Day of rest

Yesterday we all stayed home from church. I was feeling really rough and praying I don't have flu. Emma's runny nose and cough came back after a couple of days break and poor Toby is suffering from congestion too. Scott stayed to help with the kids and catch up on the rest he missed because he was helping with the kids!!

Toby has become very alert and awake the past few days and did not want to nap for more than a hour at a time yesterday. Thankfully Scott offered to take care of him in the afternoon, when we'd normally all nap, and let me sleep as long as I needed to.

Scott's parents stopped by around 4pm and Ellen watched the kids while Scott and Pops tried to make a dent in the leaves covering our yard! They actually managed to get them all raked to the curb for collection today.

I got up about 5.30pm and took a shower. That went a long way to helping clear my head. Unfortunately I have developed a hacking cough which is quite disturbing. I can only hope Toby is getting enough of the antibodies I am making in his milk.

With us both running low on energy the night shift is not appealing to anyone. Scott took Toby until midnight, unable to get him to go to sleep. I told him to give him to me in bed and sure enough he fell right to sleep snuggled in my arm. He did the same after the 3am feed!

Aside from the cough I'm feeling a little better today. Ellen is coming to play with Emma this morning, while Toby and I are going to run errands. I hope it will help us both get used to going out together, and give me a chance to catch up on things I've been putting off. The weather was so nasty last week, and Toby is not a great passenger. While Emma is very well-behaved I am still nervous about taking them both out with me.

The weather this week is chilly but dry, and with my parents coming tomorrow we will likely be out and about a fair bit. I hope this will give me greater confidence in taking the kids out so I don't turn into a hermit this winter. Remember "The Shining?"!!!!

Dancing Queen

It's been extra tough for me the past couple of days since I developed some sort of cold (sore throat, congestion etc) which just makes me even more drained! It's a shame because Toby has been doing really well at night since we discovered that Emma's chair puts him to sleep very quickly - it vibrates!

That said there have been some great moments.

On Thursday I went out to get stuff for Emma's birthday party leaving both kids with Scott. When I got home at 8.30pm he had not been able to feed her, stop the baby crying or put Emma to bed on time!! However they had managed to learn a new dance together. Priceless!

As you can probably tell Emma loves to dance and will dance on request even without music! Along with the HotDog dance from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, her favorite tune is the song at the end of Dora and today I remembered to put the camera on before it started. I think she got a bit shy, but you get the idea...

Now if only I can shake this cold before the warmer weather leaves completely. I am so ready to go out during the day for once!!

Thank You

As you already know, Emma has been working on her speech for some time now. She has a huge vocabulary when you combine both verbal and signed words which makes communication, usually, pretty smooth.

When Emma first started using signs we were so excited that 'please' was one she would use frequently and appropriately. She still uses it with a verbal 'please' too. Nowadays though we have noticed a new phrase coming out without any prompting - 'thank you!' What a joy to hear such a young child using thank you appropriately. Of course, you might not recognize it, but she often signs at the same time.

Other language that it fun to hear/see is the different use of 'more' and 'again' - a subtle difference that she grasps well.

I'm excited to say that 'mama' is a frequent word these days, reserved only for me of course! ('Daddy' still gets used for us both occasionally!)

Emma's personality is so quirky and brings us such joy and amusement. Just this morning, she had been watching Dora in her chair and stood up toward the end. As they approached the "We did it" song at the end Emma twisted her torso and froze, waiting for the song. When they started singing she was off, bending and twisting to the beat. She does it every time!! I keep forgetting to get the camera ready!

More and more Emma shows her personality when we are out, but she reserves the best for at home! My parents are going to have fun when they visit next week!

Picture Time

I know you love to look at pictures so here are some of the latest pics from our life...

Mums can multitask!

Emma brought Piglet home from Christina's the other day...

She's taking great care of him!!

Go Phillies!!

If I didn't know better I'd swear she was a teenager!!

Me and my girl!

Tub time!

So cute.

One or the other

Not only did I have to put Emma back to bed yesterday morning, but she was still whiny after a 3 hour nap in the afternoon! I refuse to give up on getting her a decent nights sleep - she's lately been getting less than 10 hours at night and making the rest up at nap time.

So last night I informed her nurse that I wanted to see what happened if she was not in the room when Emma woke up. Since Toby's room is still unoccupied I asked her to move into his room before Emma woke up around 5.30am. When Emma woke up I went in to inform her that it was still "sleep time" and she needed to go back to sleep. I closed the door and left.

I had the monitor on, and she cried on and off for a while but I didn't go back. I'm not sure when she fell back to sleep, but I didn't go in until 740am when I heard her moving around. My greeting: Emma sat up, said "hi" and waved to me! That is how I want to be greeted in the morning! Lately it's been crying and clinging so this was such a pleasure.

It is the other nurse for the next 3 nights, so Emma should sleep until the nurse has left anyway. Don't ask me why she acts so different with the other nurse!

I was up quite late with Toby this morning. He didn't eat until 11pm after which he threw up all over Scott! He then woke at 2.30am so I brought him downstairs to feed him. He would only take 2 oz and was crying a lot. He sounds congested and a little hoarse so I'm worried he might be getting sick. Staying hydrated is so important, but I can't just pour liquid in through a tube with him!

I got him to sleep by 4am and got some shut-eye myself before I got up at 5.30am. Toby joined me shortly after and I fed him another 2oz and laid down with him. He loves to sleep next to us in bed! When Scott got up he put Toby in his bassinet.

Toby and I got up at 7am and he ate another 2 oz. I'm not too worried yet. As long as he keeps taking about 1oz per hour I think it's okay. If he stays agitated and won't eat I'll call the pediatrician.

I tell you, if it's not one kid I have to worry about, it's the other!!

BTW, I'll be posting some new pics in the next couple of days, so stay tuned!!

Challenge

I knew yesterday was going to be a challenge - Toby had a pediatricians appointment at 11am and I had to take Emma along with us. Of course we woke up to a day of rain to make things even more interesting!

Somehow I was able to feed both kids around 10am and get us all dressed to go out! I ran Emma out to the car first, and then brought Toby out with me.

At the doctors I took out the double stroller we have borrowed from Christina - Emma sits up front, and Toby has a seat behind her. It's a long stroller but easier to navigate than the side-by-side style. I think Emma loved it, she was clapping and singing away.

We got checked in and were shown to our room - the stroller took up about 70% of the available floor space!!

The pediatrician came in and asked how we were doing. I explained my decision to pump rather than nurse and she was very understanding. She totally got that it takes so long, and I need to be available to Emma much of the time. Then she surprised me by saying that I could nurse him once or twice a day if I wanted, while I'd thought it was all or nothing!

While I was there we put him on the breast and checked his latch. She weighed him before and after. I was amazed - in just a few minutes he'd taken in 2 oz!! (I haven't tried it since!) We'll see how it goes.

Last night we continued with our 'routine'. Scott does the last evening feed, which we woke him up for at 10pm. Then when he woke up again at 1.30am I got up with him, and pumped. He went back to bed about 3am and started stirring about 5.30am. If I go to bed about 9pm I can get close to 6 hours sleep. Add that to the 2-3 hours we have at naptime I might be able to cope!!

