Just a thought

Today I read this in a devotional:

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is going ahead and doing what you’re called to do in spite of your fear.
You can have faith that God wants you to do something and still be scared to death. You have to begin with the faith you already have: it may be just a little, but you start there. You take your little faith, “Lord, I believe! Help me with my unbelief!” You put it in our big God, and then he’ll show you how he works out huge results.

Sometimes people will say they don’t want to go to church or make a commitment to Christ until they understand it all.

What I took from it? You can't wait until you're 100% sure and not scared to move forward.

I could list many things that I am fearful of, not only in my life but in the lives of my family. But I won't! Instead I'll just say that I am not giving up hope that we will all be together in eternity. Whatever happens in this life is but for a short time. What we need to think about is how we want to spend eternity. (If you don't believe that life is eternal you probably get much more depressed about your birthday than I will!!)

Nothing in life makes complete sense. But if we had to understand everything completely before we trusted it we would probably live in a cave alone!

Yesterday afternoon I ran some errands (no success on the shopping front! :-( ) and when I came home this is what I found:


Emma got plenty of sleep yesterday and still slept all night.

Today she was more like herself, wanting to play, but she still has a cough and plenty of [whisper] snot! Thankfully we have been able to keep her clear enough that her oxygen level is good.

Always looking for new ways and places to make Emma comfortable this afternoon she staked her claim on the one and only recliner:

"One million dollars!"

We have now booked our hotel for the Moebius conference and it looks really nice! It has a pool, nice rooms and our meals are included with the conference, so it should be a nice mini-break as well as finally giving us some answers about what to expect for Emma.

It's a cold

At least it looks that way. I had an email back from Dr. R this morning (how awesome to be able to email a top doctor on Sunday night and get an answer back Monday morning! We are so blessed.) and he said it is probably a cold, or teething and not to worry too much if her SATs (% of oxygen, saturation, in her blood) are okay - between 90-100%. Thankfully they are in range.

However, poor Emma sounds terrible. We had to suction her for several minutes last nigth to get all the snot and drool out. (sorry! TMI?) Even then she still sounded congested but we couldn't bear her screaming at having the tube down her nose and throat.

NB: There is no worse scream than one you're responsible for!

We found that when she was laying on her belly she did not have to clear her throat so much and relaxed. So, we broke the major rule about letting a baby sleep on their belly. She was out like as light and sounded great, SATs and heart-rate looked great.

Of course I could not leave her like that - she still struggles to lift her head when tired, so after an hour or so I put her on her side and she slept the rest of the night.

She has now been sleeping for most of the morning (on her belly!) which is just fine as she needs regular suctioning when she's awake. That was not an issue in the hospital, but apparently she has developed an acute aversion to it and pulls her head out of the way and grabs the device making it tough to do! At least asleep she is not aware of the discomfort and I can just keep an eye on her.

I pray that this is short lived and she'll be back to herself soon. Until then it's probably best to keep her at home and as comfortable as possible. I don't want to take the chance it could get worse by going out and about.

I guess I'll do some laundry...

Peace and joy

So I did get my hair cut, and I am very happy with it! It's great to hold Emma up to my shoulder without worrying about it getting in her eyes or mouth! Not to mention she can't pull on it now!

I also went shopping and got a couple of things, but I will be hitting Target this week for more!

A new haircut and a couple of new tops has a wonderful ability to make you feel like a new person, or it may just be me! A new lease on life, and half the time to wash and style!! (Not to mention reduced shampoo costs.)

It may be just in time. Scott and I have a few concerns about Emma that I have just shared with her doctor in an email. Allow me to elaborate...

Emma is probably missing some nerves in her throat which affects her swallowing. This is why she is fed through a tube - feeding by mouth could lead to choking or aspiration. Increasingly Emma is coughing. We had thought it was because she was getting her food to fast, but now we think she is having to clear her throat more. She has a lot more saliva, which is thick and sticky, and doesn't swallow it efficiently. This will only get worse as she starts teething etc.

The good news is her oxygen levels are doing great. It's just a pain for her because she wakes herself up with a cough, the same way we do when we have a cold. We have been suctioning her and there isn't really anything else we can do at this point. Her position does not make a difference.

So here is my plea: please join us in praying for her health and comfort. We want no less than complete healing for our baby, including the Moebius Syndrome and we believe God can do it. However we also know that there is a purpose behind all struggles and we are committed to his plan, knowing it offers the peace and joy of God. Therefore at the very least we pray Emma would be able to rest well and grow strong.

If you are looking for peace and rest from struggles in your life I would be happy to let you know how Jesus can provide it. Unless you've been reading for a while and know that God's peace surpasses all understanding!

New life

It is my 29th birthday soon (it's okay, I'm not ashamed of my age, yet!) Instead of a gift I told Scott I wanted to get my hair done and do some shopping (not spend to much, but get out in the city and go shopping - I love to do that! There's fun in the time spent, not just the items bought!)

Unfortunately my hairdresser is away next Saturday so I am going in this weekend! I am very excited. I last had a significant change in style after we got married, and well, it's time for another! When I look in the mirror I see the same face and body that was there a year ago ( a bit smaller actually!!) but the person is very different. I feel like now would be a fun time to try something new, and it wil grow back if it doesn't work out!

So Friday evening, before bed I went an extra step and gave myself a pedicure and manicure so that tomorrow I'll feel polished, head to toe! To enhance the mood I watched What Not to Wear and similar shows. The last one was about a British couple getting married to each other for the second time (yes, each other, but it's not relevant) after having had a baby (they kept saying she was a miracle baby, not sure why but it stirred something).

I turned the TV off and headed upstairs (Scott already asleep by midnight because he's working tomorrow). As I walked past Emma's door I felt compelled to go in. I went over to her crib, turned on the light (she's out of it, so didn't wake up!) and sat down. I just sat there and watched her (I didn't take a picture, sorry!) all snuggled up with her pacifier wedged under her chin!

It was all I could do not to snatch her up and give her a big kiss.

Looking past all the appointments, monitors, therapy and schedules, Emma is the best birthday gift I could want (already being married to Scott of course!). Sometimes it is hard to see the baby girl for all the work that comes with her, but I plan to go and stand over her often so I never forget how precious a gift she is. (Maybe not so much when she's a teenager and her floor is strewn with neck-breaking mess!)

Gallery

The need for bead...


Looking up from my lap...

