Neverending story

That's right, this story will keep going forever, or so it feels!!

The midwife checked me again today - we got right to it today, saved the discussion for when we know the state of things! I am now 2cm (formally 1cm), but the baby is hanging out high still. She said things are changing and she thinks I'll go into labor on my own.

That said, we have scheduled the induction "just in case." We were hoping we could do it on Friday, so Scott would have to take less time off, but they don't do that! So instead we have gone for first thing Monday, but there's always a chance it could get pushed back if the ward is full!!

As for the actual procedure, it will depend on how much change there is between now and then. It could take a small amount of inducing to bring on labor, or the full gamut! With Emma they started me on the hard stuff right away - Pitocin, which makes contractions strong and consistent. That would be the final stage this time, and hopefully one we can avoid.

So, I'm feeling pretty helpless right now. Another week of being heavily pregnant is not what I was hoping for. Sure, we'll be praying that the baby comes voluntarily before hand, but I also know that its better to pray for God's will and that the baby would come at the best time for him and me. I know I'm in good hands.

In the meantime we stopped off for a little "pick-me-up" on the way home - Chinese food and chocolate!! A girls gotta do what's necessary to keep going!!

Enough already

For the past few weeks we've been trying to figure out the best way to help Emma's bowels. She is afflicted with slow motility in her bowels probably due to the gastroschisis. What this means is she gets constipated and has very dry hard stools. Yes, it's gross but it's part of our reality!

I think it has become more of an issue lately because of all the real food she is getting, it's more for her to handle. The doctor said it should get better as she gets older and more used to the food. In the meantime Emma has a BM about every 3 days, but only after we give her some laxative. Most kids go daily or more often. We now have to monitor her output to try and lessen the discomfort for her. And so we don't end up back in the ER!!

Last night she kept waking and crying for no apparent reason, so I gave her a hit of Little Tummies, and she was able to go. She was still very fussy though and I noticed she sounded congested. Today she has quite the runny nose going on and is a little cranky. I hope it is a short lived issue!

That's tough enough, but I am also wiped out and unable to play with her. Even reading a book to her is a chore because I'm so uncomfortable. We have played with her new toys a bit today, but I long to be able to sit or lay on the floor and play with her.

Come on Toby - everyone's waiting for you!!

Sucker!

That would be me!!

Scott is working extra this week (until the baby comes) to finish up some jobs he started over the summer. It will be great to get them off the list and then we can just enjoy our free time.

Anyway, we had an early dinner with him, and then Emma and I went to Target for some exercise - honestly!!

Emma has been such a good girl today (except for the short nap!) and she was super cute as we browsed. I have a weakness for buying her things!!

At first I checked out the shoe selection for her, but decided to hold off on purchasing until the weather gets worse. Then we looked at the clothes and got her some black leggings - $3.77, can't resist that!

We hadn't wasted nearly enough time so I headed for the toys! Emma has grown out of the toys she got for her birthday and last Christmas. Since they are so close in time, she got alot of stuff for 1 year olds, and is now too old for. In fact, she is into stuff for 3 year olds, thanks to the therapists!!

I have some ideas of what to get her for her birthday this year, but know that I'll need toys in the meantime to keep her amused. So I picked up a Mr Potato Head - a great developmental toy. Then I got a new wooden puzzle! She has 10 or so, but this one is the alphabet, so has educational properties!!

I tried to see if she'd be interested in a baby doll, but she didn't seem keen. We have some dolls that she has always been wary of! I guess we can try again if we have issues with the new baby, or if she shows an interest. Right now, she likes cars and Handy Manny more!!

The last thing I picked up, the Handy Manny CD. She practically leapt on the CD when I picked it up! I discovered that I know all the words on the drive home!!

It's a good thing I haven't been out much with her because it's so tough!! A fellow mom asked me in the elevator when I was due. I responded with "last week" and got the genuine surprise!! She was sweet though, and said I looked great. You really can't hear that enough when you are shaped like a whale!!

Toby news

As you know, I had my appointment for the non-stress test and ultrasound this morning. I left Emma happily playing with Grandma Ellen, but not before I did everything I could in case I was not coming back!! I didn't even have time for breakfast!