Emma is still getting up before the nurse leaves and the nurse does not seem to understand what she is doing to encourage it. This morning I could hear Emma crying from 5.30 to 6am. I have to let her up when she's been awake that long, but she was so whiny I put her back to bed at 7.30am - I never do that, but I couldn't take it. I think she had a brief nap and I got a little extra nap in before Toby woke up.

If I could just figure out what the one nurse is doing that Emma always wakes up...

Shopped out

This evening we took our first trip grocery shopping as a family of 4!! It was time - the past couple weeks we have been living off the meals our church family provided, and then take-out! I won't deny that a big part of that was due to my exhaustion and not being able to find time to cook, the other part was that Scott had been working late most nights.

Anyway, we are trying to find our groove and after today went well it seemed like a good time to try and get back to normal. Unfortunately Toby does not like the car seat much, so we try to take him out after a bottle when he's sleepy!!

Emma continues to crack us up even in the car. She babbles all the time and when Toby is crying she copies him. She's also less shy, waving at people in stores! (She waves goodbye to her TV shows too!!) Thankfully she was pretty cooperative tonight, staying in the shopping cart and "helping" by holding the shopping - the baby's car seat fills the cart!!

There's no doubt we could get it done quicker if Scott stayed home with the kids and I ran around shopping!! At a push I think I could do it by myself, but I'll always opt not to if possible. No point in making something harder than it needs to be!

It was fun for Emma to get out and about, we even let her run around the supermarket - she doesn't run fast, and she kept walking into things as she was looking at her reflection in the freezer doors!!

Good news

When Toby was born without any complications it was a huge relief. It would not have changed our feelings toward him, but obviously we could look forward to a more straight-forward start for him.

Then we went through the whole tongue-tie issue, which threw me for a loop. I had to make decisions on feeding etc, which was a whole new experience for us. Emma's feeding schedule is under close advisement from the doctors, as most things have been. We are making decisions for Toby all by ourselves - scary!!

One of the other uncertainties we faced was that Toby failed his hearing test at a day old, and needed a repeat test within a month. For the past couple of weeks we have been watching for signs that his hearing is fine and telling each other just that. However, in the back of our minds nothing is impossible!

This morning I took Toby to the hospital for the repeat test. As we sat in the waiting room and I gave him a bottle it really occurred to me, this could go either way. Over the weekend my relationship with Toby has changed some. I am less frustrated and he is more alert. I feel much closer to him. That said I was preparing myself for whatever the examiner would tell me.

If there is one thing I have learned in the past few years it is that we (people) take far too much for granted. So when the examiner told me he passed the test in both ears I was flooded with joy, for him as much as myself. As standard as these tests are, every time our children pass even the most basic, I will rejoice because it is a gift.

After the test we headed home, via Christina's to pick up Emma. Christina has been watching Emma for me when I need to take Toby somewhere - despite having 3 other kids to watch!! It's been a great help and I really appreciate having such a good friend. We love seeing Emma give Nathan a hug goodbye - they're so cute!!

Church day

Toby made his first trip to church today and it went well. We fed him right before we left and he fell asleep in the car. I did have him on show for a bit before service and no one tried to touch him, or asked to hold him, which was great.

When he did wake up I put him in the carrier n my chest and kept him with me in the sound booth. During part of the service Scott and I had to go in front of the congregation, so there were lots of "aahhs" when people saw me carrying the baby!

After service we stayed for a luncheon and Toby slept in the stroller. When PB came over to hold him I had to turn him away! For one he was sleeping, but I knew that as soon as one person got him there would be a line forming!! I don't blame people, I'm just not ready for that yet. (PB - you'll be the first to get him when I am!!) I even make Scott use hand sanitizer before picking him up in public places.

There was actually a child in church today who had been in hospital with croop this weekend! I may be paranoid, but a "mild upper-respiratory infection" is not mild for a child with obstructive sleep apnea and trouble swallowing (like Emma) or a newborn!

All the media hysteria surrounding the flu and swine-flu makes me so nervous. I realize that there is no way to completely avoid it and practicing good (even obsessive) hygiene is the best form of defense. Then there is really praying for good health and protection.

As an added defense I've started giving Emma the extra breast milk that I don't freeze. It's already having a great effect on her bowels, I haven't had to give her laxative this week. I am hopeful the immunities will be good for her too.

One thing's for sure, Emma brings us so much joy. Each day we see new things in her that make us smile with pride, or just downright crack up! She's taken to walking around shrugging her shoulders, or stopping at random and squatting. When you ask her a question she usually says "no" while shaking her head and signing "no" with her hands!! That's pretty often as she forgets to say "yes" some of the time.

This afternoon she was listening to Scott's IPOD through the earphones, and talking into it like a phone!

This week we have a repeat hearing test for Toby on Monday since he failed the one they did at birth, which is apparently fairly common. Then Toby has a follow-up with the pediatrician on Tuesday. Other than that we are going to try and get into some kind of routine. The weather's turned colder so it will likely be home-bound!!

I got a lot of rest this weekend, and though I'm still exhausted I feel a little more optimistic about the week. Emma's speech therapist told me any remaining tongue-tie won't be a problem for Toby in the future. She actually talked me through nursing and said he was doing well with it - it was just too time-consuming with a toddler running around! I have been pumping and bottle feeding and it seems to be working well so far. Only time will tell if it was the right call, but I have much less frustration with him.

Pajama day

Yesterday we took Toby to our bible study at church. It was the first some people have seen him, others have visited. Everyone was cooing over him - so cute asleep in the car seat for most of the time we were there. When he did wake up for his bottle he was very well behaved and let everyone see his big blue eyes.

He went to bed after the last feed around 11.30pm, we did the same. He got up again around 3am and Scott had volunteered to feed him while I pumped! It worked well, but he was up again around 5am for the last 2 ounces of that bottle!

Emma did not sleep in as I hoped, even after I climbed into bed with her for a few minutes!! At 7am I let her get up and Toby was ready for food, so we all came downstairs.

Scott crashed on the sofa, until I got my chores done. Then I went back to bed and he watched the kids.

It's almost naptime now and we're all going to take a nap - after all, we're all still in our pajamas!! are we wasting the day? Oh no, its raining outside and we all need to recharge. (No tears so far today!!)

Yay sleep.

What's normal?

I'm so very tired. I think I got about 3 hours of broken sleep last night, 1-2 hours yesterday afternoon and probably about the same the night before. I have mentioned before that I don't function well when I'm tired, well that's not accurate. I function fine, everything that is needed gets done, to the point where I feel I'm still in control.

The problem lies in my emotions. For someone who might be described as loud or outspoken I have always been pretty internal with my emotions. My reactions often come from my head, based on what seems to be appropriate (my head sometimes screws that up of course!! Foot-in-mouth times!). When I am very tired my head doesn't do so well. Situations that are no big deal become huge and my reactions are emotional.

Take last night. It was about 3.50am and I was very much aware that I would be getting up no later than 6am if Emma was on her normal schedule. So at this point, having been trying to get Toby to sleep for the past two hours I was getting frustrated and upset. I fed him all he would take and while he was calm when I rocked him, laying him down ended in crying before long.

