Two years ago we applied to Fred's Footsteps, a philanthropic organization that gives financial support to families who have found themselves in a financial crisis due to the costs associated with caring for a critically or chronically ill child. They currently help 65 families each year.
This support lasts for one year only, but in that year they helped us with over $12,000 by paying our mortgage, car insurance and other unexpected costs while we adjusted to life with just one income and were able to focus on Emma, not stress about money.
When we received an invitation to this years annual fundraiser it was a no-brainer we would go. Sure, I hate to turn down a party or free food, but I also want to help them in anyway we can. After all, I can't think of a better promotion to donate to the cause than adorable Emma running around and she did just that!
The party was at the Please Touch Museum, especially for kids. Most of it was closed, but Emma got to ride the indoor carousel
and dance on the keyboard from the movie "Big."
The mayor was supposed to be there but canceled last minute. They held an auction that a local TV news anchor presided over. While the rich people mingled and enjoyed the open bar, we tried to keep Emma from melting down and eat enough from the buffet!
When we left the house I told Scott I had 3 diapers, checking it would be enough. We only needed one, about 30 minutes into the party. Emma started to fuss big time and then I smelled something. Lets just say I had to throw out her t-shirt!! Thankfully her pants and blouse were unaffected and we did not have to leave!
The other children that were there all had significant disabilities. I felt incredibly blessed that Emma is really a "normal" kid on the scale of things. The extra needs that Emma has are things that most people aren't even aware of. And I'm getting better about not needing to share those things with people we meet.
I took a few pictures, but mostly I was with Emma. We plan to go back to the museum as it was such a great place and we could tell that Emma would have a ball there. Fred's will be sending us a free ticket, but an annual membership for 4 is $150. Our friends have one and go all the time as there is so much to do. When we have the money, I'd like to get one too.
Last Thursday she had a Gerber Graduates meal which had lumps of carrot in it. She surprised Brooke, her therapist, and me by eating it without any resistance. She pushes the carrot against the roof of her mouth to crush it before swallowing - no easy feet as her palate (roof of the mouth) is very high and narrow and she has a small tongue.
On Tuesday Brooke was back and this time we tried a meal with small pasta, corn and whole peas in it. Again, she handled it like a pro, without any choking or gagging. The only issue was when Brooke and I hovered over Toby to get him to drink through a straw. Emma picked up her bowl and dumped out all the food!
Grilled Asparagus on Sunday... Last night we had pizza for dinner while Melissa, her other therapist was here. We gave Emma a whole slice cut up. She picked it up and scraped the cheese and pieces of real tomato off with her teeth. She ate them! Today we had a check-up with her GI doctors who where thrilled with her and she got lots of attention by how great she was walking and talking (they don't see her much). They told us to go ahead and drop another of her tube feeds, so she only has two during the day. The goal is to transition her completely off the tube in a year. We'll need to weigh her next month to make sure she's compensating with oral feeds.
This is truly awesome and beyond our expectations. To think that we could be tube free in a year, while the goal, still seems incredible. And now we really must step up our game. Admittedly we still sometimes skip a meal when we are super busy and we know she's getting a tube feed anyway. No more!! I'll have to figure out how to give her all the nutrition she needs.
Toby will start eating in the next month so that should help since they'll both need to eat!
Today was so warm Scott took Emma out into the yard while we grilled the chicken for dinner (we grill all year round!!)... While Toby watched from the kitchen doorway!
I really didn't think I'd make it. Toby got me up at 5.30am and though he went back to bed, Emma was up before 7am. I brought her into bed with me since she was still sleepy. She lay there for a few minutes before asking for the TV on. I obliged and closed my eyes.
I'm not sure if I actually slept, but every so often she would touch me or say "look Mummy" disturbing my rest! At some point she asked for the TV to be turned off and to go downstairs. I gave in.
When Toby got up after 8am I didn't see the library at 10am being a good option. He'd be due to sleep at 10am and I'd have to get dressed! Still, at 9am I realized it wasn't fair for Emma to be stuck home because I was tired.
So I put the kids in Emma's room while I took a shower, then got us all dressed and out the door at 9.55am - faster than ever before!
We were a couple of minutes late so our usual spot up front by the rug was gone. I set up camp with Toby near the back of the room and after a few moments Emma went to take her place on the rug! She came back and forth a few times but was really well behaved - I was so proud. She didn't even go up near the librarian which was great.
