went shopping and I got a big kick out of his "grumpy old man" body language...

Running parallel to this is the truth that I side-swiped another car in a parking lot on Monday.  It was at the supermarket and I tried to pull in too close - consciously, because I am usually so nervous I keep excessively far away.  I'm going back to that, needless to say!

The people whose car it was were really understanding and we dealt with the situation amicably and fairly quickly.

The good news is we have accident-forgiveness and due to some of the other policy quirks, we may not have to pay out a dime, and our premiums won't go up!  I couldn't be happier about that because I felt so bad that we would have to pay out of our savings (a.k.a. the truck fund!) to repair the two cars.  Scott has been so gracious, not teasing me or laying any guilt trips on me.

Another plus is that the indicator lamp on that side had been working on and off - suggesting a loose connection, not a defunct bulb.  Now it's consistently working!  ;-)

Oh, and Scott saw a guy he used to hang around with back in his wild, misspent youth.  That's a good thing because Scott really wants to help those guys who aren't in jail or haven't died of an overdose, that there is a hope and greater purpose for their life.  

One things for sure, life is never dull around here!

Expert opinion

The other doctors have weighed in and here's what they've said:

There is an increased risk of airway obstruction with the sedation and muscle relaxation (for all kids) that is increased for kids with OSA. But, Emma doesn’t have OSA anymore to the best of our knowledge, so from that standpoint I would consider her “normal”, even though we all know she is “exceptional”.

("Exceptional" was his word, not mine!)

Also, her nutritionist said:
"Her growth is phenomenal!  Way to go Emma!"

Emma is now 39" tall and 36 lbs.  (Toby is catching up really fast, which is why people often ask me if they are twins.  I love telling them the age difference !!)

So, with that in mind, we are going to proceed with the surgery, unless there is a clear sign we should not.  The procedure is scheduled for the Friday before her ballet recital, but I am told it should only take a few minutes and recovery is swift.  We may even see an improvement in her balance and coordination because her inner ear will be working better.

As with so many things, hindsight is revealing so much to us.  Emma is definitely slow to hear us, but I think you just tend to over look the need to say a kids name 2 or 3 times before they hear you!!

Interestingly, in the past, the second or third repeat of what I want Emma to hear has had increased volume because my patience is diminished with each time.  It's sad for me to think that when she does hear me, it's with the slight edge to my voice that indicates annoyance.  Even when I am in a good mood or being loving initially, she misses that and catches it when it's faded.  I wish I could take back all the harsh tones and comments about her not being a good listener. 

When you think about it, so often we don't take care in how we say things each time, or even consider the tone of our voice in our communication.  (Yes, I'm assuming some of you do it too!)  Yet, I should know better than most how important it is because with Emma, the tone tells me things that her expression doesn't. 

I am actually seriously considering getting my own hearing checked.  It's no secret that I'm loud, so there may be an explanation that would help me to explain it to others.  I'm hesitant because if my hearing is fine, I'm just loud and I know it's abrasive sometimes - even if it comes in very handy in public speaking or helping to quiet a crowd at a party!

I guess my point is I didn't realize how quickly, or sub-consciously I was negatively reacting to being ignored (my perception of them not hearing).  I'm learning patience a little more now by considering that maybe our kids are not able to hear our instructions, and to give them the benefit of the doubt until I know otherwise. 

I remember my dear great grandmother, who was pretty hard of hearing in her old age.  Gran had a hearing-aid that would whistle the most painful high-pitched sound sometimes!  But, when we spoke to her, we knew we had to raise our voice a little, and if she didn't hear right away it was no big deal, it wasn't her fault.  I'm sure it was frustrating sometimes, but it was also funny too.   

I want to be patient and loving, in general, with other people, not because of who or what they are, but because of who I am [becoming].  I want to be respectful and merciful to others because that is my nature (one day!), not because I judge that they deserve it.

That is God's nature.  He loves us and is merciful toward us, not because of what we do, but because that is who HE is.  And as a Christ-follower I long to be like him, even though I have a long way to go.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. 