Maybe I should leave him to cry it out, but my husband needs sleep or his work can be dangerous (fatigue and ladders are not a good combo!) plus Emma soon starts crying herself if Toby gets going.

The other problem is I can't stand to hear babies cry, never have been able to (right, Christina?!!) And so I end up crying along with him trying to get him to tell me what he wants! In the end Scott wakes up and takes him. I think he needed a diaper change in the end. D'uh!

And this morning. Toby falls asleep on me and then wakes up half an hour after I lay him down. Should I lay him down awake? How long is it okay to let him cry for? I've been bottle feeding him so I know he's not hungry, and he won't keep the pacifier in for long, or at all if he's really screaming!

So I end up crying again because I don't know what to do. I held him until he fell asleep and laid him on the boppy - something you're not supposed to do, and I don't if I'm not there watching the whole time.

Emma has been wonderful. She allows me to use the TV to amuse her and she just kind of hangs out. We had a visit from the nursing manager today, not the most kiddie-friendly person, but Emma's all over her because there is someone who is interested in her and wants to help her with a puzzle.

While I feel like a crappy mother because I don't have enough time to spend with one child and the time I spend with my baby seems to upset us both, rather than fostering a wonderful bond. And in my head all I want to do is curl up and go to sleep. The organized, active life I had developed is shot to pieces and I don't know how to handle the new one that revolves around a little person I barely know.

I know there are umpteen women I can call and talk to, many in this exact time of motherhood. Thing is I don't want to be told things will get easier etc. No-one knows that for sure, or when! I need to know how to get through this time, how to find peace and joy to replace the fear and anxiety I feel.

I need the big guy, God, on this one. That's why I have to go to church this week. Every time I think about picking up my Bible or praying right now someone starts crying or needs feeding!

If you can, please pray for that. I want my hope back.

Your Weakness, God’s Glory

by Jon Walker


"For God, who said, 'Let light shine out of darkness,' made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us" (2 Corinthians 4:6-7 NIV).


In the same way God spoke light into the darkness at creation, today he speaks light into the darkness of our hearts. He fills us with the light of the Holy Spirit, so we're able to see God's face, Jesus, with greater clarity even as he transforms us into the likeness of Christ.

Our brother, Paul, explains we are jars of clay--fragile, chipped, imperfect--exactly as God designed us to be so others will see the "all-surpassing power" of God through our fractured and shattered lives. We stand as monuments of God's grace, and we bear an inscription written in God's own hand: "Within this earthen container, the One True God is at work."

Your weaknesses are a gift. You are God's jar of clay, designed exactly the way he intended. In the places you are weak, God is strong. Your weaknesses are an opportunity for God’s light to shine even brighter from within you.

You don't have to look good. So, stop trying! Just be who you are, a frail human designed by God to reveal his glory. Truthfully, we could use a whole lot more authenticity in the church. If you're hurt, say it; if you're angry, admit it; if you're in love, show it; if you're wrong, confess it; if you're in need, reveal it.

Decisions Decisions

Today was interesting. I was up at 5am with Toby so when Emma did her usual waking up at 5.30am I didn't try and fight it! We came downstairs for breakfast, getting an early start because we were due at the hospital for 9.45am. With Toby sleeping Emma and I were able to get dressed and ready, before the call came at 7.30am cancelling our appointment!! The doctor was sick.

I can't say I was too bothered about missing a routine appointment, but I had also planned to visit my lactation guru while there, so that was disappointing.

As I'm learning, Toby wakes up when he's hungry, not a few minutes before with a casual warning! So, today I was making the split second decision of trying to nurse, or grabbing a bottle which allays the crying faster (did I mention I have a hard time with the crying?) I opted to try the nursing a couple of times.

I don't remember the specifics, but I did end up crying my eyes out with a baby no more satisfied than before. As I've been told, nursing does hurt in the beginning, but it really doesn't feel much different than before his tongue clip. I also watched some videos on correct latch etc and he is just sucking, not drinking.

It may get easier in time, how much time no one can tell me. so in the meantime my decision is to either persevere alone, battling the emotional stress, getting frustrated with myself and my baby, or pump and bottle feed the baby. While the latter does not foster the same bond and 100% of the health benefits, I fear that pursuing the breastfeeding right now might actually be detrimental to my state of mind, and even the bond I feel with the baby.

I will look into the La Leche League and maybe seek support there, but if it comes down to me, myself and I, I think the choice is pretty clear. Not to mention the fact that Scott currently gives Toby a bottle about 11pm while I sleep, and that is huge.

Today when Emma was taking a nap her pulse-ox alarm went off and I had to run upstairs to see why she'd stopped breathing. That was a reminder that our situation is not "normal" and I do need to consider the needs of both children in my care.

This is an issue I'm struggling with, and I appreciate all of your encouragement and advice. The truth is that only I can make the decision (which I will always second-guess), and I have to believe that whatever it is, is not that big a deal!!

As you can imagine, right now the thought of having any more kids is a no-brainer, or at least a postponed conversation!! However, it's not because both of our children have physical issues. I have struggled with guilt about any possible role I could have played in Emma's medical problems, but I will not accept that our genes are responsible, (and there is no medical evidence to confirm it). I can't, because how will I be able to look her in the eye when she is older without hating myself.

Thankfully the Bible, the truth to which I hold firm, does not point the finger at us either.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139: 13-16

⁵ "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
Jeremiah 1:5a

¹As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. ²His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" ³"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.
John 9: 1-3

Why are these scripture relevant? They confirm that we are who we are because God made us that way. He does not make mistakes, but he does do things we don't understand, or even like, for a purpose that maybe only he knows or understands.

It is through faith that we trust the Lord in his wisdom and are thankful for all things, good and bad, which bring us closer to him and his purpose for our lives.

So, whatever happens with Toby's tongue, and Emma's Moebius I will not allow the devil to steal the joy I have in my children with feelings of guilt and responsibility for something I can do nothing about.

More questions than answers

This might sound hard to believe, but in 23 months I think Emma has shown signs of hunger maybe 2/3 times. Seriously. We have fed her on a regular schedule this entire time, every 4 hours and overnight. I'm not even sure she knows what hunger feels like.

So to have a baby that screams and screams when he is hungry is quite a new experience. Trying to nurse a screaming infant who tries to put his fist in his mouth is not much fun. then when he does start nursing it still feels like he's chewing on me.

Toby falls asleep frequently during feeding, so when I figure he's done and put him down it is quite frustrating for him to wake screaming two minutes later. Especially at 3am.

I have not done well with the nursing since the appointment yesterday. Neither of us seem very comfortable with it and it takes so long. Even after an hour he is not full. I don't have more time for him, if I'm going to sleep or deal with Emma. So I end up shoving a bottle in his mouth, which prolongs the problem of nursing properly!

I know from other women that nursing the second child is challenging because you have to meet the demands of the older sibling too. I get that, in fact I have lots of guilt because I feel like Emma is getting only the dregs of my time, not to mention the impatience that comes with fatigue.