It may sound crazy, but my anxiety about giving birth is not centred so much around the pain, but possible complications. There is always a potential need for an emergency c-section or other major complications. It makes it very hard to say goodbye to Emma! Nevertheless, the sooner we can get the baby out and bring him home, the sooner we can focus on being a slightly larger family again!! So off I went!

First I had the non-stress test. Two straps around my belly held monitors in place to monitor his heart rate. It's not just a snapshot of his heart rate, but a 45minute monitoring that also checks that the rate changes when he moves, as it should. To do that I had to press a button every time he moved.

At first there was not much movement, and after I had a snack and drink to get him going I asked the nurse if I could lay on my side. (Even on an incline, laying on your back flattens out the uterus, so I don't see how he could have moved much!) Shortly thereafter he got going and I lost track of the number of movements. Ten in an hour is the minimum you want and he well exceeded that.

That completed, the nurse laid me down for the ultrasound. The fluid levels are very good, which is why he is able to move so much, and probably why he is content to stay put!!

I had asked her to check the sex again for me, just to see if we could be more certain. She showed me evidence that it is indeed a boy!!

Then we took a look at his face. I didn't really expect to be able to tell much from a basic ultrasound, but we got a full view of some very chubby cheeks and pouty mouth.

Then the nurse told me he blinked, unaware of the implications of her statement!! I asked if she was sure and she said she was and saw him do it again. If indeed he did actually "blink" we can assume that he does not have Moebius Syndrome. I am reservedly optimistic!

So, the wait continues! We are seeing my midwife tomorrow afternoon, when we will likely discuss scheduling the induction in case the baby will not come out of his own volition!

The best

Ever since Scott got me a Nintendo DS for my birthday in April I've been looking for Tetris to play on it. Soon after I learned they had stopped making it, and my mum was the only person I knew who had it - not so easy to borrow!! I was not happy.

Lately I have been playing spider solitaire alot and the desire to get Tetris was stronger than ever - especially with all the waiting for appointments I do, and a hospital stay looming! however I didn't expect to get it.

Today Scott went to watch the football with the guys, and on his way home, unbeknownest to me, he went to a nearby town and picked up the copy of Tetris he had been searching for for some time!

He's the best!!! The day isn't all that bad!

Weighed down

This morning when I got up my belly felt like a 100lb rock!! Sometimes it aches, other times nothing - and I don't really know what it should feel like if it were a contraction!! (why didn't I pay more attention the first time?)

We went to church, and we had lots of well-wishers. Unfortunately I am not always gracious, but I tried my hardest to be! I lost track of the "still here" and "no baby yet?" comments. I know people are trying to be nice, but every day it gets harder to handle and my sense of humor fades more each day! Yes, I'm a big baby and need to suck it up!!

One question I get asked is if there are any signs of the baby coming. The signs I am aware of are: contractions, which I do not get, that I know of! "Lightening", the baby dropping - I'm pretty sure he's getting higher, not lower!! The whole cervix thing, that hasn't changed in two weeks!

So, there are no signs that I am aware of!!

I know, he will come out when he's ready (or when they induce me, whichever comes first), I know. I can't wait until the ultrasound tomorrow!! At the very least I can know that the baby's doing okay.

I'll update you when I can!!

still no news!

Last night the baby was unusually active for about 3 hours. I was sure that it was a sign of getting ready for labor, or maybe even due to mild contractions I hadn't noticed. Apparently not.

I am wondering the purpose of the "extra time" we're in right now. I think we are as ready as we can be! Scott's mom is all set to come and take care of Emma while I'm in the hospital (which is such a huge weight off my mind) and the house is as ready as it can be.

I do realize that I'm still pretty anxious about the birth and parenting a newborn, but I'm not sure more waiting will ease that! I have wondered if getting the ultrasound on Monday is a good reason to wait, in case they pick up on a complication we would otherwise miss. (always so negative, that's me!)

Wait, wait, wait!!

no news

Honestly, no progress with the impending birth!! I thought I'd better post something so you conspiracy-theorists didn't think my silence meant I was in labor!!

Emma lately

It seems like ages since I posted pics of Emma, so here are some recent shots...

Wild biker chick already!!

Daddy makes a great recliner!!

Emma's hiding spot

"Chips stuck to face" classic!

