Enough already

For the past few weeks we've been trying to figure out the best way to help Emma's bowels. She is afflicted with slow motility in her bowels probably due to the gastroschisis. What this means is she gets constipated and has very dry hard stools. Yes, it's gross but it's part of our reality!

I think it has become more of an issue lately because of all the real food she is getting, it's more for her to handle. The doctor said it should get better as she gets older and more used to the food. In the meantime Emma has a BM about every 3 days, but only after we give her some laxative. Most kids go daily or more often. We now have to monitor her output to try and lessen the discomfort for her. And so we don't end up back in the ER!!

Last night she kept waking and crying for no apparent reason, so I gave her a hit of Little Tummies, and she was able to go. She was still very fussy though and I noticed she sounded congested. Today she has quite the runny nose going on and is a little cranky. I hope it is a short lived issue!

That's tough enough, but I am also wiped out and unable to play with her. Even reading a book to her is a chore because I'm so uncomfortable. We have played with her new toys a bit today, but I long to be able to sit or lay on the floor and play with her.

Come on Toby - everyone's waiting for you!!

Sucker!

That would be me!!

Scott is working extra this week (until the baby comes) to finish up some jobs he started over the summer. It will be great to get them off the list and then we can just enjoy our free time.

Anyway, we had an early dinner with him, and then Emma and I went to Target for some exercise - honestly!!

Emma has been such a good girl today (except for the short nap!) and she was super cute as we browsed. I have a weakness for buying her things!!

At first I checked out the shoe selection for her, but decided to hold off on purchasing until the weather gets worse. Then we looked at the clothes and got her some black leggings - $3.77, can't resist that!

We hadn't wasted nearly enough time so I headed for the toys! Emma has grown out of the toys she got for her birthday and last Christmas. Since they are so close in time, she got alot of stuff for 1 year olds, and is now too old for. In fact, she is into stuff for 3 year olds, thanks to the therapists!!

I have some ideas of what to get her for her birthday this year, but know that I'll need toys in the meantime to keep her amused. So I picked up a Mr Potato Head - a great developmental toy. Then I got a new wooden puzzle! She has 10 or so, but this one is the alphabet, so has educational properties!!

I tried to see if she'd be interested in a baby doll, but she didn't seem keen. We have some dolls that she has always been wary of! I guess we can try again if we have issues with the new baby, or if she shows an interest. Right now, she likes cars and Handy Manny more!!

The last thing I picked up, the Handy Manny CD. She practically leapt on the CD when I picked it up! I discovered that I know all the words on the drive home!!

It's a good thing I haven't been out much with her because it's so tough!! A fellow mom asked me in the elevator when I was due. I responded with "last week" and got the genuine surprise!! She was sweet though, and said I looked great. You really can't hear that enough when you are shaped like a whale!!

Toby news

As you know, I had my appointment for the non-stress test and ultrasound this morning. I left Emma happily playing with Grandma Ellen, but not before I did everything I could in case I was not coming back!! I didn't even have time for breakfast!

It may sound crazy, but my anxiety about giving birth is not centred so much around the pain, but possible complications. There is always a potential need for an emergency c-section or other major complications. It makes it very hard to say goodbye to Emma! Nevertheless, the sooner we can get the baby out and bring him home, the sooner we can focus on being a slightly larger family again!! So off I went!

First I had the non-stress test. Two straps around my belly held monitors in place to monitor his heart rate. It's not just a snapshot of his heart rate, but a 45minute monitoring that also checks that the rate changes when he moves, as it should. To do that I had to press a button every time he moved.

At first there was not much movement, and after I had a snack and drink to get him going I asked the nurse if I could lay on my side. (Even on an incline, laying on your back flattens out the uterus, so I don't see how he could have moved much!) Shortly thereafter he got going and I lost track of the number of movements. Ten in an hour is the minimum you want and he well exceeded that.

That completed, the nurse laid me down for the ultrasound. The fluid levels are very good, which is why he is able to move so much, and probably why he is content to stay put!!

I had asked her to check the sex again for me, just to see if we could be more certain. She showed me evidence that it is indeed a boy!!

Then we took a look at his face. I didn't really expect to be able to tell much from a basic ultrasound, but we got a full view of some very chubby cheeks and pouty mouth.

Then the nurse told me he blinked, unaware of the implications of her statement!! I asked if she was sure and she said she was and saw him do it again. If indeed he did actually "blink" we can assume that he does not have Moebius Syndrome. I am reservedly optimistic!

So, the wait continues! We are seeing my midwife tomorrow afternoon, when we will likely discuss scheduling the induction in case the baby will not come out of his own volition!

The best

Ever since Scott got me a Nintendo DS for my birthday in April I've been looking for Tetris to play on it. Soon after I learned they had stopped making it, and my mum was the only person I knew who had it - not so easy to borrow!! I was not happy.

Lately I have been playing spider solitaire alot and the desire to get Tetris was stronger than ever - especially with all the waiting for appointments I do, and a hospital stay looming! however I didn't expect to get it.

Today Scott went to watch the football with the guys, and on his way home, unbeknownest to me, he went to a nearby town and picked up the copy of Tetris he had been searching for for some time!

He's the best!!! The day isn't all that bad!

Weighed down

This morning when I got up my belly felt like a 100lb rock!! Sometimes it aches, other times nothing - and I don't really know what it should feel like if it were a contraction!! (why didn't I pay more attention the first time?)

We went to church, and we had lots of well-wishers. Unfortunately I am not always gracious, but I tried my hardest to be! I lost track of the "still here" and "no baby yet?" comments. I know people are trying to be nice, but every day it gets harder to handle and my sense of humor fades more each day! Yes, I'm a big baby and need to suck it up!!

One question I get asked is if there are any signs of the baby coming. The signs I am aware of are: contractions, which I do not get, that I know of! "Lightening", the baby dropping - I'm pretty sure he's getting higher, not lower!! The whole cervix thing, that hasn't changed in two weeks!

So, there are no signs that I am aware of!!

I know, he will come out when he's ready (or when they induce me, whichever comes first), I know. I can't wait until the ultrasound tomorrow!! At the very least I can know that the baby's doing okay.

I'll update you when I can!!

still no news!

Last night the baby was unusually active for about 3 hours. I was sure that it was a sign of getting ready for labor, or maybe even due to mild contractions I hadn't noticed. Apparently not.

I am wondering the purpose of the "extra time" we're in right now. I think we are as ready as we can be! Scott's mom is all set to come and take care of Emma while I'm in the hospital (which is such a huge weight off my mind) and the house is as ready as it can be.

I do realize that I'm still pretty anxious about the birth and parenting a newborn, but I'm not sure more waiting will ease that! I have wondered if getting the ultrasound on Monday is a good reason to wait, in case they pick up on a complication we would otherwise miss. (always so negative, that's me!)

Wait, wait, wait!!

no news

Honestly, no progress with the impending birth!! I thought I'd better post something so you conspiracy-theorists didn't think my silence meant I was in labor!!

Emma lately

It seems like ages since I posted pics of Emma, so here are some recent shots...

Wild biker chick already!!

Daddy makes a great recliner!!

Emma's hiding spot

"Chips stuck to face" classic!

Watching Dora!

We did it!!

Go Eagles!

Hitting Dairy Queen for a sweet treat, with Abby and the Daddies

(Grandparents: Let me know if you want any of these emailed for printing!!)