I'm hoping it is fatigue that is making me so susceptible to tears as well. I feel so inadequate, possibly because I got trained on caring for Emma for over 3 months and she came with a set of instructions and medical team behind her! Toby is a complete mystery to me.

Maybe I should just keep pumping and not worry about the nursing. I don't know. It wasn't supposed to be this complicated this time!!

Challenging

Today Toby had an appointment to have his frenulum cut to free his tongue. I have to say it was not as satisfying a day as I'd expected. I'll explain why, in no particular order!

The pediatrician that saw us, let's call her Penny, is also a certified lactation consultant. She said that Toby's tongue-tie is actually pretty severe since his tongue was attached right up to behind his gums. She was able to snip it a bit, but it could be that it is not enough, in which case he could require further surgical intervention.

That alone was enough to make my heart ache. It is hard enough to watch one child deal with physical challenges and medical intervention. To have two children with issues seems like some cruel joke. As a mother I just want to give my children the best start in life.

Which brings me to the feeding part! How cruelly ironic that the children of two food-lovers both have feeding problems!! Toby may also have a speech impediment due to the tongue tie. Penny was not sure how well Toby would latch because of the bottle feeding I have been doing. We got him on after he stopped screaming, and he seemed to start feeding. It hurt a bit, but not enough to make me even wince!

If he is able to readjust that will be great. The only issue is that I am producing 2/3 times more milk than he takes. Somehow I have to bring that down so I can stop pumping. That carries the risk of blocked ducts and mastitis from not emptying. Oh joy!!

On a different note, Toby's umbilical stump fell off today (eurgh!) and it was "oozing" a little so the doc treated it with silver nitrate.

We have to go back in a week to check his weight with the new feeding, and get his belly button treated again.

Right now I'm feeling pretty discouraged, not knowing if he'll nurse properly, and get enough food. It's so tempting to stick with pumping since I know how much he is getting and it's more convenient to bottle feed, however I don't want to be a slave to the pump again.

And in the back of my head (right at the back, but there nontheless) I'm wondering how much all these appointments etc are going to cost because Toby doesn't have medical assistance like Emma. I would never let money be a factor in our getting medical attention, so I am ashamed it even occured to me.

Bath-time

I just had to share this one with you!

Oh Emma!

On Saturday morning I left Toby on the recliner momentarily, while I popped to the kitchen. Emma loves to sit in the chair, but can't get in it by herself, or so I thought...

Yesterday we bought a couple air mattresses for when we have visitors. We tested one out in the living room. The three of us tested it out, and in true kid-fashion Emma had a great time with it.

These are the kinds of moments that keep you going!!

New experience

Today we went on our first family shopping trip. We purposely kept it simple (just IKEA then BJs) so that we didn't have any meltdowns, and to squeeze it in between my pumping times (a four hour window).

Things started out well, we had Toby in his carseat stroller and Emma in a shopping cart (which she bears for increasingly less time!). Of course Toby was hungry almost immediately, so Scott paused to feed him while Emma and I pressed on toward the things I had on my list.

Between the showroom floor and the shopping floor (only makes sense if you've been!) we stopped so Scott could eat and I changed the baby.

We got a dresser which will double as a changing table for now, and about as cheap as they come so we don't sweat any dings!! A few other little things completed the load.

We got back in the car and headed next-door to the wholesalers. We get bulk purchases there, like paper towels, which the nurses use for hygiene, and diapers! Before we put anything in the cart Toby threw up, all over himself. We're not used to this yet, but it wasn't a complete surprise! I did bring a change of clothes at the last minute!!

I'm not sure what the deal is, but Toby seems to over eat and a few times (3am last night included) he has had major chucks! After many months of dealing with contents straight from Emma's belly, my son's puke does not bother me for the most part. However, it was everywhere and he was very fussy afterward.

Somehow we managed to get all the items we had coupons for and got out of there asap! Both kids slept on the way home, since it was well into Emma's nap time. Now Scott's sleeping!!

With hindsight it may have been a lot for little Toby to handle, plus I realized we should have laid him out in the carriage stroller since he isn't used to the carseat. However, it was a needed trip and went pretty well I think.

I am willing to admit that I am not hesitant about taking Toby out. Yet I am very reluctant to take him to church! Why? Because I know people have a compulsion to touch babies, despite all they see and hear. That makes me very uncomfortable since he is so young and vulnerable. I may be paranoid, but that's my right as a mother!!

When we do finally go to church I will not be letting him out of my arms and will probably be quite forward about people who try to touch him!! Those who know me well will expect no less I am sure!! Maybe I'll put some gloves on him...

Week end

This week has been a long one. Interrupted sleep for us both, Scott also did some over-time and taking care of me! The kids have done really well. Emma has a cold so she's been a bit sleep deprived too, and Toby has really slept and ate his way through the week.

Last night Toby slept most of the night after we swaddled him. Unfortunately Emma was up a lot with a bad cough that was getting her upset. However, I have had more energy today than most of the days this week!

Scott's mom came over early to watch Emma (who was up at 5.30am. Why??!!) and I got a brief nap in before Toby wanted his breakfast! The three of us all took an afternoon nap, and both kids were asleep by 8.30pm.

Scott is exhausted! I don't know where he got the energy from this week, but I am glad he is able to be home this weekend and spend time with us - otherwise, what's the point!

I do have a plan for this weekend of course! That is to get Toby's room ready for him to move in. We need to get a mattress, dresser and other bits n bobs to make it feel like his space. Then with the aid of a baby monitor, he can sleep in there in peace, and when he's awake Scott can sleep in our room in peace!!

Oh and one of my personal high points this week - I got into a pair of regular jeans!! (Sure, they were 2/3 sizes bigger than I wore pre-pregnancy, but it took me a long time to get into jeans after Emma was born!! A sense of normalcy.

We made it!

It's quite a phenomenon that a day can start out horrible, but actually be one of the better ones! I'm sure prayers had a lot to do with it, but having a speech therapy session gave me a reason to get dressed and moving. No time to fall asleep on the sofa.

Emma was positively delightful today, compared to yesterday, which may have something to do with the constipation she had then! I'm sure it's quite miserable to be backed-up.

Toby was mostly obliging, sleeping through Emma's therapy and naptime. I was able to get my head down for an hour or so, which was awesome.

Scott's mom is going to come and take care of Emma for me in the morning, so I can sleep in (just like Toby!). Although, we have no nurse tonight (so far) so it will be interesting to see how she sleeps in the morning! Since I'll likely be up and down having no nurse isn't as much of an annoyance (she says with foresight!!)

For all the trials of having two kids to deal with (sorry Chrissie if you're now dreading it!!) there are the rewards. Sometimes Toby will start to smile or even giggle in his sleep. Watching Emma love on her brother is priceless. She often takes him by the wrist, waves his hand and says "hi"! She's going to have a blast when he is old enough to play with her.

Therapy is going well, I think she enjoys the focused time she has with another person. This afternoon I was even able to turn off the TV and play with her a bit. If her toys are out she'll play happily, with or without me!!