Watching Dora!

We did it!!

Go Eagles!

Hitting Dairy Queen for a sweet treat, with Abby and the Daddies

(Grandparents: Let me know if you want any of these emailed for printing!!)

Making Plans

I have the next few days all planned out!! We have a therapy tomorrow afternoon, and then church. Saturday Scott is planning to work and the cable guy is scheduled.to come . Sunday I expect we'll go to church as usual and watch football in the afternoon.

Of course I'd be happier if the baby came before then, but at least I have stuff to do.

Emma is being really patient too. Mummy can't sit on the floor to play with her and has enough trouble sitting on the sofa! I think she's even getting bored with all the TV she's allowed to watch! If she isn't getting tube-fed she's wandering around looking for a book or toy. That's actually a good thing. Even when she does watch, it's standing, leaning over the ottoman - this is good because she goes up and down on her toes, something the therapists are encouraging!

Although Scott leaves for work before the rest of us get up, he is also home by 4pm, which is about when Emma gets up from nap. If we can keep her on schedule after the baby comes, it will give me a quiet afternoon at least (I'm not anticipating getting naps!), with just the baby to care for.

Mornings are hard right now as I am not sleeping well overnight, but at least I'll be used to it!!

On the plus side, the anxiety I was feeling on Monday with Scott's work situation has subsided. Nothing is ever set in stone, but he has steady work for the near future, and his old boss seems to be suggesting he'd have work for him when that runs out, plus more side work!

As Chrissie pointed out, I went from questioning God for no work, to seeing him provide more than Scott can handle!! A very clear answer to our prayers, and one to remember when I have fear in the future! I'm very thankful for how it all worked out, and that you can also see how faithful God is when we try to honor him with our live - I often try to give testimony to his provision, and this is a clear demonstration.

Let's see what the plan is with this baby!!!

Focus Only on Doing God's Will
by Rick Warren

"Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light" (Matthew 11:27-30 TEV).


Expectations are a yoke. Some of you are carrying a yoke--a heavy burden--of the expectations that were put on you by your parents, or your husband, or your wife, or your children. Some of you are burdened down with a yoke put on you by your boss or by your teacher.

But most of us carry a yoke of burden that we've put on ourselves because of unresolved guilt and unrealistic expectations. We're trying to prove that we matter.

We take on a heavy yoke that God never intended in order to prove that we're important when God says we're already important: He created us to be with him and to fulfill a unique mission in life. That makes us important, not all the things we do (or don't do).

God's yoke is that we follow his purpose for our lives, and when we do that, things work out a whole lot better. When we go our own way in life, we hit one brick wall after another. In a sense, God says, "Put on my purpose, my plan for your life."

How heavy is God's yoke? Jesus says, "The yoke I will give you is light and easy." You say, "But my Christian life isn't easy. My Christian life is heavy; it's like a duty that I have to fulfill."

Then it may be you are out of God's will. You may be doing something that God never intended for you to do. I can't say it any plainer than this: It may be some of the things you think God is asking you to do, He's not asking you to do. Your conscious and your perfectionism are asking you to do them.

Jesus did not come to give you a burden but a blessing.

Am I saying the Christian life has no problems? No, not at all! We all will have a lot of problems. The Christian life is full of difficulties. The point is this: to live in the center of God's will is a lighter load than to live out of God's will. To live in God's purpose and plan for your life is a lighter, more relaxing, more enjoyable load than for you to live your own life any old way you choose.

If you say, "My Christian life is a burden right now," then there are some things in your life that you're doing that God never intended for you to do. One of the things you need to do is get quiet before God and ask, "What do I need to cut out of my life?" I need to focus on the things that really count--my relationship to God, my relationship to my family, my relationship to other Christians, my relationship to the world. That's what counts.

Jesus says, "Come to me all of you who are tired from carrying your heavy loads and I will give you rest." The answer to your stress is not a bunch of principles. The answer to your stress is a relationship to a person: Jesus Christ. "Come to Me. I will give you deep, abiding, gut level rest." It's a personal invitation.