New discoveries

Raising a child is a journey of discovery! Allow me to share some of my most recent discoveries that add to the excitement...

1. Emma's eye drops leave a PERMANENT grease stain on clothing!
2. There is a way I can hold her when she's tired that she falls right to sleep. But I have to have my feet up!
3. Changing a feed bag in the dark usually leads to spilled milk!
4. Emma is not slightly bothered by the vacuum cleaner.
5. My singing is entertaining, not soothing.
6. Emma can shuffle her way around the crib so that she wakes up 180 degrees from where we laid her! And it's in a clockwise direction!
7. Plastic rings are no substitute for a pacifier!
8. There is more than one way to hold said pacifier:

Parking lot

Today has been a great day, sun shining, warm breeze etc. A good day for Emma and I to head into the city to visit the office where I used to work. Everyone was excited to meet Emma and I always love it when they find out she is just as cute as her pictures, if not more so, and does not show signs of the complex start in life she has had!

After a great lunch (ah, sushi!) we headed back to the car. On the way I called Scott to let him know we'd be home in about a half hour. All I had to do was take her out of the stroller and into her car seat. Pretty straight forward?

Yeah, not this time! Before I took her out of the stroller I changed her wet diaper and vented her (letting the air out of her belly through the tube) as she had been fed a little while before. Out of the stroller, into the car seat and there it was, the sound that so frequently comes after a diaper change and why we go through so many! You know the sound I mean, I don't need to go there!

As she was already buckled I made the decision that another change would wait until we got home (is that cruel? she goes for longer at night!) Well, then she gagged - the sound she makes when she has air in her belly and needs venting. (It's a horrible sound and I can not bear it when I'm driving!)

I half unbuckled her and plugged in the tube. Out came the air and with it some of the milk from her belly. Once all the air came out I unplugged the tube, let the air out and plugged it back in to put back the milk.

All done, lift the car seat to put it in the car and see the feeding tube laying there. Can you guess? I didn't plug it in right but I couldn't see where it went, so carried on.

After all that I had to change her diaper - a crying baby is not conducive to safe highway driving! When I took her out the seat I found her clothes were soaked with milk! So I had to change her diaper AND clothes, on the back seat of the car in a dark parking lot!

All that took about a half hour! Good thing I had enough money to pay the higher parking tarif!

I thought it was a pretty funny story and if you know me, and how the feeding tube works I think you can get a good visual of the situation!

On the down side today, the hospital has told us we can't take their equipment to the UK because they wouldn't be able to fix it if it broke. they tried to find a company that could help in the UK but nada. Their solution? We should buy a pulse oximeter and suction machine. HELLO!! They would be $400 a month to rent them! mmm, may have to figure something else out!

Strollin

This afternoon I took Emma for her first walk around the neighborhood. I've been nervous about doing it just because I don't know if the sunlight hurts her eyes. As it was she seemed to enjoy it - I was careful to make sure her face was always in shade!

I'm sure Scott was confused when he got home and we weren't around though the car was!

We even stopped to speak to some people in the neighborhood out in their front yard.

I am so proud to show Emma off to people, but I'm still learning that when someone asks how old she is or praises her beautiful eyes I don't need to add the reason she is smaller than you'd expect, or why her eyes are quite so big!

I can only imagine how things will be as she gets older, but one thing is for sure, we will work it out together.

no nap

Yesterday was a "no-nap" day for me! That was a pity because Sunday night was almost a "no-sleep" night! By the time Scott came home I felt pretty burned out (I had some insurance issues to deal with too - the US medical insurance system really makes you appreciate the NHS!)

Thankfully he loves to play with Emma, so he gave her her bath and put her to bed. He made her laugh a couple more times first though (is it wrong to be jealous that I can't do it!!).


When we finally turned in for the night we were listening to the Veggie Tales CD that was playing in Emma's room, via the baby monitor! It was so funny I had to switch it for the instrumental CD we've had since last year, just so I could go to sleep. The CD was playing 24/7 in the hospital and I think we've actually burned it out now! So we left the CD player off. Apparently though I need the music to sleep now!!

Emma was back up again at 4am, and since I needed to pump I brought her downstairs with me where she usually falls back asleep. I was watching her half asleep, fight with herself to get her pacifier. I couldn't resist capturing it for you, enjoy!

Gaining weight

Great news - Emma gained 12oz in the past 13 days! She is now 11lbs 4oz which is exactly double her birth weight. She is 22.75" long.

Everything is going well and I'm pleased to say that I am having a quiet day! (Emma is currently trying to tell me why she does not want to nap in her crib at the present time! I wonder what words she'd be using if she could talk!!)

So, I took the opportunity to snap some pics of the bathroom facelift! it wouldn't be complete without the pictures of how it looked before!

Before...
After...
















Since it was just a facelift we couldn't change the wall tile, tub or toilet, so we tried to incorporate them.

Here are the other features we added: (these pictures are really just my way of saying how proud I am of Scott for his great work!)

Both the new light fixture and recessed lighting are new - Scott could be an electrician!! The hotel shower rod is curved making the space in the tub much bigger when closed!

Definitely, maybe

Today's church service was Family Day, where the whole service has a kiddie vibe and Pastor Bob's alter-ego Wally reeks havoc! We had so many kids and family's there because afterwards was the annual Pinewood Derby. Emma is so well behaved and sits quietly through each service and today was no exception.

She gets lots of attention from everyone and we love to show her off. I know it's hard for people not to touch her, but everyone's been great. I wonder why we have a compulsion to touch babies! I know I do it too. Someone should do a study!

Scott went to help out with the derby, so Emma and I came home after church and took a long nap. Well, in total! It was actually three shorter naps! The first Emma was in her crib, the rest she came into the big bed with me. I think she'd have been fine to get up, but I needed sleep and she always falls asleep with me.

We got up about 5pm and had dinner as a family. This weekend has been so great, just the three of us hanging out. I'm sure it could seem boring to some, but how I've longed for some "normalcy"!

While Scott was laying on the floor bouncing Emma on his belly this strange noise came out of her mouth, one we hadn't heard before. Every time he pushed her up and made a loud noise, she made this noise. It wasn't a cry, and it was not a regular sound. We think she laughed!

It came out like a "HA". We did it as many times as we could get her to do.

Assuming she was actually laughing it is so incredibly exciting!

Quality time

Yesterday was such a nice day. Why? It was pretty unremarkable!