After the story/dance time the toys came out and Emma managed to get her favorite - the phone. This is the second time in a row I've got a picture like this...
Who she's talking to varies, but I will not be getting her a cellphone until she has a job - look how comfortable she is! What makes me feel really old is that I remember real phones with the dial and she will likely never see one. In fact if you hand Emma an iPhone or other smart phone she knows exactly how they work!
Unfortunately she did not want to leave, while Toby had tired red eyes and desperately needed a nap. She did refuse a few times until I quietly whispered in her ear that I would get mad if she did not put her coat on. She obliged. I wonder how long it will be that easy!
Check this out... 8.45pm, Saturday night leaving our friends house: Me: Let's go home and go n-nights. Emma: Nope. Me: Yes, we're going home and going to bed. Emma: Nope. Me: Umm, yes. Emma: Umm [pause] nope! Emma: Yes. Umm nope. Me: This is not a democracy, we're going home to bed. Emma: Nope...
She's a trip.
Earlier in the evening Scott had been playing with Emma and the three boys in their playroom. Baby Aaron, who is a robust 20 month old, plowed Emma to the ground. She cried to Scott who told her to get up and push him back. To his surprise she did just that and knocked Aaron to the ground! I hope she doesn't try that too often!!
In addition to "look Mummy" Emma is using other peoples names much more. For example, we heard "Look Jeremy" on Saturday as Scott carried Emma around on his back, like a horse. Then "Look Pops" when Scott was throwing her up in the air in our living room. Mummy, Daddy, Nana and Toby are the easiest and most often the names we here.
If you ask who's coming to visit "Nana" is the first suggestion. If the answer is yes then Emma immediately signs book!
Last night Scott had to go up to her in bed because she was crying out. She was saying "inky" but he didn't click that she was looking for her binky (pacifier). He tried to subdue her and in the end she stood up on the bed and grabbed the spare from her night stand and laid back down! Scott then suggested she sleep without the binky, to which she said "okay" and stood back up. She put the binky on the nightstand... and picked up a different one, laying down with it! (We keep spares there so we don't have to search under the bed for spares!!)
The sign that your child watches too much TV - when they know the schedule by heart! On Playhouse Disney there are 2 episodes of Mickey Mouse every morning, seperated by Shaun the Sheep and Special Agent OSO (same every weekday). This morning as Mickey finished ("bye Mick-key") she started saying "sheeps" before any sign of the show!! "Bye bye sheeps!"
The TV issue is a matter for debate. Guidelines say that kids her age should watch no more than an hour a day. I do like to have the TV on myself as background noise. I think it's something that helped me to feel less alone when I was. Anyway, Emma's therapists think it's fine because she has learned so much from it.
Just the other day Dora was catching stars. Emma turned to me with her arms straight up in the air and hand together above her head. In two years of therapy we have not been able to get her to do that!!
That said, I am trying to turn it off as much as possible. When the weather is good I plan to go out for walks with the kids. I would really like one of those Moby wraps as the baby carrier I have starts to hurt after a little while. We can't do shopping trips right now - and I don't window shop!! Playing upstairs also helps as Emma has her own space and neither of us watch TV!!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Imagine if a baby you take care of suddenly started talking. That's what happened to Elizabeth, Emma's nurse this morning!
This week we've been putting the kids to bed earlier to get them on Daylight Savings Time before Sunday. So yesterday and today Emma woke up at 6.30 instead of 7.30. So when Elizabeth was in the bathroom Emma woke up and, as usual, yelled "Mummy" to get my attention.
I went up to get her as Elizabeth came out of the bathroom. She had not realized Emma was really talking. The nurses work 11pm-7am so they rarely interact with Emma other than telling her to go back to sleep in the night. So it was quite treat for her to see how Emma is doing.
Emma is quite perky when she gets up so she went straight into her play house and pulled out her doctors kit. Elizabeth was impressed she knew what it was all for, including the hammer they tap on your knee to test reflexes.
I was actually surprised she was up early since she went to bed late and has been complaining of her ears hurting - again!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I was dreading yesterday. In a fit of insanity I scheduled a doctors appointment for both kids together. no big deal, right? Wrong! Both of them were getting vaccinated.
