Nightmare

I will admit that while there are a hundred excuses for clipping the curb with the back tire, in reality I was driving too fast, to make it through the green light. And while the previous times I've done it (you know you have too!) there has been nothing more than a quick "oops, drove too close to that corner, must be more careful", not today!

I was on my way to the driving license center to get a replacement for my lost card. Due to my immigrant status I can't go to one of the local places like everyone else, so I was headed to an area that I would not necessarily go by myself at night!

On the way though I was stopped in my tracks, well, the trolley [tram] tracks actually. Close to the church we helped construct, and bordering west Philly I clipped a curb. Shortly thereafter was a noise that could have no possible positive cause so I pulled over.

After a quick look around the car it was evident I'd popped my tire. (Later inspection of the corner I had clipped revealed a large drain with metal corners protruding from the curb) a voice from above - the sidewalk that is, told me to pull over closer to the curb. The man sitting on his porch, some 10ft higher than the sidewalk came down asking if I had a spare.

I said I did and opened the trunk, remembering that it is actually under the right-side middle seat - Emma's. He helped me get the jack and stuff and we went to the side of the car. I took Emma out and told her to go and sit on the rear seat (thank goodness for 3 rows!!). I didn't have chance to panic or freak out!!

The gentleman helping me had the stereotypical appearance of a biker. This was confirmed when he said "the day hasn't started until you hear a Harley drive by" as one did! Retired, unable to work due to full knee replacement and widowed several years earlier, he assured me it was no trouble.

With the busy road and distance from his ear laying on the sidewalk and my mouth at full height, standing helplessly watching it was difficult to hold a conversation. I so desperately wanted to explain how grateful I was. Although I spent alot of time in that area when we worked on the church, it could still have been a nightmare with 2 children in the car in 92f heat, waiting for the auto rescue.

Not once did I feel jeopardy, and I suspect he was a war veteran - or at least he hangs out with them at the local VFW! I tried to ask him his name but either he didn't hear me or chose not to answer. I suspected it was Ron, as the tattoo on his shoulder said, and I was right as I asked again when we shook hands.

After all was said and done I was on my way again in about 30 minutes. When I got to the license center there was a line out the door! I couldn't stand in line in that heat with the kids, so I drove away again.

The tire can be replaced ($$$ ugh!) and I can go get my license another day. But I can't forget what Ron did for me. I'll have to think of some way to express my gratitude.

Quote of the Day

Scott and I are sitting in the living room. No TV on, kids asleep and all quiet . Scott is stretched out on the recliner with his eyes closed.

Me: Are you sleeping?
Scott: I'm not sleeping, I'm resonating scriptures on my heart.

Parenting Tip

Don't give your kid maple syrup for breakfast if you don't plan to wash their hair afterward!!!

(I'm learning!!)

Summertime

Summer officially starts today, but we couldn't wait! We headed over to the Thompsons yesterday afternap for some fun in the sun, or water to be more specific! The first swim of the year - woohoo!!!

Emma ready to go!

Toby's first dip...

I felt terrible after dunking him - I thought he'd like it! Emma was even going under!!

Emma gets a ride

Toby's turn

Mr T. with Landon and Toby

Nichole with Toby

Emma did not want to get out

unless it was to jump back in.

In previous years Emma has taken much of the summer to relax in the water. Last year we got her a life vest but she did not want to be free at all. Yesterday she kept begging to swim "on myself." It looks like we'll have to get her a flotation device of her own since she was wearing Landon's!

Toby chills in the shade

then passes out!

While Emma crashes on the sofa with Mikey because she never took an afternoon nap!

It's going to be a fun summer, I can tell!

Happy Father's Day

I think it's safe for me to say that our family would not be the loving, Godly and joyful family it is without Scott, aka Daddy. We are thankful for his wisdom, hard work and love, not to mention how much fun he makes everything!!!

Happy Father's Day to Scott, and all the fathers reading this. Your importance can not be overestimated, your love can not be more valuable and your leadership more crucial.