Making Plans

I have the next few days all planned out!! We have a therapy tomorrow afternoon, and then church. Saturday Scott is planning to work and the cable guy is scheduled.to come . Sunday I expect we'll go to church as usual and watch football in the afternoon.

Of course I'd be happier if the baby came before then, but at least I have stuff to do.

Emma is being really patient too. Mummy can't sit on the floor to play with her and has enough trouble sitting on the sofa! I think she's even getting bored with all the TV she's allowed to watch! If she isn't getting tube-fed she's wandering around looking for a book or toy. That's actually a good thing. Even when she does watch, it's standing, leaning over the ottoman - this is good because she goes up and down on her toes, something the therapists are encouraging!

Although Scott leaves for work before the rest of us get up, he is also home by 4pm, which is about when Emma gets up from nap. If we can keep her on schedule after the baby comes, it will give me a quiet afternoon at least (I'm not anticipating getting naps!), with just the baby to care for.

Mornings are hard right now as I am not sleeping well overnight, but at least I'll be used to it!!

On the plus side, the anxiety I was feeling on Monday with Scott's work situation has subsided. Nothing is ever set in stone, but he has steady work for the near future, and his old boss seems to be suggesting he'd have work for him when that runs out, plus more side work!

As Chrissie pointed out, I went from questioning God for no work, to seeing him provide more than Scott can handle!! A very clear answer to our prayers, and one to remember when I have fear in the future! I'm very thankful for how it all worked out, and that you can also see how faithful God is when we try to honor him with our live - I often try to give testimony to his provision, and this is a clear demonstration.

Let's see what the plan is with this baby!!!

Focus Only on Doing God's Will
by Rick Warren

"Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light" (Matthew 11:27-30 TEV).


Expectations are a yoke. Some of you are carrying a yoke--a heavy burden--of the expectations that were put on you by your parents, or your husband, or your wife, or your children. Some of you are burdened down with a yoke put on you by your boss or by your teacher.

But most of us carry a yoke of burden that we've put on ourselves because of unresolved guilt and unrealistic expectations. We're trying to prove that we matter.

We take on a heavy yoke that God never intended in order to prove that we're important when God says we're already important: He created us to be with him and to fulfill a unique mission in life. That makes us important, not all the things we do (or don't do).

God's yoke is that we follow his purpose for our lives, and when we do that, things work out a whole lot better. When we go our own way in life, we hit one brick wall after another. In a sense, God says, "Put on my purpose, my plan for your life."

How heavy is God's yoke? Jesus says, "The yoke I will give you is light and easy." You say, "But my Christian life isn't easy. My Christian life is heavy; it's like a duty that I have to fulfill."

Then it may be you are out of God's will. You may be doing something that God never intended for you to do. I can't say it any plainer than this: It may be some of the things you think God is asking you to do, He's not asking you to do. Your conscious and your perfectionism are asking you to do them.

Jesus did not come to give you a burden but a blessing.

Am I saying the Christian life has no problems? No, not at all! We all will have a lot of problems. The Christian life is full of difficulties. The point is this: to live in the center of God's will is a lighter load than to live out of God's will. To live in God's purpose and plan for your life is a lighter, more relaxing, more enjoyable load than for you to live your own life any old way you choose.

If you say, "My Christian life is a burden right now," then there are some things in your life that you're doing that God never intended for you to do. One of the things you need to do is get quiet before God and ask, "What do I need to cut out of my life?" I need to focus on the things that really count--my relationship to God, my relationship to my family, my relationship to other Christians, my relationship to the world. That's what counts.

Jesus says, "Come to me all of you who are tired from carrying your heavy loads and I will give you rest." The answer to your stress is not a bunch of principles. The answer to your stress is a relationship to a person: Jesus Christ. "Come to Me. I will give you deep, abiding, gut level rest." It's a personal invitation.

Are you living under condemnation? If you are, Jesus says, "Come to me . . . and I will give you rest." In a sense, this is what Jesus is saying: "Why don't we do this . . . why don't we take that heavy yoke of guilt that you're carrying, take it off and put it down over here. Instead, let me put on you my light yoke of grace. Get rid of the guilt and let's replace it with grace. You see how much better this fits; how much more comfortable it is?"

Take off this yoke of perfectionism, where you're always trying to prove yourself and toss it over to be burned. Put on the yoke of God’s plan for your life; his purpose.

When you do that, your confidence will soar.

Working it

Scott started with the new company today, and is paired up with the brother of a work friend! He seems to be having a good time and the foreman has said he will keep him in work until the end of October, at least!

He let them know that I'm expecting a baby any day and they are fine with him taking time off as he needs to!

He also got a text from his old boss saying that they really are starting on Tuesday!! Scott told him he would be busy for a few weeks!

It will probably take some getting used to, a new set of colleagues and company, but I know that Scott is happy to get back to union work and a regular schedule. Me too!

No change

This morning was quite a change. Scott's alarm clock went off at 5.30am, something that hasn't happened in a few months! It was not as loud and obnoxious as I remember, but that might change once I hear it every day!

Scott left at 5.45am and I got up to relieve the nurse at 6am. Emma woke up at 6.20am - we can't seem to get her to sleep much after the nurses leave. This morning I knew she needed more sleep so I brought her in with me and she slept until 8am. I think I nodded off a couple times too.

I headed out for a midwife appointment at 9.30am. We both agreed that she should be the one to deliver this baby, so she checked the schedule and she is on call tonight and Friday! She checked me again and there really is no significant change though.

On the positive side, I haven't gained much weight this month, and my blood pressure has been good the whole pregnancy. The baby does seem to be growing though, which is good. I hope he doesn't get too big!!

There's no doubt that it is disappointing. Analyzing every twinge and movement for signs of labor is driving me nuts. I might try reverse psychology - making plans that I don't want to go into labor for! Works on most kids.

Anyhow, I've scheduled an ultrasound for Monday morning, to check the fluid levels and have a non-stress test to monitor the baby. I used to do that twice a week with Emma!! I'm going to live as though the baby won't be here by then.

Birth postponed!!

So, I simply can not have this baby until the end of the week!

On Monday evening, Scott was at a meeting of the church board and they prayed with him regarding the work situation. When he left the meeting he had a text from his former boss, which lead to a message along the lines of "we still have work pending if you're still interested," so I guess the bridge wasn't burned there!!

On Tuesday morning Scott hit the road, literally, in pursuit of work. First he tried the new soccer stadium, but that isn't ready for carpenters yet. Then he stopped by a construction site nearby and asked for the foreman. As it turned out, he was a guy Scott had connected with in carpenter school, so he remembered him, and enough to know what a good worker he is!

A promise and a phone call later, the guy called Scott with directions to a job site for Wednesday. He may also have work for him for the remainder of the week. The job tomorrow is putting plywood on a roof though - the weather forecast is rain, so hopefully it will be light!

Scott has to work 453 union hours by the end of January, so even just a few days will help bring the number down. Who knows, there may be more work off the back of that too.

I can wait a few more days, if that is what is needed! I can't speak for Toby though!!

There were several times when I thought the contractions might be starting, but they were likely false labor as nothing progressed. I know that it could be a while before the contractions become painful and clear. I just hope my water breaks so there is no doubt!!

Lets see what the midwife says tomorrow!!

Devotional

Eliminate Negative Self-Talk
by Rick Warren

"Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts" (Proverbs 4:23 GN).

Long before psychology came around, God said your thoughts determine your feelings and your feelings determine your actions. If you want to change your life, you've got to control the way you think.