In the midst of it all I am having fun thinking about and planning Emma's 2nd birthday party. The past year has gone so fast. This year she has friends her own age to play with and hopefully have a really special day, maybe even eat some cake!!

Tears and Cornflakes

I don't think crying before breakfast is ever a good sign, but sometimes you just can't help it!!

Last night Scott was home about 7.30, had me sit down while he took care of dinner and the kids. He even gave Emma a bath before preparing his lunch for today. I went to bed about 9.30pm and he brought me apple pie and ice-cream!! (I know.)

I got up about 12 to pump, which took about 15 minutes total. I went back to bed, and sleep. From about 1am every noise Toby made roused me because I was expecting him to get up and want feeding. Eventually he did and I fed him in the dark room. When he had chugged the one bottle I held him until he fell asleep and laid him down.

He woke up again shortly after, possibly to burp or poop which he does alot! I don't remember much, but I know he fell asleep in my arm about 4am, and I fell asleep to. At 4.40am I put him back in the pack'n'play. Shortly after he was up again and nothing was calming him.

About 5am I woke Scott and asked him to take him out the room, because I needed to get some sleep. He did, and I think he fed him again downstairs (That's 12oz in 5 hours!). When I heard Emma up about 5.45am Scott and Toby were back in their beds.

I probably didn't do well in hiding my frustration with the nurse that yet again, Emma was wide awake and off her CPAP well before 6am. The other nurse somehow leaves at 6am with Emma fast asleep! I grabbed Emma and brought her into our room hoping she might sleep again like yesterday. No such luck.

After 20 minutes or so of shushing her and telling her to sleep I gave-up and brought her downstairs in tears (me not her) and plonked her in front the TV. She's happy, playing around - she even takes my pump parts and pulls her shirt up!! She's determined to sit in her doll stroller too!

For all the rest I get in the evening, all the in and out of bed and up and downstairs in the night means I'm already hurting!!

I'm sure I'll get through the day and probably go to bed super early tonight. I just wish I didn't feel so guilty about having the TV on all day. I can't take her outside because the baby is too little and I still can't get down and play with her without hurting myself.

I know it will get easier eventually. Whenever that is.

Drama

I was naive enough to think that we wouldn't really have much problem from Emma when Toby came home. It's okay, you can laugh!! I have my reasons for thinking that, but I guess it's a good sign that she is reacting the way other kids do!

All in all she has been very good and is nothing but loving and affectionate with him. She wants to hold him and tickle him etc, which is great.

However the whiny tantrums that we never saw before are coming much more frequently. Today she wanted to drink his milk. This might be more of an issue because she gets 'milk' herself, only I don't cradle her in my arms to feed her - anymore!

Where before she would happily sit in her chair in front of the TV during a tube feed she is now constantly getting up and turning round to see what's happening. i guess we'll have to speed them up so it takes no longer than one episode of Diego!!

She has been crying out frequently in the night, but she also has a runny nose, so there may be more to it.

On Monday Emma was standing on the ottoman, about 18" up. Scott told her to get down (not to sit down...) so she stepped right off the edge. I didn't see the fall, but from Scott's horrified yell I know it can't have been a swan dive! She now has a scab under her nose where she hit the carpet!

Today I have caught her standing on the rocking recliner and trying to walk across our bed! if these are cries for attention it's working!

On the up side, she has discovered that she can hold our attention well if she sits in her high-chair and eats food! She's been doing great with that.

Needless to say the rest I want will have to wait until Daddy comes home to tag-team with me! I pray this is just a phase that she'll grow out of by, let's say next week!!!

Easy does it

Yesterday I really over did it. In the morning I went to get my haircut - it was necessary, I needed a pick-me-up! I took Emma to my friends for an hour (she had a great time playing with the other kids there!) and took Toby with me. The hair salon is upstairs, so I had to carry him up there in his seat. He did sleep the whole time though, so that was great.

Back home I got the kids fed, pumped more milk and made lunch. While the kids were napping (Toby "naps" all day) I had a visitor bearing cake!! (Our church family have provided a meal every day since we got home!).

Scott came home early to watch the kids while I went to the midwives to get everything checked out. All is well, thankfully, and I think I have actually avoided full-blown mastitis this time, a huge relief.

However, after Scott went to a church meeting I had major cramps and I could hardly stand. I knew I needed to rest and getting Emma to bed was going to be very hard. He came home and made me sit still the whole evening!! He took care of the children and me like a champ. I know I couldn't be in better hands.

I learned my lesson, and will not do so much for a while. It did feel great to get out, and manage with two children so that has helped my confidence level. Since I have to take them both to a couple appointments next week it's a good thing!

I slept really well last night - for a few hours!! Toby likes to stay up after his 2am feed, until about 4am. Though he'll only go back to sleep if you feed him again at 4am!! I hope to get a nap today and maybe even early to bed so that I don't mind being up with him.

This morning I was able to get Emma to sleep in with me until 8am, so I caught up a bit! She is still napping for a couple hours each afternoon - I couldn't do without that!!

Sleep has become a great juggling act!!

Little mummy

More lightning

A couple of weeks after Emma was born I ended up in the Emergency Room with an extremely bad case of mastitis (breast infection). It was the worst experience of my health life!!

Tonight, with disbelief, I told Scott that the signs are there that I have it again!! He was understandably worried - that ER trip was very hard for him too.

I began the steps you take to work through the infection as I can't get antibiotics unless I get a fever, at which point it's already bad. We are praying this will be enough.

On another note, my episiotomy has not healed and I need to head in to get that checked. (Sorry if that was TMI!)

I guess I underestimated how much "care" I needed to take of myself! It's not a natural response when you have two young children!!

I'll keep you posted, but please pray for us. I can't afford to be out of commission, let alone a stack of medical bills!!

Toby's first pediatricians appointment went well today.

He was 9lbs 14oz at birth, and dropped to 9lbs 5oz by Thursday. Babies are supposed to lose some weight, and gain it back by the end of the second week. He is currently at 9lbs 12oz!!

His circumcision healed well and his umbilical cord is healing nicely.

Everything else looks good and we are hoping to take him back to see one of the other doctors this week to get his tongue freed.

The best part - I made it out of the house with two children in under 10 minutes!! Woohoo!

so far so good...

Last night was much better. Toby's 4th night home and I figured on some kind of schedule to maximize our sleep!

we fed Toby at 10pm, while I pumped. He woke up at 1.30am and I gave him a bottle I had ready. Once he was done I pumped (and caught the end of the Phillies game!) and went back to bed. Toby wasn't quite ready to do that so he fussed for a while, until I gave him some of the next bottle!!

This morning he woke up at 6am for the rest of that bottle and fell back to sleep. Emma was awake, but being good, so I went in to get her up after Toby was content. I got a lot more sleep, and also had a couple naps yesterday which has helped.

It worked out really well and Scott did not get woken up once! (We can't having him nodding off at work!!) I even made my bed and put away the clean laundry Scott did yesterday.

I haven't figured out how to get a shower in yet, other than nap time, but that's a job for another day!!

Emma has therapy at 9.30am, which will carry us nicely to lunchtime. (I don't think it would be right to take a shower while Melissa's here, but I was tempted to ask!!) I'll get dressed for that!!