A wise son heeds his father's instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke.

Proverbs 13:1-3

Quote of the Day

" I love cake Mummy."

Why is this the quote of the day? I'll explain.

Last night Scott's mom sent me home with a huge plate of cake - I'm not kidding, about 8x8"!! Scott was working at a friends house in Delaware today and drove down there late last night to get an early start.
This morning I had no milk for breakfast, and no time to drag the kids to the store to get it, so I went without.
Our meeting at church went later than planned and I got the kids home just in time for nap, while I was starving!

Anyway, I've eaten pretty much the whole piece of cake! But before I do I gave some to Emma, who is normally not interested. This time she liked it and has been coming back over and over for "cake". It's actually chunks of icing I'm giving to her!! And each time I ask if she wants more she says "Yeah more cake, I love cakes Mummy!"

I guess it's to be expected but right now she's watching Dora upside down, laying on the floor. I'd be in for a late night if she hadn't skipped nap today!!

Congratulations

Last night we all went to Scott's youngest sister's graduation. Kimberly is now 14 and will start high school in September. I first met Kimberly when she was a shy little 8 year old and it's been incredible to see her grow and blossom into a beautiful, intelligent young woman.

Kimberly gave a great speech during the ceremony, one of only three student speakers from a class of 283! We were super proud. (I'm probably embarrassing her, but it's all true!)

As Emma's Godmother we are confident that Kim will set a good example for our little girl, and Emma already adores her Aunt.

it was a long ceremony and the two kids were restless so we left soon after Kimberly's speech and went back to their house. Scott's cousins and aunts were there preparing a little party, and Emma got to play with cousin Josiah and her three second cousins. The place was quite the kid-zone!

I got talking to Aunt Maureen and cousin Bevan (hi!) about home schooling. It's something I've thought a lot about, especially wanting the kids to have a Christian education and private schools being expensive. It's funny that we live in one of the best school districts in this area, but I still lack faith in the school system.

I'm going to consider it further, and for sure will get going on pre-school teaching for Emma. Not least, since she loves learning so much and is already ahead of the game I wouldn't want her to get bored at school and get disruptive.

We know a few people who have done home-schooling and for many it was very positive. Being a stay-home mum is a privilege and not everyone gets the choice of how to school their children. It's something we'll need to pray about and look into further, of course.

It's both exciting and nerve-wracking to think that Emma and then Toby will be starting school before we know it.

Quotes of the Day

I was sitting on the floor with the kids...
Me: Emma, give me a kiss
Em: Umm, no thanks
Me: Aww, Mummy's sad (making a sad face)
Em: [Pause] Cry Mummy, cry


Toby was standing rocking on his chair. Scott said "He's going to go over the back." a minute or two later Toby tips the chair and lands on his face.
Scott: See, he did it.
Em: Yay Tony, you did it!! You did it Tony! [clapping, and patting his head]

My nieces supporting the best team - though Eloise is apparently cheering on the US!!

Losing it

While driving around doing errands this morning I drove by a patio with a free-standing chair swing. It had the cushioned seat and canopy roof, just like my paternal grandparents used to have.

My mind went back to when we would go and visit. While the adults were talking my sister and I would go out back and sit on the swing. When the sun was out and it was warm it was so nice to sit there and swing.

The fond memories were well timed because I had a very frustrating morning! I realized that I lost my drivers license. I say lost, but it just wasn't in my wallet. I'm sure I took it out at the grocery store yesterday to get a store card. I don't think I got it back - the staff member too concerned with what flavors of Dunkin Donuts Coolatta are available.

I called and was told they don't have it. Quite rudely. I might go there and ask in person, praying someone has it. Otherwise it's a trip to the DL Center to get a replacement.

I'm not sure what's going on. I also lost my prescription sunglasses recently, and something else that I can't remember right now!! Yes, I'm clearly losing my mind!!

What happens next?...