Scott and Emma slept in the living room on Friday night so that I could sleep through for 8 hours. We all got up about 10am!! Scott spent a few hours finishing the flooring in the bathroom - he moved the toilet and thank goodness he did, the fixtures were barely there!! So we got that fixed as well.

After a quiet lunch we headed out in the car to IKEA!!! Thankfully it was not too busy, probably due to the awesome weather! We really only went to get some knick knacks for the bathroom, which we did, a night light for Emma, which we did (a giant pink flower that lights up, with a green cord!!) and the inevitable things that you didn't know you needed!!

Emma, wonderful baby that she is, was super good and only started to fuss toward the end. We weren't sure why until I asked Scott the time. It was 5.45pm and Emma was due a feed at 5pm!! She wasn't even crying, just fussing.

Well, feeding Emma can be tricky in a public place! She was in her carriage stroller so it was easy to access her g-tube, but when you have to hang a large syringe from the handle bar and then prime the feeding tube before connecting, well you get the point! Scott did an admirable job of this in the bathroom section of IKEA! Just as well, we didn't get home until 7.30pm.

We kicked of the pre-summer season by grilling some burgers for dinner! Sometimes simple is best!

Last night Scott stayed up to do the 1am feed, so I got some significant rest before the 5am feed. I've been up since then tidying up, doing some laundry etc so that we can go straight to nap-time after church!

Have a great day!

Thanks

Thank you all for your prayers and well wishes. Emma and I are both doing much better.

Emma was back on form pooping yesterday and I think her sleep problem has probably been due to a change in the schedule we have informally been following! We're trying to get her back on schedule, if only we knew what it was!!

I'm doing better and have hopefully worked through the problem. I'll be watching for signs of fever etc and will not be shy about seeking medical attention!

Yesterday Grandma kept Emma busy while Scott and I tackled the bathroom project. We had not done anything to it since moving in (except cleaning) so in addition to replacing the vanity we also put on a coat of paint, some new lighting and storage. To make the facelift (as opposed to a renovation) complete we are sticking down some adhesive tiles! And then praying we won't have to replace anymore pipes for some time! Pictures will be posted later!

It was so great working together on this project. Scott and I formed our relationship over this type of team work at the church, in Africa etc. I had not been able to help when pregnant and since Emma was born we hadn't had the chance.

Today we're getting in some quality family time!

Prayer request

I woke up a few minutes ago in a certain amount of discomfort. I thought I was simply very engorged so I went to pump. However it became clear right away that something was not right and at the very least I have a badly blocked duct. It could turn out to be mastitis again, but I do not have a fever and have not been feeling run-down, that I can discern.

After pumping and much massage there is less of a mass, but still plenty of pain. I will continue to try and work it through today, but I fear I may need to seek medical attention and have not got a local doctor to go to!

On the other hand, Emma's breathing seems to have been pretty labored all night and she has had low oxygen levels about 5 times, whereas we have rarely seen it drop more than once in a night. For the past few days she's only pooped once the whole day and seems to be sleeping less.

Please keep us in your prayers.

Sunny disposition

The bathroom is still out of commission, there is still a layer of dust on most surfaces, but you know what? The sun is SHINING and it's going to be a beautiful day (yes, warm enough for flip-flops!).

We had plans to visit friends this weekend for our first family trip. However, because we simply have to get the bathroom back on-line and putting that off until next week simply isn't smart we have had to change our plans. The situation brought to mind this scripture, so apt for much of our recent life!

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."
James 4: 13-15

Brian and Chrissie - we WILL make it out to you soon.

Trying to adapt our plans, Emma and I hit the road to go and see what bathroom fixture the Home Depot is offering. I was pleasantly surprised. If we didn't have inches of cement to pull up I'd even think we could re-do the bathroom in one weekend - or have I been watching too many shows on TV!

Back home and Emma is in her summer gear playing on the floor! It would be wonderful to take her outside, but she keeps her eyes closed when it's this bright (she can't squint, remember) and we don't have any leaves on our trees for shade!

There will be time for all that!

Cry me a river

When I was seven months pregnant Scott and I began a six week renovation of our kitchen and dining room. For weeks we had a plastic sheet covering the archway into the living room and we lived on sandwiches, made inside the fridge, or take-out (not so bad for a pregnant food-lover!!).

One of the hardest aspects (after the cost of everything! ;-) was the dust that covered the rest of the house. It was unavoidable really, and I could say it was my hormones that made it so upsetting, but let's be real - I hate dirt, and even more, I hate dirt in my home!

So tonight when Scott ripped out the sink, wall and floor, without shutting the bedroom doors I think it was the straw that broke the camels back! My dresser had a layer of cement dust on it as I brought up the freshly laundered linens to make the bed. Poor guy, I feel so bad that I moaned about that like it's his fault our bathroom sucks.

He had to go take a shower at his parents because we can't turn the bathroom water back on - the faucet pipes have no shut-off!

I simply don't know whether to laugh or cry at the continuous trials that keep coming up! I lie, I wanted to cry but I think I'm all out of tears.

I don't even care about the money (someone print that and frame it - may not see it again!), I just don't know how I can face either renovations of our ONLY bathroom (yep!) or a temporary fix delaying the inevitable. Here all day. With a baby.

Finally, please pray for me - it is only my self-centeredness that makes this as big a problem as it is. I'm a big girl, I can admit that. I'm still learning how to get over myself and get on with what lies ahead. Anyone know the secret to it? Really??

I truly really hope you're having a better day. No sense in us both being down, right?

It doesn't rain, it pours

As we start to get a handle on things and I feel like I'm hitting stride something pops up to test us once more!

A few days ago our bathroom sink became blocked. As I have been shedding copious amounts of hair we assumed that I had caused the blockage. Our good friend, who is also a plumber came to take a look. They did pull a bunch of hair out, but guess what else they found? That's right, the pipe is leaking in the wall, somewhere between the bathroom and the basement!

So, what to do? Well, for now we are going to rip the sink off the wall and see if we can patch the leak. But inevitably some time soon we will need to replace the pipes, and well the bathroom!

Of course all of my HGTV research will come in handy for design, but so far I have not been hired as a design consultant so it's back to Scott's overtime to pay for it!

It's at times like this that the extra tiny half bathrooms really come in handy! Of course it doesn't really effect Emma. She has her own bath tub and does not use the sink! For me it just means I have to go up and down the stairs a few extra times at 1am, 2am, 5am and 6am to use the sink for feeds - but I'm not complaining!!