We have Toby's first pediatrician appointment after naptime, when we'll know what will happen about his tongue. Emma will be getting her flu shot at the same time, so Scott is meeting us there - two kids and shots, that's too much for one parent!!

I debated the vaccination thing, and ended up getting a flushot and Tdap (b/c it includes whooping cough which is a problem again) in the hospital myself. Emma is getting a flushot, but I'm going to avoid the H1N1 vaccine for now.

New love

It seems that Emma has a new love in her life - Diego!! Whenever she gets in her chair for a tube feed I ask her what she wants to watch on TV (Dora, Go Diego Go, or Handy Manny - all recorded on the DVR). At the moment she goes for Diego every time!

In fact, this afternoon she actually started to sing the theme song! I have only heard her actually interact with these shows occasionally, but she was all over it today. Words, gestures, the lot.

I am sure she has matured even more this past week. Her walking has improved greatly and she is very steady now. She is using her words more and she loves to help with Toby. Since we've been giving him the bottle she is able to hold it while he drinks, in addition to holding him for cuddles.

Today Toby was laying on the floor and she kept getting down and giving him kisses!! He is very lucky to have such a loving big sister.


Yesterday Grandma Ellen brought Emma a stroller of her own and she has been pushing it around non-stop ever since! The passenger tends to be the stuffed dog, who is the perfect size. The kid in me is tempted to put Toby in there, but with Emma, if you do it once you'd better be prepared to do it again!!

Scott had to run out this afternoon and wouldn't you know it that both kids woke up at the same time, just as I was about to pump!! I stayed calm, changed Toby and put him back down. I then went to get Emma up - but she was all clingy and whiny, so when I put her down to feed Toby she started fussing. Thankfully Scott came back and took her outside with her stroller. She loved that - going outside is all she wants to do.

I've had lots of encouragement about the nursing, and I'm thankful. Once Toby gets his tongue clipped I'll be right back at it and expect it to go well. In the meantime I am thankful to have an alternative that gives the same benefits to him. I'm pretty sure that the tongue does a lot to soften the experience - like covering the harder bottom gums!!

Tomorrow I will be taking it minute-by-minute and will just have to get used to not being able to keep everyone happy all the time! If I can get to lunch-time without a melt down it will be great - then Emma will take a nap and Scott gets home right after that!

Ton of bricks

Yes, it's 4.30am, and I should be sleeping. Let me recap the night for you!!

7.30pm - Toby gets his first bottle of 2.5oz
10pm - we go to bed and take a 4oz bottle to feed him
10.30pm - bottle is long gone
(before the bottle we changed his diaper. he pooped as soon as he began to eat. we changed it again after the feed and he would not go back to sleep. finally falls asleep on Daddy.)

1.30am - Toby wants to eat, but I had not pumped. Scott tried to calm him, but the crying woke Emma! Finally I give him a 4oz bottle.
Halfway through I change his diaper so he can fall asleep at the end of the bottle. He immediately poops when he takes the next gulp. I wait and change him at the end.

I forget how long it took to get him to sleep again - we can't let him cry it out as Emma wakes up!

By 3am he was awake and crying again. I changed his wet diaper (his butt is so red from all the teeny poops) but that was not enough. I finally stuck my little finger in his mouth and he went to town on it. He couldn't possibly be hungry.

After quite a few minutes I gave in and nursed him! He was satisfied, for a few minutes and then started up again!! Having had little/no sleep I started to worry about how I am going to cope with this every day. ( I did try a pacifier even - I'm that desperate, but he was not interested!!)

I woke Scott up after a few minutes, with no ideas left. He took him from me and eventually, after sucking on Scotts finger for a while he fell asleep in his arms.

And so, I am now up again, pumping to get ahead of the game. I am producing about 6 oz at a time, so I have to do it regularly. I can't do too much to increase production because I don't want to get engorged when we go back to nursing! I don't know when Toby will wake up next, and I don't even know if I should bother taking him from Scott and putting him in the bassinet - is it worth the risk!!

The kicker is we really need to buy some bottles because we only have two tops to use for feeding with the ones we have!

I have told Scott to take Emma to church in the morning though. I don't want her going stir-crazy in the house since I can't take them both out by myself for a while. I plan to stay in bed as much as possible - my feet are swollen like balloons and I can feel the effects of this stress on my body.

Oh, I know this is pretty much par for the course for all parents with two kids. I don't think I fully grasped how hard it would be (though I thank God it isn't harder). It will sure be a challenge to get through each day without worrying about the days and weeks ahead.

i'm going back to bed now!! Emma will be up in an hour!!

Tongue Tied

The course of true love never runs smooth? The same can be said of parenthood!!

Even though Toby has none of the major health concerns that Emma faced I am not naive enough to think he would not come with his own issues - what kid doesn't!! My instinct was confirmed quicker than I anticipated!!

I have been nursing Toby since birth and it's been going really well. The only problem has been the pain. While I have never breastfed a baby before, I have been told that pumping is far more painful, which surprises me given how much nursing has been hurting. In fact, assuming that it is just the initial phase of nursing did not satisfy me - I have been told by specialist that it really shouldn't hurt to nurse (the pain is more a constant discomfort until your body gets used to the little eater.)

I can't tell you how I knew to do this (other than remembering seeing a TV show some years back), but I took a look inside Toby's mouth. Sure enough my suspicions were correct. Toby showed signs of "ankyloglossia." That is a scary-looking word for tongue-tied.

The piece of skin under his tongue (frenulum) is attached almost all the way to the front of his tongue. That makes it darn-near impossible for him to stick his tongue out, let alone freely move it during the feeding process.

In turn, it means that when he nurses he is effectively just biting me, over and over!!

You are likely thinking I'm paranoid, which I think is what Scott thought too. So I contacted my friends at the hospital (remember, the breast-feeding team!) and asked for their opinion. One happened to be working today so we headed down there for her opinion. She confirmed tha he is really tongue-tied.

The good news is that it is a quick, easy fix - a quick snip which is likely less painful than the circumcision and heals quicker!! If the pediatrician won't do it on Monday then we hope to get him in to the hospital pretty quick to get it done. Should be a brief outpatient visit.

In the meantime I pulled out my old buddy, the breast pump, to get some fast-food for Toby. I actually had it out anyway as I was getting engorged. It took me about 5 minutes to get about two meals worth.

It's possible Toby has not had enough to eat all week because he was unable to suck efficiently. Sure enough, he chugged down the first bottle super fast and looked very happy after.

Emma being cute!!

At the hospital last week...

We're back!!

It's been a good couple of days. Yesterday was a long day and it was made all the more trying by my physical limitations! I do not remember having such a physical recovery to make with Emma, but I wasn't trying to care for children then!

Nevertheless we have made it to the weekend! Scott worked today and his mom came to help me with Emma - at 6am no less!! We are so thankful for Scott's parents, who also stayed at the house with Emma for a few days.

Emma has been great with Toby, as you can see...

She loves to tickle him and rub his head!! She can be a little vigorous with the patting but she's generally very gentle. Emma also loves to point out his facial features, so we have to watch her when she goes for his eyes!!