Our minds are really an amazing creation. It would take a computer the size of a small city just to carry out the basic functions of your brain. Your brain contains over one hundred billion nerve cells. Each individual cell is connected with ten thousand other neurons.

In addition, you're constantly talking to yourself--all the time. Your mind is talking to you! You're talking to yourself right now. Research indicates that most people speak at a rate of 150 to 200 words per minute, but the mind can listen to about 500-600 words a minute. That's why you can listen to me and plan today's dinner at the same time.

In fact, our internal dialogue--the conversation we have with ourselves--is at a rate of 1,300 words per minute. How? Because our mind sees in pictures, and you can see a thought in a nano-second!

The problem is a lot of us are like Job, who says, "Everything I say seems to condemn me" (Job 9:20 GN). He is saying, in effect, "Everything I say puts me down." If you are typical to the human race, you are your own worst critic.

We're always putting ourselves down. We walk into a room smiling, but inside we're thinking, "I’m fat. I'm dumb. I'm ugly. And I'm always late!"

God wants us to stop putting ourselves down. When you put yourself down, who are you really putting down? When you say, "I'm fat. I'm dumb. I'm ugly. I'm no good. I have no talent," you're really pointing to the Creator who made you. When you say, "God, I'm worthless. I'm no good. I can't do anything," you're saying, "God, you blew it with me." That's why God says it's wrong to put yourself down.

How do you eliminate negative self-talk so you can become a more confident person?

The Bible teaches the principle of replacement: "Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right . . . Think about all you can thank God for and be glad about" (Philippians 4:8 TLB).

In other words, don't think about all those weaknesses in your life. Focus on who God wants you want to be and on what God wants to do in your life. I don't know any better antidote to low self-esteem (or to facing your hurts, habits, and hang-ups) than to read God's word every day: study it, memorize it, meditate on it, and apply it in your life.

There isn't a better thing you can do to raise your confidence level than to start believing what God says about you. As I read through the Bible, chapter by chapter, I find a verse that speaks to me. I write it down on a card, memorize it, and then I start affirming it back to God. "Father, thank you that I am valuable; I am significant; I am forgivable; I am capable." Let God renew your mind because "your life is shaped by your thoughts" (Proverbs 4:23 GN).

D-Day

Well, we made it. Today is my EDD (estimated due date). The first day of fall.

So far the baby has shown no signs of wanting to come out, so we may be waiting - as long as two weeks!! (I hope not!)

Today I'm going to stay as active as possible, maybe gravity will encourage him!

The good news is that the baby is still plenty active, which is a sign that he is doing well. So even if he's a little late it should be fine. If he's not here in a week I'll get an ultrasound to make sure the fluid levels are still high enough.

In the meantime I'll just smile when people ask if I "still haven't had the baby yet?" as they look at my huge belly! Surely they must not realize that everyone says the same thing!!

Daily Struggle

I feel as though I have had remarkably few bad days during this pregnancy, however today has been tough. All the patience I have toward waiting on the baby is equaled by the frustration I have about waiting on the baby!! It's not so much the birth as anxiety about handling two children on a day to day basis!!

Coupled with the uncertainty in our income right now my anxiety level is pretty high. You know that finances are one area I have struggled in trusting God, and I guess right now I am being stretched to put all my faith in him. He has always provided in the past, so I cling to the promises he has given and the examples of the past.

It is quite likely the combination of being 40 weeks pregnant, and the other situations that are making me down today. Not wanting to stay in a downer I decided to look back on the blog posts from November 2007. Perhaps I had some words back then that could encourage me now?

Indeed, I found a few interesting thoughts that have encouraged me today...

it occurs to me how much my emotions resemble a rollercoaster ride. One minute I am up, incredibly hopeful about Emma's progress and complete healing with no lasting affects; the next minute fearing the worst prognosis and wondering of the impact greater health concerns will have on all our lives.

Fear is always in the car behind ours, constantly trying to chase our hopes away. However, just as a rollercoaster, neither Scott or I is in the driving seat (or control booth!) ~ thankfully! As you know we have asked Jesus to fill that role, of the drive and direction for our lives, and it has never applied more than now.

He alone knows where we are heading and what we will encounter along the way, and that is a great comfort.

________________

Scott quoted a speaker at a recent conference who said "everyone wants a testimony, but they don't want to go through the test! You have to 'moan' through a test, to get a testimony!!" How true! It's okay to be upset about things that happen to you, however if you do not try to learn from it and seek the lesson, you may miss the good that can come from it.

_________________

Our decision is that we will accept the news, and love our daughter, with a grateful and joyful heart. We know God will provide our strength and resources and that He will be glorified through this. ( I think that is a big part of faith - being able to receive trials in the knowledge that it will glorify God).

There is an alternative option, which is to feel despair, anger and frustration. This benefits nobody, least of all us! We don't want to be negative and still have to face an uncertain future! How much harder will that be!!


And so, I continue to trust in the God of all resources (and hopefully that trust will increase) while also looking at our situation as really not the worst it could be. But oh God, I pray that the baby is healthy, we all remain healthy, and together, through these times.

Bridge collapse

The employment rollercoaster sails on this week! I believe the last I had mentioned was that Scott was due to go back to full-time union work this past week. That didn't happen, but we were given a "definite" for Monday (tomorrow) - the first "definite" we'd had. We were hopeful.

Unfortunately those hopes were disappointed with a text message yesterday (I know - sometimes a phone call is more appropriate!). Again, work was anticipated for the [ambiguous] "middle of the week."

Scott has worked for the same company since joining the union in 2002, and really has no desire to leave. Unfortunately they have not had any work for him for 4 months, and while his boss has found things for him to do here and there, non-union work does not contirbute to our benefits.

After giving the boss the benefit of the doubt for many weeks now, Scott and I decided that it is unreasonable to be kept hanging indefinitely and he let his boss know that he would start seeking alternative employment in earnest, tomorrow.

It is a leap of faith for us, because in doing so Scott has effectively turned down any of the additional work that was being offered.

With the new baby being due in two days (and hopefully arriving no later!) I can honestly say my heart dropped when his boss responded with "good luck." I don't know why I expected anything different, but I did. The tough part for me is that I can only be an observer in the situation and offer Scott my support and encouragement.

For Scott, who seems to be taking it in stride, I'm praying that a job will be available soon. He hates to be idle and is such a great carpenter. I know he is trusting God in this, to be able to provide for his family and will do what he needs to do.

I would like to ask you to join us in praying for clear direction and continued provision. Nobody wants to be in this situation, and many people are. However we have put our hope and faith in Jesus, and the promises given in His Word. We are thankful that God is by our side through it all.

Nursery, take 2

Before Emma was born we decorated our smallest bedroom as a nursery. Little did we know that she would also need medical equipment and eventually a nurse visitor each night!! So we made it as cute as we could, as you can see here...



The stripes were painted by a good friend of ours and looked so great. As Emma got older the room seemed to shrink and we moved her into a new room a couple months ago, leaving this one for the new baby.

Even if this baby turned out to be a girl too we still needed to re-paint the room. The colors turned out to be too dark for the small room with only one window. Expecting a boy just made the decision more definite!

I was thrilled with the way Emma's flower garden room turned out so I decided to do another fun theme in the nursery. This time I wanted to do a safari theme!! There are lots of sets you can buy with all the bedding and borders etc, but not only do we not want to spend oodles of cash on a childs room, I also prefer to do something a little more individual.

Amazingly we had enough paint in the desired colors from other rooms in the house, so we didn't spend a dime on wall paint! I did buy some wall stickers with animals though and the goal was to paint an umbrella acacia tree on the wall for an iconic image...