This morning an old friend asked me a question about Emma no-one else had!  The question was "what does she do?"  At first I was confused!  When he repeated it I realized he meant "what does she do?"  A question of genuine interest in my baby!  Thanks Bret!

Now I know that most people know what Emma is up to because of the blog, but it was so great to just reel off all the things she is doing!!  I'm such a proud mum! 

So if you don't know, here's what she's doing...

• grasping and waving toys
• holding and replacing her pacifier
• rolling onto her side, and from her side, onto her belly
• reaching for and grabbing toys while on her belly holding her head up
• baby chatting, including eye contact
• turning toward voices she recognizes
• sleeping in her own room
• generally being cute!

Last night Emma slept from 8.30pm to 7am! It is awesome that she gets so much rest.  Even better for her is that we feed her at 9pm, 1am and 5am and she does not need to wkae up for any of it!  If only the same could be said for us!   ;-)

Whine and dine

In church today Pastor Bob played this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9ya9BXClRw If you can spare a few minutes, it is well worth watching, after all, how often is an Oprah segment played in church! It's not a Christian message, but on the whole it's powerful.

After watching it, and PB's sermon I was convicted about complaining about things. You see I don't really mean to complain about anything. Statements of fact, if something I'm not happy about seem to come out like that. Maybe that is the definition!

It is entirely possible that many of the things I journal on the blog day to day read like complaints, after all it is hard to write with inflection! So I am taking this opportunity to assure you that I find great joy in having been blessed with my baby girl. Even more than that, I feel blessed that I have been on this journey of discovery, with Emma and Scott, through some dark times, always feeling the warmth of God's presence and the light to guide us.

Every day that Scott is blessed with work, so I can take care of our precious gift is a joy. Every cry that let's us know she is totally aware of her surroundings, even if it's not happily, is a joy. Joy is a choice that cuts through fatigue. Much like love, which is also a choice.

you can be unhappy about something (late-night diaper changes, for example) but still take joy and love what you do! If I did not find joy in such things I would not jump up and tend to Emma when she needs it, without hesitation. That is not to say Scott doesn't, but at this time, Emma's care is one of my primary purposes, in which I am honored to serve.

One of my aims with the blog is to try and share the struggles and trials that we go through, not just because Emma has Moebius etcc, but just as new parents! To encourage others that we all go through trials, but in God strength and joy can always be found!

I have some very happy memories from my childhood, as does Scott and we long to give Emma even greater freedom and adventure to follow her dreams. (Referring to the video clip...) but I can not guarantee I'll ever be happy about her drawing on the walls!!

I guess after every complaint, and the temptation to feel dissatisfied I hope to take one more step to thank God that we are even here to experience these things that so many could only dream of.

A big step

Thank you all for your encouragement. With the new day comes new possibilities!

Last night we took a big step and moved the crib, with it's tiny occupant, back into the nursery! Emma fell asleep about 8pm during the deconstruction and was put in the crib in her room for the first time at 9pm. She slept through until 6am.

Of course, she had moments of stirring etc but we left the light of and under cover of darkness placed the pacifier in her mouth! She didn't even wake up for diaper changes!

We got a basic baby monitor so that I could hear when she cries, not just when the alarm sounds on her medical monitor. It also meant that I could just leave her in her crib for a while when she was awake, and listen to her chatting away!

I also spoke to a couple of Moebius moms, and they reassured me that their babies did start to laugh even without smiling (well, I had to ask!). One also suggested we assume that if she's not crying then she is smiling! I'll give it a try and also keep talking to her etc.

Things are looking up!

Feelings

You know those characters in movies that are quiet people, but when they do speak it's all negative? You can imagine how hard it would be to stay positive around them right? Now imagine that they speak a foreign language so all you here are the negative tones, without being able to respond to the specific issue.

That's is how I sometimes feel about Emma. If she's quiet, great. But some of the time she cries for no reason. I think that's probably how it is with most babies at first - especially when you're sleep deprived! However, I think by now (approaching 5 months) many babies start to smile, coo, maybe even laugh, and having been around those kind of babies I know that will make you feel special!

so I am struggling, still, with staying positive some of the time. Don't get me wrong, when she is kicking around and playing with her toys, or looking up at me and chatting, my heart swells. But say I'm driving in the car, like this afternoon and she's tired, rubbing her eyes (big no no) and crying. Well, it's all I can do not to cry! (Yes, a nap today would've helped us both!)

That's when those memories of pre-baby life seem so perfect (even though they had their own issues!). Thankfully I do realize that it's the selfish part of me that allows those thoughts, and when that happens I remind myself that Emma is not at fault, and I love her to pieces. I wouldn't go back to life before Emma, and I can deal with the tough times.

I wonder if things will get easier when she can show me I do make her happy at times. Though I suspect there is always a little grass-was-greener syndrome for us all!!

On a lighter note, when we got home this afternoon Scott took over and got her changed for a little exercise...

I think he was channeling Jane Fonda!

Baby friends

As you can see here, Emma is a very friendly baby. This picture was snapped on easter Sunday as Emma and her buddy Nate (Pastor Bob's Grandson) chilled out between services! Nate is two months younger than Emma, but age is just a number!!

Despite the innocent face Emma displays here, underneath lies a determined soul! This week we are learning about boundaries. Emma feels I should have none, and carry her around all day and hold her at will. I am working endlessly to try and construct some, that would allow me to get some chores done, or rest!

I have already had lots of "advice" on the matter and if only listening to her scream at the top of her lungs was not so, well, excruciating I would find it easier! I mean, how long is too long for a baby to be crying so hard?

I did flash back to the NICU today though, and the baby boy in the next room. He would cry so much all day, mainly for attention. I hope his Mom gets plenty of rest before they bring him home.

I fear I may have created a monster with Emma. I would happily leave her alone, but as she gets more mobile there are less places I can leave her unattended - she can roll over but struggles to keep her face out of the carpet for long. To plug her in to the monitor at these times would be futile as she kicks her legs so much to set the alarm off!

And so we daily dance the fine line between careful observation and paranoid fear!!

Oh, the 20 minute nap, after 30 minutes of crying is over! And so ends my respite!

Hard day

One grouchy baby, limited nap time and a session with the physical therapist - one tired baby!

The session with the therapist was very encouraging and we have some things we can do with Emma to help her progress.

I'm sooo tired!!

Weighing in at...