All is well. Kids getting along great. I'm going nuts w/out internet!

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Home sweet home

We are home but having internet problems! Will post soon.

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First, let us say GO PHILLIES!!!!

It was a long night for several reasons. Firstly I am still waking Toby every 2-3 hours to feed, which is a process! If you've ever tried to wake Scott up you'll know what I mean!

Then the nursery nurse kept coming in to check on Toby. She almost seemed annoyed that she had to come to my room! On the contrary she should be pleased that I was rooming in and nursing my child!

My nurse came in a couple times to check on me, well several different nurses actually!

After nursing Toby he wanted to cuddle with me rather than go back in his bassinet, and I wasn't sure how much I should let him cry!! So we ended up nodding off together a couple of times before I would put him back in his own bed.

It wasn't until after about 6am that I actually got a good hour of continuous sleep! I slept on and off until about 11am when Scott got there. He'd stayed home with Emma for a while - apparently she is missing me! Hopefully I'll get out of here fairly early tomorrow.

I had a visit from my midwife and the midwife who was with us during the bulk of the labor. She thought we had done great and gave special kudos to Scott, who she thought was awesome! (I already knew that!) The nurse who had started the induction on Monday also came to visit!

Although I feel like I'm in prison I know I need the enforced rest, and my body is quickly recovering. The midwife told me that when I go home I am to be the queen for 2 weeks, not overdoing it or I'll reverse my recovery. I hadn't realized that I had gotten that rest with Emma because I was simply sitting at her bedside for weeks. Of course I also got mastitis because I wasn't staying hydrated etc!

I doubt I'll be queen-like, but I will try and take it easy, doing only what needs to be done by me at that moment.

First Night

This afternoon Emma came in to meet Toby. She came and sat on my lap, pointed to the baby lying on the bed and chuckled! She refused to touch him but did wave. By the time she left she was patting him and even gave him a kiss!

We had a few visitors and Toby slept through them all pretty much. In fact we had to call the nurse to help us wake him up so I could feed him! While nursing requires a lot more patience and trial and error than pumping, it is nice to not have bottles to wash.

This will be a first for me, not only spending a night alone in hospital, but with my son!!! I can't quite get used to having a son and a daughter! Whenever someone says "he" I think "who are they talking about!!" It's been all about Emma for so long!!

Scott had to go home to sleep as there is nothing but a rocking chair for him to sleep in. Before he left though he changed Toby's poopy diaper, and got a shower!! He forgot everything we'd learned about changing boys diapers!!

Being in the hospital is strange. It's almost like being in a hotel, but the decor is not very attractive and the nurses are always popping in.

I'm pleased to say that the residuals of pregnancy are healing well - except for the big belly! However I do have some pain and discomfort. I'm getting meds to deal with it, but I hope that won't be necessary for long. I'll take it as easy as possible for the rest of my stay - until Thursday morning!

Good boy

It's been a strange day. Both Scott and I got very little sleep, but it was for a good reason!

When Toby was born this morning they took him across the room to suction his mouth since there had been meconium in the amniotic fluid (he pooped in uetero!) Then they cleaned him up and because of his size did a check on his blood glucose (which was fine both times!!). In the meantime I was getting cleaned and stitched up, wondering when they would let me hold him!

It felt like forever, but eventually I got to hold him, and see his face close up. He looks just like he did on the ultrasound last week, which is weird!

It seems we've told enough staff Emma's story that they are being very helpful for a second baby, and very encouraging, especially with nursing. I was concerned the support would be lacking since I'm used to a team of experts, but it has been great.

When the room calmed down and most of the nurses left (there were about 7 of them at one point!) I tried to nurse Toby. Remembering the book I read a couple months ago, and taking guidance from the nurses he seemed to latch on. Since then he seems to be getting better each time. I guess only time will tell.

Despite his"huge" size he still fits into newborn size clothes, but I'm sure that won't last long!!

This afternoon Scott is going home to get Emma so she is the first person to meet her baby brother. We'll probably be stuck here until Thursday, so I expect family and some friends will visit, but the room is the size of a broom closet, so we think it would be better to visit us back at home.

Baby Toby

Welcome

At 7.57AM this morning, October 6, 2009 we welcomed Toby Samuel M. into the world. Weighing a whopping 9lbs 14oz I delivered him the old fashioned way, which was made harder by him being face up! (That's both Emma and Toby making life hard!)

My contractions really got going around 11pm last night, after taking an Ambien to sleep I realized they were the real deal and weren't going away. We stopped the meds and I got into the jacuzzi tub, which was awesome. The ambien also helped me to relax between contractions.

Despite strong regular contractions I stalled at 7cm for two hours. (Probably because of Toby's position) I decided to get an epidural because I was exhausted and concerned I wouldn't make the actual delivery. As it turned out that was a very good call...

After an hour or so dozing with the epidural I could fell the tell-tale pressure that it was time to push. Our 3rd midwife arrived at 7am and got everything ready.

The epidural was not a total block so I felt a lot of discomfort. Despite the poor position Toby came out in (probably due to my pelvis!) He was out in about a half hour. I did have a small episiotomy as his head was a little large and slipped right back every time I rested!!

We'll have pictures for you later.

The Longest Day

I'll spare you all the tedious detail of this incredibly long day!! Suffice to say I am quite frustrated that after 12 hours there is still no new baby, but hopefully soon.

We started n one medication which worked some on my cervix, but not enough to get going on Pitocin, the contraction inducing med. Therefore I got a new medication at 6pm which they will let take effect overnight (overnight!!!!) and then we'll start the Pitocin in the morning.

Unless the current meds kickstart my body into laboring by itself, at which point I can get up and move around.

In the meantime Scott went home to see Emma and put her to bed. I miss her so much and got to speak to her on the phone. If we are really no further along by Tuesday afternoon I am going home!!

They will give me a sleep aid to get some rest tonight, until I go into labor! (I'm trying to be optimistic!!)

I borrowed my friends laptop to get online this time and hopefully she'll leave it with me so I can keep you posted, but in the least I'll text from my phone.

Update

No contractions yet! No internet either!

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12 hours to go-time!!

Scott and I went to church this morning, while Emma hung out at home with Grandma Ellen. After a week with a runny nose (and the extra work that causes!) I did not want to put her in the nursery with the other kids. It's that season now and I don't quite know how we can do church all together without her catching every sickness going around. Take it week by week I guess!

It was nice thought to actually focus on the message and service instead of half thinking about Emma. I probably won't be there again until the end of the month, so I'm glad I went. I think I even managed to smile politely at the people who asked about the pregnancy. I think some don't realize how overdue I am and how frustrating it is!!

Then we had a quiet afternoon at home. Emma slept until 4pm and Scott and I watched football together. Actually I took a catnap on the sofa and enjoyed a great foot massage!! (I'll miss those perks of pregnancy!!)

Then we went over to our friends house to hang out for a few hours. Our schedules are usually conflicting so spending time together is hard anyway. I am planning to keep the baby home for a couple of weeks where possible, so our social life will be even more quiet. Probably won't hurt!!