Last night was bath night. Normally the kids sit both facing the faucet, Toby at the shallow end, Emma near the taps. Last night though Scott put them in facing each other and they started splashing around. It was so cute I got the camera...

That's right, Toby pooped in the bathtub!! It was the first time either of them have done that and we did not know what to do. After a few seconds we grabbed both kids out of the tub and abandoned bath time altogether, so I could clean the tub.

On the plus side we now know Toby's "poop face!"

New Nurse

We found out recently that one of Emma's nurses is leaving the area at the end of the month. When you see someone three times a week and they take care of your child it becomes a little more than a business relationship! We will be sad to see her leave.

On the flipside it means a new nurse needs to be brought in - a suspenseful situation. I got the call last week that the new nurse would be coming to train this week. It turns out she used to work at the pediatricians office that Emma used to visit, and knew who Emma is.

I couldn't place the name and description, so I wasn't sure if that was a good thing! On top of it, she just qualified nursing school, so she is a rookie. I was quite anxious waiting for her to arrive tonight.

When the knock on the door came I was relieved and pleased. I haven't had much interaction with Nicole, but I'd seen her a few times and was at ease within 30 seconds. She's really nice, keen and thinks Emma is adorable (of course!!).

As Nicole in new to home nursing she will have 3 full shifts with Emma's other nurse, learning exactly how to care for Emma. a more experienced nurse would come for about 2 hours and then be on her own!!

I can sleep easy now.

Did I mention that it only took Emma an hour to fall asleep tonight with hardly any tears - that's back to normal!! Clearly the pacifier kept her quiet though. Every few minutes I'd hear "Mummy, you OK?" I guess she really thought I would be coming back in there!

Holding out

We are in day 3 of binki-gate! Yesterday was a day of extremes. At naptime Emma cried out for the pacifier right away and I called back from downstairs "You're okay, go to sleep." She did!! (Toby is a sound sleeper!!)

Then when I purposefully made the bedtime process as close to naptime as possible (ie. just me, short, positive etc), the same response as the night before! In fact she cried and whined until the nurse arrived at 11pm.

I let the nurse know right away that I would not be in, and I had faith in her to cope!! When I bumped in to her in the hallway before I got into bed she told me she had said to Emma "Remember you're a big girl now, right?" Emma replied "Yep" and went to sleep. Not to be heard from again!

Whatever!

Today she cried a bit at nap-time, but I ignored it and she fell asleep pretty quick. Since I am still catching up from Sunday night, so did I!!!

Anyway, It's been okay and it seems to be clear that the crying at bedtime is somewhat intentional, which just strengthens my resolve! It feels good to be free of that crutch, just like it was when we banned it from outside the bedroom.

As for Toby, he's just as good as gold as usual! On Saturday a friend whose youngest child is 3, told me to to enjoy it while it lasts - I was cradling him while he drank his bottle. I dismissed it, but since then I have been doing just that.

I'm not sure if it's because I'm a second child, or just that I realize I don't have as much time to devote to him as I did for Emma when she was his age. There's no doubt that my capacity love doubled when we went from one to two kids, but my time halved!! So now I take every opportunity to love on Toby, play with him and when he falls asleep in my arms I'm quite a bit slower to put him down!!!

Time really does fly with kids, when you look back. I can't say I miss the newborn stage since I was so exhausted and nervous, but I could easily press pause and keep them as they are for a good while longer than they will be!

Prayer & Praise

On Friday I took the kids to see the doctor. It's kind of funny that this appointment was made because they were both healthy!! Toby needed to catch up on his shots and I wanted to get Emma's ears and weight checked.

Toby did great, he gets over the shots fast when you give him a bottle!

Emma was on top form, I'm glad they get to see her when she's not all sick and whiny! Her weight was 26.3lbs. I later sent this in to the dietician who was thrilled and told us to drop another tube feed! So now she only gets one tube feed (and water 3 times) during the day and a feed overnight by pump. That's 3 tube feeds gone , 2 to go!