... 10lbs 8oz!!! Can you believe it? Our prayers have been answered - 9ozs in 8 days. The pediatrician said babies should gain between a half and full ounce per day, so that is right on!

I will let the doctors know at the hospital and see if they want to make any changes to her nutrition, or just leave it and hope she keeps gaining.

On another note, the scar from her gastroschisis surgery may be infected, so please pray that there is no problem with that.

Emma and I are going to celebrate with, what else, a nap!!

Weekend Update

This Weekend was pretty quiet - I think! I can never be too sure as each day seems much the same. Especially this weekend when Scott worked all day Saturday.

We did go out for a date though, on Saturday night - you have to have some fun even after you have kids!! Pops and Grandma Morton, along with Aunt Kim babysat again and got to play with the baby while we reminisced about a quieter time!

Of course Sunday is always a day that stands out in my mind, as much as for the mad dash to get us all ready and out the door together, with or without breakfast, as much as for the awesome preaching of Pastor Bob. Yes, we could simply get up earlier, but I already told you, we go out on Saturday night!!

Seriously though, we will need to work on getting out the door earlier. It's very hard to get you head and heart ready to receive if you walk in after the service has started. You wouldn't want to get to a movie after it started either, right! Thankfully things will get better (I've been told) and I think we are doing pretty good for just a few weeks!

Now, today the inevitable happened (and it kills me!) Did you guess? I missed a doctors appointment! The one where we get to see how much weight Emma gained over the past week. Inevitable because we have SO MANY appointments with SO MANY doctors and also because I put it down in two different places each with different times!!

We are on again for 10am tomorrow, so stay tuned!! to try and get a sneak peek Scott and I got on the scales with her last night, after first taking our own weight. We both got a reading that she is 10lbs 5oz, which would be awesome, so we can only hope. I'll do it again before I go tomorrow!

As for me, well, I came in under the 180lb mark on Saturday!! (I know some of you can't believe I shared that, right!!) Well, after being over 230lbs, and thinking I'd never make it back down 179lbs feels pretty great! There's more...

I have been watching many style and decorating shows these past few weeks (I'm available for advice in either area now I'm an expert!!) and tonight I went through my closets clearing out the clothes that didn't even fit right before the baby. Anyway, I simply had to try on my old jeans again. That's right - I got them on AND buttoned. It's a wonderful feeling!

That's enough for now. Here are some pictures form the weekend, starting with Emma's passport picture that we took tonight! Enjoy...

Progress

So Emma definitely has diarrhea, but her pediatrician did not want to make a call on it! He said to call the team at the hospital and I'm waiting to hear back from them.

In the meantime, Emma and I ran some errands and when we got home it was time to eat. I laid Emma on the sofa by the feed bag, while I sat next to her to take care of future meals! I set myself up, turned to look at Emma and this is what I found...

This is so great. she needs to spend lots of time on her belly to build up her arm and chest muscles by pushing up. Before if she was on her belly her face would be buried in the sofa! Of course all this exercise also burns the precious calories she needs to grow.

Within 15 minutes she'd moved on to this...

I wonder how long this will last!

New experiences

Emma and I slept until 10am this morning, but only after she got really upset about 8am. I am pleased to say I don't go crazy when she cries out like that, but I am definitely relieved when she stops!

I think she might have a tummy bug, and so called the pediatrician. The first thing they asked me to do was take her temperature - rectally!! Well, that seems like something you should have training for! I did it and we both remained calm! Unfortunately the reading was in celsius, which is how they read it at the hospital, so I don't know what it means!!

I'll keep you posted!

Some people think I have control issues! I prefer to think of it a management issue. I realize that I can not control my life, there are too many outside influences, and besides I try to make decisions based on God’s will for my life, not my skewed desires.

When we chose to try for a baby we were steering things, but the actual pregnancy was not under our control. I made every effort to make choices that would keep the baby healthy, but that was not completely under my control. When Emma was diagnosed with gastroschisis we felt like our lives were spinning out of control, for a while, until we chose how to respond to the change from our expectations.

We don’t have any say in things like that, but our response was one of faith and trust in God’s plan.

My “control” issues relate to benign issues like keeping the house in shape, losing weight. After Emma was born the only decisions I could make were about what time I would be at the hospital!

Since Emma came home I feel like I’ve been playing catch-up, unable to get a hold on any one area. I’ve been losing weight, but not intentionally! Emma gets naps, but we have not been consistent with a schedule so she gets over-tired. And to a certain extent my daily plans are abandoned because I don’t have the energy!

Well, today I’m really hoping we can be more pro-active, Emma and I! Today I was able to do Pilates for 45 minutes! Then also take a shower – good job! Emma cooperated by playing in her playpen (and dozing!).

Next we are going to run errands – all of them!

If I can get consistent with that maybe I’ll work on healthier eating and get Emma on a schedule! One day at a time though!

I can’t control the future, and I am thankful that God knows what’s in store and is preparing us for it by how we handle the little things.

I think Emma must have been tired after last nights activity - she went to bed at 9pm and did not really wake up until 9am! Of course she woke up briefly at times, but needed very little encouragement to go back to sleep - which I was more than happy to provide! I too got to sleep on and off until 9am.

Unfortunately as we slept her g-tube had leaked, so she had to get a bath! Thankfully I got to take a shower also!

We hung out at a friends house for a couple hours before finally making it to the grocery store - we couldn't go yesterday as the vaccinations, well, upset Emma for most of the day!

As I made dinner Emma chilled in her playpen in the kitchen doorway. It worked well and I feel like I'm slowly making progress in balancing things. Unfortunately the pangs of guilt are still there when I leave her laying down while I do things.

To keep you updated on her weight, Emma had gained 3 ozs over the past two weeks - not as much as she should have. The nutritionist wants her weighed again next week so we have two full weeks of the lower volume to assess. I realize now just how awesome it is that we have medical assistance, and do not have to pay for each of these visits!!!

Super Dad

Being a new mum is hard work. Sleep-deprivation, one-sided conversation, slavishly changing diapers and placing pacifiers. And that doesn't begin to cover house work, cooking etc. So imagine my joy when Scott came home from doing 3 hours of overtime, strapped on the baby and picked up a Swiffer!

Only a truly great man would then also let me take a picture for the world to see!

And now you can see first hand one of the reasons I have been able to get through the past few months with so much joy - I have a wonderful husband and partner!