I got up early and took a shower to help me be most alert! Then we left the house early to stop by BJs to buy diapers. (I tried a cheaper store brand, but I could never tell if they were wet, so I used more than when we buy the more expensive Pampers! I'm back on Pampers now.)
When we got to the doctors office the sun was shining and it was already warm. I put Toby in the stroller and Emma walked alongside. For the 100 feet we had to walk to the building I must have heard "Look Mummy" about 5 times! What were we looking at? A car, Emma's shadow (thanks Tigger & Pooh!) and a bench! And I'll never tire of hearing it!
Once inside Emma's demeanor changed and she clammed up a bit, even when we saw Aunt Julie. Funny really considering she's never actually had treatment in this office, so there should be no apprehension.
In the exam room Emma was doing great until the doctor came in. She got really clingy, wouldn't talk and refused to sit by herself. He started by looking in her ears (the other one has fluid now!) and using the stethescope, both familiar and fine with Emma. She relaxed.
Then I ran through her medical history with him, which he already knew mostly from Julie, sparing me going into too much detail! Increasingly I am self-conscious discussing all of it in front of Emma. Her medical diagnosis is discussed so much I am afraid she will start to be affected by what we say. I'd hate for her to define herself by these conditions. I also try not to say anything about it when we meet new people.
After the exam the Dr. asked Emma to walk backwards, draw and a couple other things. He'd already asked me if she could do them, but I guess he didn't want to take my word for it! I actually think that's great because as parents we can often over-state our kids abilities!
Then he left, and Julie came to take Emma out. I decided Toby should get shots first since he calms easier with a bottle of milk! The two nurses came in and simultaneously put a shot in each leg. I scooped him right up and held him. The nurse started talking to him and he started to smile and laugh!! He must've cried for about 20 seconds!!
Then Julie came and took Toby, leaving me with a suspicious Emma. When I handed her her pacifier she knew something was up. She pleaded not to have the shots, but of course she got them. I quickly scooped her up to comfort her. She cried for a couple of minutes, but calmed down much easier than before. That said, she did not want to be put down until we left the office!
Definitely not the nightmare I'd envisioned. Thanks to Julie!
Emma fell asleep on the way home (pacifier in the car does it every time!), so I put her right to bed when we got home at 11.30am! When Scott got home at 4pm we took the kids to the playground for an hour. It was 60f yesterday and perfect to get out for a little while.
Toby couldn't take all the excitement!
The early nap and fresh air meant both kids were in bed by 7.30pm. This is perfect as the clocks spring forward on Sunday - I'm transitioning them by moving bedtimes up a half hour each time this week and another half hour next week.
On another note, we are scheduling a sleep study for April. This will see if Emma still needs the CPAP at all. This came about because I asked them to lower the air pressure she gets as it wakes her up and is very high. No sleep apnea would transform all our lives. Emma would likely need no monitoring at all when she sleeps, allowing her sleep anywhere at anytime. We could travel without machinery and best of all - no nurses!! I'll try not to get to excited!!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
When the children of Israel were finally set free from Egypt after 400 years of slavery, they started marching out to freedom and the first thing they came to was the Red Sea. There were impassable mountain ranges on two sides of them, the sea in front of them.
Behind them, in hot pursuit, was the Egyptian army because the Pharaoh had changed his mind about letting them go. The path before the Israelites looked like a dead end.
But God knew exactly what He wanted to do. He had not made a mistake. He could see what they could not see. He opened the Red Sea and they walked through to safety. Years later, the Israelites looked back and sang, "Your road led by a pathway through the sea—a pathway no one knew was there!" (Psalm 77:19 LB).
You may be facing a dead end right now—financial, emotional, relational—but God can see a path that you don't know about. If you will trust God and keep on moving in faith, even when you don't see a way, He will make a way.
It will become more understandable as you head down the path he sets before you, but understanding is not a requirement for you to start down the path. Proverbs 4:18 says, "The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining brighter till the full light of day" (NIV). One day you will stand in the full light of eternity and view the big picture. You'll see God's purpose behind the path He specifically chose for you.
What do I do in the meantime? You do what Proverbs 3 says: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." What does He mean "don't lean on your own understanding"? You don't need to try to figure it out. In truth, you're not going to understand most of the things that happen in your life until you get to heaven.