Philippians 1:6

Happy Easter

It wouldn't be Easter is we didn't get a picture of Emma and Nate (ok, it would, but it's a cute tradition!), and this year Toby was determined to be a part of it, silly faces and all, because Nate is like his BFF!...

Remember the little blobs of flesh they were 4 years ago?

 Hasn't the time flown by?

Emma wasn't interested unless she could dance with Nate for a picture!  Thankfully he agreed, and you can see how happy it made her...

I had a cute moment with the kids while we waited for Scott to join us outside...

And the Easter picture...

No greater love

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. —John 15:13

Bill and his wife were driving through the Rocky Mountains when a near-miss with a truck caused their car to swerve off the road and plunge into the Colorado River. After scrambling out of their sinking vehicle, they frantically treaded water in the swift current.

A truckdriver, who had seen the accident, ran ahead along the shore and threw a rope to them. Bill swam behind his wife and pushed her to where she could grab the rope—and the man pulled her out. Bill, however, was carried downstream and didn’t survive. He had given his life for the woman he loved.

To give your life so another person can live is the ultimate proof of love. During the night that Jesus was betrayed, He told His disciples of His intention to give His life in exchange for mankind. He told them: “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends” (John 15:13). And then He set the ultimate example of self-sacrifice by going to the cross.

Have you ever given any thought to the fact that Jesus did that for you—that He died in your place? In so doing, He not only proved His love for you, but He also made it possible for you to be forgiven of your sins and to have an eternal home in heaven. —Dennis Fisher

Christ’s sacrifice was what God desired and our sin required.

This is the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  How will you respond today?

To be set free by this truth you need to:

Accept that you are in need of a Savior.  You have not kept God's commands perfectly and therefore, you will face eternal punishment from a just God.  (There's no way to sugar coat it - God loves us, but He is a just and righteous God, holding all to the same standard.)  Romans 3:23 says "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  Romans 6:23 says "For the wages of sin is death."

Believe that Jesus, Son of God, came as a man, lived a perfect, sinless life, and as such was able to be the sacrificial representative for all of us.  Because he deserved no punishment himself, his unjust death paid the balance for our sins. Romans 5:8 says "But God commanded His love towards us, in while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

Confess your sins and ask Jesus to give you a new life, a blank slate, a clean page.  Jesus paid the price for your past AND your future.  Romans 10:9-10 says:  "That if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus Christ and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved."

Becoming a Christian is only the start of a long process to become like Christ - perfect and holy.  We all still make mistakes, but they do not go on your "record".  That's not a license to live in anyway you choose.  If you meant with your heart your confession and request to God, then you can live in freedom and let the Holy Spirit show you who God really meant for you to be.

And that is a Happy Easter!

False Sources of Joy

by Kay Warren

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21 NIV)

This devotional is based on Kay Warren’s new book, "Choose Joy: Because Happiness Isn’t Enough."

If you’re like me, you want to experience joy on a daily basis, but you’re not sure how to get there. It’s ridiculously easy to look for joy in all the wrong places. Everyone wants it, but somehow we often head off in the complete opposite direction to find it. For example, we try to find it in:

People: Even though we know better, we expect the people around us to meet our needs, take care of us, make us happy, understand us, and appreciate us. We expect them to love us 100 percent right, 100 percent of the time!

Possessions: Material belongings — or the lack of them — have a way of shaping our lives. A new pair of shoes, a new computer program, a better car, or a better lawn mower have the power to improve our mood and outlook.

Places: For many of us, where we live is a key to our sense of fulfillment and joy. Where we live, who our neighbors are, what shape our house is in, and what our yard looks like can be powerful drivers in our search for joy.

Position: For many, this can make or break their level of contentment. Where do I fit on the totem pole at work? Am I climbing up the ladder fast enough? Who’s ahead of me? Who do I need to knock down so I can advance? More importantly, who’s behind me?