Are you living under condemnation? If you are, Jesus says, "Come to me . . . and I will give you rest." In a sense, this is what Jesus is saying: "Why don't we do this . . . why don't we take that heavy yoke of guilt that you're carrying, take it off and put it down over here. Instead, let me put on you my light yoke of grace. Get rid of the guilt and let's replace it with grace. You see how much better this fits; how much more comfortable it is?"

Take off this yoke of perfectionism, where you're always trying to prove yourself and toss it over to be burned. Put on the yoke of God’s plan for your life; his purpose.

When you do that, your confidence will soar.

Working it

Scott started with the new company today, and is paired up with the brother of a work friend! He seems to be having a good time and the foreman has said he will keep him in work until the end of October, at least!

He let them know that I'm expecting a baby any day and they are fine with him taking time off as he needs to!

He also got a text from his old boss saying that they really are starting on Tuesday!! Scott told him he would be busy for a few weeks!

It will probably take some getting used to, a new set of colleagues and company, but I know that Scott is happy to get back to union work and a regular schedule. Me too!

No change

This morning was quite a change. Scott's alarm clock went off at 5.30am, something that hasn't happened in a few months! It was not as loud and obnoxious as I remember, but that might change once I hear it every day!

Scott left at 5.45am and I got up to relieve the nurse at 6am. Emma woke up at 6.20am - we can't seem to get her to sleep much after the nurses leave. This morning I knew she needed more sleep so I brought her in with me and she slept until 8am. I think I nodded off a couple times too.

I headed out for a midwife appointment at 9.30am. We both agreed that she should be the one to deliver this baby, so she checked the schedule and she is on call tonight and Friday! She checked me again and there really is no significant change though.

On the positive side, I haven't gained much weight this month, and my blood pressure has been good the whole pregnancy. The baby does seem to be growing though, which is good. I hope he doesn't get too big!!

There's no doubt that it is disappointing. Analyzing every twinge and movement for signs of labor is driving me nuts. I might try reverse psychology - making plans that I don't want to go into labor for! Works on most kids.

Anyhow, I've scheduled an ultrasound for Monday morning, to check the fluid levels and have a non-stress test to monitor the baby. I used to do that twice a week with Emma!! I'm going to live as though the baby won't be here by then.

Birth postponed!!

So, I simply can not have this baby until the end of the week!

On Monday evening, Scott was at a meeting of the church board and they prayed with him regarding the work situation. When he left the meeting he had a text from his former boss, which lead to a message along the lines of "we still have work pending if you're still interested," so I guess the bridge wasn't burned there!!

On Tuesday morning Scott hit the road, literally, in pursuit of work. First he tried the new soccer stadium, but that isn't ready for carpenters yet. Then he stopped by a construction site nearby and asked for the foreman. As it turned out, he was a guy Scott had connected with in carpenter school, so he remembered him, and enough to know what a good worker he is!

A promise and a phone call later, the guy called Scott with directions to a job site for Wednesday. He may also have work for him for the remainder of the week. The job tomorrow is putting plywood on a roof though - the weather forecast is rain, so hopefully it will be light!

Scott has to work 453 union hours by the end of January, so even just a few days will help bring the number down. Who knows, there may be more work off the back of that too.

I can wait a few more days, if that is what is needed! I can't speak for Toby though!!

There were several times when I thought the contractions might be starting, but they were likely false labor as nothing progressed. I know that it could be a while before the contractions become painful and clear. I just hope my water breaks so there is no doubt!!

Lets see what the midwife says tomorrow!!

Devotional

Eliminate Negative Self-Talk
by Rick Warren

"Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts" (Proverbs 4:23 GN).

Long before psychology came around, God said your thoughts determine your feelings and your feelings determine your actions. If you want to change your life, you've got to control the way you think.

Our minds are really an amazing creation. It would take a computer the size of a small city just to carry out the basic functions of your brain. Your brain contains over one hundred billion nerve cells. Each individual cell is connected with ten thousand other neurons.

In addition, you're constantly talking to yourself--all the time. Your mind is talking to you! You're talking to yourself right now. Research indicates that most people speak at a rate of 150 to 200 words per minute, but the mind can listen to about 500-600 words a minute. That's why you can listen to me and plan today's dinner at the same time.

In fact, our internal dialogue--the conversation we have with ourselves--is at a rate of 1,300 words per minute. How? Because our mind sees in pictures, and you can see a thought in a nano-second!