Be patient. God knows what He's doing. God knows what's best for you. He can see the end result. You can't. All those problems, heartaches, difficulties and delays -- all the things that make you ask "why" -- one day it will all be clear in the light of God's love.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that Toby is possibly the happiest baby I've ever seen! He laughs and smiles all the time, even when he hasn't slept much. The few exceptions are when he's hungry or fed up being on his belly!
It's hard to believe he is 5 months old already, but we look forward to watching the kids playing together and two huge personalities interacting.
It's hard to believe that we are approaching the 10th anniversary of my initial move to the USA. A move that has taken me from England to America, Africa and Mexico! Brought me to a wonderful husband, two beautiful children and some amazing friends.
Oh how my life has changed. To many people it might seem that the main differences are in how I spend my time. It used to be about going to work, and in free time hanging with friends. Often though I was alone, in my home longing for something more, something to fullfil me.
Now, I spend my days with my children, hoping to give them the best start in life. When we aren't enjoying free time as a family we are most often found serving at our church in some capacity or another.
I think that this is what many people would seed as the biggest change in my life over the past 10 years - what I DO differently. However, I would beg to differ. You see what I DO is merely a reflection of who I AM.
While most people understand being a Christian as going to church, reading the bible, praying and being "good", that actually misses the fundamental truth about what happens when you become a Christian as I did in 2003.
Initially, I took a leap of faith by very simply deciding that I believed what the Bible says. That Jesus is the Son of God. That He paid the penalty facing every person for falling short of God's perfect standard (because of Adam and Eve!) - the penalty of death. Yet because Jesus was sinless and perfect, death had no power over Him and in 3 days he was resurrected into new life and ascended, alive, into heaven to return in the future and take those who believe to a new Earth.
(And though we all know that some day our body will die, many of us refuse to consider where our spirit will spend eternity!!)
Making this decision changed more than what I do with my time. It changed who I am.
You see, being "born again", as the Bible phrases this decision to die to oneself and live for God's glory, changes who you are inside. More than just swearing less (yeah, still in my weak moments - don't judge me!), more than caring about others, more than saying the right thing.
This week I had a revelation about just how powerful the spirit of God is, when you put your life in God's hands. If you don't yet understand why you need Jesus in your life, perhaps this will help.
For more than two years now I have been writing about hope. My daughter's middle name is hope. Yet only now do I have the words to explain what hope, in Jesus Christ, means practically.
Hope is when your circumstances in life are bleak. When things are going wrong and you do not know why. When you do not know what to do. When you feel like you must panic, get control, run or cry. But you don't. Because you can't.
Hope is when things are going wrong, but you are so filled with peace and joy that no tears come, your legs don't shake and your feet stand firm. When total uncertainty becomes limitless possibilities.
And you know that the ONLY reason you are able to go on is because you know that God is in control and has your back, and your future.
If you have any doubts that I know this for sure, you need to go back and read the blog over again from the start!
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32
This is the ultimate demonstration of how much God loves us - parents, imagine allowing your child to die so that someone else doesn't have to. The sooner we realize that God loves us this much and does not want us to suffer eternity in hell, the sooner we can believe that we do not need to be good or perfect to receive this incredible gift of salvation. And hope.
After all, perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18). Be loved. Be fearless.
Be careful what you wish for, that's what they say right! I remember some months ago wishing that Emma would be more self-confident around other kids and assert herself. She's so gentle and pretty quiet around large groups, I didn't want her to be pushed around or left out.
Today she showed me that she's arrived! We went to the library toddler group again today, as we did on Tuesday. On Tuesday there were about 30 kids so Emma was a little shy and stayed pretty close by. Plus they did some new songs that we didn't know the moves too. On Friday though there was half the number of people so it was really nice and there was lots of room.
Today Scott was planning to come with us, but was offered work at the last minute, which is great. So I took the kids alone as usual, rushing to try and get a space close to the building! We got one, so I didn't have to get Emma out in the lingering snow.
As soon as the doors opened to the toddler room we were in there, going for a spot by the rug! I was sat against the wall with Toby and Emma sat in the middle of the large rug, where other kids soon joined her.
Normally quick to get out of the way of other kids I soon observed Emma push a little boy off the number 8 as she wanted to step on each of the numbers in turn!!
Later, she called my name and when I looked at her she was wagging her index finger at me in the "come here" fashion I often use on her. The mom next to me thought that was hilarious!