Monday Morning

We are starting to condition Emma to hate Monday mornings, this week she had 5 immunizations before 9.30am! However, being a pro at this kind of thing she stopped crying after a cuddle and then went to sleep in the car. By the time I got her home she was out...
Of course I couldn't leave her to sleep in the fleece (what's wrong with me?) so I tried to take it off and she woke up! Right now she's trying to talk her mobile into moving! Of course it won't because I want her to fall asleep again!

Emma woke up at 2am last night and I mean woke up. She was kicking and talking to her mobile. When she does that you have to switch the monitor off because it won't pick up and keeps beeping. Since she has to be observed when not on the monitor that meant I had to stay up with her!

(In the course of that paragraph I gave in and started the mobile! Well, she was yelling at it!)

Where was I? So for some reason even after she fell back asleep she required her pacifier all night. Yes, you guessed it, I was official pacifier put-in body. Needless to say I'm hitting the pillow the moment I'm sure she'll be out for a while. (I'm no good at cat napping.)

And after that we are going to run errands and get some groceries (that's right, last week I did not make it to the store and poor Scott was scavenging in his own home!) Thankfully we don't have anymore appointments this week, so we should be more relaxed.

In case you were wondering, she's only gained 3 ounces in the past 2 weeks. Clearly that is not enough. She seriously needs to starts growing, or at least the doctors need to agree on the best way to fatten her up. I love that she's so cute and all, but at least when she's bigger we can put her in all the cute clothes she keeps getting!

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

Good Friday

I feel pretty good today, and I think Emma does too! We stayed in bed until 10am today, except for a half hour downstairs for breakfast! I put Emma in her playpen this morning, to play, not just sleep. I left her alone with her toys and after a little while she started talking to them! There is no sound sweeter to my ears!

Yesterday a team from Early Intervention came to assess Emma's needs for therapy at home. They determined that overall she is about 2 months behind, although in some areas she is age appropriate. She should get weekly therapy starting in a couple weeks.

One thing that was a big hit with her was a string of beads that she followed around, turning her head. I have some that Mrs T. gave me for Valentines so I dug them out and
she loved them too, and quite appropriately they are heart beads...

She fell asleep clutching them while we were chatting to my Grandma on the webcam. I can say "we" because Emma was talking almost as much as me! Don't worry - I won't be leaving her alone with them!!

Of course it would be remiss of me not to mention the real reason this is Good Friday. The sacrifice of Jesus Christ, giving his life and dying on a cross for you and I to be reconciled with God is what we remember today. Good because it was his complete goodness that gave us such a gift.

Without this sacrifice, and the new life my faith in Jesus brings, I would not be able to share such great hope with you, hope for a life beyond all imagination.

Mighty wonders

When I realized we were going to lose half our income I was concerned. Growing up I was not spoiled. We always had everything we needed, (I guess I can admit I didn’t NEED the Nikes other people had!). I am sure there are times when my parents found things a little tight, but I don’t remember feeling any effects. They kept us on a pretty even keel, and I spent according to my income/allowance. (I read an article today that says this is important! Good job guys!)

As you would expect from [OCD] me, I spent much time looking at the numbers on paper, trying to assure myself it will all work out. It’s much the same reaction to most things if you’re human – seeking assurance that I/you/we will be able to fix it.

Unfortunately life does not fit a predictable pattern of the same bills each month and nothing unexpected! So while we are making it work day to day, there's not much wiggle room, or emergency provision.

So what do you do? If you’re me you panic and keep trying to figure it out! If you’re Scott you say “God will bring us through.” Where money is concerned (despite numerous occasions proving otherwise) I always struggle to see how God will help! Pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Lottery win maybe, wait, we don’t play the lottery!

You’re either smiling at my lack of faith here or thinking the same way. But you should know that the whole point of me sharing this struggle and lack of faith with you is to demonstrate, again, how God showed up and showed me!

Firstly, let me say that as the definitive good parent, God does not focus on what we want (e.g. a million dollars or more!), just what we need. Often showing up at the eleventh hour when you’ve exhausted your human strength and can acknowledge that what happens next is all Him!

So when we received word this week that our application to Fred's Footsteps (http://www.fredsfootsteps.org/) was accepted we knew it was all God.

Fred's Footsteps provides direct financial support to families who have found themselves in a financial crisis due to the costs associated with caring for a critically or chronically ill child. It is specifically for those who fall through the cracks for government assistance. They are going to pay our mortgage and car insurance for the next two months! (I know! Awesome!)

And then the MD of company I had to leave contacted us out of the blue and offered to pay for us to attend the Moebius Syndrome conference in July. We had not mentioned it to anyone, or even thought about how much it would cost if we went, let alone even prayed about finding a way to go. Clearly God knew we need to go and we are so thankful to Jerry for enabling us to do that.

One of the most expensive "extras" we face is getting to the UK to see our family. Our original plan was to be there this week, but we couldn't make it that soon. We can't thank my parents enough for flying us to the UK later this Spring for what will be the first time in 18 months, and Emma’s first visit to her English roots.

While these things might not seem incredible, you have to realize they too have been blessed to have the finances to bless us! I don’t believe in luck, but I do believe that I can trust the Lord to provide for us in all kinds of circumstances.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

Busy day

If ever I could have used extra sleep it would be in preparation for a day like today! Thankfully I was not alone - Kimberly stepped into her role as Godmother and spent the day with Emma and I. So what were we up to?

At 9am we headed to the hospital for an appointment with Dr. B! I had not met this doctor before, but he knew Emma well. This appointment focussed on her g-tube and nutrition, following up for her surgeon. The conclusion: we've been feeding her too much each time and moved back to 125ml per feed, but 6 times a day - that's right, momma's getting up EVERY night! To be honest though that is probably why she wakes up at 2am, hunger.

According to their scale, she is 9lbs 15oz, up from 9lbs 8oz 2 weeks ago. We are due to go back in 6 weeks and see what the situation is then, and in the meantime, I'll be emailing them the weights the pediatrician records.

We also were assigned a nutritionist and hopefully she will speak with Dr. R. so they can reach a consensus on Emma's needs!

Following that we hit Mickey D's for some lunch before visiting the NICU. There weren't many of Emma's nurses, but the ones we saw we love!! ;-)

Then we headed to the School of Nursing. I had been asked to sit on a panel of breastfeeding moms, to share my experience. I guess I am considered in that category. Anyhow, it was me and about 9 moms who are actually breast-feeding!