On Monday we projected this picture onto the wall and I traced the outline with pencil...

This afternoon I quit procrastinating on painting the tree and did it. I was pretty happy with the finished painting, and added the animal stickers...

I have printed some photos of the real animals we saw on safari in Africa back in 2004. I plan to frame them and hang them on the wall too.

All done

Last night, after Emma went to bed, Scott and I tackled the rest of the cleaning. We did upstairs on Monday, and hit downstairs last night. I'm not talking about your average [should be] weekly cleaning. Oh no, this is the kind of cleaning I only do when my Mum comes to visit!! In fact, probably even more so.

From dusting the top of the bookcase, wiping the blinds down to dusting behind the TV center!! One area I tackle often, but never seem to get quite clean enough is the stove! Thankfully Scott has the elbow grease, and once he starts a job he is quite determined!

I realize that it is probably overkill just for bringing home a baby, but I also figured we might have visitors, so I won't need to do more than basic cleaning to keep the place in shape for a while.

Earlier in the evening we went to the craft store to get paint for my nursery art project. (I am a little hesitant to start it, not really sure where to begin!)

The store had lots of halloween stuff out, but also some Christmas things. I suddenly got really excited about Christmas!! We will all be home for the first time this year, and Emma should have even more fun with the boxes and toys.

Too soon? There are less than 100 days to Christmas!!

No change

My weekly appointment went well today. She said the baby is a little lower, but not fully "dropped". Still, I could go into labor at any time, the second time around the head doesn't always drop before labor.

I only gained a half pound this week, probably because I don't have much of an appetite with the limited space! That's all good.

I shared my biggest fear with Moon - I would go overdue, the baby will be huge and I'll need a c-section, but Scott won't be able to take time off to help me with the two kids!! That's my worst case scenario (I'm not entertaining any medical problem fears!).

The best case scenario, and my prayer request, is that I would go into labor by the end of the week and be home by Monday! That way Scott will be able to go back to work Monday (which is apparently for definite now!).

I am sensing some doubt in my ability to do it without an epidural, and it is understandable. I just hope that everyone is wrong!

Anyway, I'll just keep waiting and praying!

Emma's friends

On Sunday one of our congregants brought an elderly lady to church. She walked with a frame and sat at the back, which is where we keep the kids busy until service starts. Apparently she overheard one of our friends calling Emma "Emma Hope" (some people do). The lady turned and said "Is that the Emma I've been praying for?"

The lady is Frieda, a resident in a local nursing home where our pastor holds a weekly bible study. Frieda and her friends have been praying for Emma since she was born, as PB shared the story of her challenges.

Frieda has very bad eyesight, but it was good enough to see Emma walking around the chairs. I also gave her a photo to share with her friends. She was so excited to be there, even about meeting me and Scott.

She said it looked like Emma was doing great and they could stop praying for her now. I asked her to start again when Emma turns 13, but she said we are on our own then!!

It never fails to amaze me, just how far reaching this little girl's story is! So many people so far and wide praying for her and witnessing the wonderful gifts God has placed inside her.

There's more...

Last night my laptop died! Well, not so much died as went into a coma!! There is nothing wrong with the computer (thank goodness), but the power cord is shot. It's been on borrowed time for a while as it was starting to fray at the weak point.

So this morning Emma and I hit the road in search of a new power cord. We have a Lenovo, which is not a common type of laptop, so your run-of-the-mill electronics place had nothing, well one universal cord to over $100!!

Thankfully I am already familiar with a local specialty store who had one to fit my computer exactly.

I hate having to spend money on electronics, but I would go nuts without my laptop! I use email a lot, the internet is my main info resource and of course, the blog!!

Also, this week I'm working on the nursery. Why do I need the laptop? We are using it to project an image on the wall for me to trace and then paint in - I'm so ambitious! I started last night, and it looks pretty cool so far. We'll have to see how it looks with paint! (If nothing else it will stop me losing my mind waiting for this baby to arrive!)

It's back!

Our TV is back home, in it's rightful place. It was surprisingly easy to get used to the smaller TV and not having one in our room, however it felt like one more loose end that needed tying up! And if you know me, you know I hate loose ends!!

The repair guy was even kind enough re-connect the DVD player so it is HD!!

aaaahhhhh. (sigh of relief!!)

Waiting game

^{Colossians 1: 10-12}

¹⁰And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, ¹¹being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully ¹²giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

I am still learning this patience thing, yes, even after all this time! I think that one reason that being patient is so difficult is that you have to lay down a lot of other things in order to fully take hold of it. For example, it is tough to be patient and wait upon the Lord if you are full of fear about the future, or find it difficult to have peace over circumstances you can not control nor predict.

To what, specifically, am I referring? Scott's work situation. the "middle of the week" last week, became "the end of the week" which turned into "the beginning of next week" which is now "the middle of the week"!!

(It's not that we doubt it will happen, it's just incredibly frustrating to not be able to count on making a schedule, or the regular income. Thankfully Scott does still have work to do, so I can worry less about finances!!)

I suppose you could also include the pregnancy as another area requiring patience! Waiting for this baby to make his move into the big wide world is quite a challenge.

For me I think it is hard to handle because I can in no way impact the timing, on either issue! And I fear that they will both be resolved at the same time, which would be a nightmare - Scott would have to go back to work when I need him the most! I expect that would be hard on him too.

One good thing is that we are supposed to get our TV back today! It was fixed in one day, but because of a billing issue with the warranty they wouldn't give it back until they could bill the company! Is nothing ever simple??!!

One thing is for sure, it is wonderful to know that Scott and I can go through difficult times and work together to keep our joy and even become stronger in our marriage. There certainly are blessings to be found in any situation!

Yesterday in his sermon, PB read a speech he'd written for his parents golden wedding anniversary. In it he told them how their lives had shaped who he is today. As a parent I can imagine the joy it brought them. It also really made us consider how we handle things in our lives will impact our children.

I don't think I can ever remember being aware of any financial struggles that my parents faced, but they must have had some at some time! But I certainly learned many good principles that I apply in our family. I hope that we can allow our children the same feeling of security, even if it is through maintaining joy and hope in tough times, and good stewardship through the good times.

Getting through difficulties should not be the only aim, after all, there will always be more! It is how we handle said difficulties and what we can learn that should be our aim.



Romans 5: 3-5

³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Some Sundays are easier than others to get out of bed. Today was one of the tough ones! We didn't go to bed particularly late, but I didn't nap yesterday so I was tired. (Scott will always sleep until the last minute!!)

Emma woke up shortly after 6am and I wasted no time in bringing her into our bed and putting her back to sleep. Trouble was she occupied more than half of my pillow, so I was huddled on the edge of the bed.

We managed to get to church in time for me to prepare the sound booth for the service. (Somehow I found myself involved in running the sound system and working with the musicians on the technical side! Apparently no-one noticed I do not have any musical tendencies!!)

Emma was in the nursery with our friends today, so Scott was able to listen to the sermon, as did I. Following service I went to get her and she was pretty tired, so I got a big, long hug! (Last time she barely acknowledged me and carried on playing!)

I went and sat with her in the lobby as we waited for Scott. Not long after sitting down little Joey, a 2 year old boy, came over and said "hi Emma!" It was so cute. I'm not sure if she didn't hear or was being shy, but she didn't respond! According to his mom, Emma was the one person he named when asked who he'd see at church!

Shortly after that, 2 1/2 yr old Nicholas came over and just stood there smiling!