For the songs that require "wiggling" Emma is a pro. She often just sticks her butt out to one side, pauses and does it to the other side! I recently looked back at a video from when she was just one year old and she was shaking her booty even before she could walk! The mom on one side of me said "Go girl!" It's too funny.
A few of the songs end in the instruction to sit down, so the kids will sit for the next book. Emma was doing all the motions, singing along, checking the other kids were sitting, then carried on walking!!
I'm not sure what was more distracting, Emma dancing around while everyone else was sitting, or me hissing "Emma - sit down" through gritted teeth! In truth though, I found it really funny, just because I know how awesome it is that she has found this confidence. I'm not sure what the other moms thought!
During play time she joined in with other kids playing, not worrying about me and Toby at all. It was nice to see her having so much fun. In the meantime I got chatting to a couple moms who gave me some tips on other places we can go in the spring.
Scott kindly pointed out that she gets this independence from me. I think he was being kind not saying stubborn or willful!! Either way we'll have to work on keeping it channeled in the right direction.
This afternoon we had Emma's annual review for Early Intervention Services. It seems like forever ago that we had her first evaluation soon after she came home from the hospital, to see what services she qualified for. She got all three - speech, occupational and physical therapies.
In the two years since then we have seen her grow and make incredible progress. During the review the therapists score Emma's abilities against standardized milestones. In order to qualify for therapy she would have to be 20 or 25% behind.
In the past year she has caught up a great deal and is doing really well. In areas like cognitive, social and emotional she's way ahead. In speech and occupational she's still catching up and will continue to get therapy. In the "physical" category, or gross motor, now that she's walking and doing so well she's only about 17% behind. That means she no longer qualifies for Physical therapy.
We knew this to be the case and so today we had a little gift for Merle, her therapist. It was a framed picture, the picture above and the one below of Emma and Merle. What's so significant is that Merle has seen Emma every two weeks for two years now. she has seen her go from a lump that hated to be on her belly, to a ball of energy running around the house.
When we were trying to get Emma to walk, Merle came every time with a new trick to try and get Emma to walk unaided. Every time Emma resisted!! I would not have the patience to keep trying the way she did.
After Emma presented Merle with her gift and a card Merle told her "This is awesome." To which Emma exclaimed "Yes!" That's Emma for you. It was sad saying goodbye.
We hope Merle will stay in touch and keep up with Emma.
Today Scott and I took Emma to the hospital for her appointment with the Ear Nose and Throat (ENT) doctor. You may recall her pediatrician referred us following her recent ear infections.
It was great that Scott was able to come, even though we were able to leave Toby with Nana Ellen. I took a bunch of books with me, but Emma is so active now I wasn't sure how she would be with the long waits we usually experience.
It might be worth mentioning here that I have a significant issue with germs. You might call it OCD, some just call it crazy. Either way I have a really hard time with real/perceived risk of germs. It was made worse with the intense protection we had to go through in the NICU, so now a trip to a hospital or other public facility is a nightmare for me!
However, I did let Emma play with the toys in the waiting room when we arrived - mainly since we were the first people there and they had likely been cleaned the night before (in my head at least!!).
After correcting a problem with the paperwork which held us up for a half hour, we went in to see a nurse. I answered the same questions we go through every time, which is annoying as they have everything in their system already! I also end up having to state some obvious things like "Does she snore or stop breathing in her sleep?" "She has sleep apnea - Hello!!!!!"
The whole time though Emma was literally dancing around the room like a pinball! Scott and I were cracking up, but the nurse didn't seem to notice. When she was done with the interrogation she looked in Emma's ears. The right one was fine, but the left seemed to have some fluid in it. We were sent for a hearing test.
In the Audiology department we were greeted by a nice lady. It's really interesting that people who go into different specialties have similar demeanour's! Anyway, she administered the first test - "taking a picture" inside Emma's ear. We told Emma to say "cheese" to underscore the test. Apparently the left ear drum was hard and not responding well.
Then we were taken into what can only be described as a big dark box with a chair in the middle. Emma had a probe stuck in each ear and the woman went round to sit behind the glass. There were some stuffed animals in glass boxes to either side and one above the window. Periodically they would light up and move. There were also sounds from a speaker on the left and presumably sounds also from the probes. The goal was to see if Emma would turn to the sounds.
The test was inconclusive as she was not consistent in her turning and toward the end started to cry and wanted to get out. Scott and I were skeptical about the results because they weren't doing much to have her turn to the right, so it didn't seem balanced.