Do you know what these four sources of joy have in common? They’re all false. They all fail to deliver long-term joy. They all disappoint and fail to satisfy the deepest longing for joy in our souls.

The Bible says, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:19-21 NIV).

People, possessions, places, and positions are too flimsy to hold up the weight of our expectations and our desire to experience joy.

Only Jesus can meet those expectations.

Overwhelmed

I knew going into today that I would have to make a big decision.  Emma had her follow-up with ENT today.  I thank God that Toby seemed quite happy to go and play with Pops and not come with us.  I feel bad when I have to leave him without Emma or me.

We headed straight into audiology and immediately were told that she still has fluid behind her ear drum.  She was checked last week for an infection (to make sure we would be good today), but I guess I didn't realize that there can be fluid without an infection.

 

Further testing revealed that she is hearing impaired at low to mid-range in both ears, and also high pitch in her left.  Basically, she needs things louder.  They were able to test the nerve that sits on the inner ear and that functions fine, so it seems straight forward that the fluid is the culprit.  

 

(You can imagine the knot in my stomach when nerves were mentioned - Moebius can impact more than the 6th and 7th nerves.)

There is a possibility the fluid is temporary and comes and goes.  However, it's been there for all three visits in under 5 months.  With the noticeable hearing loss we've observed, I don't think it would be fair to avoid taking action when it is available.

So, surgery is scheduled for mid-May.  There was a slot at the end of this month, but I hesitated to move so fast.  Right or wrong, it did mean the surgery will be on a Friday, so Scott and I can be off the next few days if there are any issues.

It's an outpatient procedure, but there is anaesthetic.  This is usually straight-forward, but given Emma's previously borderline apnea I have concerns.  I will raise those with the doctor at the anaesthesia appointment in May.

Flip over to Toby, who just finished a second, stronger course of anti-biotics for a bad ear infection.  I think I should get his hearing checked given the number of infections he's had (which is age appropriate).  Fluid could be a big factor in the concerns for his speech.

But more than that, I think he has a yeast infection, due to the anti-biotics.  Poor baby is in some pain.

By the time I got home with both kids it felt like my brain was being squeezed on all sides.  Overwhelming pressure to make decisions and fight for these little people, while trying not to worry about the implications.  

But when I was tempted to throw my hands up in despair, or feel defeated and declare my inability to handle everything, I could not help but hear the scriptures we had studied at Moms group on Tuesday...

“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” 

James 1:2-4 MSG

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 

2 Corinthians 4:17 NIV

It’s not that I have already reached this goal or have already been perfected, but I pursue it, so that I may grab hold of it because Christ grabbed hold of me for just this purpose.  Brothers and sisters, I myself don’t think I’ve reached it, but I do this one thing: I forget about the things behind me and reach out for the things ahead of me. The goal I pursue is the prize of God’s upward call in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3: 12-14

Call me crazy

After months of back and forth on the issue I finally made the call - I called Early Intervention to schedule an evaluation for Toby.  WHAT??!!  Easy, don't judge so fast!!

I am one (like most, no doubt) who would like to provide both my children with every opportunity to participate and feel comfortable with their peers. And I will exhaust all the resources to help me do that.

Clearly, for Emma, it was a no-brainer.  And the services she received were both a help to her and a support and encouragement to me.  I want to make sure that Toby has the same opportunities to learn and grow as his sister had.

So, back to Toby.  He was a little later at talking than most of his friends, and much of the time is still unintelligible.  So a few weeks ago, I just decided that not knowing was far (far, far) worse than someone saying "well now, we really didn't need to see him at all."! 

I've asked every expert I can, but given that no-one actually has the time to sit down and engage Toby to see how well he can do, there's been no definitive answer.  Rather than find out a couple years down the road, when he may have trouble fitting in with his buddies at school, I'm going for, well, early intervention!