I've seen Emma with the other kids and she loves to play with them when we're not around. I guess she just got shy when I was there.

Not to worry though. Scott got the ultimate prize today when she said "I love you" to him without being asked! (He's been teaching her to say it - I still get the sign language version!)

wedding day

This afternoon Scott and I were able to attend a wedding for two good friends. The last time I went to a wedding I was pregnant with Emma!! This time Emma stayed home with Grandma and Pops!

It is challenging to find an outfit for a wedding normally, so imagine the difficulty when you are 50lbs heavier and 9 months pregnant!! Still, I put together an outfit that was smart, comfortable and looked pretty decent!

Of course there was no way to minimize my huge belly (and it is huge, and round!) so I got asked plenty of times when I was due. I resisted the urge (and request of friends) to respond with "I'm not pregnant!" But the real answer "In 10 days." got quite a shocked response from most people anyway!

There was a great ceremony on a small patio, for which the rain held of, just. Partway in I stepped up to take the ring bearer (my Godson) to the potty! I tried to be discreet, but that's like an elephant trying to tiptoe through a glass shop!

During the cocktail hour (when the wedding party go for photos and the guests have drinks and h'or deuvres) I really felt like the waiters were coming over to me fairly constantly. I'd normally be thrilled, but I just can't eat as much as normal!

The meal was great and the DJ played a great selection of big band music to accompany it. He also had some great games and ice breakers that I have not seen before (in all the many weddings I've attended!! Not!)

The brides father passed away a year ago and so she danced with her mom instead, to a song that her dad would have picked. They did him proud. I doubt there was a dry eye in the house. Later Scott and I shared that we'd both also been thinking about the day when Scott will dance with Emma at her wedding. I can only imagine how tough it will be for him to give his baby girl away, and the man that will persuade him to do so!

The dancing and party didn't really get going for the guests until about 8pm, so I got to have a bit of a boogie (apparently it can help bring on labor!!) and Scott and I had a dance together before we headed out to get Emma to bed. Probably just as well - I can't hang with the young people like I used to!

It would have been nice to stay longer, but the lot of a parent is a tough one! Not to mention my back probably wouldn't have obliged for much longer.

The more times I discuss the pregnancy with people, the more anxious I get that this baby is going to sit tight until he is dragged out (kind of like getting Scott out of bed in the morning!) And while the bun is in the oven, it will keep getting bigger and bigger!! I pray that won't be the case.

Busy day

This morning I had a midwife appointment so Grandma Ellen came to watch Emma. Thankfully Emma slept great last night, with no crying at all! This morning she was more like the old Emma and so cute! I was happy to leave her with Grandma though, since I can't even sit on the floor to play with her now. She gets bored with me quickly!!

Rather than being upset I was leaving she seemed fine with the exchange, and even came to wave me off at the door!

My appointment went well and I couldn't resist accepting Moon's (my midwife is called Moon) offer of checking my cervix. I'm constantly wondering if each twinge is the start of labor!! With Emma I was induced so I never needed to recognize the signs.

At 38 1/2 weeks along I'm still only 1cm and long (if you don't know what that means, you don't need to know!!), so the baby isn't coming out very soon! His head is not down all the way yet, but I read that that happens later in a second pregnancy anyway.

I won't bother getting checked again until my due date - it's really not pleasant! At that point though I will use any tactics to bring on labor!! I do not want to get to the point where I need to be induced.

Then it was time for Emma to have occupational therapy with Melissa. She brings this huge bag with all kinds of toys to encourage Emma's motor skills. One of the things Emma likes is the bubbles. She doesn't chase them, but wants to blow them. I really didn't think she'd ever be able to, since she can't purse her lips, but she really surprised us today when not only was she bringing her lips much closer to blow, but it actually produced bubbles!!

This is really exciting because it shows that she is gaining more awareness and control of her jaw and lower lip. The greater manipulation and control she has, the better her speech will get and hopefully she will stop having the apnea!!

I emailed her pulmonologist and his response was "EXCELLENT!!!" Exactly.

Little steps start a big journey!!

Wait over

We had to get up early today as Emma had her follow up with the orthopedic surgeon at the hospital. Our appointment was at 8.40am, but we left at 7.30am to allow for all the traffic you get in school time! We signed in by 8.30am.

While we were waiting Emma was drawing in my notepad at the little baby table. Playhouse Disney was playing on the TV and thankfully Scott was there to follow her around when she got restless.

As the wait went on we started talking to a family sitting near us. They had a 12 year old boy (who I wouldn't have pegged for more than 10) who has been fighting bone cancer for 8 years. They live in West Point NY, so they have a long commute for appointments but feel it's worth it. We shared our stories in part and it was nice to see that other people also see the blessings that come from such trials.

When it got to 9.30am they went to see why they hadn't been seen - their appointment was at 8.15 with the same doctor! Apparently there was a shortage of rooms. Emma went in a bit before 10.30am, but we waited in the room for a while before we saw a doctor.

I had Emma's markers in my bag and let her draw with them on the paper they use to cover the bed. As you can see, Emma wanted to let them know how frustrated she was at the long wait...
Really though, she was so well behaved, especially after such a long wait.

Finally we saw the doctor (and his 3 followers) to discuss the results of the CT scan. He had not met Emma before so he checked her range of motion and relevant body parts to confirm their findings.

After careful review of the CT scan he could not find any serious problems! A little asymmetry maybe, but nothing too important. He concluded that the imbalance in her neck is probably due to the Moebius and unless it gets worse (ie. we see her head falling more often etc) there's really nothing they can do. Likely one side is stronger than the other, so when she gets fatigued the left side of her neck pulls her head down and the right can't compete.

In all this is good news, and shouldn't get worse. Physical Therapy may improve it, but "she will do great!"

Now back to fixing the problem with her bowels....

Oh what a night

I'm pleased to report that Emma is showing little signs of still being sick. Her temperature is back down consistently and her heart rate is at normal sleep levels, that is when she is sleeping! Throughout the night last night she seemed to me to be crying almost constantly.

I avoided going in to her room until 2am when I just couldn't take anymore. Her nurse suggested that she might be hungry - fair given that she'd only had Pedialyte all day! I grabbed some formula and gave her half a feed. She was still crying and I lay my head down by hers - she grabbed my neck and held on tight!

Still crying I asked the nurse to turn her CD back on (why they turn it off..?). As soon as she did Emma calmed immediately! The CD is of instrumental hymns and she has had it playing since she was a newborn. I think it is very calming for her.

Eventually I was able to extract myself from her grip and went back to bed!

I heard her crying again at 5.30am and waited at least 15 minutes. Apparently as soon as I opened my bedroom door she pointed toward our room and said "eh". I went in and she calmed immediately.

Not good. She's been like this during the day too - crying desperately when I won't hold her, and sometimes even doing it to Scott. Last night we were at a friends house and she had a fit when we wouldn't hold her.

Naively I assumed that was reasonable as it was almost bedtime and she's sick. I now realize we are dealing with tantrums. And no ordinary tantrums - tug on your guilt-ridden emotional heartstring tantrums!! Yes, I'm sure more experienced parents around us probably knew that! I bet Scott did too!! Sometimes I take a while to catch on!

I am really dealing with some guilt about having another baby. Is that nuts? I worry I won't be able to really give her all the support she will need and that she won't feel loved. Hopefully this is just par for the course and it will all work out! I will be trying to address this super-clingyness pronto, not least because I simply don't have the energy to be at her beck and call.