The stories of cracking, bleeding and pain made me a little relieved to be pump dependent. At the other end of the spectrum one of the moms has 4 kids and still nurses her almost-3 year old! Lets just say the crowd was diverse!

The plan was for us to share a bit about the birth and then our experience breastfeeding. Well, by the last half of the women there was way more detail about the birth and not so much the feeding. Poor Kimberly now knows more than any 12 year old should about childbirth and breastfeeding!

That said, I really enjoyed sharing our story with the nurses, and hopefully helping them to encourage mothers they work with in the future. I guess it brings out the story teller in me!

After two hours in the room with 30 nursing students and 10 opinionated moms (yes, I included me!) we were both pretty exhausted and all we had left to do was get the baby back to the car through the rain! She was covered in the stroller, we were not so lucky!

Tomorrow I will share with you some great blessings that have come to us this week - there's too much to add it to tonight's posting!!

Daddy's Little Angel was stylin' for todays hospital appointment!

Dr. R., the pulmonologist is happy with Emma's progress. He said she looks great and he's not worried about the few times her oxygen level dropped, it could even be that the probe wasn't picking up at the time.

An area of continued concern though is Emma's weight gain. Based on the scale today she is only 9lbs 9oz. At the pediatrician last Monday they had her at 9lbs 12oz. Dr. R requested that the pediatrician weigh her every 2 weeks on the same scale so we can see her progress.

If we feed her as much as we are and she still does not grow it may be due to bowel issues or her breathing.

Please join us in praying for Emma's growth and strength.

On another note, my mum told me about a news segment about a 13 year old called Emma in the UK, with Moebius! She apparently has responded to therapies and is able to smile slightly! I'm going to try and find out more about her, not least because she lives so close to home!

Moving Forward

Emma and I, as taken on my Mum's webcam!

If there is one thing that you can do when you're home with a baby it is think. Sure, the TV can keep you occupied for so long, but after Clean House and The View are all wrapped up it's just me and my thoughts! Yes, it can be dangerous!

First let me share one of the joys of my weekend. Saturday, after a sleepless night, Scott's parents came over for the afternoon and Scott and I went shopping! It was so nice to go out just the two of us, knowing Emma would be well looked after.

(It gets better, though only some of you may identify with this!)

We went to Old Navy (top store) and Target (also great) and (big build up!!!) I did not feel fat! I can hear the ladies cheering me on! I am only 10ish lbs away from my pre-baby weight, and also am back into one pair of pre-baby pants! It's shallow and temporal, but boy it feels good.

We are hoping to go to the UK in the Spring, so you know I'm going to have to try harder to shed the rest!

Regarding Emma, she just gets cuter every day. I love to lay on the sofa with her, face to face. She will occasionally reach out and touch my cheek or grab my nose. She may actually be trying to wave me off because I love to kiss her little cheeks!

Something I'm not great at doing with her is talking to her. It's so strange - not because I'm a consumate talker, but because I see the way everyone is with other babies, including myself. It took me a while and I realized that when people talk to babies, in silly voices and big smiles we are hoping to get a reciprocal smile or sound.

Now Emma does have her chatty moments and for the most part if she is quiet or chatting I know she's happy, not least from the absence of crying! But when there is no visible or audible response to my faces or babytalk it seems pointless and hard to carry on.

And it is now that I realize one of the big challenges facing her. How often do we smile at people we see regularly, whether we know them well or not. If they do not smile back, it's probably safe to say that we stop smiling at them.

While this is hard for me to fully grasp, it can only be harder for all of you, who don't see her most interactive moments, just as it's difficult to understand the added strain of having to monitor her blood oxygen level and consistency of bowel movements (sorry, but we do!). I'm sure it sounds like hollow excuses every time I say "but it's different for us because..."

So we have decided to get in touch with other Moebius parents and try to get some sense of perspective. We hadn't done so before because to be honest [I'm] terrified that the future will seem more difficult than I can imagine, not to mention just trying to deal with having an infant. Please pray with me that as we take this step into the world of Moebius that we will once again feel the peace of the Almighty Father, and maintain our eternal perspective.

Heart check

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

Matthew 16:24

We all have our crosses to bear. some are physical - for Jacob, he had a limp after wrestling with God. Paul had a disability that made him weak so God's strength could be shown. Countless other people have physical limitations that they have to deal with each day. Others can be emotional, or internal challenges.

As I laid in bed and prayed for God to transform my heart he revealed that he is in the process of just that! It was so clear I had to write it down!

I'm facing some challenges right now, a new baby, change of lifestyle etc. The struggles that I am facing in my own life are not really due to Moebius or the like. Emma's condition will be a cross for her to bear - I'm realizing it is not ours at all. Of course, we will help Emma all we can though.

My trial right now is coming from giving everything she needs to my daughter, to serve her needs and put myself second. The same struggles my sister faces with Eloise, and many other new mums around the world. After all babies just don't get it when you ask them to give you 5 minutes to put your feet up (or head down)!!

We will eventually regain the opportunity to sleep at night, take long showers, sit down quiet for 10 minutes, etc. But right now the opportunity is here for me to develop a servant heart, and attitude. To give all I can for Emma, not because I have to, but because I love her and want to give her the best I can.

(I hear cries of "you need to take care of yourself," "take time off," etc. Don't worry I will, I'm not crazy, yet. A friend told me to never forget that I am more than Emma's mother. I realize now what she meant!)

Anyhow, it is in the midst of giving what I can to Emma that one of my own crosses becomes very heavy to carry.

One question I am asked, more than any other, is why did I come here, to America and I don't really have an answer. The better question is why did I stay! After being here for one year and going back to the UK I sensed very strongly that this was where God wanted me to be. When I came back I knew I was right.

You see there are often times when I long to see my family, escape to the home I grew up in and forget that I am now an adult with responsibilities! Homesick leads to heartache, but thankfully love is a cure for that and I have a home filled with it! The webcam helps also!!

If I had not come here, and stayed I would not know Jesus, the source of all hope and strength during difficult times. Sure enough, I would also not know Scott, whom I met through the church, and Emma ... well you get the picture!

And so, this cross is one of distance rather than disability. Some days it is heavier than others, but it is always with me. I am so thankful for all the friends that make it so much easier to carry because of their love, and open doors!

Each day I choose to continue to carry that cross because I am following Jesus. God alone knows if he will lead us somewhere else in the future, that remains to be seen.