And with that I'll sign off!! The next posts will be all about the new baby, and maybe some details from the delivery (nothing graphic I promise, Jeremy!!) Please keep us all in your prayers as our family enters this new phase in the adventure!

With no signs of "real labor" we are off to church this morning, and then an afternoon of taking it easy!

Looking ahead to Monday...

Labor begins...

My contractions started on Friday evening, but they were irregular and not particularly strong. I gave up trying to time them and fell asleep by the time Scott got home (he worked until 2.30am!!)

At 6.30am I informed him that I'd had 3 contractions all 8 minutes apart. After some more time I called Moon, my midwife, to see what I should do. She said to carry on as usual and even go with Scott's suggestion of eating out for breakfast!

We went to The Coffee Station and the waitresses were all asking when I was due. We decided not to alarm them by explaining I was already in labor!! We weren't there long and then went to Home Depot for light bulbs. Walking is supposed to help early labor!

When we came home it was still only 10am, and I got to work on the laundry and cleaning the house. Eventually we all took a nap, by which point my contractions had become irregular again, so I figured perhaps it was a false alarm.

When I got up after nap the contractions started up again and I timed them between 5-6pm and they were coming every 5 minutes. I called Moon up, as the instructions say to, and we agreed to meet at the hospital.

In Labor and Delivery they strapped me to the monitors and indeed my contractions were coming evry 4-5 minutes. However, they weren't very strong and I was no more dilated than I was on Tuesday - the baby does not want to come down and I guess the contractions weren't enough to push him down.

The consensus was for us to leave and come back when the contractions were stronger. Scott and I weren't sure what to do! Scott's parents were already prepared to stay overnigh with Emma, we were free!

On a whim we went and got milkshakes and drove down to the city. This might seem odd, but we spent most of our courtship in the car when Scott would drive me home after church or evenings with friends. We used to talk a lot and we missed those times when I eventually moved out to the burbs.

We reminisced about the early days of our friendship and then dating! Every time we do that I'm always surprised by how long Scott took to admit he liked me!! We drove the same way we had on many occasions, past my old apartment building and the whole time I was having pretty decent contractions.

We went home to wait until they contractions increased in strength, and they did, for 3/4 contractions and then they stopped. Completely.

I'll keep you posted!

What is going on???!!! I suspect the same thing that I apparently did to my mum!!

Counting Down

We're getting so close I can smell it!! At 7am on Monday we are scheduled to begin the induction for delivery of our new baby. Not a moment to soon!

That said, there is always a chance I could go into labor before that! The suspense is making me nuts. I am still analyzing every twinge, and even timed some on Friday!

At the very least it would be great to get there on Monday and discover that I'm really ready for labor and only a small amount of medication is needed to induce the labor. The more meds, the more monitoring and I was hoping I would not need continuous monitoring this time.

I will be kept in for 48 hours after the baby is born, so for that reason we are hoping the labor is quick!! (Sure, shorter time for pain would be good too!)

So what are the plans for the final weekend? For one, we need to clean again!! Catch up on laundry etc. I wish there was some way I could prepare Emma, other than reading the "I'm a big sister" book another 90 times!! I will try and get some rest in there too!

I'm starting to get excited!

Big changes

Emma was up before dawn again today, well, 6am at least! She had a rough night with coughing, but her nurse said it just seemed to stop in the early hours. She was pretty perky all morning and seems to be doing better on less sleep these days.

I slept quite well and have discovered that if I don't eat breakfast I don't get sleepy in the morning!! Instead I took a shower, got dressed and took Emma out in the car. Our destination? The Carter's store for baby clothes.

Since the nurse reiterated that the baby looks like a boy I figured it would be safe to pick up a few more boy clothes so we don't have to rush out as soon as he's born. Even though the midwife is predicting an 8-9lb baby, I thought I should have a few things in newborn size, since often they run big.

Carter's had a sale on and I got 4 sleepers with feet in NB size, and a few things in 3M for when he gets a bit bigger. I also got a fleece suit for over the really cold winter months.

I will wait on anything else since I don't know how fast he will grow, or even how often I'll need to change his clothes! Emma was 9lb at 3 months, and had a reflux problem!

We've been offered lots of hand-me-downs from friends, so when I figure out whose kids were born in the same season I can accept the offers!!

In the meantime I found out today our neighbors have sold their house and will be moving in the next couple months. They are our grandparents age, and have been really good neighbors. They also have 2 Pomeranians which used to scare Emma with their barking. Now she will actually stand in the yard with them while they run around her. She has the cutest giggle when they lick her hands!

Our new neighbors will be the same age as us, so we hope that we'll be able to connect with them. They couldn't ask for better neighbors ;-)

To keep you up-to-date on Scott's new job, they really like him, but the work will be running out in the next few weeks! Before telling me this though Scott spoke to his old boss, who does now have work and he wants him back ASAP! The summer was not a good part of their relationship, but he was always very understanding when we had Emma, and is big on family.

Life is full of twists and turns, isn't it! I definitely prefer it like this though, to a life of boredom and hopelessness!

Lesson Learned

How easy do you think it is to fall asleep with your eyes open? Sound crazy? That's what Emma has to do! She has only figured out how to close her eyes for a few seconds, so when she goes to sleep it's literally because she can't keep her eyes open anymore!

This can make it quite tough to get her back to sleep if she wakes up from her nap or in the morning! One of her nurses is very good at getting her to go back to sleep, the other not so much! We have tried to coach her on it, but she's just to soft on Emma (and Emma knows it!)!

Today I sabotaged her nap myself and learned something - don't administer a laxative right before nap time!! Emma had fallen asleep before I got her into bed, but she pooped shortly after and did not want to go back to sleep!

Since it was only 30 minutes into nap time I knew she needed sleep, especially since she got less than 9 hours last night! Thankfully Emma knows she is not allowed out of bed until we go in to get her. While that did mean a few trips up the stairs (!) to get her to quit playing as it was making her pulse ox alarm, she eventually fell asleep about 90 minutes after her poop!

If I am not careful I can get really frustrated, but I have to remember it's not like she knows how to close her eyes to try to sleep. I'm glad I have this in mind now, before the baby comes and my patience is compromised further!!

At least she got a short nap, so she'll likely go down early tonight - there's always a plus side!!

Model Child!

Last night we decided to go for it and take Emma to get some new pictures done. We had some freebies that expire on Sunday, and I'd been saving for Toby, but we'll just have to go later with him!!

Scott and Kimberly came so Emma was having lots of fun. We were so proud of our little girl! From the beginning she was happy to pose and followed direction like a pro! I had taken lots of toys with us in case we needed a distraction, but it was a good 20 minutes before we had a melt down. That wasn't bad as it was not long before bedtime!!

We were shown over 20 good pictures to choose from, so I just picked my favorites for now and we can go back and get more printed later. The lady taking the pictures missed some great ones early on because the camera was playing up! Scott was annoyed, but we will get another chance!

I took several outfits, but we used the same white background for all of them. Next time I know I need to go for bold colors to get the best shots!

Check them out...




Check out the pictures we had done a year ago: http://ehmnews.blogspot.com/2008/10/seize-day-incl-pictures.html