Emma Update

Every morning at 6am I go into Emma's room and get a report from her nurse on how the night went. (Except when Scott goes in!!) It's usually pretty standard, no problems and she usually sleeps through. Right now it's a little more detailed because she is sick, I need to find out when/if she got Tylenol, how the feed went, her temp. etc.

When we discuss it in her room you can tell as her heart rate climbs that she can hear us the longer the conversation is. Unfortunately the nurses don't seem to realize that it means she'll wake up pretty soon after they leave!

Today as we talked Emma started to fuss because the strap for her CPAP was over her eyes. I moved it for her and she stopped fussing, and did not wake up. In the process her pacifier had fallen out of her mouth. What she did next was too funny - she poked her tongue out and pointed to it with an "eh"! She does this during the day when she wants her pacifier!

Of course the nurse obliged, as I'm sure she does all night. I have been giving it to her more during the day because she's been so unhappy, so of course now she wants it whenever! We had got it down to just nap and bedtime. Back to square one on that I guess.

I will also admit I've been using the TV as a pacifier more too. (Of course right now its only a 19" pacifier!!) I know it's not right, but it's how I'm coping with a grumpy child and limited energy and mobility. Go ahead, judge me!! I do help her read, color and play Playdoh too, so I'm not totally negligent!

Thankfully Emma seemed to be in a better mood today and did sleep until 6.45am which is the longest she's slept since last week. She is tolerating being vented well, and the pedialyte doesn't give her gas. I think her temp. is going down, but of the 4 thermometers we have the nurse tells me none are working!

Lately Scott has been putting Emma down for naps, when he's here, and to bed, so that she does not get all whacked out when I'm away for a few days. She's getting better, but she doesn't make it easy for him! I just hope she is feeling 100% before I have the baby. I'd feel super guilty if I wasn't around for her.

Who knows?

I seem to be having one of those weeks where no-one seems to have the answers! (It's okay, I realize only God has all the answers, but it is still frustrating when people who should know what they are talking about don't!)

Today I emailed Emma's GI doctor about our ER visit yesterday. He checked out the x-ray (so handy they can all share her records!!) and said she isn't constipated, but full of gas!! He probably does know, as that's his specialty! Anyway, we're giving her guts a rest tomorrow and only feeding her Pedialyte all day.

I guess the pediatrician and ER doctor gave their best guess!!!

And still no-one knows what is causing her high temperature!

And then there's Scott's work. Supposedly he would be going back "the middle of the week" which is now "by the end of the week." I acknowledge that his boss could be getting the run around from the people hiring his company, but COME ON!!

Not willing to take any chances Scott is going to renew his scaffolding license next week as there is apparently lots of work in that part of the union - building scaffolding rigs for other people to work on! The hours are often wacky, but I appreciate that Scott is willing to do whatever's necessary to provide for his family.

I don't want to know the future (much), I just want to know that we are making the right decisions and actions. I guess there's no way to know for sure!!

Diagnosis

We decided last night to take Emma to the ER today. She was so sleepy yesterday and kept waking up in the evening, crying and inconsolable.

When her nurse came she listened to her belly for bowel sounds, as they do throughout each night and she really didn't hear anything. Since Emma's bowel is 'special' (after being outside her body for 9 months!) we won't take any chances if there looks like a potential problem.

We gave her some laxative which created a lot of gas but no movement, that was since Thursday or Friday. So it seemed there was less than normal output all around.

We skipped her last feed of the day and tried to run the overnight feed, which goes in really slow, but not long after it started she was waking in pain again.

This morning we brought her into our bed where she was fine mostly but had spells of being in pain and very upset. We decided that it was not worth waiting another 24 hours with her being so unhappy and headed out around 7.30am. Since Children's has a full history of her medical needs we go there rather than to a closer hospital where we would likely have to educate the staff on Moebius, and maybe the other things!

We didn't have a long wait at the hospital, well, not for a room! We were there for about 3 hours total. The doctors took an x-ray of her belly to look for potential blockages, and also took a urine sample - by catheter!!! (Fun!) She also had to have her rectal temp. taken twice. She was not amused!!

In the downtime we had the TV on and she was pretty content (thank goodness she has TV shows she likes that much!!).

The results; no urinary tract infection detected, but a culture will be complete in 24 hours; she did have a small amount of stool in her bowel that was likely hard and causing her the pain. The temp. is likely a virus of unknown origin! So they sent us home with a prescription for stool softener and more Tylenol!!

Even though the problem seems fairly simple it is clearly a big deal for Emma and for that reason I don't mind spending time in the hospital. (I was incredibly uncomfortable sitting in the hard chairs though, so I snuggled with Emma on the gurney a couple times!!)

She went down for a nap after we got home and I gave her the meds, and within one hour she'd pooped!! Thank goodness. Perhaps we'll all get a better night's sleep tonight!!

I gave in and called the doctor!! As tomorrow is a holiday I knew I'd have to wait until Tuesday before I could make an appointment, so I used the magic beeper number!!

A nurse called me back to get the scoop on Emma's problem. I very much dislike describing medical situations on the phone, especially to people who aren't very familiar with her conditions. So I started at the beginning:
the fever, which led to
the high heart rate, which led to
sleep apnea and the pulse ox, and then
the tube feeding, which led to
the fundoplication surgery

I never even mentioned the Moebius Syndrome, which is only relevant because it underlays the other things, but also they make a lot of facial expressions to gauge the level of pain!

I don't know if the nurse kept up with me, but she told me she'd call the doctor and get back to me!

In a few minutes the doctor himself called me! there are about 8 doctors at the pediatricians office we use and this was one we've never met, of course. I couldn't tell if he was familiar with her records, but he seemed to understand when I did mention the Moebius Syndrome.

I went through the other stuff again, and he suggested a possible cause that I had picked up online yesterday. In girls, fevers with no other symptoms are often Urinary Tract Infections. Since Emma gets very distressed when we press on her belly and seems to be most agitated after a feed (when she usually pees) I think it's a good bet. I also know how painful they can be!!

So, what now? We are trying to manage her temperature and keep her comfortable. Thankfully Dorothy is the nurse on tonight, and for some reason I can rest a little easier with her. Maybe because she will come get me if there is a problem, rather than just trying to quiet Emma down.

Tomorrow will be tough. Scott's going to be doing some work for someone and Emma could be just as grumpy. I love the cuddle part, but I am very uncomfortable sitting upright, and well, you can imagine! And with the TV still out (did I mention we don't have all the channels we usually use without it!!), well, I'm going to need a ton of patience!!

The doctor also said that if she becomes more lethargic (she slept a lot today) or doesn't have periods of happiness then we might want to take her to the emergency room. Otherwise we'll go to the doctors on Tuesday.

Of course!!

Yesterday morning I started a post about how Emma was grumpy and tired, and of course the TV stopped working altogether! I opted not to post it because, well, I figured you wouldn't care. Turns out it was going to get worse!!

After taking a 3 hours nap yesterday (Emma and me!!) Emma was still really fussy and felt very hot. I took her temp. and it was in a normal range. We headed out to a friends barbecue about 5pm, and I had dressed Emma in shorts and tank top since it was still daytime. I did take some pants and a t-shirt for when it started to get darker.

It seems I underestimated the hunger of the bugs around here, and in addition to the one bite on her arm from Friday, she came home with 5 more! When we did get her home about 8pm her temperature was over 100f. I gave her some Tylenol (paracetamol) to reduce the fever and put her to bed.