The problem is a lot of us are like Job, who says, "Everything I say seems to condemn me" (Job 9:20 GN). He is saying, in effect, "Everything I say puts me down." If you are typical to the human race, you are your own worst critic.

We're always putting ourselves down. We walk into a room smiling, but inside we're thinking, "I’m fat. I'm dumb. I'm ugly. And I'm always late!"

God wants us to stop putting ourselves down. When you put yourself down, who are you really putting down? When you say, "I'm fat. I'm dumb. I'm ugly. I'm no good. I have no talent," you're really pointing to the Creator who made you. When you say, "God, I'm worthless. I'm no good. I can't do anything," you're saying, "God, you blew it with me." That's why God says it's wrong to put yourself down.

How do you eliminate negative self-talk so you can become a more confident person?

The Bible teaches the principle of replacement: "Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right . . . Think about all you can thank God for and be glad about" (Philippians 4:8 TLB).

In other words, don't think about all those weaknesses in your life. Focus on who God wants you want to be and on what God wants to do in your life. I don't know any better antidote to low self-esteem (or to facing your hurts, habits, and hang-ups) than to read God's word every day: study it, memorize it, meditate on it, and apply it in your life.

There isn't a better thing you can do to raise your confidence level than to start believing what God says about you. As I read through the Bible, chapter by chapter, I find a verse that speaks to me. I write it down on a card, memorize it, and then I start affirming it back to God. "Father, thank you that I am valuable; I am significant; I am forgivable; I am capable." Let God renew your mind because "your life is shaped by your thoughts" (Proverbs 4:23 GN).

D-Day

Well, we made it. Today is my EDD (estimated due date). The first day of fall.

So far the baby has shown no signs of wanting to come out, so we may be waiting - as long as two weeks!! (I hope not!)

Today I'm going to stay as active as possible, maybe gravity will encourage him!

The good news is that the baby is still plenty active, which is a sign that he is doing well. So even if he's a little late it should be fine. If he's not here in a week I'll get an ultrasound to make sure the fluid levels are still high enough.

In the meantime I'll just smile when people ask if I "still haven't had the baby yet?" as they look at my huge belly! Surely they must not realize that everyone says the same thing!!

Daily Struggle

I feel as though I have had remarkably few bad days during this pregnancy, however today has been tough. All the patience I have toward waiting on the baby is equaled by the frustration I have about waiting on the baby!! It's not so much the birth as anxiety about handling two children on a day to day basis!!

Coupled with the uncertainty in our income right now my anxiety level is pretty high. You know that finances are one area I have struggled in trusting God, and I guess right now I am being stretched to put all my faith in him. He has always provided in the past, so I cling to the promises he has given and the examples of the past.

It is quite likely the combination of being 40 weeks pregnant, and the other situations that are making me down today. Not wanting to stay in a downer I decided to look back on the blog posts from November 2007. Perhaps I had some words back then that could encourage me now?

Indeed, I found a few interesting thoughts that have encouraged me today...

it occurs to me how much my emotions resemble a rollercoaster ride. One minute I am up, incredibly hopeful about Emma's progress and complete healing with no lasting affects; the next minute fearing the worst prognosis and wondering of the impact greater health concerns will have on all our lives.

Fear is always in the car behind ours, constantly trying to chase our hopes away. However, just as a rollercoaster, neither Scott or I is in the driving seat (or control booth!) ~ thankfully! As you know we have asked Jesus to fill that role, of the drive and direction for our lives, and it has never applied more than now.

He alone knows where we are heading and what we will encounter along the way, and that is a great comfort.

________________

Scott quoted a speaker at a recent conference who said "everyone wants a testimony, but they don't want to go through the test! You have to 'moan' through a test, to get a testimony!!" How true! It's okay to be upset about things that happen to you, however if you do not try to learn from it and seek the lesson, you may miss the good that can come from it.

_________________

Our decision is that we will accept the news, and love our daughter, with a grateful and joyful heart. We know God will provide our strength and resources and that He will be glorified through this. ( I think that is a big part of faith - being able to receive trials in the knowledge that it will glorify God).

There is an alternative option, which is to feel despair, anger and frustration. This benefits nobody, least of all us! We don't want to be negative and still have to face an uncertain future! How much harder will that be!!