(No, we're not moving!! I'm just sharing what's on my heart.)

Picture Fix

I know that everyone loves to see pictures of Emma, but unfortunately I haven't taken many lately! Sure, Emma on her first supermarket run could be cute, but when it's just me, her and a sunny parking lot I have other priorities!!

Eager to please though, here are some pictures I have never posted before from various times! (Kind of like watching repeats of your favorite TV show while you wait for new episodes!!)

Enjoy!

A quiet moment with Dad

The sunglasses we got for her (still a bit big!)

Emma and Christen, one of the nurses, say goodbye.
Is that a smirk on Emma's face?!!

Diggin' the play mat!

Doing some push-ups with Dad!

More of the same

Where to start!

Scott stayed home yesterday, so you know he really didn't feel good, and wasn't able to help me with Emma! She and I crashed out in the living room most of the morning, leaving Scott to sleep.

After "lunch" (it was cereal!) the three of us went upstairs for another nap, but you know Emma was not ready for that! She lay next to me and in the most adorable way chattered to me! I interpret the chatter as an explanation of why she was not about to sleep again!

Last night she went to sleep by 10.30pm and though she slept through the night, every so often she would wake up, cry a bit and just need her pacifier to fall back asleep. If she wasn't in our room, we probably wouldn't need to get up. But on top of it all is the monitor. I can't tell you the pain that it is!! It has a loud alarm that continually beeps when she starts kicking. And that is why I am exhausted!

It can be frustrating and so easy to forget how precious she is when she's screaming at the top of her lungs! No matter how many times she gets me out of bed, when I look at her little face, so innocent and oblivious, my heart melts! She's come so far to get here.

Emma continues to get stronger and we see her developing every day. She is lifting her head much better and her coordination is improving. It's great to see, especially since Early Intervention will in no way replace the therapy she got at the hospital.

Last night I fed her at 2am, for the first time. We wondered if she may be hungry in the night, and the extra calories will help her grow. As her feeds were so structured at the hospital we don't expect her to get hungry but we have decided that if she gets mad close to feeding time then we'll feed her early! Until now, we've been following the 4 hour schedule to the minute, while she probably hasn't!!

The Longest Night

We had friends over for dinner last night and I think we were all surprised that Emma kept pace with us and did not fall asleep until 10pm, even after just an hour or two of sleep during the day! We each took turns holding her in the hope that one of us would get her to sleep! Alas, it was not to be.

Needless to say we went to bed fairly late, but assuming that Emma would follow her normal sleep pattern. It became clear about 2am that that was not the case.

Emma woke up for a diaper change, flipped out as normal, but then required the pacifier to settle down. This is not good, because once it inevitably falls out it requires replacing. I lost count early on of the number of times I had to get up and do that before she refused to sleep. At one point after I'd had enough Scott even sat up with her to get her to sleep. Didn't work.

What you may not know, and what makes this the most difficult is that the pulse oximeter monitor that has to be on Emma when she is not in direct observation beeps when she moves alot, because it doesn't pick up her vitals. So even if she is quiet and awake, if she's moving then she's beeping. An obnoxious noise at any time of day.

Finally I put the boppy in there, put the mobile on and brought the monitor to bed so I can silence it without moving. Now if only she would take the hint!

In all seriousness it has been tough not to get frustrated and, well, crazy! I am sleep deprived which is never pretty and being new at all this I wonder if there might be something wrong!

To top it off, Scott is sick and has been up for other reasons too. Please pray that he feels better soon, we're a team!

Firsts

I have been shopping with Emma before, we went to Target and Kohls the other day after the doctors. But today Emma went to Walmart for the first time! She rode in the cart for the first time! I got some much needed supplies on the trip, my first "grocery shopping' with the baby!

It went rather well if I do say so myself. The presence of a tired baby made me move faster and grab only what I needed - I'm sure it saved me money! There is something reassuring about knowing we can go out when we need to.

I don't know if I mentioned that on Saturday we also left Emma with a babysitter for the first time! Three of them actually - Scott's parents and Kimberly. She was asleep when we left and stayed that way. We weren't worried though and really enjoyed ourselves. I'm sure we'll do it again!

As for today, Emma is taking her first nap of the day. Yes, it is 5pm, and yes she should have slept earlier! Perhaps this is a Wednesday thing - she did the same thing last week!

Good times

I'm starting to feel like I can handle this motherhood thing! I still have a long way to go to but I am able to take more joy in spending time with Emma as I feel less overwhelmed.

Our mornings seem to take the same pattern - I keep Emma sleeping in her crib as long as I can while I sleep! Today when she started stirring I brought her onto my bed where she fell asleep by me. I love to look at her little face while she sleeps, she curls her fingers around her ears or holds her fist to her mouth!

When we did get up Emma had some tummy-time. Apparently spending time on her belly will be really good for fine motor skills, as well as lifting her head up. I put a soft pillow under her chest for support and worked with her on lifting her head up. She did so great, I can really see a difference, especially when I hold her to my shoulder or sitting up.

Then we had a web chat with her great-grandparents! It was my Grandad's 79th birthday today (Happy Birthday Grandad!) and it was wonderful to 'visit' them. Little did we know how wonderful the webcams would be, but they have allowed my family and Emma to bond despite the distance.

And finally, after two weeks, I took an afternoon nap! I put Emma down in her crib - awake! Her mobile played until she fell asleep and then I slept in my bed! When she woke up I brought her over to lay with me - even awake we can still rest! She fell asleep again and so did I!

I don't expect things to go smoothly every day, but once or twice a week should help me stay sane until the weekend!

Then once I get into a rhythm, if not a routine, perhaps I can get some exercise and lose the final 25lbs (yes, I typing while watching the Biggest Loser!!). If only I can stop Scott from bringing ice-cream home!

The latest

As you guessed it Emma is keeping me very busy! It's not that she's particularly demanding, I just try and get dinner or eat lunch when she lets me take a break! I'll try and nap when Scott gets home or get an early night!

As for right now, I'm sitting in the recliner with Emma asleep on my lap, tiny hand clasped around the webcam cable!

This afternoon we took another visit to the pediatricians office to establish if Emma gained weight after we increased her feed volumes. It seemed she had, but she also just ate!

I asked about the scoliosis and she looked at her spine and said it looked fine. She was probably just curved in the womb and has some tightness on one side, which is not uncommon in babies.

I have also noticed that Emma's hair is coming in blonde at the roots!