I hope Toby didn't mind being Emma's seat!!

Although she was sleeping her heart rate was about 140bpm, when usually she will be at 90bpm for a good restful sleep. It didn't change much over time, but I left her with the nurse and clear instructions. Her temp. had dropped into the high 90s.

At 2am I had a potty trip, and stopped by Emma's room. Her temp. was back up and she'd just been given more Tylenol. Elizabeth reported that she was scratching at her body and very restless. I picked her up and rocked her in the chair for a while hoping she might sleep better.

The nurse offered to take her, but understood that I just wanted to hold my baby!! Before I went back to sleep I prayed over her - something I don't do very often. Emma hasn't been sick in a long while, and even then I don't recall any unexplained fevers.

She slept until about 6am and was sitting up in bed with her Bible. I didn't want to take her to church today, especially as I don't want to share any viruses with other kids! However, both Scott and I needed to be there, so we took her and I planned to bring her home as early as I could get out.

She ended up sleeping on us most of the service so I stayed until the end and left right away. Her head felt so hot I was really worried. Scott got a ride home a little while later!!

Her temp. was 99f so I gave her more Tylenol I laid down with Emma on our bed to get her to take a nap, and she slept there for a couple of hours.

In the meantime we tried to turn the TV on again and this time it came on. Why does that matter? There isn't much you can do with a sick grumpy child, especially when one of you is painting a room and the other can not move easily!! Praise the Lord it is working, for now!!

I hope she feels better soon, I hate being so helpless, and useless!!

Smooth Course

Nothing is ever simple, right?! The TV took 5 hours to turn on today!! I called the repair company only to be told they weren't coming because we aren't in their service area. Nice! I called the store back and they scheduled us with a new company for Monday - apparently this company work on holidays too!

As for the weekend, we'll see how it goes. We have plenty going on.

Scott is going to paint the baby's bedroom this weekend. It is such a shame to paint over the awesome stripes our friend painted for Emma, but I have a safari theme in mind!! (I'm all about themes after Emma's room turned out so good. I'm not going to buy all the paraphenalia though, just have a color scheme and some cute animal stickers on the walls! The best part is that we already have the colors from other rooms, so we shouldn't have to spend any money!!

The baby will be in our room initially, until the rate of feedings slows down!! So I'll move the furniture this weekend and get it all set up. Then all we need to do is a thorough clean of the entire house - that's all!!

It looks like Scott will be back to work in the middle of next week, or so his boss says!! I'm reserving my joy until he actually gets on site. We are so hopeful though! The promise of a regular schedule, wage and consistent work. He might not be able to take time off when the baby's born, but we'll muddle through.

I'm still nervous about the birth of the baby. Not so much the head size (it's relatively big regardless!!), but just that the baby is healthy we don't have major complications. I guess it is normal to be nervous given the hard time Emma had, but I don't want to miss the joy of the time altogether. I'm trying not to think about Emma's reaction to the baby at all!!

Please keep us in your prayers.

No TV!!

We bought our living room TV on Christmas eve, 2006, just a day or two after we moved into our house. We totally splurged as we already had a 32 " tube tv but I think we HAD to get it then so we could watch the Eagles Christmas day game!!

Since then we have really appreciated it, especially the high-definition. If you've never compared HD to regular TV it is like putting on glasses when you have poor eyesight!!

Anyway, we love to have gameday gatherings and just in general watching TV!!

About a week ago when you turned the power on it was taking like 5 minutes to come on! Tonight it took at least 75 minutes to come on!!! The TV may be more important to us than it should be. Emma watches during her tube feeds, so she keeps still and we watch the sports regularly.

So today we stopped by a repair shop who quoted us $25 to estimate the repairs!! Not looking forward to paying anything to fix it, let alone maybe replacing it. So as a last resort i hunted down the packet we got with the TV, which I had kept with all the manuals.

And there it was, the original receipt listing a 4-year service plan!! Bingo!!

We called the 24 hour phone number and after declining to wait until September 17 (I did mention the 75 minute wait!!) they set us up with a local repair service who are coming tomorrow!!! And it will all be free!!!

We don't usually buy warranties, but sometimes a warranty just pays for itself!!

Service Review

Emma receives in-home therapy (physical, occupational and speech) through a government program called Early Intervention. It is a free service for qualified children 0-3yrs, those that show developmental delays. Every 3 months we review her services and progress, today was her 6 month review.

Emma has shown the most progress in gross motor skills - walking! But she is also showing progress in speech and feeding. We requested an increase in speech therapy sessions, which include both speech and feeding, from every two weeks to weekly and it was approved.

We also requested a consultation with a feeding specialist, which was approved, so he will come here and observe Emma, making recommendations on how we can encourage her to eat. Apparently there may be anatomical reasons why she prefers to eat standing up, to sitting in the chair.

So, this is really great news as I'll have extra support with Emma's progress, especially with the new baby in the mix soon. We owe a big thanks to Emma's therapists who really go to bat for us and give arguments for whatever we need. Considering how tough the whole medical/insurance system is here, our experience with this gov't program has been awesome and really helpful for Emma.

Big head

This morning the three of us went to my weekly midwife check-up. She went through the stages of labor using a book with pictures, like we saw at the birthing classes we took before Emma. I asked her to confirm that the baby was indeed head down - the way he moves I can't tell!

After pressing down on my belly she confirmed the baby is head down, AND then added that it is a big head!!! Quickly she regretted saying the last part - not something a pregnant woman wants hear, especially if she's going to labor without pain meds!!! We all laughed about it of course, but I was also horrified!!

In all honesty the weight of the baby is of secondary importance to the size of the head! A baby weighing 7lbs with a big head is no easier to deliver than a 9lb baby with the same size head!! I have a feeling though that the baby will be a heavy weight, with a big head!!

And the kicker: The pain caused by the head is right at the end of labor, far to late to get any pain meds!! So I will have to decide much earlier if I'm going to go through with it as planned or cave and get the epidural!

As for being close to labor, they would prefer the baby come after 38 weeks, but wouldn't stop a labor at this point. I also won't get "checked" until my due date, so I won't know if or how much I'm dilated prior to that. I figure that's a good thing, since you can be 2/3cm dilated for weeks before labor starts and I'm not good at waiting!!

__________________

On the other side of things, Emma had a speech therapy session today. Brooke is really pleased with her speech and encouraged us to keep having her say what she wants with her mouth before responding. It's tough to remember, especially when she points and says "eh" incessantly to get what she wants!!

Feeding has become a struggle. She doesn't want baby food, which I think is because it is bland tasting, and prefers to sample our food. So we are going to try and give her some soft solids like cooked veggies and pastas. Brooke assures me she won't choke, but may gag - it won't be pretty but she has to learn how to manipulate the food in her mouth.

Today we used her love of the formula she is fed by g-tube and mixed it with baby cereal to make a paste. She did pretty well with eating it, so that was encouraging.

I will confess that on top of all the other emotional stress I have been very frustrated with Emma's slow feeding progress (slow being my perception). I just worry about how much time I will [not] have to persevere with it. I'm hopeful Scott will be available to help more, once the work situation reaches a more consistent place.

I can only assume that I would be bored if we didn't have so much going on!!!

Counting Down

Today is September 1. My due date is September 22. That leaves just 21 days (give or take!) before we have a second child! The count down is on, for real. At 37 weeks, the baby is "full term" and should not have any problems if it comes any time now.

I have been watching some of the baby birth shows that are on TV at lunch time, trying to get me a little more prepared for the ordeal. I want to see the different scenarios so that I am not going just on my own previous experience. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst!!