Then a third room and test. Emma was to sit still and silent for two minutes while music was piped into one, then the other ear. She is 2 years old!! How did we get her to do it? I sat in a different chair and pretended to sleep, prompting Emma to "Shhh!" everyone. Scott held her on his lap. This test showed possible problems of low frequency sounds.
Emma received a Dora and Diego sticker which she tried to stick on the floor! Then we went back to see the actual doctor.
This was where the wait was hard. First Emma marched around the room, trying each time to go outside! then she wanted to sit in the exam chair, which was like a barbers chair with a metal footrest on the bottom. There she read a book and wanted to get down again.
We offered her a coloring book and crayons, which she put on the floor (Arrgh!) and wnated to lay down to color in! When we explained she needed to stand at the chair to color she proceeded to drop her crayons, then my phone on the floor over and over (Double Argh!!)
When the doctor did come in Emma was great and endured a brief ear exam and had some wax pulled out of her ear. We let her down to walk around. Then she squatted down to repeatedly rub the palms of her hands round in circles on the footrest of the chair. My eyes widened and I looked at Scott who was cracking up!
I just let her go for a couple of minutes and then eventually stopped her and wiped her hands. Even the doctor said that it was "yucky!" I was quite proud of myself for letting her go as long as I did - after all, she'd probably only go and lick the floor or something!!
In the end, it seems as though she does have some hearing loss and we will be going back in 2 months for a re-check. If at that point there is still fluid behind the drum the doctor will likely advise us to get tubes put in.
On the drive home I asked Scott if this had been a good or a bad appointment. Good would be where there is no problems and all is well. Bad is when there's something new or worse. He replied that he didn't even know! I have to agree, at this point we don't know if we need to be concerned, or even what we would have to do differently!
Thank you for your encouragement to write a book. That wasn't quite my plan, rather I was looking at possible freelance work involving writing, proofreading etc. However the more I look into the work that's out there and how you find it, I don't think I can!
There's a world of difference between writing a blog about your own life and experience, and working to someone else's expectations and requirements.
As for writing a book, I don't know how many people even read the blog, let alone would want to read a book on the same subject!!
Can you tell I'm feeling a little discouraged? I guess I just figured it wouldn't take much for me to find work if I ever wanted to and reality bites. Anything outside the home would require childcare costs and that's more than I'd likely earn. If we needed it I'd take a job in retail or something, that wouldn't bother me, but I don't think we're there yet.
When Scott got laid off last year we were pretty nervous. It had never happened before, but was only supposed to be for a few weeks. Scott didn't even look for another company to join, planning on supporting us with side work.
When those weeks turned into months, and the side-work was drying up we realized we had to take further action. You may remember, Scott started with a new company for a short time, before his old company had work again.
During those months without regular employment I think we tried to tighten our belts, but with me being pregnant (and maybe a little lazy) we opted to get take-out fairly regularly, albeit salads! We also had our regular vacation, date nights (usually dinner out!) and so on.
When the work started back up again it wasn't long before we returned to any old patterns we'd abandoned. Money was coming in and things looked good. I do regret that we did not do more to prepare for what was really likely to be repeated.
This time it's different. We realize that the "few weeks" could be much longer, and even if they're not, periods of unemployment could become a regular thing. Without the side-work lined up like last time I have to say I have had moments of panic.
I really do believe that God will bring us through this, and am sure that we are learning a lesson we really missed last time. Unfortunately, I am still me and that means I worry about things I can not control - which is quite possibly the definition of insanity! Why worry if you have no control?!
Anyway, rather than sit back and worry I am going to take action, and hope that this is part of the lesson we should be learning. While Scott takes the work that comes his way, I have opened my mind to the idea of taking some work myself. While leaving the kids is not part of this action yet, I'm exploring my options for working from home.
Some of you have told me that I "should write a book" or something similar based on this very blog. I'm stepping out in faith that you might be right.
Admittedly, I'm fairly sure that this is just like the people who go and audition for American Idol because their friends said they should, when in fact they sound like a tortured cat! However, if there is some way I can help keep the roof over our head it's worth a try.
I've joined a couple of websites for freelance writers/proofreaders and such. They seem very complicated, and without any qualifications (not even a college degree) or experience, I don't know why anyone would hire me, but that's the faith part!! If it is God's will for me to pursue this, I know it will happen.