On the flipside the doctor confirmed a concern of mine. Emma has been complaining about her feet hurting lately. I then noticed her ankles looked odd. I asked Melissa who shared my concern, and the doctor agreed. We'll need to consult orthopedics to be sure, but it looks like she either has flat feet or a problem with the tendons in her ankles.

This could be a cause of her instability and even why she was late walking. We'll have to see what they say. Probable treatment would be physical therapy.

Your prayers over this matter would be greatly appreciated.

In addition to that, Emma's sleep study is coming up in a few weeks and we are praying it will tell us she does not need the CPAP.

The week after she goes back to see ENT and we are anticipating the need for ear tubes. A "simple" surgery maybe, but unwelcome nonetheless!

Please pray with us, and celebrate the good news!!

Quote of the day

While hugging the mirror on the wall...

" I love you me."

Priceless!!

Night watch

Last night was not quite as straight forward unfortunately! Scott and I went out for a couple of hours, leaving the kids alone with Aunt Kimberly for the first time! They all seemed to have a good time and we were home in time to give Toby and Emma a bath before bed.

Toby went down easy and then Scott, Emma and I hung out in our room for a while. Emma likes to play Hide and Seek - she covers her eyes, counts to 10 and then says "ready or not, here I come!" You don't need to hide, she just says "I found you" when she uncovers her eyes! When you count she won't hide, even if you try to help. It's really just an elaborate game of Peekaboo!

Anyway, she was pretty hyped up when we put her to bed - d'oh! She asked for the binky right away and we went over the whole thing again. This time though we changed our approach.

When you lay down with her as she tries to sleep you can actually hear her trying to chew! As we have both had to quit smoking before (cold turkey) and Scott actually went through drug rehab (8 years ago, clean ever since!!), we recognized that Emma is going through withdrawal and that is tough.

Therefore we tried to take turns to respond when she started crying and yelling our names. We weren't convinced of the solution though, since she stopped as soon as we went in and wanted to talk! If she wasn't so darn loud (can't think how that happened!) we'd leave her, but Toby wakes up.

Around 9.30pm we got the call of dread - the nurse wasn't coming, a "bad cold." Awesome. I knew there was a good reason I should take naps at every opportunity. So, I made the decision to blow up the air mattress and just sleep on Emma's floor.

Once we did that I told her I had to go and pump before bed, and of course she fell asleep while I was downstairs!!

The air mattress was a little too firm, and not nearly as comfortable as my bed, so I slept poorly, and woke up with a stiff neck! That said, Emma was not a problem at all. She groaned occasionally and was eased with a "You're okay" from across the room.

At one point I awoke to find her sleeping on her back with her legs hanging over the side of the bed! I changed her diaper once and did not have to vent her at all. Even though I was in the room I did not bother with the CPAP, that is an all night fight!

She woke up around 6.15am, which is standard if no nurse is there to tell her to go back to sleep! Toby was already up so we went in to get Emma. I put Toby down and climbed back into my temporary bed! Emma and Toby played happily, if not cooperatively for a good while, while I "watched" with my ears - eyes closed!!

Since Toby loves to bang things together, as long as I could hear him I knew what he was up to! Anything he shouldn't have been, like getting Emma's books out, was met with "No Tony no!" (Yes, we find ourselves calling him Tony too!!)

Tonight we'll probably be a little tougher on the crying. Man, it's a lot of effort. I wish we'd ditched the binky a couple of years ago. As convenient as it was to keep her quiet etc, we know from Toby that they soothe themselves just fine without one!!

Oh well, you live and learn. I just hope anyone reading this heeds the warning - it gets harder and harder the longer they have it!!

No more tears

Emma must've stopped really crying after about 1am. That was after I'd gone in, half asleep with a bad headache, because her crying had started Toby stirring. She would only quiet down for short times and I ended up telling her nurse that I'd be putting an ear plug in to get some sleep.