A few of the c-section babies in the shows aspirate the fluid and end up in the NICU for a week or so. The parents speak of the ordeal that is. At least I think we can handle a little drama!

Last night, before sleeping Scott and I lay in bed watching football, and simultaneously watching the baby make the most pronounced movements in my belly. I am going to try and get it on video, because it really is cool and weird at the same time. I'm a little concerned about how much more room he will need in there - I'm very stretched right now!!

Emma certainly seems to be acting a little more clingy than usual, to me. And we realized that the reason Daddy is so popular is that she calls me Daddy too! Even when she signs "Mummy" she says "Daddy"!! It's now become a challenge to have her say "Mummy" before I respond to what she wants. On the other hand, her "please" is becoming much more recognizable and she signs simultaneously!

I have also started nesting in earnest! Scott is expecting to come home one day and find me with twigs in my mouth (his words!)!!

Yesterday I forfeited my nap to tackle our filing system!! Somehow we just seem to accrue copious amounts of papers, mainly bills and statements!! It's not clear how long we should keep stuff, or what, for tax purposes so I err on the side of caution!!

I went out and got some new, bigger, binders to store what we need and put the rest in a pile for shredding. There is now a pile 6" high of papers, literally, waiting for shredding. We just need to get a shredder!! And a bag full of receipts that have been waiting since I burned out our last shredder!!

I then reorganized the closets and sideboard to make space for the unknown!

Today I'm going to get my bag started for the hospital!! My just-in-suitcase!!

Our Emma!

All parents know their child is special. We are no exceptions!! We get so excited when Emma does something new or unexpected.

This afternoon Emma was in her recliner having a tube feed. I went to check on her and she was holding her eyes closed. As I vented her she closed her eyes without her hands a few times and seemed to be waiting for a response from me. I asked her to close her eyes again and she did. I clapped for her and asked her to do it again. When she kept doing it I got very excited.

You see, Emma can not blink and only occasionally does she close her eyes other than sleep. We were hoping that one day she would learn to control her eye closure like this so that she could comfortably put her face in water, maybe squint in the sun, things like that.

We didn't expect it to come at such a young age, and without any coaching from us.

The game ended abrubtly when Dora came on the TV!!!

After lunch, and Dora I took Emma upstairs for her nap. She was really tired, having been up for 6 hours, but when I put her in bed she perked right up! I gave her the usual nap time instructions ("Go to sleep") and left the room. I started to do some things in my room so I could be on hand if she didn't go right to sleep.

After a few minutes I heard some unusual sounds on the monitor and went to investigate. I found Emma sitting on her bed flicking through her Bible - something she likes to do every time she wakes up! As much as her interest in the Bible is an answer to prayer, I took it away and sternly told her to go to sleep. It's hard to keep a straight face when she's so playful and naughty!!

I had to call Scott and relay the story. We're so cheesy - constantly telling stories of things that she does when either of us is not there.

Earlier Scott had told me that at church yesterday she was clapping and raising her hands during the songs, as many people do. Emma was not content with that though, making Kimberly and Pops clap along with her!! I can't imagine where she gets this bossiness from!!

God is good

We gave Emma the middle name Hope because she really helped us to understand how important hope is. Despite all of life's trials, we can find joy in all circumstances when we put our hope for the future in the God of all creation (not in our own strength or understanding!)

When we picked Toby as the name for the new baby (because we like it!) we were thrilled to discover that it means "God is good". That's a tough concept for some people to grasp as they assume that God is either behind bad things that happen to them or that he should protect us from those things.

However, if we look at John 17, Jesus, when he prayed for us said "My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one."

To remove all trials from our lives because we believe in God would not benefit us - we would never grow as we can only do in the midst of trials. However, it is through our faith and trust in God that we receive protection from the worst that the devil can throw at us!

However bad it gets, there is always a way it could be worse! That's why we must always be thankful to God, knowing he has protected us from what the enemy would really like to do to us!

Here's a devotional that explains more.


God Is Watching over You
by Rick Warren

“Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the LORD forever” (Psalm 23:6 NLT).

God is watching over you.

When King David writes, “Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me,” he’s not saying, “Surely only good things will happen to me!”

The fact is bad things happen to good people. What David is teaching us is that God can take bad, evil, and difficult situations and bring something good out of them.

It’s one of God’s great promises to us: we can know that all things are working for our good “if we love God and are fitting into his plans” (Romans 8:28 LB). If you’re a believer, the Bible says all things are working together for good—not that all things are good, but that they work together for good. There’s no difficulty, dilemma, defeat, or disaster in life that God can’t ultimately turn toward good.

When you understand God’s grace and mercy, there’s no need to fear the future. God isn’t trying to get even with you. Jesus shouldered the penalty for everything you’ve ever done wrong or will do wrong. He paid for it on the cross. So when a bad thing happens, you don’t have to think, “God’s getting even with me.” That’s how God’s grace and mercy work.

Mercy, like goodness, follows us in life. Picture a parent following a little child around picking up after them; God is constantly picking up our messes.

Think about this:

• Christians go to the future, not with a question mark, but with an exclamation point. God will be with you no matter what happens. He will help you out.

• God’s goodness provides and protects; God’s mercy pardons and forgives. God’s goodness will supply; God’s mercy will sooth. God’s goodness will help; God’s mercy will heal.

• Goodness is the fact that God gives us good things in life that we don’t deserve. Mercy means God holds back the condemnation we deserve.

Tide turns

Today Scott and I had a meeting at church and were out for about 6 hours. She had a great time with Grandma and Pops, but was excited when we got home. Surprisingly though she breezed past Scott and into my arms first!! Yes, I was thrilled!!

I put her down for a nap shortly after, about 2 hours later than normal but she was willing. I watched her from the hallway for a couple of minutes to make sure she was going to sleep. I saw her kneel up, take a pacifier off the nightstand and then put the one she already had in it's place!! Then she lay down and slept. And slept - for 3 hours!!

When I went in to get her she was sat up in bed waiting for me! So far she has never climbed out of bed by herself. She waits for us to come in and unstrap her foot from the pulse-ox.

We headed out for a few errands and picked up our friend Jeremy on the way. His wife and kids are away so he came over to watch the Phillies. We got some food in and Emma tried the lime tortilla chips and salsa con queso (spicy cheese dip) and could not get enough!! In fact she refuses to eat the aby food I try to give her, preferring to wait for some table food. Not sure how we're going to progress from here!!

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Here are a couple pics from Friday night when daddy got Emma dressed for bed... (she got changed because it was way to hot for pjs in August!!)


This is Emma and Abby at the pool on Thursday...

This morning we took advantage of the great weather and headed to our friends pool - Emma, myself and Kimberly. It was only 10am but so hot, I didn't take much coaxing to get in the water - nor did Emma!!

Previously every time we've been to the pool this year Emma would not let us put her in any flotation devices, but thankfully today she did - well, I put her in and ignored the initial protests!! Check out the pictures, today and last year:

2009

2008

She floated around the pool for an hour!!

We headed home and took a long nap (yay!!).

Here's a picture from the other day:
She got this pony for her 1st birthday but was scared of it!! I guess now she's bigger and is slowly getting more comfortable around animals (stuffed and real) she feels better! She loves to press the button to make it 'neigh'!!

I've updated Emma's list of words too. she now says "Cheese" if you point a camera at her!! She also can say "Wawa", which is a local convenience store, and "Banana" (or "nana")!!