And so, I continue to trust in the God of all resources (and hopefully that trust will increase) while also looking at our situation as really not the worst it could be. But oh God, I pray that the baby is healthy, we all remain healthy, and together, through these times.

Bridge collapse

The employment rollercoaster sails on this week! I believe the last I had mentioned was that Scott was due to go back to full-time union work this past week. That didn't happen, but we were given a "definite" for Monday (tomorrow) - the first "definite" we'd had. We were hopeful.

Unfortunately those hopes were disappointed with a text message yesterday (I know - sometimes a phone call is more appropriate!). Again, work was anticipated for the [ambiguous] "middle of the week."

Scott has worked for the same company since joining the union in 2002, and really has no desire to leave. Unfortunately they have not had any work for him for 4 months, and while his boss has found things for him to do here and there, non-union work does not contirbute to our benefits.

After giving the boss the benefit of the doubt for many weeks now, Scott and I decided that it is unreasonable to be kept hanging indefinitely and he let his boss know that he would start seeking alternative employment in earnest, tomorrow.

It is a leap of faith for us, because in doing so Scott has effectively turned down any of the additional work that was being offered.

With the new baby being due in two days (and hopefully arriving no later!) I can honestly say my heart dropped when his boss responded with "good luck." I don't know why I expected anything different, but I did. The tough part for me is that I can only be an observer in the situation and offer Scott my support and encouragement.

For Scott, who seems to be taking it in stride, I'm praying that a job will be available soon. He hates to be idle and is such a great carpenter. I know he is trusting God in this, to be able to provide for his family and will do what he needs to do.

I would like to ask you to join us in praying for clear direction and continued provision. Nobody wants to be in this situation, and many people are. However we have put our hope and faith in Jesus, and the promises given in His Word. We are thankful that God is by our side through it all.

Nursery, take 2

Before Emma was born we decorated our smallest bedroom as a nursery. Little did we know that she would also need medical equipment and eventually a nurse visitor each night!! So we made it as cute as we could, as you can see here...



The stripes were painted by a good friend of ours and looked so great. As Emma got older the room seemed to shrink and we moved her into a new room a couple months ago, leaving this one for the new baby.

Even if this baby turned out to be a girl too we still needed to re-paint the room. The colors turned out to be too dark for the small room with only one window. Expecting a boy just made the decision more definite!

I was thrilled with the way Emma's flower garden room turned out so I decided to do another fun theme in the nursery. This time I wanted to do a safari theme!! There are lots of sets you can buy with all the bedding and borders etc, but not only do we not want to spend oodles of cash on a childs room, I also prefer to do something a little more individual.

Amazingly we had enough paint in the desired colors from other rooms in the house, so we didn't spend a dime on wall paint! I did buy some wall stickers with animals though and the goal was to paint an umbrella acacia tree on the wall for an iconic image...

On Monday we projected this picture onto the wall and I traced the outline with pencil...

This afternoon I quit procrastinating on painting the tree and did it. I was pretty happy with the finished painting, and added the animal stickers...

I have printed some photos of the real animals we saw on safari in Africa back in 2004. I plan to frame them and hang them on the wall too.

All done

Last night, after Emma went to bed, Scott and I tackled the rest of the cleaning. We did upstairs on Monday, and hit downstairs last night. I'm not talking about your average [should be] weekly cleaning. Oh no, this is the kind of cleaning I only do when my Mum comes to visit!! In fact, probably even more so.

From dusting the top of the bookcase, wiping the blinds down to dusting behind the TV center!! One area I tackle often, but never seem to get quite clean enough is the stove! Thankfully Scott has the elbow grease, and once he starts a job he is quite determined!

I realize that it is probably overkill just for bringing home a baby, but I also figured we might have visitors, so I won't need to do more than basic cleaning to keep the place in shape for a while.

Earlier in the evening we went to the craft store to get paint for my nursery art project. (I am a little hesitant to start it, not really sure where to begin!)

The store had lots of halloween stuff out, but also some Christmas things. I suddenly got really excited about Christmas!! We will all be home for the first time this year, and Emma should have even more fun with the boxes and toys.

Too soon? There are less than 100 days to Christmas!!