In the meantime, we could use your prayers and encouragement. Sure, we need work and I need to relax! But more than that, much more, we need to know what God's plan is for our lives.
Is this a hint that we should sell up and move to Mexico to help build churches (Scott's theory)? Is this a lesson in trusting God for provision and faith in His ways? Is this a change in the channel through which God is providing? Is this a prompting for me to find regular employment? How can we uphold what we learn when things get good again?
So many questions, but I have one answer. Action. God does not want us to sit on our chair and wait for money to come out of thin air. He wants us to work hard, honor him and continue to seek His will.
You might remember me mentioning friends of ours that have a daughter, Abby, the same age as Emma, and also a son, Joshua, just a couple weeks younger than Toby. In November they moved to New Jersey and we haven't seen them since. On Saturday we packed up the kids and went to visit them for the day.
When I say we packed, I'm not exaggerating. Aside from the usual diapers you might take to pop to the store we needed food for Emma, and enough should we get stuck with unexpected snow. We needed my breast pump, to feed Toby. The travel crib for nap times, toys and Emma'.s pillow. Spare G-Tube, syringes etc. The pulse ox and suction pump - just in case! The DVD player for the drive. Pajamas for the drive home. And scones, for dessert!
I don't know that we needed everything, but I do like to be prepared. We even took blankets and a flashlight in case the car broke down!! Okay, I might be a little paranoid!
We had such a great day. Emma and Abby played all day. Toby and Joshua ate, slept and laughed all day, both being easily amused! The rest of us spent our time feeding, diapering and putting to sleep the little ones, the whole time chatting and catching up. Before we knew it was 9pm and past time to leave.
Despite the short nap and long day, Emma stayed awake until we were close to home!! She has a will of iron!
Here are some pretty cute pictures from the day...
Toby gets to know Joshua...
...a little too well
I tried Chrissie's moby wrap and loved it. I think Toby was underwhelmed!
Emma got a new backpack (that doubles as a harness - shhh!!)
On Friday our church sent a team of ten to Mexico to help build an orphanage. This is the first missions trip in 8 years that Scott has not been on and he's found it hard. Using his skills for the Kingdom has been very important to him.
However we felt that it was not a good time for him to take off work (!) which turned out to be more true than we knew. Still, Scott got up early to drive the team to the airport and was home to find both kids in bed with me. We got to spend the morning together.
He checked out some work for a friend of a friend, but the job will likely need better weather. So in the meantime he's still looking, and also starting on some more renovations at church.
On Friday night we went to Family Life Night at church and the current adult study is on biblical finances. I was reminded of a conversation I had with Scott about the next missions trip which he "is definitely going on!" I quoted this scripture to him then...
13Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." 14Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." 16As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. 17Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins. James 4: 13-17
And that is really where I'm at on our current situation. We don't know what will happen tomorrow. What we do know is that God is in our corner and he does know what we will face. And I am in no doubt that, with Him, we will get through it all, good and bad. The sermon we heard at church today confirmed that.
Life following after Jesus is not easy, and He never said it would be. However, when you face the same trials as the rest of the world you can find peace in knowing that there is a reason for it and it will not be more than you can bear.
Faith is a muscle that must be tested and stretched to grow. When you have to exercise your faith it grows stronger. And you must exercise it regularly! Believing that Jesus will provide the answer when you can't see a way through, that is faith.
If Christians live safe, easy, uneventful lives how is God glorified through them? It is when we face trials and others can see the strength, provision and even miracles that God offers - that is when God is glorified. We welcome the trials that allow us to share why Jesus makes our life different now, not just for eternity.
Even the most wonderful adventures are a little scary at times!!
When I was a kid we had dolls that we dressed in our old baby clothes, but we also had a dressing-up box filled with some of my Mum's old clothes (some interesting styles if my memory serves me!!)
By far playing dress-up is more fun than playing with dolls. Having a little girl, I hope to provide the same opportunities for Emma. Even though she's still tiny that hasn't stopped her walking around in my size 9's!
If I wear shoes in the house she will come up to me, point at my shoes and say "off." She is not fussy about shoes, flip flops or boots!! In fact, she's not even fussy about who's shoes they are, trying on Daddy's shoes almost as much as mine - they're a little heavier though!
I have to admit I have just as much fun picking Emma's outfits and hairstyles as I ever do my own!