(One ear plug in the ear not on the pillow, drowns out most noise, but I would still hear Toby on full volume on the monitor!)

When I went in at 6am the next morning she was passed out still, and the nurse said she had fussed a few times, but quieted easily. Sounds good. Emma was up shortly after the nurse left - her uncanny timing as usual. She seemed fine and thrilled to find Sleepy-Time Dora there.

We headed to church as usual for Sunday and everyone was in good spirits. Emma went into the nursery without any hesitation, or even a "Bye Mummy."

When I went to collect her from the nursery she barely looked up, and didn't want to leave - as usual!! The volunteers did say she was very tired though. A good sign for nap time!

We fed the kids their lunch at church so they could go straight to bed when we got home, as sometimes they fall asleep on the 5 minute ride home! They didn't.

Scott took Toby up, while I got Emma and Dora ready for nap. Everything went well, she was fine. we prayed and I left the room. About 3 minutes later I heard her calling for me. I went in and as you can imagine she asked for her binky.

I sat on the bed and explained again how the binky had gone bye-bye, all done binky. More tears. "Hold me Mummy." It felt like forever, but probably no more than 5 minutes, I tried to comfort her and eventually left the room with her still crying a bit.

After 20 minutes of periodic cries we heard nothing else. I couldn't resist checking on her and she had fallen asleep in the same position I left her.

So far so good.

Life lessons

Children have a funny way of teaching us things about ourselves and life without even trying. Whenever I am asked to share about lessons I have learned, or to explain a spiritual matter I usually end up with an anecdote about my children!

Take tonight for example. We decided that tonight would be the night that the pacifier would go. It was suggested that the "binky fairy" could come in the night and take the thing, specially placed in a bag, much like a tooth, and replaced in the morning with a gift.

Unfortunately that did not work out and I did not want to leave it another 2 weeks (next week being Father's Day it might spoil it!). Instead I splurged on "Sweet Dreams Dora" to ease the loss.

After a great day with lots of friends an fun, the kids were bathed and first Toby, then Emma put to bed. Emma climbed in and immediately whined for the binky - "Ninny"! This is not usual, and did not bode well.

I picked it up from the nightstand and preceded to tell Emma how much she is loved etc, and that the binky is for babies, so it's time for it to go. And now she's a big girl, her friends can come to stay. Whoa, look who's here - Dora!!

Of course Emma was thrilled. Dora's eyes close when she lays, she talks if you press her belly, and she's ready to sleepover. Awesome. Not bad at all.

5 minutes later, loud crying. I go in - "Ninny!!!" We go over it again, bring back the focus on Dora and leave.

A couple more minutes, same deal. It's okay though when Dora is talking. The problem - Emma's weakness, and fatigue mean she's not strong enough to press the belly!

I try and comfort her, having mixed emotions. One is extreme guilt at not stopping her anxiety when I can. The other is frustration that she doesn't understand it's for the best. After several minutes I say out loud "I need help" - Scott can hear me in the other room on the monitor!

He comes in and kicks me out.

As I listen to the alternating crying and Dora speaking coming from behind the door it occurs to me that the night Emma was crying with pain was easier than this. I could not help her then, but to hold her and provide some comfort. Now I know the solution but can not offer it!

Which brings me to Emma. The physical pain she felt may not have been constant, but it was not helped by anything. tonight, the emotional pain is not constant, seemingly occurring only when Dora is silent and the loss of the binky remembered. And so I am intrigued by what is clearly a direct link between Emma's thoughts and her suffering.

If only we were able to direct our thoughts, how much pain could we avoid inflicting on ourselves.


We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Phillipians 4:7-9

Here comes trouble...

Caught in the act! First stair climb.

When I put him down for his nap this morning, I went back in twice because I heard him playing, and if he stands up in his crib he doesn't know how to get back down! Both times he dropped to the mattress as soon as the door opened. 8 months old and already knows how to act innocent!!

Self-Portrait

by Emma