Therefore, a few weeks ago I called and made the request.  A week later I got a call from our assigned coordinator.  He came to the house on Tuesday and gave me the required information and had me sign all the forms.  He was pleased that he really didn't have to go into detail, and probably quite surprised at how vocal a proponent I am of EI.  (With such stellar therapists, who wouldn't be!)

Then we had to find a mutually agreeable date for the therapists to come and do the two-hour play evaluation with Toby.  I'm glad it will be two hours because I imagine it will take a good 30 minutes for him to stop being shy.

Of course, between the initial call and visit Toby has become more verbal and understandable than ever.  On Sunday, as Scott and I got ready for church, Toby stood up in the middle of our bed and counted from 1 to 11 clear as day.  I didn't even know he could do that!

Since spending three days a week with Nanna and Pops, Toby's speech has improved so much.  Pops is like a friendly drill sargeant with the kids, and I have no doubt Toby will be more than ready for preschool in 2013.

Anyway, despite my second thoughts and Toby's improving grasp of the language, we will have the evaluation at the end of April.  Between then and now I am sure Toby will keep surprising me.  

Here's some video from yesterday when it was just me and Toby...

He's no Tiger Woods

The Definition of Joy

When I look back to the days we spent in the NICU with Emma I am reminded of the strange mixture of emotions that I had throughout the time.  Being in an infant intensive care unit is obviously not a source of warm, fuzzy feelings!  Watching helplessly over a sick baby was assuredly a great frustration and source of anxiety.

However, I don't immediately recall those sensations when I think back.  Instead, automatically, I recall the laughter we shared, Scott and I, but also with the nurses.  I can clearly remember Emma bathing in a tiny tub and getting massage, like at a spa!  I hear the soft music that we kept playing in the background and the countless hours when I had nothing to worry about but holding and loving my child.

I always wonder if that sounds strange to other people.  It was hard, but it wasn't ALL hard!  I'm generally a glass-half-empty kind of person, so my response here confuses even me!

Until I read this, in my email today...

The Definition of Joy by Kay Warren 

“We're depending on God; he's everything we need. What's more, our hearts brim with joy since we've taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you've got — that's what we're depending on.” (Psalm 33:20-22 MSG) 

This devotional is based on Kay Warren’s new book, “Choose Joy: Because Happiness Isn’t Enough.” 

Finding joy is a challenge for me. I’m not naturally an upbeat person; I’m more of a melancholy. When I talk about joy, I’m not doing so from the perspective of a generally peppy person who never has a bad day. In fact, it’s because of my own inability to live with joy that led me to explore why my experiences didn’t line up with Scripture. 

My problem was my definition of joy. I thought joy meant feeling good all the time. That’s impossible! Even for those who are naturally upbeat and optimistic, that’s impossible. We have to start somewhere more realistic — and close to Scripture. 

So here’s the definition I’ve come up with from studying Scripture: 

Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation. 

 You’ll find nothing in that definition about happy feelings, because, as we all know, happiness is fleeting and temporary. 

We tend to think that life comes in hills and valleys. In reality, it’s much more like train tracks. Every day of your life, wonderful, good things happen that bring pleasure and contentment and beauty to you. At the exact same time, painful things happen to you or those you love that disappoint you, hurt you, and fill you with sorrow. These two tracks — both joy and sorrow — run parallel to each other every single moment of your life. 

That’s why, when you’re in the midst of an amazing experience, you have a nagging realization that it’s not perfect. And while you’re experiencing something painful, there’s the glorious realization that there is still beauty and loveliness to be found. They’re inseparable. 

 If you look down train tracks into the brightness of the horizon, the tracks become one. You can’t distinguish them as two separate tracks. That’s how it will be for us, too. One day, our parallel tracks of joy and sorrow will merge into one. The day we meet Jesus Christ in person and see the brightness of who he is, it will all come together for us. Then it will all make complete sense. 

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 If you have never experienced this sense of over-riding joy, in the worst of times, then I strongly urge you to ask the Lord to reveal to you how to get it.  (Hint: It involves a man called Jesus!!)